Chapter 3
After a long and excrutiating day of school, homework and minor incidents of getting picked on, Harry dropped himself in a chair at the Slytherin table. "I'm starving", he groaned. "You already said tat five minutes ago", Draco laughed and sat down more gracefully than Harry. "But it's true, Dray." Harry's stomach growled as if to attest his statement. Fortunately, dinner appeared and Harry piled up peas on his plate. He took some mashed potatoes and poured some sauce over it. After taking the first bite he moaned. "This is so good." Harry savoured the bite like it was his last. Theo looked at him. "You literally eat the same thing every day at dinner", he said blankly. "I know, but it's so good", Harry chuckled and took another spoonful of peas. "And it's the only thing he eats without his parted plate", Blaise mentioned, pointing his fork at Harry. The black haired boy rolled his eyes. "Just because I don't like it when different foods touch each other... I know I'm complicated when it comes to my eating habits, it's just necessary", he justified and continued eating. Draco patted his shoulder. "It's okay, you can do what you want and need to do", he reassured his boyfriend.
After dinner, Harry, Draco and their friends left the Great Hall to go to the dungeons. "Professor Snape wants to see me at 8. I still have ten minutes so I can bring you to your Common Room", Harry smiled. They arrived at the stone wall and before Draco followed his classmates into the room that opened before them, he turned to Harry and kissed him. "I don't think it'll take long. How about we meet here before curfew and and I'll give you a Good-Night-kiss, sweetheart?", Harry whispered and Draco agreed. They parted, Draco going inside the Slytherin Common Room, Harry walking towards Professor Snape's office. "Come in!", he heard after knocking and entered. "Ah, Harry", Professor Snape said, standing up. "I think we should go somewhere more comfortable to talk about this matter", he added, approaching Harry, who still stood near the door and led the teen boy out of the door, along the hallway, around a few corners and stopped in front of a dark wooden door. "Is this were you live, sir?", Harry asked. "Yes. Only my Slytherins know where it is, in case they need me. And of course the teachers." Professor Snape undid the wards and opened the door.
"Wow, it looks amazing in here", Harry marvelled at the sight. Everything was held in dark green and black colours, the floor was made out of wood and there was a crackling fire lit in the fireplace. "Please have a seat on the couch", Severus said, taking off his robes. He sat across from the young boy. "Alright, I think getting straight to the point will be better than beating around the bush. You told me you're struggling with self-harm. Has this happened before?", he asked. Harry nodded. "Yes. It's just getting bad again. I know I'm hurting my friends with this and obviously myself. Every time I cut, Draco is disappointed in me and that makes me want to hurt myself even more. I know he is just scared. I am too. Draco knows about my cutting since the end of fourth year. A few days ago we talked about it and he asked if this had anything to do with the stuff Weasley and Granger do, the Gryffindors in general. They bully me, you know? Not only them, but the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, too. I'm convinced my old friends have spread rumours. To be honest, it annoys me more than it hurts me. I mean... it still hurts kinda bad... but I'll get over it." Severus made a noise of acknowledgement and considered his next question. He didn't want to trigger the boy. "Do you cut everyday?" Harry shook his head. "It's like episodes. Sometimes I cut myself two weeks or so and then I try to stay clean. It usually lasts another two weeks and then I start again. But if I do, I do it like every two days", he explained. To Severus it sounded like strange act, but he knew it perfectly made sense in Harry's head.
Harry fidgeted. He didn't like talking about this, but he knew that his Professor wouldn't accept it, if he would just leave now. Professor Snape seemed to notice that Harry was uncomfortable and decided to change the topic. "What is there between you and Draco?", he asked. Harry blushed. He knew, Draco was Professor Snape's godson. "Uhmmm... we are a couple. Dray found me last year one night up in the Astronomy tower. I was cutting myself and... well he kind of stopped me, we talked and I found out that he never hated me. There was silence and then we both said at the same time "I have a crush on you". We somehow ended up kissing. Don't worry, it was just kissing! There is literally no place in the castle we could go to get closer. And we found out that the Room of Requirements won't open for those who wish to spend a night together."
Severus couldn't help but smile. "I'm very happy for you both. I'm sure, we'll find a solution for the both of you to be together in privacy", he said. "That would be great. I really need some physical contact and I'd like to sleep in a real bed again. My back aches from the floor", Harry said absent minded. "Excuse me?!", Severus exclaimed. He questioned his hearing. "You sleep on the floor?", he wanted to make sure. Harry blushed again and mumbled: "Yeah... Weasley vanished my bed with the help of some seventh years. I sleep in a corner in the common room, since I'm not accepted in my dorm room any more." Severus was dumbfounded. How did Minerva not notice that? "That is unacceptable. I'll talk to Minerva about this. I'll get you a new sleep arrangement. Tonight, you'll stay in my guest room", he said determined. Harry's face lit up. "Really, sir? Thank you so much", he exclaimed. "Alright then, let me show you around. It's already getting late. I'll call an house-elf to get your stuff", Severus decided and after a quick tour he left Harry in the bathroom, so he could get ready for bed. "Towels are over there in the cupboard. Do you need anything else?", Severus asked the boy. Harry shook his head, but before Severus could turn around, Harry stopped him. "Actually, could you please take these razor blades with you?", he said and pointed at where they were laying. The man took them immediately and praised Harry for being considerate. Then he left and gave the teenager privacy to shower.
As he left the bathroom he heard a frantic knock coming from his front door. Upon opening he found his godson and let him in. Draco looked at him with wide eyes. "Is Harry here?", he demanded to know. Severus put a calming hand on Draco's shoulder. "He is in the shower. Your boyfriend will stay here tonight", he explained. "He had a very bad day, Sev, I was so scared when he didn't meet up with me. Please make sure he won't hurt himself", Draco said, his voice sounding exhausted. "I will, Dragon. By the way, congratulations on your choice of boyfriend", the potion's master said and grinned at Draco's facial expression. The blonde quickly gathered himself and explained: "Yeah, we've been together for a while. And can I trust you with something?" Severus nodded. "I really want to get... you know... physical with him, but it's kind of impossible here at Hogwats. And the RoR won't let us in. But I get these urges-" He was stopped by a crash and whimper coming from the bathroom and he dashed there, being afraid for his boyfriend. Severus was following him closely, already having healing spells in mind. "Harry? Harry, love, are you okay?", Draco shouted. "Dray? Yes I'm alright, the shower head slipped out of my hand and fell on my foot, but I'm okay, really, I'll be out in a minute", Harry chuckled and Draco sighed a massive sigh of relief. "That boy is gonna be my death one day", he breathed and went back to the living room with Severus, who was trying to hide a grin.
A few minutes later Harry joined them, wearing nothing but a black towel around his lower half. His arms were covered in red parallel wounds and white scars. Some of them were bleeding because the water had dissolved the scabs. While Draco just looked at him with tears in his eyes, Professor Snape wordlessly produced two bandages and walked over to Harry. The man cleaned Harry's arms and bandaged them. Draco came over and took his boyfriends face in his hands. He softly kissed him and hugged him carefully. Their teacher turned around to give them some kind of privacy and suddenly found that his stone wall was honestly very interesting and stony. "I love you Harry, but I have to get back to my dormitories. I'll come here first thing in the morning, alright?", Draco asked. "I love you too, Dray. See you tomorrow", Harry smiled and Draco kissed him again. The black haired boy chuckled and gently pushed his boyfriend away. "Go now, Dray, I wish to not have a bodily reaction to you right now. That would be very embarrassing." Draco giggled and made his way to the door. "Good Night, love. Good Night, Sev", he said and left.
Harry stood there in his towel and awkwardly cleared his throat. "Could you show me my room, sir?", he asked."Ah, of course, I'm sorry. Follow me. And please call me Severus. I've seen you half naked, kissing my godson and you will reside in my guest room, I think we can skip the formalities", Severus offered. "Now, this is your room for the next time. Put on your pyjamas and call me when you're ready", Severus instructed and Harry followed the orders. "I'm ready", he called, after laying down in the soft bed. Severus entered the room again and sat down on the edge of the mattress. "I'm worried about you, Harry. I didn't expect your wounds to be this bad", he started. Harry looked down at his hands. "Do you have any wish or urge to kill yourself?", Severus carefully asked. The boy's head shot up. "No", he said firmly, "I just... I don't know, really. It's as if my brain has like a power outage or a short circuit. I feel worthless and like I don't belong in this world, my brain is so strangely wired it almost hurts, but I don't want to die. I could never leave Draco. I have times where I cut, and times where I don't. I always tell Dray when I do and he is really protective of me during these times. I just need the self-harm to feel better. I know it's wrong, but I... I don't know."
Severus looked at him thoughtfully. "Well", he said after a while, "I can make you an unethical offer. It's more like a compromise. If you feel like cutting, you come to me or let someone bring you to me. It doesn't matter if I'm in the middle of teaching or if it's midnight. We'll talk. If you can't function without cutting, you may do it under my supervision and you will stop if I say so. Deal?" Harry looked at him with big eyes. He thought about it and finally said: "Deal!" Severus smiled slightly. He knew he would be guilty of allowing harm of a student, but he didn't care. "Alright. Now, I thought about you and Draco. You guys are old enough to know if you want to get intimate. You may use this room for personal activities. I'm pretty sure the both of you know silencing charms and I hope you know about being safe", Severus said. Harry nodded. "Yeah, Uncle Vernon sat me and Dudley down at the kitchen table when we were 13 and gave us the Talk. After I asked he told me that there are methods for same-sex-couples. Thank you so much for allowing us to use this room. I can't wait to tell Dray the news", Harry said and smiled like crazy. He was a bit embarrassed, but the feeling of being grateful was stronger. "It's okay. I just want you both to be happy. And now, sleep child. I heard your day wasn't that good. If something is up during the night, don't hesitate to wake me up. You know where my bedroom is", Severus stated and stood up. He smoothed out the blanket and wished Harry a good night. He softly closed the door and left to get ready for bed. Hoping for a calm night he went to sleep. But not all hopes get fulfilled.