Forgive me, please
“Are the rumours I’ve heard true?” Severus’ voice is heard before he made his presence known in Anastasia’s office, storming inside and quickly closing the door behind him so they couldn’t be heard by the nosy and petulant students running around in the corridor during classes.
“It depends. It’s a boarding school, lots of rumors,” she said without lifting her eyes from the papers she appeared to be grading.
“You are helping in the search for one Sirius Black, a known criminal and current Azkaban prisoner on the run after escaping the most safe prison in the world. Does that sound familiar? ” Trying to control himself, his fists are clenched behind his back and the power he applies leaves deep semilunar indentations from his short nails into his now sweating palms.
She raised her eyes, wanting to assess the situation and come up with a deflecting answer, but there was no place for this now. Ana knew the day would come when she might have to resume part of her former career as a special division auror, so when Fudge wrote to her demanding to intervene in the search for the first escape convict from Azkaban, she took the job.
“Yes, it does. I accepted this morning. I wanted to tell you tonight. I would have told you when I sent my reply, but you were busy brewing Merlin-knows-what for the Merlin-knows-time since September. Anyway, it seems like sound, even if it travels slower than light, still reached you before I did.”
“You’re endangering yourself for nothing. It isn’t even your battle you’re now trying to fight. It never was and never will, "he said in the most hateful tone he could muster.
"I had to deal with more dangerous wizards than some weak and frightened escapee. I’ll manage. "
"He isn’t all that weak. He has help inside the castle. Black might even be lurking in the forbidden forest right now, waiting for a signal from inside. ”
“Are you part of the search team and I don’t know?,” she reluctantly raised her voice and moved to face Severus as she stood.
“I am more involved in this than you could ever be,” and now he too made a point of expressing dominance through voice only.
“When you come clean with what you are doing in the late hours of the night, then I might be open to this conversation. Until then, I think this conversation has reached its end. What I do is my business, as it is clear what you do is yours only. "
She started turning her back to him when his anger reached its breaking point, and he extended one arm, grabbing her by the hair in an attempt to turn her to face him again, when an unexpected stunning spell sent him into the opposite wall.
"Don’t ever raise your hand on me like this!” He could see her face contorting in fury, clutching her wand with the tip still pointing at him.
“I’m sorry, darling, I-"
"Say your excuses another time. I have classes to teach and I presume you do too."
He dropped his eyes to the floor, ashamed of his actions, and was making his way towards the door when Severus heard her tearful voice.
"You know, I love you with all my heart, Sev, but I swear to Merlin, if you ever…"
"I won’t!” and with that he makes his way to the dungeons.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
He was more awake than asleep. Lying in bed with his eyes closed, but his mind racing with all the different scenarios wasn’t quite helping him rest. tossing and turning, the sheets already soiled and looking like a battlefield. He silently laughed at this thought. Ana was the one saying this after they made love. “I don’t know what you’ll break first one of these days, me or the bed?” He really didn’t think he’d get the chance to touch her, smell her, hear her talk about boring stuff, see her struggling to clasp her bra because she refused to use magic for such mundane tasks when there were far greater and more important things to use magic for, or taste her and pleasure her till all the world was lost in euphoria and only they existed.
Severus pretended to be asleep when he heard the door opening and closing, and he recognized Ana’s heels clicking on the stone floor. He guessed she was undressing, because of the rustling of clothes taken down. After what seemed like an eternity, he felt the mattress dip slightly on his left, and all of a sudden, her warmth was hovering over him and a slender arm grabbed his waist in an attempt to hug him.
“After almost three years together, Sev, you’re still doing a terrible job of pretending to sleep. Try some light snoring next time, I think it’ll help your disguise, "she was smiling softly at him when he opened his eyes. How could she smile after what he had done?
"It’s wolfsbane.” A silent question arose in Ana’s gaze, and he continued. “That’s what I am doing late at night when I’m locking myself in my classroom.”
“Who?"
"Lupin,” he said, gently tracing her left cheek bone with his knuckles, “I am sure he is the one helping Black. That’s why I stormed at you when I heard you got yourself involved in this mess.”
“So this week’s absence, you taking over his classes, was because he transformed?”
He nodded and lifted himself into a standing position, grabbed her hands into one of his own and caressed her hair with the other, a concerned look etched on his features as she mentally searched for any clues she missed about his condition and his affiliation with the escaped convict, and already blaming herself for letting this teaching job soften her once very sharp instincts.
“You couldn’t possibly figure it out for yourself; he’s been hiding his condition since he was a kid with a runny nose. I regret not telling you sooner, and now, if you get hurt or worse, it’ll be partly because of me, and I don’t think-”
“It won’t be your fault if that happens,” she said, kissing him. “Can we go to bed now?”
He didn’t even get to apologize, but seeing the dark circles under her eyes, he complied. After the fight they had, if Anastasia had asked him to dive into the lake, he would have done so if that made her happy. And so he opened his arms and let her cuddle into him, with her ear directly over his heart, one leg over his thigh and an arm embracing his waist. Severus held her tight in his arms as if she would disappear if he, Merlin forbade, let her go. With two whispered “I love you” ’s they closed their eyes. She was asleep almost immediately. He was half an hour later.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
She felt his tongue on her neck, kissing her tenderly as the final traces of sleep left her body. One hand was massaging her breasts while he grinded his hips against her posterior in search of friction. Feeling her stir awake under him, he maneuvered her to capture her lips with his own. He hoped this would be enough and they could move, forgetting yesterday.
He gave her a chance to breathe and made sure he had her full attention before forcing himself to speak.
“I never should have raised my hand to you, grabbing you by the hair like I did. I just don’t want you to get hurt because getting involved with these people can mark you for life. Don’t forget that now Black is a dangerous killer and Lupin is a full-grown werewolf prone to conveniently forgetting to take his potion. ”
He had no idea when, but now his hips were captured by her thighs and as she lifted her hips she breathed, “Move, Sev! I need you! ”
“Only if you forgive me,” he whispered in her ear, a playful grin on his face as he shoved his clothed length hardening against her sex to give her a taste of what will happen if she accepts.
“Oh, fuck! Yes! ”, already moaning from the slightest friction.
“Yes, what?,” lips now ghosting over hers.
“Yes, sir!”
“Good girl!”
He once more captured her lips, his hands lifting her night shirt up to her waist as she did the same with his. She was already soaking wet when he touched her, and he almost lost all control, nudging her panties aside so he could have full access to her core. With one swift thrust, he entered her and she arched her back, surrendering her breasts to his hungry mouth. He started pumping, fucking her into the mattress with increasing force, slightly pinching her hardened nipples with his teeth when her nails punctured the skin on his shoulders.
Moans and grunts and the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the bedroom, the headboard hitting the wall in a dull, rhythmic thud, sheets clenched in his tight fists as he tried to last until she was satisfied.
“That’s it, my love!…Taking my cock so well!…Mmh, I could fuck you for a week straight and I bet you’d be still as tight as the first time… I can feel you clenching around my cock…Touch yourself for me, my love… Cum when you’re ready…Let me hear how good I make you feel. ”
With a cry of his name, she orgasmed, legs shaking and hips still bucking in desperation as he continued fucking her. Severus released after a few more thrusts, breathing heavily and admiring her blissed-out state, before he gently slid out of her and took her into his arms, kissing her forehead tenderly.
“Merlin, Sev, that was… you were…”
“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” he asks, smugly.
“I’m sorry too! For hexing you and snapping like that at you, avoiding telling you the truth. You’ve told me what you had to endure at their expense when you were a student yourself, and since I made the decision to join the search, I have dreaded your reaction. ”
“You said you liked my cold demeanor,” he said, trying to sound playful. Severus’ heart seemed to drop when he heard you were dreading facing him and he tried with all his might to change the subject. He made a mental note-do not make her fear you!-and slipped his fingers through her hair.
“Only when we storm out together when we encounter a student out of bed during night patrol.” The sound of her laugh calmed his thoughts, brought him back to reality, a reality in which he swore to always love, protect, and cherish her, until they were both old, grey, and senile, but still in love.