Cries of deserted birds.

31st October 1969

“Give it to me Sirius–” she shoved him away, trying to grab the witch hat from him. He almost got away with it if he hadn't run into her sister who was wearing a matching silk dress.

“HA got it,” she said as she snatched it from his hands, and threw it over Sirius' head to her sister.

Sirius frowned, “it's not fair, why does Bella get one? It doesn't even fit over her massive curls.”

The blonde, his cousin Narcissa giggled when she realised how it might be true, and the curly-haired girl tried to put it on and pushed her curls under the pointed hat.

And when Sirius laughed along with his cousin, the witch with the dark curls and a dark look also known as Bellatrix cursed while nearing him.

“Don't be so sour Trixey, he´s just 9.” Sirius's favourite girl arrived with her costume on. Her dark brown hair reached her lower back, and it was curly at the ends. Unlike her older sister's big curls, and her younger´s straight, Andromeda's hair was a mix of both, and it suited her.

“Im ten in three days!”

“This is not a normal child, this one is a scallywag, pure evil, imagine what he´s going to be like at Hogwarts, he´ll fuckin ruin Slytherin´s reputation,” Bellatrix told them, as she was extremely proud and protective of her house.

Andromeda rolled her eyes, as she wrapped her arms around Sirius, “Pffft, this darling?” she hugged him closely, and Sirius could smell the stink of smoke on her. He hated the smell, but he didnt mind it since it was her loving embrace and not the harshness of his father.

Sirius stuck up two fingers at Bellatrix, and in reaction she gasped, her dark eyes went wide. “Who the fuck taught him that?”

Sirius turned around to look at his guilty cousin, but Andy had a neutral expression, but when she saw him Andromeda lowered down to him and held a finger to her mouth. Sirius nodded seriously.

And Bellatrix never got an answer, cause right then a small seven-year-old Regulus walked into the room, as shyly as ever. His brother was wearing a weird parody of a Wizard costume, with a long grey beard, he looked ridiculously cute.

“Look, Siri!” he ran over to his brother holding what Sirius assumed was said costume. His big blue eyes still shined despite everything.

“Oh my god, look how adorable he is, imagine the both of them in that!” Narcissa said looking at Regulus who handed Sirius the costume.
“You´re literally twelve Issa,” Sirius said while inspecting the costume he held. He had always called her Issa, for as long as he remembered, Andy said it was since he didnt know how to say her name when he was younger it just stuck around.

The costume looked horrid, it was more amusing than pretty, it wasnt like his cousins' dresses. It was a robe but with bright stars, and an odd little hat. While the girls dressed were long and elegant, in a very dark black colour.

“Well, which one of us goes to Hogwarts hm?” she said quirking a brow up at him.

“Just wait two years when I join you, im going to be the best student since Merlin,” he said as he put on the robe, it was too big for him, but he was going to make it work.

He couldn't make it work.

Regulus probably picked up on that as he grabbed the two ties that were supposed to go around his waist. “

“You could be..” Issa began. “But you gotta work hard Sirius, it's not easy,” she continued.

“Yeah yeah, I don't need hard work, ´m pretty brilliant— oww Reggie!” he called out as Reggie tightened the ties too tight.

“Serves you right arrogant toad,” Regulus mumbled as the three girls howled with laughter.

Sirius did not find it funny.

“Honestly I blame you lot for Reggie's new attitude,” Sirius mumbled squinting his eyes at the three of them.

His brother looked shyly at his feet, not realising what he´d just said. But he smiled a wicked little smile, so Sirius couldn't be mad at him.

“Don't be sore he´s finally got some backbone our little regulus,” Bellatrix said as she grinned, her white teeth on display.

“Backbone sure, but I've got a question... About Hogwarts,” Sirius spoke in an asking tone looking at his elder cousins who looked all curious.

“Ask away love,” Andy said as she smiled her lovely smile, her eyelids were coal-black, and it made Sirius think she might have put actual coal on them to make them look that way, not that it looked bad.

“Well is it hard to get friends? Like real friends?” he asked the question which had bothered him for a long while. As much as he loved Regulus, he was his brother, and he wondered how nice it would be to have friends that he wouldn't be related to, and who might understand him more.

“Not at all! You can become friends with the ones in your house or others from other houses..” Andromeda told enthusiastically, and Bellatrix scoffed at her.

“As long as they aren´t Gryffindors,” Issa added.

“Aren't you friends with that Alice?” Bellatrix asked, eyeing her sister.

Andromeda began laughing at her sister's hypocrisy.

“No, we aren't friends, just acquaintances,” Narcissa said bitterly which made the other girls giggle.

“What about you Bella and that odd Margarita girl?” Andromeda dared.

“Uh she´s a Ravenclaw and that's a lot better than Gryffindors, and she´s not even that odd, just– special.” Bellatrix defended herself talking through gritted teeth, anyone who didnt know her would think she was angry or aggressive but that was just Bellatrix, she´d always been that way.

“Suppose so,” Narcissa answered. “Back to Sirius´ question. I honestly think the best is to befriend the people you share a dorm with–”

“Did you hear that Reggie?! We can share a room!” he turned to his brother who beamed as much as Sirius did. The thought of being able to share a room with anyone seemed

“It doesn't work like that smart thing,” Bellatrix interrupted their happiness with her stone-cold fact, “you can only share with people in your year.”

“Oh yeah? Then we´ll say regs a year older.” he tried nudging his brother who smiled along.

“Don't think Maman would permit that,” Regulus mumbled holding around his brother's arms.

“Well, she´s a bad person anyway, so it does not matter what she allows or not.”

“SIRIUS! You can not call her that, what if she hears you,” the boy worried more over his brother than he did about Sirius's rudeness. He worried about whatever punishment he could get for bad-mouthing his own mother.

He shrugged his shoulders, “it is not like she can hear us from here.”

“Such a rebel aren't you?” Bellatrix said as she ruffled his hair, it was growing quite nicely now, it almost reached down to his ears. Sirius looked up at the tall witch, she had managed to get the hat on, and she did look rather good.

They all did. It was in their genes Sirius had been told so by everyone around him since the day he had been born. Like he was a wellbred horse for competition, or was it for show? Sirius wasnt sure yet, but he figured out he´d know when he was older and wiser.

“It's not a bad thing to rebel, as long as you know your limits,” Andromeda whispered the rest in his ear before she walked away.

The hallway had some mirrors that were occupied by both Andromeda and Narcissa who tried to fix their hair. Sirius felt the urge to try and push himself there to do the same, but he did not.

“Oh and if you don't like them, the roommates, you could always hang with us,” Issa said, turning to Sirius to give him a small smile.

“Yeah maybe…” as much as he looked up to his cousins, he didnt really want to spend another seven years around them. Cause Sirius wanted to meet his own people.

“And if anyone dares to fuck with you, just flash them your last name!” Bella shouted out.

“Is that mothers?” Andy asked eyeing the extremely tall shoes in Bellatrix's hands.

“Might have stolen them from her yeah,” Bellatrix smiled manically holding the shoes close to her.

“How are you even going to walk in them?” Sirius asked genuinely curious about how one would be able to, even though they looked properly cool, he questioned how one would be able to balance their entire self on the thin heels.

“I would not worry about that little Sirius…” she said nonchalantly, brushing him off, he was attempting to snatch the shoes from her, apparently she learned her lesson.

“Qu'est-ce qui se passe!?” they heard a dark voice shout down the hall coming closer.

Bellatrix threw the shoes away.

Narcissa straightened her posture.

Andromeda hid her hat behind her back.

Sirius pushed Regulus behind his back as he held him there, not letting go off him.

Regulus looked down, too scared to look up.

“Children, are we all ready now?” their favourite uncle had appeared in the door frame.

Sirius felt relieved, and his shoulders sunk down. “Oh it is only you Uncle Al, We thought it might have been someone scary, like uncle Cygnus.”

His brown hair was slicked back, and Alphard's blue eyes had a dark red line underneath.

Alphard quirked a brow, as he gave his nephew a questioning look, “you don't think I am scary?” Sirius shook his head.

And when his uncle had that playful look in his eyes, Sirius felt like the world was conquerable. That brave boys, cool cousins and nice uncles were the true winners of life.

“What about now?” their uncle barred his teeth, except they weren't his usually straight ones, they were replaced by a pair of fangs.

Sirius squealed, laughing while running over to Andy to get away, she grabbed him laughing along, and he stole a quick glance in the mirror beside them. Sirius looked happy.

Regulus tilted his head a tad, not moving from where he stood. “You´re teeth look dreadful uncle Alphard.”

Alphard chuckled.

“They are obviously fake. Don't even look close to the real thing, real vampire teeth are much sharper and have and have a metallic odour,” Bellatrix explained.

“Oh and how do you know ma chère nièce?” Alphard asked.

“Yeah Bella, how would you know such an odd thing?” Andy egged on, which made Bellatrix send her a look over her shoulder.

“Uh, I and Rita stumbled across one once,” She told with a small smirk, looking proudly over at them.

“No, you didnt,” Sirius scoffed not believing that his cousin had met a real-life vampire. All mythical creatures seemed so far and unreal, even to a young wizard like Sirius. He had never met one. Imagine just seeing one. A vampire, a siren or maybe even a Werewolf.

“Yes, I did! Je jure!” she insisted as she stomped her foot to the ground.

“I believe you Bella, and I want to know all about your adventure later,” Alphard said, “but now, we´ve got another Adventure waiting on us.”

“What adventure uncle Alphard?” Andy asked, in a soft manner.

“Mes sorciers et sorcières, have you ever heard of the phenomenon called Halloween?” he asked them.

“Of course we have, they do a whole thing about it at Hogwarts,” she answered.

“They still do that?” Alphard asked, looking at his three nieces who nodded eagerly. “Well, how do we feel about trick or treating in our new costumes?” Alphard asked wiggling his brows.

“Trick or what?” Bellatrix looked sceptical of her uncles' idea.

But he didnt look any less unsure, “it's a tradition among people, they knock on houses and ask for sweets,” he explained, and both Regulus and Sirius beamed with joy.

“Sweets! Do we get sweets?” Sirius asked enthusiastically. Which Alphard nodded to.

“Sounds like a mud blood thing,” Bellatrix mumbled just loud enough for them to hear.

“Bella! You can't say that!” Narcissa frowned at her older sister.

“Whatever..” Bellatrix said in an annoyed manner before she took off her hat. “I bet this bloody costume is theirs too.”

Alphard remained calm despite her insults, he was probably used to similar behaviour from his brother and sister. “I got them from the shop down the streets, from a man named Kenny, a muggle indeed.”

Bellatrix scoffed.

“But tell me, what do you see in your costume?” he continued, asking Bella a question she found idiotic apparently. Since her facial expression shifted to distant.

“I see a horrible parody of a witch, we don't wear cheap hats like these, and look at the boy´s beards, the only wizard with a beard like that is Dumblebore,” she told with an unimpressed look.

Dumblebore?

“Exactly my dear, they take the piss out of us, so why don't we do the same hm?” he encouraged, “and if they don't give us candy, we´ll do a little “trick”, the magic way,” Uncle Alphard said, and Sirius cheered which earned him a laugh from Andy and Reggie. Bellatrix tried to hide a smile.

Issa looked worried, “but what about Papa and Maman, they won't allow us?”

“Well, they simply won't know about this,” Alphard said as he put on a pair of leather gloves.

“Yeah Cissy, they won't know, and it´ll be fun poking fun off mud– muggles,” the curly-haired witch said, and corrected her self.

Andromeda looked surprised, “So you´re in?”

“Well yeah, can't let you lot, have all the fun,” she poked her tongue at Andy, as she put on her hat back on.

***

London was huge. Who would have thought that all that had been surrounding him all along? Sirius had seen an entirely new world that night, he´d seen other small children dressed up as the most ridiculous things, and he had laughed at them with Reggie all night. Even his older cousins had fun, Sirius swore he´d seen Bella shriek at the decor of one of the houses they passed.

They got a lot of candy too, muggle candy of course, but nonetheless, it tasted good. His favourite had been the curly wurly. Regulus adored the love hearts, which had small words or phrases on them, (how brilliant!).

Alphard had shown them all small tricks and pranks when the children had been refused candy. Only harmless ones to scare them a little bit he´d said, but they all heard when the man inside the grey flat screamed because of the little skeleton he´d given life too. Alphard had shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something along the lines of he had it coming.

“Im totally going to use that last one in school,” Bellatrix said as she played with her dress, spinning around. “Oh and Oncle Alphard, I know a proper good teeth modification thing, if you want a more realistic look next year,” she turned to him.

“Next year? I take it you had fun?” he challenged her as she rolled her eyes.

“Alright I did, so what? Muggles might have some things going on for them.” she mumbled and her uncle looked a bit proud.

“BELLLAAA!” Narcissa shouted, giggling, as she dragged her sister to look into her candy bag.

They were walking back to their house by Claremont square, and they had just passed a pub with oddly looking, drunk people. Sirius sort of looked down at how dumb grownups got when they drank. He´d never end up like that.

“What are we thinking of boys?” Alphard asked, slowing down to walk with the two brothers.

Sirius stopped himself from speaking, giving Regulus the chance to speak, and when he only looked up at him without talking Sirius did.

“Best night of my life! I didnt know London was this big uncle Al!”

“And this is only Islington, just wait till I take you children to Camden, or maybe even Soho,”

“Soho,” Regulus repeated only loud enough for Sirius to hear, he did a lot.

“You like making nicknames Sirus?” he looked down on the shorter boy.

Sirius smiled, up at him. He looked so cool, even in the dark his uncle was one of the coolest-looking adults Sirius knew of. “Yeah, I think im pretty good at it too.”

“You are a very clever one indeed. Do you want to know what I used to call your mother?”

This time it was Regulus who answered, he had apparently found his voice again, and jumped up. “What did you call her?”

The sudden engagement from Reggie made Alphard chuckle, “I used to call her Burgy.”

“No way Burgy? That sounds ridiculous,” Sirius laughed out loud. “Im definitely going to use that one.”

“I did really, she hated it, which made me only want to call her it more often, sibling rivalry am I right?” he nodded to the pair.

But Sirius merely snorted, “pfft not me and Reggie no, we are as thick as thieves,” he said as he held around his brother's arm.

Both walking synchronising down the street.

Uncle Alphard took the sight in for a minute before he answered, “Alright maybe not all siblings.”

Their good mood was ruined when they arrived back at Grimmaulds place, the hall that had been empty hours before, wasnt now, the scariest sight of their entire night met them in there.

Walburga Black stood there in a beautiful dress, a lot more beautiful than she deserved. She stood there her arms crossed and her face neutral to anyone who hadn't pleasure to call her mother.

Her presence made him automatically feel forced, and sad. And Regulus who started breathing faster on Sirius's side felt it too.

“Girls, your father is highly disappointed. He waits for you at home. The floo network in room twentythree now.” she demanded, staring them down to the wooden floor.

The three girls didnt dare to talk or even say anything against the thin witch's wishes, and they all three walked with their heads down to the room.

Andromeda whispered a low thank you to her uncle, giving him a small smile before she walked behind her sisters. Of course, it didnt go unnoticed as her aunt scowled at her.

“Sirius you broken heir of a son, what are you thinking? Dragging your incompetent brother along to these vile beliefs?” his mother asked, with a calm tone, despite her words being cruel. He felt so small. But he felt a big warm hand on his shoulder, Alphard.

“He is not incompetent,” Sirius defended.

She scoffed, “Incompetent enough to not even defend himself, look at him shaking like a damn invalid, that is not a son of mine—”

“You think they want to be yours, Burgy?” Uncle Alphard interrupted as calmly as her, except her eyes widened as if she just realised, and the nickname couldn't have been good either. “putain, even I wouldnt want to be yours,

Sirius felt the sound of laughs come out of his mouth, laughing like children.

She shrieked, whatever calm demeanour she had tried to maintain earlier all gone, “You! Enculé de ta mere!” she cursed, as her voice was probably heard all over the city, at least the Parts Sirius had seen.

“Sirius and Regulus, you filthy children, get up to your rooms, immediately!” her gaze darted to them in fury.

Regulus looked down as he began. He hurried up the stairs, he didnt look behind him but Sirius's eyes followed him all the way up.

Except for his body didnt. Sirius froze, not able to move.

His uncle Alphard put a hand on his shoulder, and Sirius turned around to face him. The older man gave his nephew a warm smile. It didnt have a double meaning or a cruel way to it.

A simple gesture that made him feel hopeful, especially as he whispered carefully.
“Numquam mutant cari,” they never change dear, it was Latin. A language his mother had never learned, but that everyone else in their family knew.

Sirius was about to answer when his mother interrupted. “Sirius! Get out now.” She looked down at him, her eyes were wide and grey.

And this time he actually did, Sirius walked with heavy steps to the old wooden stairs.

When he reached the top of them and he was out of sight, he bent down a bit to be able to see them.

Sirius was sneaky, idiotic and foolish, but that didnt mean he wasnt stupidly brave as well. He felt a burden over anyone who had to witness his mother's wrath. Also the dark-haired nine-year-old felt a pang of guilt over him, that it was his fault that their uncle had ended up in that position. Which it sort of was anyway.

“I cannot believe it Alphard, what is it you're doing with my children,” Sirius heard his mother say.

“Im giving them the opportunity to be children Walburga, simply because you and Cygnus neglect them.”

Walburga gasped, “How dare you? They are not normal children.I've given them everything, everything children of our ancient house need.”

Sirius knew his mother had muttered something in french at the end but he didnt get what.

A loud silence hung in the air, Sirius could make out a small grimace on his uncles face, a bit of disappointment, Sirius knew that look very well.

“I never expected you to have children Burgy, Cygnus maybe, but never did i think you´d be a mother,” he spoke slowly, with a little edge to his tone. “

His mother rolled her eyes, “I never expected you to turn into a pède,”

“Se taire, j'en ai rien à cirer. I wouldn't be the one to talk if my children were scared of me,” Sirius almost gasped, but then he remembered what position he was in. So he bit his tongue.

“Exactly, they are mine, my children, so keep your filthy hands away from my heir,” not son, but heir. She said it bitterly, still not looking as feral as she a few minutes ago.

Alphard usually a calm uncle looked aggravated with her statement. So it hadn't only been Sirius who found her words hurtful.

“I simply took them out for this one night, let them see the city they have missed their entire life, and we had fun, they smiled Burgy, did you not see their smiles?”

“Do you not want to give them the life we didnt have?”

Walburga stepped closer to him, and her icy grey eyes burned him down. “No, you did not only take them out, but you also exposed them to disgusting muggle culture, they are purebloods under our noble name, I do not allow this despicable behaviour.” She lectured him like a child, but unlike Regulus and Sirius, their uncle did not look small under her.

“Your pureblood name is merely history of inbreeding for the sake of beauty and title, both will fade in the end.” not a single stutter in his voice, wow, was that what it was like to mature?

“It's my duty and privilege, it used to be yours before you got tainted and all tapette–” queer, Sirius knew that one. “It's my sons´ duty to follow, to obey, to uphold it Toujours pur,” Walburga voiced.

The black-haired man stood there, his back straight. “You can't control them forever Walburga, there will come a day when they will be able to fly away, and when they can, they definitely will do it.”

And that's when she lost it.

Sound of glass breaking, and grey eyes turned red.
“I let you in my house! With this noble family! Despite your filthy tendencies!” The thin woman looked angry, she was screaming. It was always scary to see her shift from emotions as quickly as she did.

Alphard quirked a brow up, not surprised by her sudden fit, he even looked sort of bored.

“Do you know what the rest of society said about you? The scandals you made, mother wanted to curse you to death, now I see she should have!” the words spilt out of her as she grabbed her wand.

But so did Alphard.

“As if she didnt want to curse yourself with the number of disappointments you delivered.” He delivered the sentence as if it was words of affection.

Sirius felt frightened that this would be his future.

“AGH! You´re unnatural! A blood traitor! Pede!” she screamed out insult after insult attempting to hit him with wordless curses.

But missing every single shot, cause Sirius' uncle was a brilliant wizard.

They moved further and further away, and they were by the entrance. Sirius couldn't see them properly so he moved closer.

“MERDE!”

Sirius saw his uncle limping up from the floor, his leg was drenched in blood.

“T'es un salaud! Out of my house, I never want to see your polluted face around my noble house again!” She was screaming while shoving him out.

“I will not let you continue to abuse these children, you cruel witch!” He shouted back despite clearly being in intolerable pain.

“Too bad you don't have a choice my dearest brother,” she grinned maliciously, her eyes all wide, and her voice hoarse. “Im banning you.”

“Just wait Walburga, when Sirius and Regulus are older they will run, your cousin of a husband will be dead by then with his tendencies,” Alphard promised, he looked terrible, and Sirius just wanted to run over to him and help.

“You will be alone Sister, no one will care for you, you will have no one, and it will be only you in this noble house and your great name.” He continued his words, clearly mocking Sirius mother.

Walburga shrieked as she waved her hands, and the door closed in the face of her brother. She muttered a spell in french, and just like that Alphard Black was gone. That had been the last time Sirius saw him.

And the young nine but almost ten-year-old was very shaken, so he stood still, in the spot where Walburgas eyes darted to next.

And her grey eyes squinted.

“Sirius Black!” She shrieked.

He just stood there.

“Sirius!” His mother cried out.

It wasnt his fault.

“Sirius!” Walburga yelled again.

Was he dead?

“Padfoot?”

Sirius opened his eyes which had apparently been closed and saw a face looking down at him. Grey eyes turned brown, dark brown. James.

He felt a bit dizzy and warm, his arms felt sore.

“Are you alright Sirius?” Remus asked, his voice a bit away Sirius tried to get up a bit to find his face, he was bent over, trying to tie his shoes.

“Yeah, just had a nightmare,” he said which was partly true.

“Must´ve been a very vivid one, you were moving like crazy,” Peter acknowledged.

“Mmm, what day is it? Why are you all dressed?”

“Mate, how long did you sleep for, it's your bloody birthday?”

“AH yes I knew that of course, I was just testing you.” he chuckled getting up out of his bed.

Of course, it was his birthday, and he remembered it now. Sirius had passed out in his bed after the usual Sunday breakfast.

Yesterday night some Gryffindors had arranged a costume competition which involved drinks and games, combined together. Sirius had won drunkest pirate.

The next day most of the Gryffindors involved had not shown up to breakfast, but they did also not have James as their roommate, after waking Sirius up with the most horrible version of the Beatles' Birthday song.

Unfortunately, since Sirius got as bladdered as he did, he woke up with a banging head, and a terrible hangover. James who never got hungover forced the Marauders down to celebrate Sirius with a birthday breakfast.

Sirius had eaten more than he had in months, and he ended up sneaking away to go to sleep.

The truth was he never really liked his birthday.

He didnt even want a party, not after yesterday. All he wanted was to sleep this entire day off till tomorrow when he would be sixteen without the need to scream it.

“Hey, aren't you getting ready Pads?” James asked before he grabbed a sock from the floor and threw it at him.

“Why do you keep throwing things at me— and getting ready for what?” he threw it right back, only missing with a couple of cms.

The three boys smiled to each other.

“Are you having a laugh? Don't tell me you´ve gone and done something stupid?” he rubbed his face since it felt too warm, trying his best not to crash into something. He still felt rough as fuck.

“It was an idea Remus had—”

“Moony had an idea? That hasn't happened in ages..” he muttered, as he glanced at the tall brown-haired boy.

“We get that you are hungover mate, and so am I, but you really don't want to miss this,” Remus promised with a deep hoarse voice, he looked like death itself, though it suited him oddly enough.

“Yeah alright, so what's the great idea?” he agreed despite his mood. He was also sort of curious about what his friends had planned.

“You know of spirits right?” James asked.

“Yeah everybody does, what are you planning on hunting them?” Sirius answered back, he was joking of course, since well, one can't really kill the dead.

Remus rolled his eyes, “No idiot, so according to Hogwarts: a history—”

“It's always a bloody book,” Sirius interrupted.
Remus put a hand on the bedpost. He was wearing all black. So did the other two boys, but it looked a bit different on Moony.

Maybe because he never really wore black.

“Uh anyway, what's this about then? Why all the black?” Sirius asked once again.

“It was what I was about to say before your stupid arse interrupted me.” Remus stared him down.

“Hey, you can't be rude to me on my day moony!” Sirius challenged back, crossing his arms to make more of a point.

“Eh weren't you the one to literally set Remus' trousers on fire his last birthday?” Peter interrupted, and Sirius was once again reminded that the two others were in the room.

“HA that was fun, I love it when you do mental magic like that Padfoot!” James exclaimed smiling from ear to ear.

“You only like it cus you´re mental yourself,” Sirius murmured loud enough for James to hear.

“Wow didnt know sixteen did that to a lad,” the curly-haired boy joked, nudging Peter beside him.

“You know im only like this cus of yesterday, i think i might kill myself you know, stay young and beautiful forever.” He grasped the words as they fell to his mind, it didnt feel like a terrible thought, maybe a bit sad, but not the worst idea he´d had.

“Alright just shut up for a minute you wanker— yeah im talking to you Sirius, don't give me that look. Will you listen if I tell you now?” Remus looked a bit fallen and Sirius felt bad, he didnt have to be such a cunt to his friends who were this nice.

“Yeah yeah alright, go ´head ´n tell moons,” he put his hair in a bun and collapsed onto the nearest chair.

Remus almost smiled. Almost.

“So Spirits right? They can be seen if they want to be seen. And well Merlin, he is not really a ghost, but there have been loads of people who´ve managed to wake the dead, and meet their spirits, yeah?”

“mhm, you plan on waking him up from his deadly sleep and pull him for a chat how exactly?” Sirius questioned this insane, but intriguing idea.

“Well from my bloody book, I found a little ceremony that can be done under a new moon, it's supposed to evoke him,” Remus informed them.

“It sounds mental, but I'm all for mental,” Sirius finally said and the others cheered in response.

“Fucking great, knew you´d like it, you little nutter!” James said as he threw over a black jumper to Sirius.

They had bad time so he had to hurry.

He didnt even have time to do his hair, but they were supposed to be in the forest anyway so it wasnt like anyone was supposed to see him.

He ran down the stairs as the marauders waited for him. Sirius felt a burst of energy that he hadn't had in a while, it was as if something changed as quickly as a second. But he didnt have time to Acknowledge that.

All three of them had used to fit under Prong's invisible cloak, but as the years went by they didnt anymore. So James used the cloak to stay invisible, Moony used his prefect badget that he could flash at anyone in case someone saw him, and Peter and Sirius changed into their Animagus form.

They agreed to meet by the entrance of the forest.

Since Sirius was much faster as a dog, he was there before them, followed quickly by Peter.

“Shit lads, I almost got caught by the armours,” James said when he finally came. He had a scent of sweat about him. Sirius hated that he could smell that, even as a human he could.

“How did you manage that?” Remus had asked, he looked exhausted and out of breath, for someone as strong as him he really was in bad shape.

“My cloak, it got stuck in one of the swords of the knights, and Filch was right by. I surprisingly did some quick thinking and threw the sword as far as i could. He ran after it. Have you lot seen the way the man runs? It's bleedin´ hilarious.” James laughed at the picture he had imagined in his head.

“Brilliant Prongs, we´d run back for you if not,” Sirius insisted.

“You loyal bastard!” the glass-wearing boy slung an arm around Sirus' shoulder while smiling a toothy smile.

Sirius hadn't got anything from his family. Not a single post. Regulus hadnt even said anything. Nothing. But James' mother, Euphemia had sent a letter along with a box full of chocolates and a maroon Gryffindor jumper. Even James´ father, Fleamont, had sent a gift, a brand-new denim jacket with fur on the inside.

That had to mean family. It was remembering silly things like birthdays and such.

“Let's get into it then!” Sirius clapped his hands together as he hurried into the forest.

“Wait Sirius, we have to go together!”

“Catch up then you wuss!” he ran while laughing, hearing the other boys try to catch up with him. Sirius was the fastest among the three, so it really was no competition.

But when he was deep into the woods and he had stopped hearing the other Marauders, and could barely see anything because of the dark, he stopped.

Sirius looked at his surroundings. Tall dark threes. They were barely standing. Almost hoovering above Sirius small self. The smell of natural magic filled Sirius, it had always been different here than everywhere else in the wizarding world. The forest smelt of whatever real meant, it smelled almost like—

“Padfoot you bloody wanker!” James sneaked up behind Sirius shouting loud enough.

“There you are, I thought you quidditch fanatics were supposed to be sporty?” Sirius joked poking his tongue out, not that he thought James could see him in this darkness.

“Uh, I am? But I´ve got muscle you see? It's hard dragging all this along with me,” James defended, apparently taking it to heart.

Sirius laughed out loud, his laugh being the only hearable thing in this dark forest.

“You sure it's muscle?” Sirius questioned, joking of course, since James looked about perfect.

“You little wanker, get here!” James leapt after Sirius, who squeezed away. He couldn't exactly see Prongs, but he could feel his movements and that way he managed.

They laughed, both of them trying to get the other one.

Sirius felt like a little child again, he didnt feel sixteen and grown up.

“Uhhh? Are we good lads?” Peter and Remus appeared there, with a lightened wand in both their hands.

“Bloody fantastic yeah!” Sirius said before James got the chance.

“Padfoot called me fat!” James erupted out loud holding both hands on his hips, pouting.

Remus and Peter glanced quickly at each other before Peter fell into a pit of laughter. A deep laugh.

The taller of two smiled, a very wise smile, or at least he tried to. But Moony couldn't help it when he once again looked at James' face and saw that expressive look that always made him laugh. His teeth showed they were sharp but unique, and Sirius knew he was insecure about them. He had noticed that the same year they met, whenever he would smile or laugh, he would cover his teeth with his hand. But Remus did not do that now. He laughed with his entire smile on display. Did anyone else notice? Sirius looked around him to see if any of his friends had noticed. They hadn't.

“Calm down James, Sirius over here is just jealous,” Remus said, still laughing, how did no one else notice?

“Pffft he wishes, I´ve got a beautiful build,” Sirius defended looking at Remus. Remus looked at him as well.

“Says who?” It was dark, but the light in Remus's wand made him able to see Moony´s intense brown eyes. It was odd how Sirius felt.

“Says your mum,” he said instead, it felt easier. Funnier.

Remus rolled his eyes, turning away from Sirius. It felt so weird how moments got ripped away so fast. “God that's childish Sirius.”

“Are we settling for here then?” James asked, already putting down his bag.

“Yeah, I think this place will manage.” Remus decided, and he sat down on a big stone. He always looked better when there was no moon in the sky, which was a sad thing, cause the moon was beautiful. Sirius wished Remus could see it the same way he did. “Catch a break can we?” Remus asked, to which the others nodded.

“If you stopped smoking you´d be unstoppable Remus,” James said sitting down beside him. The big stone did not look as big, being occupied by two teenagers. Sirius fought the urge to sit beside Remus on the other side, it would have been a bit odd if he just sat there wouldn't it?

“Stop it with this anti-smoking campaign you got going on, is surely won't work on a fag glad lad like Moony,” Sirius joked leaning on the side of the stone, by James' side instead. He felt clever over the dumb rhyme.

Sirius swore he heard Remus chuckle.

“About smoking, I´ve got weed. Anyone want?” Peter reached for his pocket searching for a second before he held two spliffs in his hand. Sirius lit up.

“You sure that's wise Pete?” Remus interrupted Sirius's happy thoughts.

Sirius scowled at the taller boy, “oh shut it Moony.”

Remus' eyes went a bit wide.

And peter smiled a ratty little smile, “Yeah shut it moooony.” He turned to Sirius, “You share with Lupin, alright?”

“I don't mind,” Sirius shrugged, grabbing the spliff that was handed to him. Peter winked at him while doing so. “Happy birthday Padfoot.” Continuing to smile weirdly while liting his own up.

Before Sirius could wonder more so about the odd mannerism of his friend, James stood up. “I´ll share with ya Pete,” he said, not asking really, Peter did not seem to mind this as he handed him it without a reaction. Remus reacted though.

“Oi weren't you the one who just gave me shit for smoking?” Remus asked, his voice much nearer than Sirius thought. He turned slightly to his side, where Sirius saw how close his friend was really sitting to him. If he leaned slightly to his side their legs would touch.

“Its Paddy's birthday, of course, I´ve gotta smoke one, also weed is not as nearly as bad for you as Tobacco is. Bet ya did not know that Moony?” James raised a brow and looked Remus up and down, but moony merely rolled his eyes at the snarky comment.

“Alright Healer Potter,” Peter joked taking a deep drag, his eyes went from Remus to Sirius and back forth for a second before he opened up his mouth again. “James, you remember that stag we saw on the way? I think he is over there by the water?” Peter said calmly.

“Really? Le´s go and greet him then mate,” Prongs ran over disappearing into the dark with his lighted-up wand to his face, only his brown eyes visible.

Peter scoffed before he ran after.

And now the both of them were sitting there on what just a moment ago had been a big stone, but now felt like a small object in the huge forest.

The deeper you went in here, the more powerful the smell got, the smell of magic, as Sirius recognised. It had the same odour as Remus's wolf had, but Sirius didnt want to say that.

“Uhm Sirius?” Remus voiced, he was leaning back, he looked drained but whole.

Sirius found his voice, “yeah?”

“The hash?” Remus' eyes went down to the spliff that rested between two of his fingers, Sirius had completely forgotten about it.

“Uh right yeah, hear,” he handed him it, their fingers brushing against each other while doing so.

Sirius cleared his throat, while his eyes rested on Remus who took a drag. “Thought this was unwise?”

“It is, incredibly idiotic, we are about to do this dangerous thing but hey let's just get high right before for the funs of it?” Remus honestly looked a bit stressed if Sirius was to be honest.

He turned to Sirius and handed him it. “But it's alright yeah? We are just children, no need to be grown up just yet, what's responsibility to a couple marauders?” he asked but not really as a question to Sirius, more like one to the world.

“Yeah,” was all Sirius knew to say, it came out more as a breath rather than a word. “We got pretty sloshed last night now didnt we?” Sirius said after another drag. He felt it going immediately to his head, faster than it did most of the time.

Remus smirked, “Correction, you did, I happen to know how to hold me liquor.”

“Oh really? What bladdered white rabbit was it I saw then, I recall he looked a whole lot like you, but that couldn't have been you could it since you know how to hold your liquor of course,” Sirius remembered a bit of yesterday. It went mostly as flashes in his head. It hadn't been a party no, not exactly, just a gathering with the best Gryffindors, oh and Evans had been there too.

Their marauder friend had ditched them and paired up with the girls for what they called a group costume, what a ridiculous idea, (Sirius had proposed the idea a couple of days earlier, but had been denied cause “who even is deep purple”).

Remus had of course tried to explain himself, said he´d lost a bet to Marlene, and that had been how he ended up as the white rabbit from Alice in wonderland. He even had bunny ears. Sirius had felt betrayed, but by the end of the night they both sang together and laughed as if they were not going to wake up the next morning with an aching head and forgotten memories.

Marlene herself was Alice, but without the traditional dress, no Marlene had gone for a proper rocker Alice, and she hadn't looked half bad. Sirius remembered the outfit very well, it was one of the things he remembered the best out of the entire night. So well it must mean he wasnt too different, Sirius wasnt like his uncle, not at all.

The two other girls who had also participated in the costume thing had been the king and queen of hearts. Sort of fitting. Mary had been the queen and Lily king, as expected they both looked fairly stunning, and both of them were together the entire night. Too much into character perhaps, but Sirius found the dedication admiring.

Both Peter and James hadn't understood a shit about their costumes, cus they were uncultured swines. But Sirius knew of the story, how couldn't he? He´d been told the story and stories alike from his years as a child by, well by Alphard.

“Shut up, what about you hm? The drunk pirate, I mean, what a stereotype,” Remus mumbled as an answer, his voice sending Sirius back to the situation and out of his head.

“And I did it gracefully,” he smiled biting on the inside of his cheek, remembering how fun it had been.

Sirius expected another joke or a comeback, just whatever Remus would usually say. A little bickering to not let them too close. “Happy birthday Sirius,” the brown-haired boy said instead.

“Thanks, but you´ve already said, this morning,” Sirius answered back looking at his friend.

Remus nodded slowly, the wand in his hand slowly extinguished, and now it was hard to make out the lines in his face, in Remus´ case the lines made a great difference. “I did, but you didnt answer,” he said, his voice deep.

Sirius did not really understand, but he could see the way it was going, but maybe he didnt mind. Maybe he wanted it. Maybe he would find whatever there was of peace in it. Or maybe he was just too high for his own good.

“Well thank you then,” Sirius answered stubbornly. Moony almost rolled his eyes, Sirius knew he wanted to at least, but he didnt.

“Is it a happy birthday?” the taller boy asked instead. For someone who didnt like touching, Remus' shoulder was very much almost touching his.

“Eh alright, im pretty hungover yeah?” Sirius wanted to lean onto him— no something, he wanted to lean onto something.

Remus was patient, “Sirius im trying to ask you if you´re alright,” and the spliff was gone, and both their hands were empty with nothing else but their words.

“Why does it matter, why do you care?” Sirius' hair was clinging to his neck despite the coldness of the forest. His hair must have fallen out of the bun while running.

This must have startled Remus cause for whatever reason he lost the ability to speak properly. “Well i— it's not— I didnt me—,” Sirius stared back at him, his blue eyes looking into the confusion that was found in Remus' brown ones.

“We are friends, friends care, James and Peter would have to if they weren't busy looking for a damn deer,” Remus said when the words finally came out right.

“A stag actually,” Sirius corrected, which made Remus groan.

“I don't like birthdays really,” Sirius admitted, he had broken the eye contact, instead he looked out into the forest, hoping for a dangerous creature to jump out and eat him.

What an absurd thought?

“You don't?” Remus tilted his head slightly. Sirius didnt look at his best mate, but he could sort of sense it, like an anticipated move, like he used to with his younger brother.

“Never done, it´s never felt worth celebrating,” he said truthfully, 'cause that was how he felt.

Sirius could feel Remus' eyes on him, not judging or staring, but maybe supposing. Was that it?

“You don't think you´re worth celebrating? Remus asked, he spoke slowly, or maybe Sirius processed the entire conversation slowly, who could tell the difference?

“Birthdays are rarely for celebrating a person, I think im celebrated every day really, when im around people like you lot,” Sirius said, not even thinking, just saying whatever he thought.

“You don't think Mary was celebrated last month?”

Sirius almost laughed, “Well of course she was, she is Mary, Im Sirius that's two entirely different things. Birthdays for people like me are painful reminders, reminders from where I come from, that this time here will end.” he paused. “For Mary, it's the same, but its different sentiments,” he hoped his words made sense. That the boy beside him could make out what Sirius meant. “Do you get me?” He turned to Moony, who he couldn't see the face of anymore.

“Yeah, I think I understand Sirius,” Remus spoke. James would have comforted him, called him amazing, and great, along with all other nice words to exist, he might have even tried to convince him otherwise.

But Remus didnt. Remus just was. And when the next words left his mouth maybe it was better.

“I get you,” he had said and Sirius could hear a warm smile in his voice, and it filled Sirius up. Such an odd thing words can do to one. Words from someone like—

“Oi, why are you lot sitting in the dark?” James sneaked up on them, his lit-up wand almost blinding them. Peter trailed behind, his eyes were proper red.

“What took so long you toads?” Sirius dodged the question. He jumped down from the stone, but before he did, Sirius noticed something. He and Remus had touched. Oddly enough through their little conversation, they had fallen into the known pattern of closening whenever they themselves did.

And Remus had not backed away.

Sirius had not either— No.

“We were searching for James' beloved stag,” Peter said while smiling slyly.

“You little rat, admit that there was no stag!” James demanded turning to Peter who was almost dying of laughter.

“I ain't admitting a lie, there was one, but he just didnt want to meet you it seems? Maybe he hid when he saw your animagus form?” Peter tried his best not to smile, but being high and himself he couldn't really.

“Im not an unattractive stag!” James defended, almost a bit too much.

Remus and Sirus both laughed, their laughter being the loudest of the night.

“Yeah alright alright, your a pretty boy and a pretty stag, let's get started yeah?” Remus said jumping down as well, not that he really had to because of his height.

James seemed to forget the attempt of murder on his ego, cause he returned to smile as big as ever. “Finally.”

“God I can´t wait for Merlin to meet my bangin´ personality, might get lucky and charm him to bed,” Sirius joked, Peter and James disagreed and informed him that if anything he´d want Remus in bed, intellect to intellect. Remus had blushed and ordered them to begin the process.

All four of them helped each other, building a fire big enough to call forth a ghost. This had to be the maddest thing they´d ever done. Unfortunately, since none of them knew a safe spell for fire building, they had to do it by hand. Their own hands.

Sirius thought of Regulus who loved spirits, ever since he was a child he´d loved it. His little brother found the oddest things interesting. Sirius had used to take pride in that, but lately, it felt odd speaking of someone who hated him as much as Regulus did. He hadn't even congratulated him on his day, not that it meant anything, but birthdays had been something the two of them struggled through together. Did they not do that anymore?

Did they struggle alone, was that what this meant?

Sirius shook away the thoughts about someone who disliked him and turned to look at his friends who didnt. The friends who cared, cause that was what friends did. It was safe here, despite being listed as one of the most dangerous forests in Scotland. But Grimmaulds place wasnt. Regulus wasn't. That was the tragedy.

Siblings cut each other, as Walburga had with Alphard, as Regulus would with him. That was them. And maybe it was inevitable, maybe it was just how things went down in their family, in a family where love was a privilege. A privilege you could choose as Andromeda had, as Alphard had, and as Sirius could dream of doing.

Regulus didnt want that love.

Birthdays meant ageing, it mean having to take choices.

Including a choice that Sirius as a child had longed for, but as he got older it scared him, especially when he saw how Regulus was developing. What if he couldn't save his brother with him?

“Sirius take this log over to Wormy!” he was handed a piece of hardwood, he looked at his friend who smiled shortly at him before he turned his back again to collect more.

His thoughts were interrupted, and maybe it was a good thing they were.

God knew good things never came out of his head.