Late Night Talk
“Are you just going to stare at me?” James called out. That broke the silence. Apparently, James had noticed him. Regulus slowly made his way toward James.
“Sorry, didn’t expect anyone to be here,” Regulus whispered. He sat himself next to James, and he let his feet dangle out under the railings. Regulus took a deep breath before looking up at the stars.
James’s voice rings out, “Why’d you come here?” Regulus stared at the constellations for a beat longer before he looked toward James.
“Just wanted to get away, I guess. The library closed.” Regulus watched as James’s gaze drifted along his face. James nodded before turning to look out at the forest. Regulus felt his cheeks heat up slightly. Regulus questioned, “How about you, Potter?”
“Remus and Sirius were arguing again. I didn’t want to be in the way if they started dueling,” James laughed lightly. Regulus watched as James grimaced slightly at his own words. He turned to look at Regulus. “It’s not like they’d actually hurt each other or anything, but I just don’t know. The things they yell at each other are just terrible. You would think they were never friends; it doesn’t make any sense.” Regulus lightly nodded at James.
“I think Sirius is just trying to protect himself. We both do that. Our arguments were so bad. He’d say something that I knew he was right about, but instead of acknowledging it, I would fire something worse at him. It was-“ Regulus paused, “It wasn’t good, for- for either of us.” Regulus looked up at James. He had a look in his eyes like he was realizing something about Regulus he never saw before. Regulus believed that was likely what was happening. Barty, Evan, and Remus are the only people he would normally talk to like this.
“Remus used to talk about you, you know? I assumed it was about you anyway. I know a lot about you. Not anything important, but the small things like how you stack your books and what candy you like from Honeydukes,” James stated. He had turned to look at the forest while he was talking. Regulus had looked up to the stars soon after.
“I didn’t know he talked about me,” Regulus whispered. James shifted slightly next to him.
James whispered out, “He never said anything in front of Sirius. Makes sense why he didn’t.” Regulus looked at James, but he soon looked back up to the sky. James was just staring at the ground below. “Are- What’s happening with you and Remus?” That’s the most important question all night, isn’t it?
“I- I’m not sure actually.” Regulus snuck a glance at James, but quickly looked away when he saw James already looking at him. “I would consider him a good friend, but we- uh- we’ve-“ James cut him off.
James stated, “I know, Regulus. I saw you two leave together the night of the party then he talked about it the next day. Sirius didn’t put it together, but Remus will likely bring it up during one of their fights.” Regulus looked toward James, surprised by the use of his first name, and he watched as James gave him a crooked smile. Regulus gave James a small smile before focusing on his hands.
“But yeah, I wouldn’t go as far as to say we’re anything more than friends, but we aren’t strictly platonic, I guess. I don’t know, James.” Regulus brought his hands to his head, and he leaned his elbow on his knees. “I don’t- I don’t actually know if we’re even- um- friends, at the moment.” Regulus flickered his eyes toward James to see James looking at him intensely. “I kind fucked up the other night. I was drinking, not that much but still, and I- um- I tried to hook up with- with Remus. He- stopped me obviously, but I think I really scared him or- or something,” Regulus stuttered through his words. He leaned his head against the railing in front of him. He tried keeping his eyes closed.
“Okay, um, okay.” James took a deep breath before he could continue, “What happened, afterward?” Regulus looked up confused. James had a sad look in his eyes.
Regulus whispered, “He dragged me to Barty and Evan, and he told them what happened. I noticed he was-“ Regulus’s eyes bounced around quickly. “He was shaking pretty bad, and when Barty started blaming Remus, I quickly stopped him. Then I apologized today, but he seemed so distant. I don’t know how much he listened to.” Regulus waited for James to yell at him or blame him or to simply get up and walk away. He was surprised when James’s hand touched his shoulder. He looked at James; he had a tense smile. His eyes were sad though.
“Keep trying to talk to him please. I think,” James took a deep breath, “I think I need to leave now though. I’ll talk to you later. I just- I’m getting really angry, and I don’t want to take it out on you since it’s not your fault. Okay, I’m leaving.” James’s hand left Regulus’s shoulder, and he pushed to his feet. Regulus could see James’s fingers flexing and clenching, and he could see the tension that had appeared in his shoulders. “Bye, Regulus, I’ll talk to you soon,” James whispered. He did not turn to face Regulus as he talked however. His words echoed in the silent tower.
“Bye, James,” Regulus whispered even quieter. James must have heard it though because he waited a moment before leaving the tower. Regulus stayed in the same place for what could’ve ranged from 30 minutes to two hours; Regulus couldn’t tell you. It wasn’t until the noises from the forest fell silent too, that Regulus finally walked back to his dorm.
He ignored Barty and Evan’s questions. Instead, he laid in bed and just thought about everything that had happened in the last few days.
The next day, Regulus brought a new book he had recently got with him to the Library. He would try to apologize again, and he’ll give Remus the book too. Inside the book, Regulus had a letter which apologized once more, and he tried to explain the situation.
When he got there, Regulus was surprised to find Remus animatedly talking with James. Regulus slowed his footsteps; eventually he settled into his seat. Regulus watched as Remus continued talking, seemingly not noticing him. Regulus felt an ache till his chest as he watched how easily Remus talked to James.
“Oh, hi Regulus!” James said when he noticed Regulus. Remus turned around quickly with a lingering laugh on his lips.
“Hi Reg!” Remus smiled. Regulus silently put a hand up in a wave. He felt out of place next to his best friends. Remus questioned, “Is that one of your new books?” Regulus followed Remus’s hand, and he looked down at his book.
“I-“ Regulus’s focus flickered to James, “I brought this for you, actually.” Regulus looked away from Remus. He swallowed thickly before putting the book out in front of him.
Remus’s voice rang out, “Oh.” Regulus felt Remus slowly take it from him. Regulus let his hand fall to his lap.
“I uh-“ Regulus didn’t know what to do now. He felt lost, for one of the first times with Remus.
“I want to read the back, Remus,” James slightly whined. Regulus looked over to watch the book go into James’s hands. Regulus unconsciously squeezed the arms of his chair. Regulus silently prayed, ‘Don’t open it. Don’t open it.’
“Look, Remus, I’m really sorry about the whole-“ Regulus tried as he turned to face Remus.
“No, no, it’s fine Regulus,” Remus brushed off. He gave Regulus a smile. Regulus felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong. “I promise, Reg.” Regulus slowly relaxed his hands.
James stated, “This sounds really good. I may have to steal it from you, Moony.” Remus laughed before saying he would only allow it after he reads it. That made Regulus relax.
“James said he talked to you last night?” Remus questioned. Regulus looked at James, who wouldn’t meet his gaze, before looking back to Remus. Remus cut Regulus off as he went to talk, “He- He said you talked about me, and he said he didn’t think you understood what you were doing. Is that true?” Regulus nodded ever so slightly. He could feel his hands shaking despite how hard he was pressing them into the chair.
“I-“ Regulus cleared his throat, and he watched silently as James got up and walked to one of the nearby shelves. “I scared Barty and Evan too. That’s- That’s why they yelled at you. I- uhm.” Regulus stared at the bookshelves on the other side of Remus. “I told them it would’ve been fine if you hadn’t figured out I was drunk.” Regulus felt his cheeks heat up at the stupid confession. “They said they’re glad you did; I am too. I’m again sorry for, you know, trying to do that with you while drunk, and I’m thankful you caught me.” Regulus looked back to Remus to see him with a smile on his face. Regulus didn’t know what changed, but Remus didn’t seem so upset anymore.
“I- I will admit that I brought up something that I had to, deal with, but James has helped a lot. You being here yesterday even helped. Thank you too, Reg,” Remus stated. Regulus gave him a slightly confused smile in return. Remus began talking once more, “James is throwing a Christmas party before break, and I was wondering if you’d want to come. There isn’t going to be much alcohol, and the little kids will be there half the time. I still think it would be nice if you, Barty, and Evan came.” Regulus let a smile appear on his face. He stared at Remus for a few beats before nodding.
“I’ll come; I’ll make Barty and Evan come too. Do I- Do I need to bring any presents or anything?” Regulus questioned. Remus quickly shook his head. Regulus noticed James making his way back.
“The little kids will be doing things like that, but we’re using this as more of a dedicated time to hang out. We’ve been studying a lot recently,” Remus explained. Regulus nodded, momentarily getting distracted as James sat down. Regulus jerked his head back to Remus.
“Okay, well, I’ll meet you there when?” Remus had an embarrassed smile now. Regulus rolled his eyes.
Remus stated, “Tonight, I’ll meet you outside the portrait at 7.” James laughed at Remus. Regulus couldn’t stop himself from joining. “Stop it!” Remus pleaded, covering his face.