“So obviously I already know who you are and you know who I am… so. Er… maybe you’d like to tell me why you’re here.”
“I suppose I thought you’d be telling me that. To be quite honest I didn’t really expect to get this interview.”
“Then why did you apply?”
“Er… I don’t really know how to explain. Practice?”
“Practice…?”
“Yes. I decided… I needed to do something with my time.”
“So… you decided to waste mine…?”
“What? No. No! Not at all. I decided I wanted to… do something. With my life… Which means I need to… you know apply for things and… well. That’s the sort of thing that I understand involves… getting rejected.”
“Okay…”
“… Well historically I haven’t generally… dealt very well with that? And so I thought… I better practice it. So I applied for this role expecting that I’d get rejected.”
“So you… apply for roles you don’t want in order to practice getting rejected? You really are wasting my time.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want it. I said I didn’t expect to get it. I didn’t expect to get an interview. I didn’t expect to hear back from you. I mean there’s that whole practicing getting rejected thing but this one was sort of practicing for, you know, resume writing. Applying for things.”
“So… you do want this role?”
“There wouldn’t have been much point in applying for it otherwise. It wouldn’t count. As a proper… rejection.”
“So you… want me to reject you? For what… your personal growth?”
“…”
“So you come in here and I say ‘Why should I consider you for this role, Draco?’ and you say ‘Well Hermione, I think it would be good for me to get rejected a few times because I’ve finally realised that I’m a stuck up git and I’ve decided to cosplay as a commoner for a while.’ Is that it?”
“No.”
“…”
“I… sorry, this is my first interview so I don’t really know how to do this but. Erm. I think what you’re doing here is really… good. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve donated quite a lot of money…”
“Pretty hard for me not to notice that since, you know, I’m in charge.”
“Right. So you know that I really… I’m really impressed by your advocacy in this area. Particularly in today’s… political climate. You know. Especially with that children’s author you know. And just… and everything. To advocate on behalf of trans kids and… and families. It’s… It’s really… good.”
“Good.”
“Important. Vital. World changing. You’re doing something amazing here. And to… be even a small part of facilitating that would… It would be nice to think that I was… contributing to making the world a better place. And you’re doing that. You’re making the world a better place. A kinder place.”
“I don’t always feel like we’re getting very far, to be honest.”
“I’ve… I’ve read some of the stories people have written thanking you. You’ve made a huge difference to them. That… matters.”
“It does.”
“I would… I would really like to be a part of that. So I applied. And I figured you’d probably throw my resume in the bin and I’d never hear back. Or I’d get some sort of polite and generic rejection email. And it would hurt a bit because rejection always does but I’d say to myself ‘well it’s understandable. Hermione Granger and I don’t have the best history.’ And I’d… apply for other roles and probably get rejected a few times and eventually maybe get something. Or not. Just go back to my stupid boring life. But at least I would have… tried. And then you went and gave me an interview and now I don’t… know how to do this. I don’t know what to say. I can’t… I can’t impress you. I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean to waste your time. I suppose… I didn’t think about that. And I’m sorry I didn’t think about that. And I’m… I am sorry for wasting your time.”
“You’re a bit older than our usual applicants.”
“Yeah? Well it’s an entry level position and I’ve never really… done much of anything.”
“The pay isn’t much.”
“That’s not a problem.”
“I’d be your boss, you realise?”
“Obviously.”
“I’d be telling you what to do and you’d have to do the things that I ask. I’d want you to answer the phone. Schedule meetings. Transcribe my voice memos. Print flyers. Liaise with the volunteer team. Get the mail. And all of the other innumerable things that… take up so much of my time. It’s not… glamorous. It’s not showing up at galas and making charming conversation.”
“Is that what you think I do?”
“That’s the only time I ever see you.”
“Fair.”
“It’s… it’s work. You’ve said some very nice things about making a difference and changing the world. Which I definitely appreciate. But I can’t promise that you’re going to feel like you’re doing much of that. That’s not what I need.”
“You need someone to take all the tedious and boring rubbish off your plate so that you can concentrate on actual advocacy.”
“Yes.”
“I can do that.”
“Well then… Draco Malfoy, welcome to SPEW.”
“Thanks Hermione.”