solfège

Regulus Black was occupying most of the space in James Potters's simple mind, which was driving him mad. There was something about the younger boy that didn’t make sense, he looked like a mess, a beautiful mess. The perfect golden boy whit no particular characteristic, that who James was, that what everyone thought of him. He hated this, not being special like his friends, not having as unique of a mind, not having the potential to be great, that's why as long as James remembers he searched for a key, for a clue to enter their world and something was telling him, Regulus would have been his solution.

James knew he was lucky, he had a fantastic family, friends, money, and many good qualities but it was never enough. In James's belief being remembered is the greatest thing one could achieve and he was sure that Regulus Black’s music would live on forever. James was never interested in piano, until that night. When he returned, he sat in his room for hours, listening to him playing while reading an article about ‘Regulus Black being the greatest pianist of modern time’. James could swear that he had never seen more of a beautiful performer.

So he was sure that Regulus Black was his key.

“Pads, if you saw your brother again, what would you do?”

Sirius’s face fell, his mind slipped, and fell back to Grimmauld place. James made a mistake, he knew he did, but he couldn’t let jewel-like Regulus go. He watched his best friend staring into a black space, his eyes wide, his face calm “I would let him know how sorry I am”

“You have nothing to be sorry for” James whispered, he hated how Sirius felt guilty for leaving, James remembers that night, they were sixteen, he and his parents were unwrapping Christmas gifts, the colorful lights were showering the whole city with their brightness, then there was a loud knock on the door. When James opened it, his best friend was smiling with the last power he had, red and green lights were shining on him, his face was bloody, half of his hair was cut off and he could barely stand, that day Sirius brought only one thing with him, a picture that no one was allowed to touch or even look at. After this, after everything that had happened to him, he was still feeling like he did something wrong

“I do James” he sighed “Where did that question come from anyways?”

“Dunno, I think I heard him playing somewhere” James had no idea how Sirius would react if the truth came out of James's mouth “Do you miss him?”

“He’s bloody brilliant right?” Sirius said, ignoring James’s last question “Do you think he finally started talking?”

“He did” Screw James and his non-existence ability to shut up “I mean, I think he did” James added nervously

“You don’t know him Prongs, always so stubborn”

“You know it’s okay if you miss him-” James didn’t get to end his sentence when a red pillow with cars all over it hit his face. James hasn’t changed the design of his bed sheet since he was eleven “Oh you’re on Padfoot”

Sirius smirked and within ten minutes whole room was covered in feathers, James’s desk was upside down and his beloved pillow sheets were thrown out of the window but in the middle of all of this mess, two eighteen-year-olds were laughing, laughing like they were eleven and just pulled their first prank, laughing like twelve-year-olds that were finally allowed to have a sleepover, laughing like thirteen-year-olds that just tried their first cigarette. James threw himself at Sirius cussing both of them to fall

“What the fuck happened here?” Said a voice beside the door, it was Peter, he was looking around amusedly “You two-”

“Wormy” Sirius yelled “I have missed you so much”

“I did too darling but you two better get ready, Mckinnon will kill us if we will be late”

“Mckinnon? The blonde girl that is trying to steal my lovely wife?”

“Monty” Peter cheered and went in for a hug

Their relationship was truly something different, much to James's annoyance. They acted like old friends, whenever Marauders got in trouble Peter never got scolded, Fleamon always asked about Peter’s lover of the month, and sometime they would sit in the living room discussing Peter’s poetry, even though Peter came to hang out with James and Sirius.

“Peter” Monty cheered back, “How have you been?”

“I love you, you know I do but we don’t have time for small talks” Peter looked down at the watch that was crafted by Euphemia “We gotta go, that blonde girl that is in love with your wife going to burry us alive if we will be late”

“I’m driving,” Jammes said, he quickly kissed Monty’s cheek and run downstairs with Peter, Sirius was right after them, and James could hear Monty scream at them to clean up the room first. With laughter, they sat in the car, turned on the music, and went to the Cafe where Remus worked at

It became like a regular hang-out spot, Remus was working two jobs, having an internship with Minnie to become a teacher while also going to college and playing violin in his free time, usually, he was too busy and had no time to hang out with his friends

They were greeted by Mary’s judgmental look that was directed at James’s shirt, she hated every clothing piece that he owned, Lily was sitting beside her, writing on her laptop

Marlene was drinking her tea, she looked excited, “Sit- Sit d-down”

“Calm down Marls,” Remus said softly, Sirius was already cuddled up next to him

“Oka-Okay, ye so-sorry” She took a deep breath, took a sip from her green tea “Alright, I’m calm, uh so remember how I’m in the play?”

“Prodigal son right?”

“Yep, today, a girl that is helping with decoration got up on the table and invited all of us to her birthday party”

“Her name is Pandora and it’s not just a party, it will be 17th centuries ball, we have to dance the waltz and wear time-appropriate costumes and she said we could bring a friend so you four are coming with us” Mary clapped her hands “And Remus before you say anything, no she’s not being extra it will be fun, yes we know you don’t know how to dance the waltz, Marlene will teach you before the evening, yes it is today, and yes I will take care of the costumes”

“And I will laugh at you idiots” Lily added

Remus opened his mouth but closed it, James knew he was processing everything that Mary just said “Alright, I don’t have any more questions”

James raised his hand “Yes James?”

“I know how to dance the waltz”

Everyone's eyes were on him, was it that surprising that James had skills other than being love-obsessed and arrogant “What?” he said, trying to be not offended by such a silly thing

“I swear to god, if you embarrass yourself I will personally ask Lily to cut your dick off” Marlen treatment “you can go then, we will come at yours to get ready”

“I’m leaving my keys to you Moony”

“See you James” Peter waved his hand as they drove away

James didn’t feel like going home, he went to Godric Gryffindor’s park, and sat under the big tree. When Peter, Marlene, and James were young they came up with a genius name for it, whomping willow. Truly a cursed place. Sirius and Remus’s first big fight happened here, Lily met her sorry excuse of a friend here and James was letting Regulus Black corrupt his mind right at that exact spot because it would have been easier to blame it on whomping willow’s curse after.

He always wanted more from life, from himself, he was never satisfied, a nasty trait of James but there was just no way of fixing it, he had everything and yet always felt like he had nothing. He wanted a whole world in his hand, just to give it to others. Selfishness and selflessness were two things that made him James Potter. He wanted to have something that was his, Peter had poetry, Lily had writing, Remus had a violin, Mary had fashion, Marlene had the theater, and Sirius had the freedom he was clinging to even from the beginning.

James on the other hand, wanted someone to show him what it’s like to be great, he didn’t have anything that made him unique, in his own view at least.

Regulus Black though, a performer that made a deal with a devil to be naturally great, that sounds that he was caple of creating, the ways his body moves, the way his eyes followed his hands. James desired to know more about a younger boy. Back in school they never really interacted much, Regulus didn’t talk at all, and when James tried to ask questions about Sirius, younger Black would just glare at him until James went away

Suddenly James started thinking about Sirius, should he have told him that he saw his brother again? That he started talking? Ever since James and Sirius were young, he knew how much Sirius wanted for his brother to start talking, for them to be able to communicate again

That was the thing, James never had any opinion on Regulus before, he was always Sirius’s brother that didn’t talk and hated everyone, to think that he would make such a fuss in James’s mind would have been ridiculous back then, interesting what has changed

James looked down at his phone, it was time to go back, if he didn’t Marlene would gift his parents his head on a golden plate

He got home by bus, bought drinks, and went inside only for Marlene to be already flirting with his mum “Mum, you know you can hit her”

“Why would I?” Euphemia asked “She’s such a sweet girl”

“I can be even sweeter” Marlene smirked and grinned victoriously at James

“I despise you” James mumbled “Are others in my room?”

“Nope, it was too messy, they’re at Sirius’s room”

“Okay let’s go then?”

“No, I want to talk to Effy”

James rolled his eyes, he picked Marlene up, and they get to Sirius’s room with Marlene scratching James’s back while screaming like her life was defending on it

“Hey”

Without any word, Mary sat James down. She pulled out a black corset and a white button-up shirt with grey breeches, commended for James to change fastly, and gave him a suit coat that was made of thin slices, James, not wanting to be a victim of Macdonalds’s rage, went to the bathroom. He changed, stared at himself in the mirror

Twelve minutes have passed and James still hasn’t decided if he should keep his bottom-up shirt open

“Prongs, come the fuck out, Mary wants to fix your hair”

“I’m gay” James answered without thinking “My hair is perfect, I’m not letting satans’ wife touch it”

“What did you say Jamie-boy?”

Oh fuck, James was visibly shaking now “Nothing Mary, I'm coming out”

“You already came out two years ago?”

“Oh for fucks sake” Peter groaned “I’m not patient enough for this shit, James come out of the bathroom faster”

“You didn’t say please”

“Motherfucking Potter”
James sighed, he opened the door, and both Mary and Peter were staring at him, she was smiling while he was probably questioning his whole existence, James confidently walked back into Sirius’s room, he sat on the bed, waiting for Mary to start ‘fixing up’ his hair

“Prongs” Sirius called out “Look at you, you look so fuuckable’

“Are you cat calling me?”

“It’s all Effy’s genes,” Marlene, who was also wearing a red dress said as she put feathers in her hair

“More like Monty’s” Visibly flustered Remus added, he was brushing Sirius’s hair, who was almost sitting on Remus’s lap

“Stop hitting on my parents” James begged “Please”
“Don’t move your head”

__________________

The house was huge, it was more like a mansion than a simple house, there was a red carpet and everything. James was looking around with wide eyes, he came from wealth himself but even for him this was too much

“As I said, she’s being extra” Remus whispered, he was just bitter because he had to wear a suit, when Remus did things he didn’t want to, he would get all angry and would start violently smoking “In the name of all the gay sex I ever had, why did I even agree on this?”

“Don’t bring out intimate relationship into this” Sirius commented

“What? Remus? I thought we had something special?” Lily gasped from behind, she started fake crying on Marlene's shoulder

“No, I thought we had something special” Peter looked at Lily then at Sirius with disgust in his eyes “What the fuck? You cheated on me with those cheap, low-class whores”

Lily threw her head up “What did you just say?”

“You know you’re the only one for me” Remus smiled “Wormy, they mean nothing to me”

“I think he just called you a whore Evens,” A brunette boy said, he had pretty eyes and was also dressed up “Marlene, mary, Lily, their friends, please follow me”

“Barty” Marlene hugged him “Where’s Pandora?”

“She’s with Regulus” suddenly all of them looked at him with wide eyes “Uh her childhood best friend” silence “What is up with you?”

“I have to go” Sirius whispered

“No you don’t” Peter was the one who grabbed his wrist, he brought his mouth to Sirius’s ear, and whispered something, something that made stubborn Sirius change his mind “Sorry, I- he’s my-”

“Does everyone knows him? First Dora, then my boyfriend, now you weirdos”

“Even and Regulus know each other?”

“Wait, Rosier? That bastard is also here?” Sirius took a dramatic breath “What the fuck”

Barty, who looked as confused as all of them asked “who are you?”

“Sirius Black”

“Oh” suddenly his whole face lit up “Oh, I’m such a big fan, you inspire me, I want to be as much of a disappointment to my father as you are to your ex-parents”

“I think you already succeed on that Croach” Sirius whispered

Jammes was pretty sure that he was glaring at Barty at the moment, he was a complete fool, did he not understand that Sirius was already feeling shitty enough “Can we go inside?” he said, his voice coming out harsher than he intended

“Of course” Bary grinned devilishly “Tonight will be so much fun”

With awkward silence and uncomfortable eye-contacts, Lily and Mary quickly left them to congratulate Pandora, Marlene who for some reason looked intimidated stayed behind, she sat in the corner with Sirius, who looked restless, scared, excited, sad

James was looking around, it was beautiful truly, people were moving around as if they were in the theater, a piece of classical music was playing, everyone looked so unreal, dressed in gentle colors, some of them were in masks, others weren’t, everything looked so mesmerizing.

A tall man, who was dressed in black, offered James a champion, he took one glass, people started gathering, in the middle a girl, a pretty girl was standing, she was dressed in a grey dress, her hair was ridiculously long, her eyes looked curious and she was smiling softly “I hope everyone knows how to dance” she said, loud enough for everyone to hear, that must have been Pandora, James could see Mary and Lily laughing next to her, they were talking to, probably one of their co-workers “It’s fine if you don’t, you still have to dance” and with that no one was standing in the middle ground

When a song, that had slow rhythms, started playing, a couple of people started spinning in the middle, their hands dancing with one another, they looked concentrated, in few minutes, everyone around James started politely asking if ‘they could have this dance’ which was pretty cliché in James’s opinion

Mary and Lily were dancing

Remus somehow managed to get Sirius to dance with him

Peter was with some bloke, who couldn’t keep his hands off him

James sighed, that meant he and Marlene “Would you like to dance with me?” said a voice from behind

“Actually I-”

Regulus Black. In a black, classical suit, smirking, looking right at James and asking him for a dance. The universe was toying with James at this point

“Would that be appropriate for the seventeenth century?”

“Would anyone here care?”

“I know someone who would” James almost imminently looked at Sirius, he would feel guilty for this for the rest of his life, he took Regulus’s hand and let him lead the way
They were dancing, slowly, it felt so natural and calm, Regulus wasn’t smiling, his face wasn’t doing anything actually, he was just staring at James and James was staring back, his hands were following Regulus’, trying to keep up with them, their legs going back and forth. Time stopped, and so did people, as Regulus spun they were moving, and then stopped again, James couldn’t explain what he was doing, he didn’t know how to, it was dark, he couldn’t see, nor feel anyone, it was like dancing in the middle of battle filed.

Regulus was a storm, he took away something for James, younger Black was slowly becoming chaos in his life, the chaos that James desired, something that he couldn’t- wouldn’t avoid

“Give me back my peace” Those words fell off James’s mouth

“Give me back my hatred for you”

James spun away, he didn’t know what happen next, everything became blurry for a moment. Sirius was staring at them from the other side of the room, he was looking at James, he looked almost betrayed

Regulus also noticed him, he proceed to walk away, but James couldn’t let him “Talk to him”

“Why would I?”

“He misses you, he wants you back in his life”

Regulus laughed “I thought you wanted your peace back”

“I’m not sure anymore”

“Regulus”

“Sirius”

“Finally started talking Reggie?” Sirius said, he was biting his lips, and his eyes looked teary, James knew how hard it was for him

“Perhaps”

“I- uh wanted to talk to James for a moment”

“Of course” Regulus without saying anything else walked away, he sat next to Marlene

“James, I-”

“Let’s go outside Pads”

They walked through people, sat behind that unbelievably big building

Sirius took out a fag and lit it up “He had grown so much”

“Mh”

“I- James can I tell you something?”

“Yes”

“Remember when we were twelve and Walburga finally let me have a sleepover with you?” James smiled lightly “She didn’t”

“Huh?”

“Ye, she would never let me go, even if I had threatened her with a gun, she would never agree to let me stay at yours, back then, she probably thought that Reggie and I were stupid so every night, she would check my room and then after five minutes Regs’, do you realize how bad her hatred was for us? How far she was willing to go to not let us have any fun, she- she was making herself and then us miserable just because she couldn’t stand us”

There was a thing about Sirius, when he talked about something emotional, he never knew how to pick out the right words, how to say them without sounding awkward, especially when he was talking about his household. When they first met, Sirius always said stuff that made it sound less traumatizing, he worded like his parents were just controlling, in the first year James thought Sirius was an angsty teen that did everything to spite his parents, but then bruises started appearing in his back, he would start screaming every time someone tried to touch him, he would tense up when someone was angry or irritated, that's when James realized just how bad it was

“I- and well Reg, he- you know how he was back then, he wrote me a dramatic letter, told me to go and that he had it covered so I did, he- he would go to my room, pretend to be asleep and then in five minutes he would go back, he was- when I came back he looked so tired and the worse part was that he couldn’t even go back to bed, Walburga and Orion would never allow it, I think he got punished for falling asleep at piano lesson”

“Sirius-”
“And now, I- he looks s different, so miserable, I don’t-” Sirius was breathing really fast, he was crying by now “I don’t think I recognize him anymore”

“Pads” James sat next to him, he hugged Sirius tightly, kissed his head, and whispered in his ear “ I don’t think he has changed that much, you two haven’t even talked normally yet”

“You’re right” Sirius cried on James’s shoulder.

_________________

James was in fact not right. At some point the seventeen centuries themed ball has become just a normal party, everyone was drinking, loud music was blowing up James' ears, and Reguslu and Sirius fought.

What the hell happened to ‘I would let him know how sorry I am. How did it end up so bloody? Regulus’s nose was bleeding, Sirius’s costume was torn apart, and both of them looked like fucking beasts that were ready to slice one another throats

In the end, Remus was the one who broke them apart, James went outside for the fresh air

“Just what the fuck is up with them?” he started venting to air “How does- how does their brain even work? Why do they make everything so bloody complicated”

“That's just how old sweet brotherly love works,” Regulus said, he smiled at James's shocked expression “here” Regulus throw something at him and went back inside
James looked down, it was a cigarette. Why did he need a cigarette with a number on it-

Oh

Lily was right, James’s brain cells went somewhere else, it was his number, he had Regulus’s number, which was given by him, willingly

“For fucks sake” James breathed out