death was never something james had feared, he always thought he’d die when he was old and bony, but alas, that didn’t happen.
james had hoped to high hell that lily made it out— so she could look after harry.
to be honest, james has been quite stupid. he should have seen that peter was the traitor, he should have kept sirius as the secret keeper. but he didn’t. now he was dead; he had no idea what had happened to sirius, remus, peter, lily or harry. all he did know, was that he was so fucking stupid— he didn’t even bring his wand.
his wand. that was the most infuriating part, he may be still alive if he brought his fucking wand with him. harry would have grown up with a father, someone who could teach him about his culture, watch his first steps, his first word. (it would obviously have been dada)
he wouldn’t be there when harry would discover his magic, he wouldn’t be there to see his sons face as he gets his hogwarts letter, he wouldn’t be there for his first kiss— first girlfriend, first breakup, james was going to miss it all.
and that,
made his heart split in two.
he would miss out on every single thing.
but the last thing james remembers, was not the killing curse being cast, but the crying that came from harry. the curse had already hit him at that point; it had killed him almost instantly. but, there was some part of his conscious still there, and for a split second, his entire focus, was on harry, lily— and regulus.
he wanted to say sorry for everything, he wanted to kiss his sons chubby face one last time, he wanted to kiss his wife one last time and tell her how sorry his was and how thankful he was. she had been his rock, his anchor. she grounded him when even sirius couldn’t.
and he also wanted to say sorry to regulus.
he wanted to whisper a thousand secrets into his bones, he wanted to kiss every single freckle on him, he wanted to hold him.
james never knew how brave regulus was in the end, how regulus did everything because of james.
when james felt his conscious slip away, into the blackness, he last thought was regulus.
—
how james woke up? he did not know.
all he knew was that the sun shone on him, his skin warm beneath it; his lips, eyes, nose, hair all being touched by the bright light.
regulus had always compared james to the sun, because he shone, he was warm.
he could brighten a room without even trying.
and he may have had an ego the size of a lake, but he had a heart to match it.
he boasted and bragged, pranked with sirius, schemed with remus, laughed with peter— but he would always leave his heart with people, making sure they felt loved.
but james’ heart felt like it was being chipped of piece by piece.
sometimes he felt incredibly happy— like the warmth of a sunny day. sometimes he felt incredibly sad, like nothing was worth anything.
but he was james potter. the james potter. he wasn’t meant to be sad.
he didn’t deserve to be sad. people needed him to be the light in the dark, but who was the light in his dark?
if anyone were to ask him this, he would say regulus.
he seemed cold, distant; like the world meant nothing.
but anyone who knew regulus enough would understand how bright he actually was.
the star that appeared when the sun went, was also the star that the sun needed most.
—
the grass beneath him touched his fingertips. he was sat near a tree, surrounded by flowers.
it was their spot.
regulus.
he was here.
in front of him, the back of the boy he loved the most was there. his head was tipped up slightly, the sun rested on his face, his hair messy, curls sprouting everywhere.
“hello darling.” james said, stepping closer to regulus.
regulus froze.
he turned slowly, facing james.
“you’re— you’re not supposed to be here?” he whispered, distress filling his face.
“i know—“ regulus cut him off.
“you were supposed to live your life with lily and harry, james!”
he was shouting now.
“i did the right thing?” he whined, his voice trembling.
”i— i know, love,” james was quiet, he didn’t want to startle him even more. “and— and i am so proud of you.”
“james,” regulus cried, tears fell from his face. “i— i banned myself from looking at you from up here—“
james sighed, “reg—“
“no, james.” he started, “it hurt me so much to see that you had moved on— but, it also made me so happy,”
he was smiling through the tears now. “it made me happy that you had harry. that you allowed yourself to move on,”
james was crying now, “and for that, i am so fucking proud of you.”
“yeah?”
“yes, my love.”
james moved closer to regulus, his finger tips brushing the younger boys skin, it felt like electricity, like every touch charged him.
”oh merlin i missed you,” he whispered happily, this was his dream.
“i missed you so much too, james.” regulus whispered back, like it was a secret— something that no one could know, that no one could steal. theirs.
james leant closer and their foreheads touched each others.
“i love you,” regulus sighed, like he was desperate to close the gap between them.
”i love you.”
this time, james leant forward and their lips brushed each other’s, it felt like every single nerve in his body was alive, his heart pulsing in his ears— it had been so long since he’d done this, he’d forgotten how intoxicating regulus was.
”james,” regulus muttered, desperation laced his tone.
“regulus,” james sighed back, all he needed was one little push.
he wondered who would do it first—
then regulus leant forward slightly and their lips met for the first time in years, and it was fucking magnificent.
their lips moved against each other’s slowly, their kiss becoming more and more deeper as they continued.
soon, regulus was wrapping his arms around james neck, pulling him closer than ever.
james hands were rested comfortably on his waist, holding him closely.
their kiss became more messier, as they frantically tried to get more of each other.
soon, james pulled back for air, and regulus held on tighter. “please don’t leave me,” he whimpered into james neck.
james felt his heart flutter.
“i promise,” he began, lifting regulus’ chin slightly to meet james’ big, brown eyes, “i am never going to leave you again.”
regulus pulled him back in for a kiss.
“i love you like oxygen,” james whispered, he felt regulus smirk against his lips.
“james that was the cheesiest thing i’ve ever heard you say.”
james’ mouth dropped in shock. “how dare you,” he was offended slightly, “my love language is not cheesy—”
“it is.” regulus cut him off with a small chuckle.
james gasped, “it is not!” regulus was smiling so hard right now, james wish he could take a picture.
“i’ll have you know, my love language is apparently my best quality.”
regulus knew damn well that it was— james was ridiculously good at comforting people, and only asked for friendship or some stupid thing in return.
“have you been watching me from up here?” james asked, he wondered if he could watch harry, or lily, sirius or remus.
“well—“ regulus cut himself off, and let out a breath before beginning again. “well i did watch you in the beginning,”
james winced, he remembered his reaction to regulus’ death, he was manic for a while after that.
he became reckless, refused to take his meds, and when he was on his own, he felt physically and mentally drained.
and after he became less manic, he fell into a deep depression, he would stay in bed for days on end, refusing to get up.
it must have been awful for regulus to watch.
“i saw what you went through— after my death.” regulus sighed, his head dropping down so his eyes faced the floor.
“i—“ james began, he closed his eyes tight before continuing. “i was manic for a while,”
“i didn’t know what was up and what was down; all i knew was that you were dead, and it felt like a part of me was missing.”
he felt regulus shake beneath him.
“i was empty, for a long time.”
images of him on that day flashed through his mind, and he sucked a breath in.
“but i feel whole again,” he smiled, “now that i’m with you.”
james felt hot tears on his arms, he felt regulus’ hands tracing the scars on his arms.
”reg?” james said, he felt the soft touch of regulus’ hands and he felt calm
regulus lifted his head up, bringing james’ arm to his mouth.
he kissed the scars that littered his arms, making james shake beneath him.
“you don’t deserve any of this, james.” he began, “you deserve to be with your family, with harry, lily, remus, si— sirius—“
james cut him off. “and you.”
hot tears fell down regulus’ face, “me?”
“yes you idiot,” james laughed, “your my family too, and i love you so fucking much— sometimes i think it’s going to swallow me whole,”
regulus snorted out a laugh at james’ cheesy words again.
he loved it secretly.
“come with me, reg,” james asked, “come be with your family.”
regulus felt his heart flutter.
a family.
“…okay.”
james smiled and grabbed regulus’ hand, pulling him out of the meadow and into the distance.
—
lily looked as beautiful as the day james saw her, she was smiling, looking around at the people that surrounded her.
but james was not expecting to see her. she was not supposed to be here.
“lily?”
she turned and their eyes met.
“james,” she walked over to james, regulus at his side.
“what— why— harry?” he whispered, words falling out his mouth.
“he’s okay, james i promise,“ lily sighed, she saved him.
“but you were supposed to look after him?” he asked, his voice shaking now.
”i— i know,” her voice cracked.
he pulled her into a hug. “i saved him with our love.”
james felt his heart chip a little.
“thank you, lils.”
she smiled into his shoulder. “i’m not mad, by the way,”
james felt relief rush through him. he kissed lily’s forehead and whispered into her ear, “thank you.”
she let out a small laugh. “go,” she paused for a second, pulling back to see james’ face. “he waits for you.”
regulus was stood behind them, looking away.
james smiled at lily one last time before pulling away to meet with regulus again.
he walked to him, connecting their hands.
“c’mon reg,” regulus looked up at james, hope filling his eyes.
“let’s go meet our family.”
—
marlene and dorcas were first, james hadn’t been able to say goodbye to his best friend, he missed her.
when james saw her laughing with dorcas, his heart felt fuller.
“alright mckinnon?”
marlene whipped her head towards james, her smile becoming wider than it already was.
“potter!” she yelled as she jumped up from her chair. marlene ran over, flinging herself at him.
”oh merlin i missed you!!” she sang, her voice full of happiness.
“i missed you too marls!!”
they laughed and she kissed his head fiercely.
“come!! effie and monty are waiting for you two.”
james turned to regulus, he looked visibly shocked. he definitely had not been expecting to have been welcomed to the family so quickly.
“well, let’s go then!”
james grabbed regulus’ hand again and they walked into the house in front of them; it was the potter manor, but smaller.
—
euphemia potter had not expected to see her son here so soon. she hoped he would live a long, long life; full of happiness and joy. but when she saw her boy walk through the door, she couldn’t help herself.
“james?” she whispered, her voice shook; full of emotion. “w-what are you doing here, sweetheart?”
“maa,” james began, he knew she’d not expected him so soon. “मां मुझे माफ कर दो,” his voice cracked and he looked at his mother.
“i tried to save him, maa,”
“oh प्रिय,” euphemia understood how broken james must’ve felt, he wouldn’t be there for his son.
when she saw tears fill his eyes, she put her tea-towel down and moved towards him, opening her arms for james to fall into. she held him for as long as he needed, gently rubbing his back as to sooth him.
“i missed you, mama,” he cried against her, the days after hers and montys death were excruciatingly painful for james, he lost the two people who he loved most in the world, who held him when he was sad, who loved him unconditionally.
effie smiled against him, pulling away to beckon his father. “monty! someone’s here to see you.”
her voice rang through the air, a voice coming not soon after.
“who is it effie?” he questioned, coming down the creaky stairs.
“hello papa,” james sniffled, turning his full attention to fleamont.
“james?” fleamont asked, he was very clearly not expecting him and looked like he was going to panic.
“calm down, love,” effie hushed him, moving forward; pulling james with her.
“my boy,” fleamont sighed, “your here?”
“yes papa.” james answered, his heart was beginning to feel fuller already.
“i’m so proud of you, james.” his father grunted, holding back tears.
“thanks dad,” he laughed, he was home again.
—
days passed like nothing after that, regulus and james loved everyday of it.
when they had both gotten the courage to look at sirius, they both cried. cried until their eyes became puffy.
“he’ll be okay, reg,” james sighed, “he and remus will be together again.”
regulus looked up at james.
“i think i believe you.”
james laughed and pulled regulus closer, they moved away from sirius and remus; looking at each other.
“i really love you, you know that right?” james muttered, the words falling from his lips so fast.
regulus smiled, leaning closer to james. “and i you.”
—
regulus found himself in a rather peculiar situation. he was waiting outside a door, looking inside the crack to see james, lily, marlene, dorcas and monty sitting on a table.
james had invited him, obviously, but it didn’t feel right for him to be there.
“are you going in hun?” euphemia potter asked, she was holding a plate of potatoes.
regulus thought for a moment.
he deserved this.
he wanted james.
he wanted a family.
and he had one.
all he needed was one last push.
“your always welcome here, regulus.” euphemia smiled, her voice soothing.
“thank you effie.”
he was always welcome here.
always.
he loves james more than life,
and he’ll spend every day of this with the love of his short life.
with family.
at home.
he walked through the door.