Part 3
Dinner
Harry sat on his bed, but he stared at the mirror on the wall across from him. That very morning he'd looked in the mirror and felt weird seeing himself in fancy Pureblood clothes, but that wasn't what he was staring at anymore.
His forehead was blank.
The lightning bolt scar above his right eye that had carried a piece of Voldemort with Harry his entire life was just… gone. Harry figured he should've been relieved, but he wasn't. He felt instead like he was missing something; like losing the world he knew meant he'd also lost himself.
Who was he if he wasn't Harry Potter? What was he supposed to do with his life if he wasn't fighting Voldemort or protecting Hogwarts? This world seemed so peaceful, and Harry wasn't needed. He hadn't even existed until Death shoved him in and created a place for him. It was jarring enough, being somewhere nothing made sense, but he'd apparently also lost a core piece of who he was.
He never wanted to be the famous Harry Potter, not really, but now he actually wasn't. He was some orphan named Harry who looked like a Potter but wasn't. He was some anomaly Death plopped into a world he didn't belong in and changed a few things here and there to make it work. Harry felt sick just thinking about it.
"Harry?" Hadrian popped his head in the door, and Harry looked over at him sharply. "Are you okay?" He came in and sat down next to Harry on the bed, looking at him with shining concern.
"Yeah, fine." Harry shook his head, trying not to look back at the mirror.
"No, you're not." Hadrian smiled sadly. He reached over and laced his fingers through Harry's. "I'm listening." He whispered. Harry sighed, clutching Hadrian's hand tightly.
"... Everything is so different." Harry struggled to explain. "One second everything makes sense and I know who I am, and the next I'm waking up somewhere strange where everything is upside down." Harry frowned. "My magic doesn't make sense, the people here don't make sense, even I don't make sense to myself anymore."
"Is that a bad thing?" Hadrian asked, "New isn't always bad, maybe this is a second chance for you." Harry inhaled sharply, and sighed. Hadrian had no idea how completely right and how utterly wrong he was; both at the same time.
"Maybe." Harry chewed on his bottom lip. "I'm also worried about going to Hogwarts. There's going to be all these people I don't know." Worse still, people he did know.
"I can introduce you, if you want." Hadrian smiled, "I have some friends in Ravenclaw who would be happy to meet you."
"Would they even like me?" Harry frowned, and Hadrian squeezed his hand.
"Well I like you, so I don't know why they wouldn't."
"If you say so…" Harry sighed. "I'm guessing you came in here to bring me down to dinner?"
"Yeah, but we don't have to go down just yet." Hadrian smiled. "I also thought I'd warn you that my Uncle Sirius is still here. Uncle Rem came over, too."
"... Uncle Rem?"
"Remus Lupin." Hadrian said with a fond smile. "Don't tell anyone, but he's probably my favourite Uncle. He buys me books." Harry huffed a laugh.
"I see." His heart twisted at the thought of seeing Remus again, especially since the last time they'd spoken Remus was dead. "Why're they here?"
"Mom invited him, and had Uncle Sirius stay so they could properly introduce themselves.” Hadrian smiled. “But also because we thought it would be best to avoid another accidental situation that might make you uncomfortable."
"Oh…" Harry looked away. "Because I made everything explode right?" Stupid useless Death ruined magic.
"I think Mom sees it that way, but I don't." Hadrian assured him, "I'd just rather you be comfortable here. It's sort of your home now."
"It is?" Harry's eyes widened and snapped back to Hadrian.
"Well why not?" Hadrian grinned, "You're not going back to that orphanage, and I've always wanted a sibling. Of course, that's if you even want to stay."
"... Of course I want to stay." Harry whispered. Even if it hurt, maybe he'd have a second chance at a family… right?
"Then it's settled." Hadrian laughed, "Maybe it'll take awhile for everyone to adjust, but I've decided you're part of the family now."
"Thanks Hadrian." Harry whispered. With a fond smile, Hadrian gently pulled Harry into a hug. It was odd being hugged by himself, but Harry could definitely get used to it.
"Ready to go down and meet them?" Hadrian asked as he pulled away.
"Yeah, sure." Harry took a deep breath and blew it out. They said nothing as Hadrian led Harry through the halls of the Manor, but he did smile at Harry when they'd finally arrived in what Harry assumed was the dining room.
Harry followed Hadrian inside and tried not to look either scared or angry when he laid eyes upon Sirius and Remus. Usually, angry and scared were his main two go-to emotions, but he was determined to go to neither.
Remus looked happy. He had the same scars on his face, the same greying strands in his brown hair, his light green eyes… but… it was like the weight that had settled on the shoulders of the Remus Harry had once known hadn't ever been there in the first place in this world. Harry's version of Remus always looked like he carried the world on his shoulders, but this one didn't. He looked easy going and happy, and he looked at his friends with such fond smiles it made Harry's heart squeeze.
Hadrian gently took Harry's hand and cleared his throat, calling attention to where they stood just inside the doorway. All five adults looked over.
"You weren't kidding." Remus said, blinking at the pair of them. "They're completely identical."
"Right?" Sirius grinned crookedly. "Sorry again for freaking you out earlier. It's Harry, right?"
"Yeah." Harry answered warily. Hadrian squeezed his hand in support and gave him a warm smile.
"Like I told you earlier, this is my Uncle Sirius." Hadrian gestured with one hand. "And this is Uncle Rem."
"Remus Lupin." His eyes crinkled at the edges as he introduced himself, and Harry resisted staring at the expression that was so foreign yet so painfully familiar.
"And, of course, Uncle Sev you already know." Hadrian grinned at Snape. "Sorry Tom isn't here, he doesn't usually stay for dinner."
"That's okay." Harry assured him quietly. "It's… nice to meet you guys."
"I'm sorry for Sirius." Remus smiled softly, "He's always been our troublemaker."
"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed, playfully offended. "I thought Jamie was the troublemaker."
"James was the leader, he doesn't count." Remus rolled his eyes.
"If I was the leader, you were the goody two-shoes." James nudged Remus.
"As the Prefect of our group, I can't deny that." He laughed. "However, I never made Head Boy."
"Yeah, but that was Lily's influence." James snaked an arm around Lily's waist and kissed her temple. She laughed brightly.
"Head Boy and Girl." Sirius sighed, "The golden couple, honestly."
"Hadrian is well on his way to becoming Prefect." Remus said with a smile. Hadrian stepped forward with a grin.
"I don't think I want to be a Prefect." He declared. "Patrolling and bossing people around doesn't sound as interesting as you all seem to want me to think it is."
Harry watched Hadrian join the conversation with such perfect flow, and decided to take a step back. It was… painful to watch his parents, family, even himself, laughing and chatting and enjoying themselves as one happy family without him. There was no place for Harry there, no matter what Hadrian said.
Glancing at the fifth adult, he noticed Snape was watching them with the same expression. Except Snape looked fondly used to it, compared to Harry's bitter resentment. Still, Harry slunk around the table and stopped beside Snape. Neither of them said anything for a moment, so they just stood together in silence as they watched the family in front of them interact until Harry took a steadying breath.
"R-Riddle said you picked my room and… stuff." Harry stumbled over the sentence, partially because he wasn't sure if should be calling him 'Tom' or 'Riddle' but also because he wasn't really sure how to talk to Snape casually. "So, thank you."
"Of course." Snape nodded, "You deserve to feel welcome here."
"Really?" Harry blinked. It was one thing to hear it from a fourteen year old version of himself, but another thing entirely to hear from an adult who sort of had the authority to mean it.
"Really." Snape looked at him with his usual passive expression, but there was a softness in his eye that made Harry's heart stutter. He'd never seen kindness like that on Snape's face before, especially not directed at Harry. "You might not be my nephew, but I can tell you that you won't ever go back to that awful orphanage. You deserve to be given the care and attention that every other child deserves."
Now, Harry wasn't exactly a child. He was seventeen– or, he used to be. Now he was supposedly fifteen instead. Not a big difference, but a difference nonetheless. Harry faintly wondered if Death was responsible for the way Harry felt more like a teen receiving validation for the first time, instead of a war-hardened almost-adult being told he deserved basic care, but even if it wasn't the case Harry was still glad he felt it.
Learning that the Snape he'd known secretly harboured feelings for Lily and had done so many things to keep Harry safe had been astonishing, but he hadn't known what to do with the information once he found out. Looking at this Snape, standing next to him with a kind voice and soft eyes, was so different and yet felt so much more natural. Harry wondered if it was because this version of Snape actually seemed happy with his life.
"Oh." Was all Harry could manage to say with his mind muddled all up into a puddle and a mess. Snape nodded once, and then he fell silent.
"Why don't we all sit?" Harry would've missed Lily's words if she hadn't glanced towards him and Snape as she said them with a wide and happy smile. "The food can be served any time, but I think we've been standing around chatting for long enough."
"Oh thank god." Sirius slumped playfully, "Woman, I might've starved to death." Lily swatted his arm playfully, and Hadrian laughed. Harry just felt like his stomach was full of lead.
All through dinner Harry made conversation whenever they sought to include him, but otherwise he watched. Sirius was brighter than he had been in Harry's previous life. Not literally, but it was like he had a light inside him he hadn't had before. It was… it was life. Harry realised the Sirius he had known hadn't had a spark of life in him; not really. Not after losing Lily and James, not after Azkaban, not after looking at Harry as a replacement for James and being disappointed by what he had instead. Harry tried not to be bitter.
Remus' situation was both the same and different from Sirius'. He had the same calm presence and fond smiles as always, but they were lighter in the way Harry had recognized the moment he saw him. Remus seemed so happy and at peace as he sat with his family, but he also radiated the same kindness Harry remembered as he smiled at even Harry and Snape who weren't actually family.
Harry tried not to stare at the empty seat on his right. A table with eight seats, two heads and three on each side. Harry sat on the end with James, Lily, and Snape on Harry's left. Hadrian was on the end across from him, and Remus sat across from James with Sirius next to him. The last seat, next to Remus and across from Snape, was empty. Harry did not want to assume, but he resentfully wondered if Peter Pettigrew was meant to be in that last seat.
"Is that seat where Riddle usually sits?" Harry asked Snape, phrasing it as innocently as possible. Unfortunately, all conversations at the table abruptly ended which made Harry freeze. "... What?"
"Tom usually sits where Sirius is. He typically doesn't visit at the same time as Sirius or Remus, simply because of how rarely Tom is here." Snape answered, clearly ignoring the silence that swept over the table. "When we are all here at the same time, we usually eat in the gardens. We have a patio out there with much more informal seating. Nobody sits in that seat."
"But why?" Harry frowned. He knew he was prying, but there must be a reason for no one touching that empty chair on his right, and Harry was curious.
"Because of Uncle Peter." James immediately sent his son a disapproving and slightly scathing look that had Harry wilting in his seat. Hadrian, however, looked unaffected as he spoke again. "What? He's sort of part of the family now, why not answer his questions?"
"You don't have to tell me." Harry said quickly. His eyes kept settling on the anger that James Potter expressed, feeling completely out of his depth. He'd known his father couldn't have been all jokes and smiles, but he did not know what to do in the face of anger. Parental anger. Unfortunately, Lily seemed to notice his distress and placed a hand on her husband's arm. James only relaxed slightly at the touch.
"We used to have another person we considered part of our family." Remus answered calmly. Seeing Remus as collected and level-headed as always let Harry breathe a little easier. "Unfortunately, he made some bad decisions and we cut ties with him. That was his seat, and we all sort of collectively agreed that no one goes in his old room and no one touches what we considered to be his space." James' jaw clenched at the words 'bad decisions'.
"Oh." Harry said, stunned. "I'm sorry." He wasn't expecting that, but he was also glad. He'd spent so much time hating the man that Harry would've no doubt struggled to keep his composure if he ever saw him.
"Don't be sorry." Hadrian said with the smile he always gave Harry when he was trying to comfort him. It was a little sad Harry hadn't even spent a full day at Potter Manor and yet already caused enough trouble he recognized the expression as such. "It was a silent kind of agreement, so it's probably best you're told now rather than later."
"Sorry." Harry repeated. He felt a little like either melting into a puddle right then and there, or just outright glaring at the table. He did neither of those, choosing instead to put on a blank face and shove a bite of food in his mouth. He couldn't really even taste it with how quickly he swallowed it, but it did seem to calm the tension at the table.
Harry spent the rest of dinner silent, eating while staring at the table with nobody trying to talk to him. It was fine really, it meant Harry didn't have to try and swallow down the embarrassment and confusion he felt to make mindless small talk.
After a gruelling and long dinner of being quiet, Harry was finally standing in the living room watching Hadrian say goodbye to the men.
"Will you be back tomorrow?" Hadrian was asking them, tilting his head in a way Harry knew he himself did too when he was curious.
"No, unfortunately." Remus smiled.
"We'll be back before you can even miss us." Sirius laughed, ruffling Hadrian's hair with rough affection that Harry both ached for and was glad he did not have to feel. Separating the two worlds was easier when nothing overlapped. Remus and Sirius? They overlapped.
"Harry?" Remus smiled at him kindly. "It was lovely meeting you."
"You too." Harry said, looking more at Remus' shoulder than his eyes.
"And welcome to the family!" Sirius held a hand, and Harry hesitantly gave him a high give. Sirius absolutely beamed at him, which only made Harry more conflicted.
"Bye Lils, Jamie." Remus smiled at the couple. Harry turned around and left the room, inhaling deeply as he went. Remus and Sirius would throw green powder into the fire, they'd say the names of their houses or their Manors or wherever they lived, and then Harry would know where they were.
Harry had no illusions about his impulsivity. Going after the Philosopher's Stone without a real plan. Going down to the Chamber of Secrets without a real plan. Going back in time without a real plan. Stumbling through the Tournament without any real plans. Running to the Department of Mysteries after Sirius without a plan. That was only big things, not mentioning every altercation with Draco Malfoy or scathing comment he made against Snape or Umbridge. So yeah, Harry knew he was impulsive.
That meant he did not trust himself with the knowledge of where Remus and Sirius were staying. Something would go wrong, Harry just knew it.
Instead, Harry ended up plopped crisscross on the floor of his room. It was odd to think of it as 'his room' when it really wasn't. It was a guest room that Snape had changed from vacant to occupied. It was a small thing, but as Harry looked around he could feel that maybe it could become his room.
Hadrian would be in his room two doors down, the parents who weren't Harry's parents would smile at Harry and ruffle his hair, he would adjust and learn to relish their affection instead of watch and wait for them to drop him because he wasn't really their son, and Remus and Sirius would be close enough that he would eventually get used to the new versions of them.
Harry wasn't there yet, but maybe someday he would be. Maybe… maybe he could be happy.
"My Uncle Peter kidnapped me when I was four." Harry whipped his head around to see Hadrian standing in his doorway, one hand brushing the doorframe with a small odd smile on his face. "That's why he's not around anymore."
"Why– what?" Harry couldn't imagine Wormtail doing something like that without Voldemort forcing him to do it. It didn't make any sense…
"Some wizard knew that my family is pretty wealthy compared to others, and he wanted to kidnap me to get some ransom money." Hadrian said, coming into the room and sitting down on the floor with Harry. His posture spoke of an upbringing where things like sitting up straight mattered, but Harry was too stunned to try and imitate him. "He needed a way to get me though, and he used Uncle Peter to do it."
"How did he use him?" Harry's mind went immediately to the Imperious Curse.
"My Uncle Peter wasn't ever really known for his bravery." Hadrian sighed. "The man just threatened him, and Uncle Peter got so scared he did what the man wanted."
"So he kidnapped you?" Harry was a little bewildered, if he was being completely honest. "Just like that?"
"I don't remember it at all, but Dad gets mad whenever someone mentions Uncle Peter. He was the one who tracked down the kidnapper and Uncle Peter after the ransom demands were made, and he brought them both before the Wizagem– um, the Wizarding version of a jury and judge." He tilted to head to make sure Harry followed, so Harry nodded. "Anyway, Uncle Peter swore up and down he didn't mean to, and he was just scared, and the Wizegamot– the jury, I mean, they believed him. He wasn't even really punished for it, but my Dad and the others never forgave him. Not even Uncle Remus, and he's the reasonable one."
Harry hummed, not really sure what to say. He could see it though, Peter being scared into doing bad things just like Wormtail had. Wormtail hadn't even really been threatened by Voldemort, he'd just ran to him hoping Voldemort would spare him because Wormtail genuinely believed Voldemort would win the war. In the case of Hadrian's kidnapping, he'd been sufficiently threatened into betraying his family in much the same way. It seemed some people never changed.
"I'm sorry." He said finally. "I shouldn't have pried like that at dinner."
"You didn't pry." Hadrian smiled gently, "You asked, and we answered. It's not the same, alright?"
"... Alright." Harry didn't agree, especially since it was understandably a sensitive topic, but he wouldn't push the topic. Not when Hadrian was smiling at him and clearly completely fine with Harry knowing and asking. "You seem unreasonably calm about being kidnapped." Harry said before he could think better of it. Hadrian just laughed.
"Well it's over now, isn't it? I didn't die or anything." Hadrian smiled. "Uncle Rem always says that bad things happen, they always will, but dwelling on them and letting them consume you won't make it better. So, instead, we accept that we couldn't have stopped what happened, we process our emotions and let ourselves be upset, and then we heal."
"How?" Harry asked him quietly, "How do we heal?" Hadrian looked at him with sad sympathy, and Harry didn't mind it for once.
Hadrian thought he meant the cupboard and the orphanage, but it was more than that. It was living so many years in crisis mode; it was never being able to let his guard down lest Voldemort swoop in and ruin everything; it was taking the burden of a prophecy no one person should ever have had to bear. Hadrian did not understand, but it was nice for someone to care enough to try and understand.
"It's not straight away." Hadrian answered finally. Harry stumbled to remember what he'd even asked, but still listened. "Healing takes a long time, depending on what it is. Sometimes physical injuries heal much faster than the mental ones. Like how the broken windows in the living room were easier to fix than the mental scars that caused you to react that way."
"How do you know it'll ever heal?" Harry asked, frowning. "You said you don't even remember what happened to you."
"I don't. I don't even remember Uncle Peter, really." Hadrian smiled. "But Uncle Rem remembers what happened to him. Uncle Siri remembers what happened to him. Uncle Sev too. My family knows hurt more than most, and that's why they've worked so hard to make sure I'm prepared to handle and process anything that might be thrown my way."
"That's really… nice of them." Harry struggled with his words, "They must really love you."
"They're family, Harry." Hadrian reached forward and intertwined their fingers lightly. "I hope they let you see that someday." Harry squeezed Hadrian's hand back, breathing deeply. When he responded, his voice was smaller than he thought it would be.
"I hope so too."