‘What time is it?’
Her question was met with a shrug.
‘Do you even know what day it is? We have been stuck in this Merlin forsaken place FOREVER!’
This time the response from her companion was a chuckle.
‘Don’t you think you are just a little bit over dramatic?
You sound a bit like your youngest son right now.
We have been here less than a day, in fact just a couple of hours, but I do agree that following these misleading winding paths, is becoming somewhat annoying.’
‘SOMEWHAT ANNOYING!’ her friend replied with an indignant shriek, ‘Now there is an understatement. Next thing you will tell me that we are SOMEWHAT STUCK in the middle of this stupid maze. SOMEWHAT LOST because you had the most insane idea to do something fun and SOMEWHAT THIRSTY, because someone did not think it would be necessary to bring any refreshments into a SOMEWHAT SIMPLE children’s Fall activity! We might die of starvation in here!’
‘At least you do not seem to be somewhat stuck for words,’ Minerva muttered softly under her breath, hoping her friend would not actually hear her words for fear it would set off another tirade.
She continued in her usual calming voice, befitting the decades old sound of reason, ‘Try to relax, as you know Help will always be given…’
‘If you finish that sentence, I am not going to be responsible for my next action,’ Molly threatened.
‘I forgot that you always get somewhat outraged when I quote my old friend,’ Minerva grinned.
Molly’s incensed face and furious stance, her hands firmly placed on her hips, were a sight to behold.
‘Chin up, Molly,’ she said chuckling softly, as she put an encouraging hand on her friend’s shoulder, ‘We have faced far more complicated problems in the past and I’ll buy you the biggest piece of pie I can find, when we get out of here.’
The promise of food was always the best way to mollify her dearest friend.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The start of their little adventure had been quite pleasant. The mild autumn weather had inspired them to visit the local Fall Fun Festival and venture into the widely advertised Harvest Hay Maze (Endless Fun for all the Family).
They had been amazed by the beautiful Fall decorations that adorned the six foot high walls made out of hay bales, and had admired the design of the many paths that led nowhere in particular.
However, many twists and turns later, even Minerva’s mood had deteriorated slightly.
Maybe they should have taken the Endless part of the advertising slogan a bit more seriously.
After a while even the most intricately carved pumpkin lost its charm when it decorated yet another dead end.
Finally they stumbled into a clearing.
In the middle of the open space stood a strange potted plant on a pedestal. Large green leaves and shoots appeared to be waving of their own accord, as there was no movement of air at all in the maze, another thing Molly had moaned about incessantly during their long wander through the maze. The huge purple flowers were bell shaped and resembled Muggle bullhorns with tiny little eyes on the top that darted around excitedly at the sight of the two women.
‘Great, this must be the middle,’ Molly exclaimed, though her tone belied her actual words.
‘Middle for diddle, the cat and the fiddle,’ the plant announced in a loud, but strangely squeaky, voice, as it sprouted another tendril.
‘Excellent, you can talk,’ Minerva said, addressing the plant, ‘Can you show us the way out?’
‘Out and about, no need to pout, have a pint of stout,’ came the unhelpful reply, as more green shoots emerged out of the soil.
‘Do we go left or right?’ Molly tried.
‘Right, turn on the light. Love a good fight. Suggest you hide, you look a fright.’
‘Beg your pardon?’ Molly rose up to her full height, ready to thump the potted plant, but Minerva held her back.
‘Please, potted plant, could you show us the way?’ She said, hoping that some cajoling might be more effective.
‘No way, Jose. Come out to play. I’ll show you the way…to Amarillo, I dare say. Look at me sway.’
Minerva, normally not one to be deterred easily when faced with bizarre behaviour, as evidenced by a life time of friendship with Albus Dumbledore, Merlin rest his soul, eventually had to admit defeat in the face of the never-ending barrage of nonsensical replies.
‘I guess we’re stuck,’ she finally sighed.
‘Stuck, stuck, plain out of luck, full of muck, who gives a fuck,’ the plant replied.
‘I am ready to murder that green piece of garbage, if you don’t kill it first,’ she finally admitted to Molly, through gritted teeth.
‘Don’t worry, I have been plotting its demise for the past hour and a half, but have identified some potential problems. What if it starts screaming at the top of its voice, like one of those mandragora babies?’
‘Not a pleasant thought, but at least someone might come and find us?’
‘True, but that would be quite embarrassing, seeing as we are stuck in a children’s maze. It furthermore occurred to me that it might be one of those creatures that multiply when you cut it, which would leave us with multiple unhelpful trash talking plants.’
‘That definitely does not bear thinking about,’ Minerva agreed. ‘Also, we wouldn’t want any of this to be traced back to us.’
‘Now, here is a thought,’ she continued, as an evil grin started to spread across her face.
‘What if you transfigured the plant, pot and pedestal, the whole lot, into a tiny little field mouse, while I do my usual thing and we let nature run its course?’
‘Why, Ms McGonagall, I do declare. You are my hero. Your delightful dark side is giving me chills. Pray, do proceed with your devious plan.’
Molly bowed playfully to Minerva, as she drew her wand.
Before the plant could reply with further phrases rhyming with plan (can, man, fan, span), the agile tabby cat caught the somewhat dazed little mouse and without a moment’s pause got stuck into what cats do best.
Molly could have done without the sound of crunching little bones or the rasping noise of a hairball being coughed up, but being friends with Minerva required some interesting behavioural adjustments.
She watched amused as the tabby finally licked her paws and purred loudly.
Molly scratched the cat behind its ears and was rewarded with some licks and nudges of its head as it rubbed affectionately against her legs, before it turned back into its human self.
‘That was mighty satisfying and I dare say we adhered to the ‘Leave no Trace’ policy of this place. It also just gave me an idea how to get out of here. Could you lift me up onto the top of one of the walls, Molly?’
Before Molly could protest that she couldn’t possibly lift her friend up onto a six foot wall, Minerva turned herself back into a cat again. Now the plot began to thicken and Molly lifted her friend as high as she could and watched as the cat jumped the last few inches onto the nearest wall of the maze, from where it had a good view of the layout. The cat slowly made its way along the hay bale walls, while Molly followed along below through the winding passage ways of the maze, keeping a close eye on her feline friend.
In no time they had navigated their way out of the maze.
‘Fucking Endless Family Fun,’ Molly thought, silently sending up a prayer of thanks to the Wizard gods.
‘I never want to get stuck in one of those ever again,’ Minerva groaned, unwittingly voicing her friend’s sentiment.
‘The only thing I want to get stuck into now is a pumpkin pie with whipped cream,’ Molly said, as she grabbed her friend’s arm in search of the promised treat, happy to put the past few hours as far behind her as humanly or felinely possible.