Evan was sitting on the grass, James' head on his thighs, looking up. He was laughing out loud, his cheeks flushed and Evan couldn't stop staring. There was nothing in the world that gave peace to him more than James’ smile, James’ laugh. Oh, he adored it.
“You’re such an idiot,” James opened his eyes, still laughing.
Rosier couldn't help but laugh, too, “Oh, am I?”
“Yeah, yeah you are.”
James sat down on the floor only to bring his face closer to Evan's, targeting his lips before pushing his face forward.
Evan also adored this. The sensation of James’ soft lips on his made him forget about everything. Voldemort, deaths, the war, secrets, his family… nothing mattered; not when he was next to James.
“I hate you,” James smiled against his lips, moving his hands to touch Rosier’s left cheek.
They both knew that wasn’t true.
The slytherin boy’s heart was beating fast, as if he were on the verge of an attack; but he was calm. He felt light, as if life were beautiful, as if everything made sense. Those were James Potter's effects.
Whenever he was beside him, Evan felt alive. He felt wanted, happy, peaceful and it was in those moments that he wanted to stop time. He wanted nothing else to exist but him, James, his touch, his kisses and his laughter. He wished he could see James smiling every day, minute and second of his life; he wished he could keep that memory with him, freezed in a photograph.
Sometimes he wondered what Potter looked like when he woke up, if his face would be crumpled, if his hair was messier than it usually is. He wondered if James would smile at him when he noticed that Evan was watching him in his sleep. All of these were questions that would never have answers.
In months, James would be out of Hogwarts and Evan would have to stay for his final year and after that, they would never exist again. Evan needed to serve Voldemort and James Dumbledore. They would have to fight on opposite sides of a war and only one would win. James still didn't know that Evan would earn the dark mark during the summer of '78 and honestly, Rosier didn't even know how to tell, or if he even wanted to tell.
The boy preferred not to think too much about it — what could and would happen; how James was going to react knowing about him, or how they were going to find a way to keep in touch; which they probably will not.
Evan stared at James once he pulled away with a smile and felt his heart squeeze, knowing that this would be one of the last times they’d be like this; one of the last times he’d see him smile.
They were doomed from the beginning and Evan knew that, knew that they shouldn’t even have started whatever the hell they had; but it was too good for him to stop and now Evan hurt just by thinking about his life without James; how dark and unhappy will be.
Rosier took a deep breath, feeling his stomach turn and his throat tighten the moment he thought about telling him ‘I love you’.
He hated it, but it was true. He loved James and that’s why he couldn’t even try to be with him; why he accepted having to let him go. Loose something he never had.
“Mahal kita,” he let it slip in a whisper.
That was the only way he could do it. Like this, James wouldn’t understand, James wouldn’t know, but he still said it. He still told him his feelings, James would just… never be aware of them.
“Oh shut up,” James giggled, “What did you call me this time? Poorly washed pig?”
Evan couldn’t help but chuckle, throwing his head back.
God he was going to miss this.
“No, James. I called you an insufferable prick,” he lied, looking at James again, this time with a warm smile.
James narrowed his eyes, pretending to be outraged, “Oh, please. I’m not insufferable.”
“You’re not?”
He arched one of his eyebrows, feeling the Gryffindor boy crawl over him. Evan let his body drop completely, lying on the floor as soon as James was fully on top of him.
"I'm not like you," he teased in a soft tone.
“Oh, fuck you.”
James didn't answer. He just kissed his lips one more time before laying his head on Evan's chest.
“I thought you had already insulted me in every possible way. This offense was new.”
It took a while for Evan to respond, but after a while, he finally found his voice, using it to lie to James once more.
“I've been saving it for a special moment.”
“Is this a special moment?”
"Yeah, you're annoying the hell out of me."
"Piss off."
Evan laughed once more and James clapped his arm before lifting his head to kiss Evan's lips again.
Oh, only if James knew how much Evan liked him.