In my head
Orabelle's POV
I woke up early in the moring. Mattheo was still asleep, and he looked so hot. I slightly wanted to kiss him but that wasn't possible. He must know I feel something for him as I didn't let him sleep on the floor. But I didn't want to talk about anything so I got up and left. Making sure I was very quiet, I went to my dorm. Alice and Pansy were both sleeping. I smiled and got changed into some running clothes.
The air was cold as I went out of the castle. I had my gloves and ear scarf on, as I knew it would be this cold. Running had become an escape. I always imagined that I was running from anything that I worried about. But in the end, I always came back to the start. So I started going around the castle, to the other entrances. The halls had become difficult to navigate but my now I knew the times the stairs changed, everyhall, every class, and any passages. It was simpled to get away from things by running. But for some reason, I had one problem that wouldn't leave me alone. One that had been with me for a little. And no matter how fast or how far I ran, it was right there. At first, I thought it just surrounded the castle. But I soon discorved it surrounded me. Never getting closer or farther. But I didn't want to solve it the way it had to be. So I would keep running. Not stop till I could look at Mattheo and feel nothing.
But that wouldn't happen for a while. He always was in my head. His smile, his coffee eyes, the two scars that went down his face like nothing, the way he talked. It was everything. To be near him made me feel a certain way. I was so confident when he was around. Not speaking to him, but in his presence, I made me feel like I could do anything. I wasn't sure if it was the way he laughed or spoke, the way one wink could send me butterflies, or if it was the sound of his breathing. I couldn't get over any of it. But I knew by the way he looked at me, he felt the same.
Feeling the cold air press on my face, I stopped at the lake. I walked along the edge, thinking about one thing; wanting to drown in the icy water. I had tried once, but before I succeded, somebody pulled me out. I spent a week in the Hospital Wing, as they all thought I just fell in. No one knew any of it. That I cut my wrist, that I tried killing myself, or that I had mental health problems. I could feel the urge to walk in and let myself float away. No one would notice, as it was too early. I felt bad thinking about leaving my friends. I picked up a rock and through it as far into the lake as I could.
Wood from the trees made it easy for a small campfire. I used my wand to light it. The flame calmed me as best as I would allow. I felt a slight ache in my head, but I thought it was simply from the stress. I thought about home, in the muggle world. I already ould see the look on my parents faces when they found out who my friends are. They would be even more dissapointed if I dated Mattheo. Even as muggles, they knew the dangers of Voldemort. If I dated his son, I would be disowned. More than I am now for dating a girl. But, I couldn't date him. No matter how much I wanted to. I got into so much trouble, he would basically be in detention and not getting an education for being around me. But I'm sure my parents wouldn't notice till I said something. They always focus on my sister. She is the perfect kid, so smart, so pretty. She never needs help and in just the overall dream. I seemed to make their lives horrid. But I couldn't let that stop me. Not now, not ever.
"So dating me would make all of that worse right? Or would you be happy to get away from them?" I heard a voice. His voice. The slow footsteps walking up towards me. The rocks shifting under his feet, moving as he came closer. Mattheo didn't ask but sat right acrossed from me. "Am I a disgrace to your family? Cause it seems like that" He continued.
"How do you know any of that? I was just thinking it...." I put the pieces together. I heard that when someone is entering your mind, it hurts. He had looked through my thoughts and was intruding on my personal space. "What the fuck! I just want to think by myself and you have to come and say it all outloud. It's all bullshit. Just leave me alone. Get..." But I couldn't finish. In my outrage, he had come over to my area. His large, warm hands had hrabbed my face and I was now ooking deep into his eyes.
I could tell he wanted to kiss me. But I would never let that happen. I pulled away and stood up. Taking one more look, I ran. Ran faster than I had. I needed away from him. As amazing as it would be to kiss him again, I didn't need that pressure. I needed proof I was making the right choice. But so far none of that was proved. So he was only getting farther from me. Not even helping me cave and let him be close to me. I knew at some point I would end up dating him. But for now, I would play the hard game. It would last me barely anytime. So I needed to be prepared to hold off. For as long as possible.