The rest of life
-Maria…
-No, listen, and pay attention to every word because it's not something I can repeat again-Mapi doesn't change her position, afraid of changing her mind-Do you want to know why I distanced myself from my parents? I was ashamed of the kind of woman I'd become, it disgusted me. They wanted to be there for me and help me, but I thought they were never there before and that they couldn't have started when I was 30, so I got tired of lashing out at them, sometimes too harshly, saying things a daughter can't say to her parents. It was all about Sara. I told you I didn't have a good relationship, and that's... half the story. Because it was good at first. We loved each other, we got along. Of course, as long as she adhered to my conditions: no going out in public, no social media, she wanted everything private. It worked. And then, logically, she started demanding more and more, and they weren't crazy things; it was just me saying hi if she came to watch me play, inviting her to team outings, simple things like going out for coffee together.
Mapi takes a moment to contemplate Ingrid, who is absorbed in looking back at her with her characteristic tranquility.
-I didn't do it, you know? That wasn't important to me; I only cared about my career. And I didn't see the signs, I didn't even pay attention, always thinking about the next game, the tactics, the titles, leaving her in the background. Subtle glimpses that Sara wasn't having a great time, that she was drowning in me. We were both drowning in different ways, you know. We'd been together for a little over a year and a half when the harsh, hurtful words turned into little squeezes on the arm that would later leave a mark, light pats on the cheek that weren't at all loving, hair pulling, and things like that. I... I never really expected it. Sara didn't seem like the type of person to do things like that, but once she started, she didn't stop, and...
-You thought you deserved it-Ingrid finishes, swallowing, clenching her jaw, far from the calm she had been a few minutes ago. She hadn't expected that at all.
-Yeah. I thought I deserved it, so I didn't stand up for myself or anything. If she was mad at me for something I did, I'd let her take her anger out on me, and sometimes I'd provoke her on purpose. I don't know what I expected to gain from it, I don't know what I wanted to achieve, maybe for her to break up with me and leave me alone! Ingrid, the lovely relationship at the beginning was fading away, and by the end I didn't know how to escape, and I felt like it was all my fault for never paying attention to her or giving her the love she needed, so it was okay to get some kind of punishment for it. So I'd just wait for the blows or whatever and then just get on with my life.
Mapi snorts and shakes her head.
-Patri noticed, my mother too. But I forbade them from interfering.
-God, Maria-Ingrid covers her face with her hands-no one deserves that, no one.
-When I later started therapy, I realized how wrong I was, how toxic our relationship was.
-Yes…but if you understood that, why do you still feel guilty and talk as if you were the cause of his death?
-Because I also understood that I was never good to Sara, and it's something I can't fully overcome. She was diagnosed with depression, on medication, and I never even knew. There was always something more important, everything was, except her. What kind of person does that make me? And one day, when I returned from a game in Portugal, I found her in my own house with another woman. And you know what's worse? I didn't care; it was the perfect excuse I needed to break up with her. And all Sara wanted was to get my attention, or so she told me. She begged me not to leave her, then she threatened me, broke things, and asked Alexia for help.
Ingrid has already abandoned her previous casual pose and is closer to Mapi but without taking up her space, allowing her to speak freely but not without a certain need to touch her to make her feel her support.
-I don't even know what's going to happen to us now that you're finding out about this, but I guess it was only fair to tell you. I broke up with her, and it wasn't on good terms, at least on her part, because she kept trying to find me or tell our mutual friends about my bad behavior. Alexia was a great friend, and she ended up accusing me of the worst things. My parents...they just wanted to help, but I was a bitch. Then I got hurt, and everything got worse. It was like one thing after another, and I had no control. I didn't stop to think about the accusations and recriminations I made, or all the pain I caused.
Ingrid takes a few seconds and very gently takes the Spanish woman's face in her hands.
-María, your parents are here, and if they came, it's because they love you-she points out-Don't worry about them anymore. Patri and Aitana came. What does that tell you, my love? You can fix it. Everything.
-And what I just told you?
-It doesn't change my image or opinion of you, although I'd like to know the rest, please-the Norwegian woman asks sweetly.
-I got hurt and cursed everyone like I had something to gain from it. I found out Mom went to see Sara, and I lashed out at her-the face turns red at the memory-and they stayed by my side despite my temper, but it was like having a fog that covered everything and blinded me. And then, one night, very late, Sara came to see me, and I didn't answer. I didn't want to know anything about her; I wanted her far away, but despite everything, I felt affection for her, I had beautiful memories of what we had had together, and I would never have wished for her to die. She was run over a few blocks from my house; she crossed the street without looking.
-Oh, María.
-They pointed the finger at me…her family, Alexia. They didn't hesitate to hold me responsible.
-That was unfair.
-I think so, but you know, it's not so much thinking that if I had let her spend that night nothing would have happened to her-Mapi shakes her head-it's constantly thinking that if I hadn't crossed her path in the first place, I wouldn't have ruined her life. Because that's what I did. No matter how much I understand certain situations here and now, there are others that are unjustifiable. Like how much I ignored her and pushed her away. What I never said or did. All those little things that kept piling up and I didn't give a damn about.
-It doesn't make sense to keep punishing yourself for something that's beyond your control. You can't know what would have happened if you had let her into your house or not; it's foolish to torment yourself over it. And Maria, it wasn't your fault, okay? Just because you both made a mess of the relationship doesn't mean you screwed everything up. A relationship is for two people, a two-way street. If there are any responsible parties, it's always both parties.
Mapi remains tense in his arms, taciturn, sorting out the ideas swirling around in her mind.
-I never thought I'd be in a relationship again-she murmurs-I couldn't imagine going through all that again. But for me, for who I was before. I thought... that's all there is, that a new relationship would be like this, that I'd be the same asshole.
-That's why you didn't want to tell me or get involved with me.
-Among other things, why would I want to drag someone into my chaos?
-You're not a mess-Ingrid says, her touch too silky and her tone too convincing-You're still in pain, you're not completely healed yet, but I'm here by your side. I'll be there, I'll stay here. I'll help you.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Sometimes I'm afraid of being that person again-the Spanish woman confesses, rubbing her cheek against the Norwegian woman's palm like a desperate puppy-There are moments when I'm afraid of being too closed off, too wrapped up in my own things. I promised not to, that it would be better, otherwise it wouldn't even have crossed my mind to ask you to be my girlfriend. It's just that...
-I understand- Ingrid places a kiss on the top of her head and holds her- thank you for telling me everything.
-You deserved to know long before.
-It's not like that. And just so you're clear, you're not the person you were before-Ingrid frowns, trying to make herself understood-I'm not talking about the fact that you don't play soccer or focus on it anymore, I'm talking about your attitude, how you approach life right now. The person I've gotten to know these past few months is very different from the one you just described; you'll always be Mapi León, you'll always have everything you experienced before arriving here; it's part of you. But you've changed, and you know it. You've embraced that in the best possible way and you've moved on. Are you scared for our relationship? Me too, damn it, every day, and I know our fears aren't the same, but here we are together, trying.
-Trying-Mapi repeats, savoring the words-and we're going to achieve it.
-Yes. Yes.
-You are good, Maria, sweet, considerate, and a bunch of adjectives that don't even do justice to the special and loving being that you are, who you allow me to get to know every day.
-Thank you-she murmurs.
Mapi is overcome by a state of laxity she'd never felt before. The weight of doubt and the unspoken is leaving her. Perhaps that's why, until then, she stood guard before Ingrid, with a few shields between them. But no longer. She leans forward, seeking more contact, and sighs when Ingrid holds her.
After a few seconds, they sit back down, but together, still close. The fire is still burning, the book and crossword puzzle forgotten. The two kittens lie asleep.
-I never told you what made me fall in love with you-Ingrid croons to lighten the moment.
-My amazing abs.
-Yeah, besides that-she elbows her in the ribs without malice, laughing slightly- you were the most insufferable woman in the universe, not that that's changed, strutting around with your superior airs...
-It seems to me that was you.
-You see what I'm saying? So, you were insufferable and incredibly sexy, I'm not going to deny that. But I never expected the person I started to get to know a moment after admitting how hot I was-Ingrid doesn't lower her gaze or her intensity-not only did you turn my world upside down, but you also slowly let me into your space, you! A complete hermit, with your half-words and your beloved distance from the outside world. Something I didn't fully understand. A woman who barely left the house except for work but who didn't hesitate to go and drop off baskets of eggs, help two children who have nothing to do with her, or two parents who will always be grateful.
-I like all of you-Mapi says as if that sums it all up.
-That's what I'm saying. I'm sure it wasn't in your plans to cross paths with a gang of crazy Norwegians who dragged you to their side from the start. However, you never rejected us-the black-haired woman gives a sincere, slow, sideways smile-María, what I was trying to say is that you're not the person you were before, the one I never knew, but that you are a wonderful person whom I continue to discover every day.
-Do you think so?
-Every day. It's not that I've fallen in love with you before, it's that I keep falling in love with you every day. Everything you confessed to me a few minutes ago... that doesn't deter me at all because I know you're still trying to be a better version of yourself every day, and you're succeeding, okay? And I still have a thousand more things to learn and discover about you, and you about me too, but we have time, don't you think?
-All the time-Mapi agrees, lightly clinging to the sweater Ingrid is wearing.
-And communication is important.
-It is.
-Okay. Now do you want to go to sleep?
Mapi stares at her almost in disbelief, as if waiting for Ingrid or that moment to vanish in a second, disappear like a wonderful dream. In the end, telling her the truth wasn't so bad, not when Ingrid continues to see her in that way that shakes her with a wave of emotions and feelings, ones she can now be completely sure are reciprocated.
-Sounds good-she replies softly, standing up. Before pulling Ingrid along, he leans in slowly, brushing her lips.
-Thanks for listening. You're amazing.
Ingrid holds Mapi once they're in bed. They stare at each other without needing another word, caressing each other leisurely, and Mapi finally falls asleep against her shoulder, letting soft puffs of breath escape onto the brunette's neck. She can't look at her from her position even if she wants to; instead, she closes her eyes and opens them again a few times until she gives up trying to sleep.
Not long ago, it seemed improbable to her to be where she is, holding the girl she loves. Loving someone, adoring every part of their relationship, even the ugly and sad parts. That's what it was all about.
She sighs and smiles at the same time and snuggles closer to Mapi, which seems impossible given the lack of space between them, and lets her hands wander in search of her warm skin, enjoying, appreciating, loving.
Pilar watches with mischievous and pleased eyes the way her daughter and her newly discovered daughter-in-law look at each other and interact. Nothing out of the ordinary, but a bit unexpected for Mapi, given her past time in Barcelona.
Without a doubt, Ingrid's influence. And that of the entire Engen family, from what he was able to find out.
When Ingrid takes a break from playing cards and leaves Mapi with her father, she approaches Pilar to offer her help with dinner, working silently and efficiently for the first few minutes.
-Can I ask you something, Pilar?
-Whatever you want.
-Were Maria and Alexia very good friends?
Pilar thinks for a few seconds and finally gives a precise answer.
-They were. Very close both in the club and outside, but I know that from the moment María started dating Sara, they drifted apart. Alexia never understood María and blamed her for everything-the woman sighs-it was hard, watching the two of them lose each other. María is stubborn, and Alexia...she's as stubborn as my daughter.
-Could they never get it back? Patri and Aitana did.
-I don't know, it's different with Alexia. They hurt each other a lot, they said terrible things.
-I understand.
Ingrid leaves the matter at that and changes the subject with the Spanish woman, lightening the conversation about what plans they can make for the New Year. It's very cold, but it's not snowing that much.
Mapi watches them from the living room and smiles pleased, quickly returning to the game to prevent her father from cheating. They both laugh.
-We're getting there with her-another sigh from the Spanish woman-Not everything is settled, but with time we'll get there. Reviving the relationship will take time and work, but this is more than I dreamed of a while ago.
-You...never came to see her.
-I could excuse myself by saying it's because she didn't want to, but a mother never makes excuses, Ingrid. We were hurt, I won't deny it, by how she treated us, the things she said, how she distanced herself. But we love her and understand that neither Javier nor I were the best parents. I've missed her every day, wanting to see her and talk; we didn't. We gave her space, we left her alone, trusting that one day she'd be ready. And you gave us the chance.
Ingrid nods and snorts at the answer she was about to give her mother-in-law, one that ultimately comes out just as she intended.
-I love her-she answers calmly, meeting kind, clear eyes-There's nothing I wouldn't do for her to see her well.
-I know. I've known you've loved her since I first saw you together. And thank you, for everything.
-There's no need…
-You didn't have to do it, tesoro, and you did it anyway. So let me thank you forever.
Pilar gives her a look full of gratitude, squeezes hehandr , and continues with the work.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Mapi said goodbye to her parents after a few wonderful days. In hindsight, it wasn't as bad as she thought. There's still a lot of room for improvement, but it felt good, familiar, not so awkward. And now it's time to put in the effort to fix it.
And her parents already love Ingrid. But of course, who couldn't? Not even she was immune to the ravishing effects of the black-haired.
As the weeks pass, they settle into a fairly comfortable routine, with new levels of trust growing so rapidly that Mapi can't fully process it, but it doesn't bother her. It's a little odd considering her own hesitation about getting involved in a relationship again.
A walk if the weather allowed it, any kind of meal, afternoons of coffee, chats, and reading by the fire. Special nights that never quite ended because there was already another night waiting for them. Sleeping with Ingrid, waking up with her, was quickly becoming an irresistible addiction.
But beyond all that, they're taking it very calmly, perhaps for the first time since they started dating. Maybe that's how it's written in the instruction manuals for how to carry on a relationship, but Mapi doesn't like it. She desperately needs to see Ingrid, to talk to her every moment, to feel her. Who would have thought?
There are plenty of texts, calls, and dramatic sighs, but more is needed.
After nearly a week trapped in heavy snowfall and reconnecting with herself, she ventures out onto the road, strolling around the town in search of supplies and, if she's lucky, a piping hot cup of tea.
-Say that you're arriving at just the right time is going to be a trite phrase soon-Gudrun shakes her head, and Mapi laughs without understanding.
But he understands when he enters the Engen's living room and sees a small ball of black fur, oblivious to the world, sleeping peacefully, well wrapped up.
-I see you rescue one every year-Mapi whispers, running her index finger through the silky fur.
-Yes, there were three of them, and the rest have already been adopted. This little one hasn't been adopted yet.
-Sister of Geri and Freki?
-Yes. This woman still doesn't understand the point of neutering the poor animal.
-What do you need from me?
And Gudrun puts on her best pleading face, the same one Mapi already knows from a similar occasion.
-I already have two, Gudrun.
-It could be three. Ørjan is allergic, I can't keep her.
Mapi continues to pet the little ball, which won't wake up, seeking more warmth and contact. It's beautiful and so tiny.
-I hope one day I'll be able to say no or my house will become a refuge.
-You're a sweetheart, Maria-Gudrun hugs her briefly and diligently goes off to prepare the infusions.
-Well, little ball of fur-she speaks to the kitten-it seems like you're going to give me a lot of work, right?
She chatted for a while with Gudrun, updating her on her parents' visit and saying goodbye to Ingrid. The woman simply smiled affectionately at this.
She takes the kitten and wraps her in many blankets, swearing she can feel her sigh of contentment. She loves her already.
So, she heads to the Norwegian woman's office with a coffee—there's no better gift—and makes a face that she quickly hides as soon as he sees Jill leave her office. Thankfully, she's almost forgotten the woman's existence.
Ingrid looks at her with such affection as soon as she enters, that's all, Mapi lets herself go.
-Can you explain? -she gestures with her chin after breaking away from their kisses.
-New member of the family-Mapi smiles dazzlingly, showing her proudly- I wanted to leave her in the car and she started to grumble.
-Mmm, I'm sure it didn't take much pressure from Mom.
-She's beautiful, would you have said no?
-I said no.
-What? -Mapi's offended expression makes Ingrid burst out laughing.
-I'm not even here long enough. Not in Oslo either. And Dad would kill me if I asked him to. But you know who's been happy about this whole thing? Oscar and Frida.
-I'm starting to understand-says Mapi-they finally got it.
A few cuddles later and after thinking of the perfect name, Ingrid offers to help get more food or shelter for the little animal, whatever it needs.
-Are you proposing co-parenting? -the Spanish woman jokes.
-Could be.
-Well, you'll have to be very present, but I warn you that Geri and Freki won't be very happy.
-I can handle all three of them-hes casually hits her with his shoulder in the side-I can handle all four of them, to be more precise.
Mapi laughs at the cheekiness and nods.
-Do you want to come with me today? -she asks.
-If you want- Ingrid turns off the computer with a casual shrug.
-Always.
-Me too. Always.
That feels both like an affirmation and a full-blown declaration.
Careful not to squash the little black ball of fur, Mapi leans in for a kiss that isn't rushed or a simple brush of lips. She, too, leaves her own promises on Ingrid's mouth, wishes, hopes. The words may not come yet, it may take a little longer, but right there she knows that her actions and her whole being speak loud and clear.
Ingrid doesn't hold back her sigh and looks at her with her characteristic intensity.
Words are unnecessary. They just remain face to face a little longer until, at the same time, their hands reach out and join together.
And so, with their fingers intertwined, with a black kitten still sleeping and with much more to come, they step out into the cold February afternoon that feels very warm indeed.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Months later
-I can feel you looking at me-Mapi croons with a perceptible note of mockery.
Ingrid bites the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, thinking of a retort to calm Mapi's arrogance. The thing is, she was indeed looking at her, hidden behind her sunglasses; it's not as if it's humanly possible to look away when her girlfriend is splashing around in the water like a baby in front of her. And in a swimsuit that leaves little to the imagination.
-I do.
-You pretend not to.
-And you love feeling so powerful, right?
-You have no idea- Mapi runs her tongue over her lips and raises an eyebrow in that sexy way that Ingrid feels her face and whole body burn- why don't you come here and I'll be more arrogant with you?
-The water is cold and the sun is pleasant.
-Don't make me go find you, princess, and bring you here.
-You don't have the necessary strength anyway.
The playful words have the desired effect because Mapi takes the bait and, shaking her head, she throws herself unceremoniously at Ingrid, lifting her effortlessly onto her shoulder, with the occasional squeal from the black-haired woman, who resists until she falls into the water with a dull sound.
-You are a…
Mapi doesn't give her any more time to react, pressing her lips together insistently over and over again until she feels Ingrid slowly coming apart and stopping fighting.
-If you look at me like that every day of the summer, that's what you get.
-Oh yeah? -Ingrid stammers, chasing her lips, craving more.
-If you don't listen to me, too. And that's not even half of what I have in mind.
-I feel so punished right now-the Norwegian chirps, feeling very hot even in the warm water.
-And there will be more-the Spanish woman promises.
They get out of the water a few minutes later and lie down on their towels to dry off in the sun and warm up.
It's not Ibiza, or Mallorca, or Greece. It's just their place, their home, and a river that doesn't mean much to anyone, but does to them. They spend a lot of time there and cherish every moment of it. Away from everything, peaceful.
-I have a gift for you-Ingrid says a moment later, wringing out her hair.
-Mmm-Mapi blinks-why?
-There's no reason.
-Does it have nothing to do with the fact that tomorrow is my birthday?
-No.
Mapi sits up and looks at Ingrid with a half smile and an expression that says she doesn't believe anything, limiting herself to remaining silent.
-You actually have to pay for it.
-I paid for my gift, I see- Mapi murmurs intrigued and why does Ingrid look so nervous?
Ingrid wrings her hands and swallows a few times.
-You're not about to propose to me, are you? -Mapi jokes, combing her hair with her fingers-Just look at my looks. At least let me get dressed up a bit.
-You're unbearable-Ingrid pinches her in the side.
-Yes, sometimes I am.
Ingrid curls her lips and closes her eyes slightly, looking at her as she always does, with so much love and devotion that Mapi feels like the luckiest person on the planet.
-I love you like this-she whispers-I love you.
And as always, something inside Mapi contracts until it becomes tiny, then expands to encompass everything. And the most incredible thing is that Ingrid never pressures her to say it back; she usually says "I know" whenever Mapi wants to talk, and the words just don't come out. She truly hopes she knows it, that she feels it.
Mapi rests her head comfortably on Ingrid's shoulder, they intertwine their fingers and play with them, sighing.
-So, this gift I have to pay for…
-I promise you'll like it.
-I was already excited about the proposal.
-And how would that be a gift? And you'd even put money on it.
-Believe me, it would be a great, great gift-the Spanish woman assures with conviction-I would pay for the honeymoon.
-I'll keep that in mind for the future-het black-haired snorts, kissing the back of Mapi's hand-So, I've been thinking about it for a while. You love living here; it's your home, and you think of this place as something permanent, right?
-True.
-And you have no plans to return to Spain…
-Not really.
-But I can't rent you the cabin forever.
Mapi frowns, trying to figure out where this conversation is going. Does she need to find new accommodation?
-You're lucky that my real estate project with Frido is finished, and that, contrary to what we initially thought, it doesn't affect you much. I mean, are you still living peacefully despite all the people hanging around here now?
-Mmm let's say yes.
-So you wouldn't like to have this place? As something of your own.
Mapi swallows and looks at her, not without some surprise.
-Don't get my hopes up, my love.
-I'm not going to get you excited. I'm proposing it to you, or rather, I'm offering to sell you the cabin.
-Are you serious?
-Of course. I've considered it, and it's only right that it be yours-Ingrid thinks and nods-Originally, it was going to be demolished, and today there'd be a tourist house and a tourist from somewhere, and tomorrow another, and so on. But you lived here, and it seemed so wrong to kick you out. I can't explain it, but it was like that, and I didn't even know you. I think it was... I don't know, anticipation? This, you and me, our relationship. I didn't want you to leave or something. And you belong here. It's never been mine, it's always been yours.
Mapi nods, her eyes misty, and gives him a quick, soft kiss.
-Princess…
-I guess that's a yes.
-Yes, I would love to buy it.
-You see, you're paying for your gift. I bet you've never thought of anything like that.
-Never but I don't complain.
Mapi draws Ingrid to her, covering her with kisses and then hugging her, conveying what she feels, the deep love that only grows. She adores this woman.
They travel by camper van with Ørjan and Gudrun, and it's an experience Mapi wants to repeat soon. The scenery, the places they visited, the company, and everything they shared.
They attend a concert in Oslo on a double date with Karl and Ada and have a great weekend, especially because the older woman has almost completely overcome cancer, and that's the biggest celebration.
Mapi doesn't think she's moved so much in years, so she appreciates it even more when she returns home, her home, to her cats: Geri, Freki, and Bagheera, the newest and craziest addition to the family who has everyone on alert.
She also coaches Oscar and Frida sometimes, and everything goes on as planned. Even with an early visit from her parents, which she's looking forward to. Not everything is perfect, but it's the life she wants. Not everything has been a smooth road, nor has her relationship with Ingrid been free of arguments, heavy silences, uncertainty, or her own inability to talk about certain issues. But they know how to cope, how to move forward.
And everything is new. And when something is new, it feels like it will last forever. But that's not why Mapi feels it; she knows that with Ingrid, it lasts because they love each other, and it goes beyond physical attraction.
They're in the midst of building a relationship that's only been going on for a few months, but he knows it. Ingrid may not be his beginning, but she is the entire plot that follows, the story yet to be written, with no end. There is no end with Ingrid.
-What are you thinking about?
-Us.
-Something good?
-It's always good if it's about you and me.
They lie entwined in each other after a brief doze, naked, with the fire crackling, looking up at the moon and stars. An owl hooted a short distance away in the forest, and the gentle lapping of water could be heard. All was calm.
Every day, Ingrid discovers, learns, and explores the peculiarities of this incredible human being, who fills her with affection and gratitude. Mapi isn't who she was, and what she went through probably led her to that moment. And she's grateful for that.
-Happiness is not a permanent state.
Ingrid thinks Mapi is going to say something else so she waits, and when she doesn't, she leans on an elbow and looks at her.
-Philosophy at midnight?
-Thoughts-the Spanish woman says with a hint of amusement-human beings are supposed to always be searching for what makes them feel good, pursuing dreams or goals, trying to be happy. That's supposed to be what we aspire to, right?
-In theory.
-And when we say we're happy, what do we mean? It seems more like something said randomly because we want to believe it or something we assume is true, rather than something that actually happens. I don't know what happiness is if you ask me, I mean, I can't define it or tell you if I was happy before, but I associate it with you—Mapi looks at Ingrid, placing a hand on her cheek, and the best part is how Ingrid seeks out contact; she's always like that—I've been happy in many moments when I've been with you in any way. Even before we were together, without me realizing it. I'm not happy all the time; I don't know if that's possible, but I can say that you brought me tranquility, peace, joy.
-And that makes for happiness-sighs the Norwegian.
-Yes. I love you. I love you so much-and by God, nothing ever felt as good as letting out two words, not even her entire confession from months ago.
Ingrid shudders almost imperceptibly and lets Mapi kiss her temple, her cheeks, her lips. She lets the gentle declaration settle inside her.
-Sorry it took me so long to say this. I love you. I love you.
-I know, I've always known. I love you too.
-My wise girl-Mapi whispers with a reverential touch filled with gratitude-two words will never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough to show you how you make me feel.
-We have time-Ingrid assures us-days and nights, Mondays and Sundays, months.
-I like Sundays with you…
-There will be that.
Ingrid often makes promises like these and they never disappoint; they are simple and easy to keep.
The calm silence lulls them again, their warm bodies merge, words of love are whispered without despair one after another.
-Have you thought about the invitation yet? -Ingrid assesses Mapi's reaction and is pleased to see that she doesn't run away or hide, but simply puts on a face of concentrated seriousness.
-A little bit, what should I do?
-I guess it's a rhetorical question.
-More or less-the Spanish woman laughs-I think I'd like to accept. I mean, it's nothing out of the ordinary.
-It isn't, but you have to feel comfortable.
- If you come with me?
-It would be an honor.
An invitation to the opening match of the Women's World Cup in France, a sort of tribute to her career and contribution to women's football. Mapi hadn't responded yet, but she couldn't put it off forever.
-This will be the busiest summer of my lifehe-she sighs against the Norwegian woman's neck-I'll answer tomorrow.
-Yes, I still remember that Maria who never left the house.
-There's still a little bit of her left. I'd like to lock myself away with you and my cats forever.
-That's what winter is for- Ingrid concedes.
-Mmm-hes replies with a soft hum, relaxing almost to the point of falling asleep again.
-We have to go back to the cabin, my love.
-In a moment.
-Maria…
-Heard.
-You're going to see your friends and former colleagues at that tribute.
-I guess.
-What's up with Alexia?
-I guess so too-Mapi opens one eye and looks at her speculatively- I see where you're going with this.
-So?
-We'll see, okay?
-Ok.
They stay there for a while longer, just them, the peaceful surroundings and their love.
They never stop hugging and looking at each other with that intense affection that began long before either of them even noticed. The " I love you" continues to flow, full of sincerity and commitment.
-I think I'll throw a little party.
-And so?
-To celebrate with the people I love. A barbecue or something-Mapi doesn't say it casually or anything-You're my first guest of honor, of course, and my parents who are coming soon, your parents, Karl and Ada, and the kids.
-Just because?
-Just because.
-I like it.
-Yes, life is very short and I feel very lucky.
-There are two of us.
-Great, princess. But you're in charge of the invitations.
Ingrid laughs nasally, biting her lower lip and closing her eyes.
Mapi also closes them and can only see the present and the future and the beautiful woman at her side in both.