Skidding on the curves of your heart

Barcelona, 2022

“Aren’t you ashamed? Do you think this is normal?”

-You don't have to get involved in what doesn't concern you.

-I do it if it affects one of my best friends.

But Alexia isn't talking about her, she's talking about Sara.

Sara, in a corner of the apartment, with her hair disheveled and her face disfigured, trembling and murmuring. Mapi knows she should be hugging her despite everything, but she can't.

-It affects me too, Alexia. Do I not feel or deserve anything?

-You just ended the relationship and you look great-Alexia replies, shaking her head in Sara's direction.

-I'm not, this doesn't make me happy-although Mapi omits to say that it reassures her, that she was waiting for an excuse to end a relationship that should never have started.

-Look how she is-Alexia, unnecessarily points at her now ex-girlfriend with her hand- I warned you not to get involved if you weren't going to take care of her, I warned you, Mapi, why did you treat her like that?

-You don't know anything, Alexia, about my relationship or my life.

-I know what is necessary.

-You don't. You don't know the half of it.

-Sara called me in desperation. You broke up with her for no reason and asked her to pick up the belongings she has here, which by the way, isn't much. I find it pathetic how much you always pushed her away!

-You're taking her side, so go with her and don't bother me anymore.

-Yes, come on, run away, escape like always- the captain mumbles.

-Go to hell.

Mapi walks away to her room, slamming the door, and breathes a sigh of relief as if it were her refuge, one where she doesn't pretend to be okay, where she can allow herself to cry freely. And yes, she is very relieved to finally do what she didn't have the courage to do before for fear of hurting Sara”

As much as she had enjoyed the whole weekend, Mapi longed to return to her private sanctuary away from it all, needing silence and to be in touch with her things, in her own space. And alone to think.

No matter how late she got back at night, she still got up before the first light of day, ready to be productive and make the most of the morning. As an exception, training would be in the afternoon that day.

She feels like a child in love for the first time because all she can think about is Ingrid and how much everything changed for the better that weekend. She thinks about seeing her again, touching her, kissing her. And all of that is possible now, as long as Ingrid doesn't change her mind. And she decides to take the next step herself.

Patri G.

You can't tell me that you

and Ingrid has nothing.

Liar.

Patri G.

Caro thinks they have it.

She just told me.

Caroline GH

I didn't say anything.

I'm not a gossip.

Patri G.

She did it, you don't know

What a gossip she is now.

Patri G.

Don't leave me on read.

I can't wait for visit you.

I miss you. Less.

The messages remain in the inbox until the evening when Mapi decides to answer them. She was never very fair with Patri or anyone and yet, for some unknown reason, they still love her. And she doesn't even need to set a reminder to call her parents at night, she will remember and do it

So She finish your housework and get ready to go to work.

She gets in the car and before training, she drops off a present for Gudrun. A bunch of eggs she collected over the weekend, hoping that the woman won't mind. But since she can't delay and the conversation with Gudrun will probably go on for a long time, she leaves the basket behind the door and is sending her a message.

It almost seems like a scene copied from another one a few months ago, because Ingrid is turning the corner and smiles with a surprised expression when she sees her.

The night before, when everyone came back and said goodbye, they could barely say a few words to each other so as not to alert the family without even agreeing to meet again.

-Well, well-the black-haired girl sings-you can't live without me.

-Don't be arrogant.

-You know, that's the effect I have on women.

Mapi rolls her eyes at that and Ingrid laughs softly.

-Subtle.

-Well, I was missing you-Ingrid softens her playful gesture, getting closer-and you made everything easier for me.

-I don't even have to make an effort and you confess everything on your own, uh-Mapi whispers gravely-but, fearing to kill your illusions, I brought a basket of eggs for your mother.

-Yes, I see that-Ingrid looks over the Spanish girl's shoulder-like that time, when we first met. And you didn't seem as charming to me then as you do now.

-On the other hand, I found you terribly sexy and I couldn't take my eyes off you-Mapi blurts out.

That has the desired effect because Ingrid smiles blushingly and looks down.

-Are you going to pick up the kids later?

-I can't-Ingrid replies with a grimace-I have to go to Orkanger. Frido had the eye on some cabins there.

-I see-Mapi says and thinks for a few seconds. She has nothing planned, but with some time she could do something simple for both of them.

-You think a lot, Maria.

-What do you say I invite you to lunch tomorrow? -she finally asks.

-A lunch?

-Or a dinner.

-No, no, lunch is perfect-nods Ingrid- I would love it.

-If it doesn't cut your day in half.

-I can organize my schedule, Maria-Ingrid pinches Mapi's nose and winks.

-Okay. At my home.

-Sounds more than good-Ingrid smiles.

They can do nothing but look at each other, considering that they are on the street in the eyes of everyone, including Gudrun.

-Well, I have to go now.

-You're not moving.

-Shut up-Mapi turns around and smiles one last time, a full smile that Ingrid will treasure forever-see you tomorrow.

-Counting the hours-and oh, Ingrid knows she's going to do it.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Mapi wants everything to go well, and if the anticipation keeps her awake at night, it's because of the terror she feels about screwing this up with Ingrid.

After going for an early run, meditating and having breakfast, she cleans the entire house meticulously as if she hadn't done it the day before, going over every surface more than twice.

Maybe it's because she knows-and she knows that Ingrid knows-that they're going to talk about what's going on between them, get it out in the open, and see what they want to do from there. And the mere thought makes her shudder.

At midday, Mapi hears Ingrid's car, as she closes the door, climbs the stairs and even, and this is more a sensation than anything else, as she bends down to pet the two kittens. And seconds later, a knock on the door.

-Come in, it's open.

Ingrid enters silently, she hasn't done so for a while, and her alert and restless senses are assaulted by all kinds of smells floating in the air. Mapi's house has always had a distinctive smell of wood and pine, something spicy, sweet and wild. That's what Mapi always smells like. Or maybe she passed her smell on to the house.

But now there are also delicious aromas of the food that Mapi is preparing by the stove. And something else, but it is impossible to smell coffee in the home of someone who does not drink it at all.

-Hello, Maria.

-Hey-Mapi hisses, dedicating another of her beautiful smiles.

-I brought cake in case we fancy some with tea after lunch-Ingrid just looks curiously at what Mapi keeps mixing.

-You didn't have to bother, but it's appreciated.

-You leave me perplexed with such dedication, do you also cook?

-Of course, did you think I would order delivery?

-No local goes that far.

-That's the point.

Ingrid laughs heartily and places a kiss on the Spanish girl's cheek.

-Will you tell me what you cook?

-Come and see. Lomo a la aragonesa, a recipe from my land and my mother. She made it every Sunday-Mapi continues mixing, lowers the temperature and lets the food do its thing-I hope you like it.

-If this appearance is any guide, I'm already loving it.

-Well, according to my mother, she won my father over with this-Mapi reports smugly.

-Oh, is that your intention too? -Ingrid blinks and forms an O with her mouth.

-I'm warning you.

-How considerate. You touch me.

Mapi bites part of her lower lip and Ingrid can't help but look at the movement, idiotically.

-I, um…have a surprise.

The Spanish woman's shyness is endearing as she points to one side of the kitchen. Ingrid sees the large coffee machine set up with cups and piles of bags of beans. And she blinks again, tirelessly.

-Do you like it?

-Oh, Maria…-Ingrid whispers, alternating between looking at the woman and the machine.

-I think it's a good hostess to welcome her guests with coffee, eh.

-Guests? And I was beginning to feel special.

-You know you're the only one coming. And Gudrun. But it's for you.

-You are so... so...-Ingrid can't even think of the right words so she hugs her and leaves a loud kiss on her cheek because she doesn't know where the limits are between them and if it's right to kiss her on the lips-it's not possible that you are so sweet and considerate.

-If you keep praising me like that, I'll be worse than a beet-Mapi goes to the machine and turns it on-can I make you an espresso before lunch?

-Sure.

-Last time you came, I invited you in for some tea but I actually already had the machine-Mapi makes coffee quickly and efficiently-you missed out.

-But we weren't...we weren't...ignoring each other.

-Still, I knew I didn't want to lose you, no matter if you were with Jill or whatever.

Ingrid sighs with something very similar to a disbelieving hiss and shakes her head without wasting time thinking. She crushes her lips against Mapi's, more instinctively than anything else, until the two move at the same time, deepening the contact and hitting the nearest wall. Ingrid couldn't care less and pulls the Spanish woman closer when she's about to move away, lightly squeezing her hip with her right hand. Mapi sinks her fingers into the thick black hair and runs her fingers over and over Ingrid's scalp, sighing against the woman's mouth.

-Your food is going to burn.

-You distract me a lot.

-And this is nothing-Ingrid half smiles and takes her cup-are you aware that now you're going to have me here every day?

-For the coffee? -Mapi asks skeptically, returning to her place at the stove.

-I hope not just because of the coffee.

Mapi smiles brightly at that and watches Ingrid sip the drink and give it the thumbs up.

-Lunch is about fifteen minutes away, can I offer you something typical from Barcelona?

-Well, you're trying really hard on this date. I can't say no.

The word date hadn't even come up before but it seemed like it was and neither of them cared much about denying it.

-This is pa amb tomàquet-Mapi takes a slice of bread and rubs the tomato on it. It doesn't look good, but it tastes spectacular, and you can even add ham if you fancy.

Ingrid doesn't expect Mapi to try it for herself and when she takes a bite of the slice that Mapi is holding, all her dirty thoughts take her somewhere else and she has to look away in shame. If Mapi notices, she doesn't let on.

-Verdict?

-I need to eat a little more.

-I think you like being fed like a little girl-says Mapi, handing her the same slice.

-You discovered my most private secret.

Ingrid continues to savor and gives a thumbs up.

-Maybe I should visit Barcelona soon. I don't remember trying this when I went.

Mapi hums a response and begins to take out utensils to set the table.

-Do we eat here or on the porch?

-The porch sounds great, do you usually have lunch there?

-Sometimes. Or I also have breakfast, but it's getting cold.

Ingrid grabs some plates and glasses and heads outside. The sun is shining brightly and it looks like a great place to eat and chat.

-Looks like the coffee machine won't be the only addition I'll have to make-Mapi says, carrying an extra chair, frowning and thinking of a chair just like the one she already has. A set of two chairs. It seems so simple and such a big step, and she hopes she's not getting too far ahead of herself.

Ingrid gulps and nods. Everything about Mapi screams that it's her and only her, and now she's talking about adding a chair to the porch. Downright adorable.

-I was thinking-Mapi calls her attention-could we talk? It's not like I need days to decide to talk about us, not when you seem to have everything clear.

-Mmm, I don't know if everything is clear, but I do know what I want.

Mapi finishes cooking the food and carefully serves it while Ingrid uncorks the red wine and waits outside with Geri and Freki for company. It all feels so natural and she is scared of how much she wants everything to stay this good.

-Well, I hope you enjoy it.

They don't speak for the first few minutes, just enjoying their food, exclaiming with pleasure and exchanging appreciative glances.

If Mapi weren't so nervous, she would analyze how domestic and everyday everything seems when they haven't even defined their situation. The kittens are taking a nap in the sun, there are no noises to disturb the environment, everything feels calm.

-Did you think about what I told you on Saturday night?

At first Ingrid doesn't understand until she finally gets there.

-About how you're not good with people and relationships.

-Yeah.

- Was there anything to think about?

-Well…

-Not for me, Maria.

-You sound confident.

-Listen-Ingrid stops eating and looks at Mapi for a few seconds-I've never been on this side or any side really when it comes to... trying something serious with someone.

-Something serious…-Mapi repeats.

-Yes, I'm not going to beat around the bush. That's my position. Try something with you and make it work because I like you, you know that, I'm very attracted to you. I'm... I'm in love with you.

-Are you in love with me?

-I am-confirms Ingrid, unfazed by the chaos that is being generated inside her-and I'm not going to back down because you tell me that you had a bad relationship in the past.

-It wasn't just that.

-I know you don't, I know there's more, but I'll wait for you to tell me everything. And in the meantime, I don't know, you tell me what do we do? Because I don't let fear take over me so easily. And what I feel... I can't keep ignoring it. I don't want to.

-I like you too-Mapi whispers as if it were necessary to speak so softly.

-Wow-Ingrid smiles.

-And also…I feel like I'm also very much in love with you.

Ingrid's smile widens and brightens. Her green eyes narrow.

-That's good, it took you a while.

-If I remember correctly, you were the one who talked about seduction and wanting to take me to bed. Was I supposed to fall for it so easily?

-I still want that-Ingrid points out.

Of course Mapi nods embarrassedly and the lukewarm wine does not help her poor, overwhelmed nerves.

-Ingrid…

-I'm not going to lie, sit here and pretend I'm not terribly attracted. I'm a woman with blood in my veins and you make my blood boil.

-Well, I feel the same way, you know-Mapi confesses and that is quite a confession.

-Yes, just as I also know that besides sexual desire, there is much more, María-Ingrid takes the Spanish woman's right hand and places a light kiss on the back of it-and I would love to explore it and discover where it takes us.

Ingrid is aware of her feelings, of how much she already feels, but is there any point in scaring Mapi and rushing things?

-I don't promise it will be easy-Mapi sighs.

-I know you don't. I know you like your space, that you appreciate your place and that this can't be a regular thing. Do you think I'm going to invade you and impose myself every day? We'll do it as you see fit.

-It's not about that.

-Enlighten me.

-I'm not good at showing or letting out my feelings. I'm not good…

-María, unlike you, I've never been in a relationship-says Ingrid-and I'm not going crazy thinking about how bad I'll be at all this. Let's take it step by step, okay? We don't have to pigeonhole this right away, call it a relationship or something like that. Let's try and find out together.

Mapi nods with a smile at how understanding Ingrid is being. But of course, she expected it. The Norwegian has always been like that, it's not a surprise.

-I'd like to try it together-Mapi finally agrees, leaning back in her chair-although, you know, the kisses and hugs we've been giving each other so far, I think they're great. We can go slowly but...

-Well, me too-Ingrid agrees-that won't stop.

-Good.

-Maybe you already won me over with this meal-jokes Ingrid-now all I can think about is making you cook more often.

-I'm not going to complain-Mapi smiles-I like doing it.

They finish their lunch in comfort, it's not even that cold and the sun is quite hot. And they both agree that they are envious of the two kittens who are still sleeping peacefully.

Ingrid picks up the dishes and washes them despite Mapi's protests, and then they lie down on the couch with a blanket ready to enjoy the hours together.

-You can't take a nap-Ingrid scolds.

-I'm not doing it-Mapi's sleepy response gives her away.

-Maria! -exclaims the black-haired girl-I'm serious, what if I have to go?

-Are you leaving? -Mapi sits up and looks at her with the face of a lost puppy.

-Actually, I cleared my entire afternoon to be with you-laughs Ingrid-so you could take a nap on me, of course.

-You are very comfortable-Mapi settles closer with a little more confidence and her half-asleep conscience, altered by the closeness and the aroma-last night I didn't sleep thinking about you, and today I got up very early and I was still thinking about you.

-You sure know how to win a woman over-Ingrid murmurs in a mockingly sweet tone-so you're tired because I didn't let you sleep and I keep invading your mind.

Mapi's soft breathing is all the answer and the black-haired girl smiles. Apparently she's good at making Mapi sleep after confessing things.

And Mapi believes that she is not good at establishing relationships, but Ingrid knows that she can make her see otherwise. She will slowly try to knock down that absurd theory and show her that they can build something.

Of course there are still questions, possibly a million of them. What happened with her ex, what happened with her, what is happening with her parents, with Alexia. All of that is important and at some point Mapi must stop giving them small glimpses to tell the whole story.

She doesn't know when or how, perhaps because of the sun streaming in through the large window and how warm she is thanks to the blanket and Mapi's warmth, but her eyes are closing and she stops fighting sleep.

By the time she wakes up, Mapi's two cats are on their sides in an impossible position and Mapi has a small feather that she uses to tickle her nose, cheeks and jaw.

-You are so annoying.

-I differ. Geri and Freki think I'm great.

-They are cats.

-The wisest and most terrifying.

-Mmjuu-Ingrid answers gutturally-where did you get a feather anyway?

-I think Freki was chasing birds and came to show off his war loot-Mapi picks up the feather and examines it carefully-I put it to good use. Someone needs to teach you some manners.

-Me?

-You fell asleep.

-Just like you-Ingrid half smiles-and I was about to leave, you know, but I changed my mind at the last minute.

-You did it.

-Yes, I'm not going to let you eat the whole cake by yourself.

Ingrid laughs, sitting up on the couch when she sees Mapi's fake hurt expression.

The Spanish girl is cheerful and playful, which is not a discovery in itself, but it still gives her a slight tingle. She is silly and has no problem showing it when she lets her guard down a little.

-So, coffee and tea? -Mapi wants to know, stretching as soon as she stands up.

-I never thought I'd hear that in your house.

-Well, I used to drink a lot of coffee-Mapi answers, taking out the cake and leaving Ingrid to take care of the infusions- but you know, a lot of coffee, all day long. I had trouble sleeping and the next day I made up for it with caffeine. Let's say it worked for a while.

-Do you not like it anymore or do you just avoid it?

-I avoid it. I don't like the memories it brings back-Mapi thinks-I just love the smell, that's all.

-Well, it warms my heart to know that you now have a machine for me.

-Yes, for you-Mapi assures.

Ingrid approaches with tea in her hand and leaves it on the counter.

-I appreciate every time you tell something about yourself.

-I'm not a big mystery.

-More or less. But I like getting to know you.

-Mmm, that makes me think.

-In what?

We keep doing this of discovering everything on my side, and you?

-You know things about me.

Mapi hums, not very convinced, and takes the plate with the cake and her tea.

-You were disconcerting to me from the first moment I saw you, I guess that's why I'm always looking to know more about you-Ingrid closes one eye with a thoughtful grimace-and about me, you know what I do, you know everything about my family, where I grew up, where I live.

-I don't know what your favorite color is, for example.

-The green one.

-Don't make that face, it's a valid question-Mapi crosses her arms and smiles-I also didn't know, for example, that you've never been in a relationship.

-It's true-the Norwegian admits-I haven't had anything serious. And before you get too cocky about it, you and I haven't settled down yet.

-You don't even let me speak and you kill my illusions quickly.

-Yes, before you get the wrong impressions.

-But I'm interested in something serious with you.

-Good, because me too, but step by step, remember?

-That's fair.

Mapi makes a strangled sound of pure pleasure when she tastes the cake, prompting Ingrid to raise an eyebrow and gulp quickly.

-Mom used your eggs well, and before you ask, she does know that she was coming to eat with you today-Ingrid shrugs her shoulders-I suppose that by now she has opened some champagne and drank it all, toasting us.

-So what? You admitted everything to her easily?

-As if it were necessary, Maria.

-I love your persistence.

-She probably gives herself credit for everything.

-Well, your help was important.

After finishing their second meal of the day and before the sun sets and the cold reaches them, they go out for a short walk. They stay close, elbow to elbow, their faces shining under the shadows of the pine treetops that rise majestically and a little menacingly as the light reaches them less.

-How did you spend last winter?

-Very bad-Mapi laughs-my first time here and with so much snow. The only thing I knew was that I had to have plenty of firewood on hand and the car loaded in case of emergency. I spent almost all of December and January inside, raising two very cold little ones and with ten grumpy chickens because I was afraid they would freeze.

-It must have been tough.

-It was. Your parents gave me advice and of course they offered to help me with anything I needed, and I watched a lot of videos about it and read up. Let's just say I had free time to do it. Oh, and I got the right clothes.

-Mmm, you already imagined it-Ingrid thinks mockingly-layers and layers of useless clothes, huh.

-Well, I've learned my lesson. More doesn't mean better.

-Touché -Ingrid admits and smiles when Mapi links her arms-but it has its charm. Winter.

-If I ever find out, I'll let you know. Look, I'm already shivering just thinking about the snow.

Ingrid can't help but laugh and pull the Spanish woman closer to her body.

-You are a cold girl.

-I am, there's no point in hiding it. But you know, I think after a long winter, we appreciate the other seasons more.

-Do you do it?

-I love spring.

-Yes, it has its charm after a long winter.

They turn around and head back in the same slow manner they came, without any need to hurry. In any sense.

Ingrid is also aware that with Mapi, everything will go smoothly as before.

-I can help you with that before I leave.

-No need, I'll do it.

-I'm just here with nothing to do, just let me help you.

Mapi finally nods and Ingrid approaches, taking a pile of firewood just as she saw the Spanish woman do, and follows her to the cabin where they unload it in the place that Mapi has designated for it.

-Next time, I'm going to teach you how to chop wood. I'm going to turn you into a self-sufficient forest woman.

-It wouldn't hurt me too much considering I'm trying to pick up a lonely woman in a remote cabin.

Mapi snorts and smiles. She rubs her hands together to clean them and hesitates for a few seconds while doing this; then she asks permission with that expressive look to take a lock of Ingrid's hair that has come out of her ponytail and pass it behind her ear.

-You're doing well, about halfway there.

-And I haven't even given my best yet.

Mapi looks at her with something akin to adoration, to passion, without taking her amber eyes off the hand that remains on the brunette's temple.

-I still can't say what I like about you-she murmurs in that deep, silky tone that makes Ingrid's knees buckle-I think that's all, and I'm glad we were able to talk about it. I'm pretty sure I would have regretted letting you go for the rest of my life, Ingrid.

-Is that what you were going to do?

-Yeah.

-I would have regretted it too.

There's not a single mention of feelings and it may be early or whatever but Ingrid knows what she feels. And yet, she doesn't think it's wrong to wait and be patient about it either.

-It was a great afternoon-Ingrid sighs sincerely-and I had a great time.

-And was the talk up to par?

-That's what I expected.

-Okay-Mapi nods, hiding the desire she has to ask her to stay a little longer-I loved spending time together. I always do.

-Yes, you know... I also wanted to keep you in my life no matter what-Ingrid says-when I came here without knowing what to expect and you asked me to be your friend, it's not what I originally wanted, but I wanted to keep counting on you no matter what.

-If I did it, it wasn't just because of Jill, it was also because of everything that comes with it. But I'll work on it, do you trust me?

-I trust you.

Ingrid leaves her a soft peck and walks away.

Mapi lets her usual sideways smile show and watches Ingrid put on her coat and bend down to the kittens. She moves well in space, fluid, not abrupt or wanting to escape. She likes Ingrid inside her house.

-Hoping to see you again soon.

-Well, I have coffee now.

-Of course, I'll come exclusively to steal everything.

-I see where your priorities are.

-In you-says Ingrid.

Ingrid moves closer and presses her lips together slowly, giving Mapi time to get used to it or maybe to tell her that there have been many kisses before, but nothing of the sort happens. Mapi presses back, brushing Ingrid's cheekbone with her thumb, in a slow kiss while their silhouettes merge. Ingrid's hands continue an upward path until they rest on either side of Mapi's shoulder and stay there for the two minutes that the kiss lasts.

And there they remain when they part their lips but neither of them moves.