Caritas omnia potest

-Lucius View-

I eyed Granger in the corner of my eye. I couldn't blame her for being afraid of me, I had spread enough fear and terror among the Muggles in my past. I gave her credit for staying and coming here with us anyway. Nervously, she began to chew on her lips and kept glancing at Senara.

"Ask her," I said calmly.

"Well, I assumed Narcissa was their mother, but from the sound of it, I'm probably wrong in my assumption. I don't want to offend you and I don't want to imply anything," she replied in a slightly trembling voice. I couldn't help snorting snidely at the mention of Narcissa's name. She had taken everything from me, the only thing I had left was Senara, my little angel.

"Narcissa was the perfect wife, wasn't she?" I asked ironically, pressing my lips together.

"Mister Malfoy..."

"She lied to the Dark Lord and thus saved Potter," I interrupted Hermione coolly, who was getting smaller.

"Mister Malfoy I didn't mean to imply anything, it just sounded like..."

"Saorise is the mother of that adorable little girl Miss Granger. Only no one talks about her. Everyone thinks Narcissa is a hero, died in the war, just because she did something right for once in all the years since the Dark Lord had returned. Shall I tell them who Narcissa Malfoy really was?" I asked in a cuttingly cold voice and rose with Senara in my arms to walk back to the cottage.

"I don't really know. Andromeda said I should keep a low profile around them. It seems to make them kind of angry, I'm sorry I'm so damn nosy," she mumbled intimidated and hugged Teddy tighter.

"Come on Granger. They usually play in the corner of the living room," I said promptly. Hesitantly she followed me. Senara bitched at first because she wanted to stay here, but I couldn't stand Narcissa being perfect when I had seen with my own eyes what that woman was capable of. I cast an alarm spell over the two of them and motioned Granger to follow me. Her nervousness was palpable as I closed the door to my study and asked her to sit down.

"What you will learn here today will remain in this room. Andromeda knows about it, yet I wish you to keep quiet about it." I said more calmly again. The name of this woman made my blood boil, but how would Granger know that?

"Of course sir," I heard her mumble softly. I put the books aside and unlocked the safe that was behind them. I had never opened it since I had put the diaries in it, but I didn't know how to explain to Granger that I wasn't the only scapegoat.

"Read it through and make up your own mind. I'll be downstairs with the kids. I think after what you will read there is little point in us continuing to see each other. My trial was held behind closed doors for a reason, that much should be clear to you. You're going to read things that are horrific. They are the diaries of a Death Eater. You don't have to read them all today," I told her and put five books on her desk.

"Firewhiskey is in the back if you feel like it," I added and left her alone.

-Andromeda's View-

Even though I was a little uncomfortable leaving Hermione there alone, precisely because I knew how curious she could be, Severus was more important in this case. Hermione's curiosity could be my undoing. Nervously, I rang Severus' doorbell and waited for it to be opened. Ten minutes later I was still standing in front of closed doors, so I decided to walk around the house, maybe I could get inside through the garden. Sure enough, the patio door was open a crack, I exhaled with relief and entered his house.

"I was going to open it, but my legs won't do what I want." Severus sat in the hallway and looked apologetically in my direction.

"How long have you been sitting there?", I inquired anxiously, helping him up. Which was anything but easy.

"Since I called earlier," he answered quietly. Somehow we managed to get onto his sofa. I didn't want to use magic because I didn't know how Sev would react.

"Thanks." he mumbled barely audible with an embarrassed look in my direction.

"You don't have to be uncomfortable. Like Lucius said on the phone earlier, I've found him in worse situations," I said with a slight smile. A little awkwardly, I looked around. Not getting closer to Severus was a challenge for me. I would have liked to shout at him to remember what happened before this battle, but this was clearly the wrong way. I could only hope that one day he would remember what we had.

"Coffee is in the kitchen. I'd love to bring you one, but even the doctors don't know why this is happening," he broke through my train of thought. Silently I nodded and went into the kitchen. It was pure torture. Severus was alive, which I was more than happy about, but he didn't know anything anymore. I took a few deep breaths, tried to push all emotions to the back of my mind and finally went back with a forced smile.

"You say even the doctors don't know what you've got?", I probed, eyeing Severus anxiously. He gratefully took the coffee cup from me and shook his head in the negative.

"There's not much in my file. I was taken there by a woman, she didn't leave any information except my name. The doctors can't explain my scars on my neck and upper body, nor this condition here. No matter what examination they did, they always came to the same conclusion that everything was fine," he told dejectedly.

"May I see the scar?", I inquired uncertainly. Saorise must have healed it before leaving Severus in the Muggle hospital. Severus frowned briefly, but finally nodded barely noticeably and placed the cup on the small table between us.

"Lucius said you know about the forget-me-not?" he murmured softly and took off the scarf most reluctantly.

"You called Saorise that because she was always forgetting things. She was a doctor. When this, let's call it an accident, happened to you, you asked for her. That was the last I heard of you until I saw you again yesterday," I replied quietly. My gaze lingered on his fiery red scar, fine lines stretching from it up to his chin. Apparently Severus must still be suffering from Nagini's poison. Which could at least explain his body's loss of control.

"Not a pretty sight, I know," he whispered softly and pulled his jumper back up.

"The main thing is you're alive." I said, barely audible and up to my lips.

"So you were at the place where I supposedly had an accident? Why?" I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat at this question. What could I answer without completely overwhelming Severus.

"I didn't have a good feeling that day and I went looking for you. Eventually I found you, more dead than alive. An image that haunts me to this day," I finally replied, looking Severus directly in his deep black eyes. They hadn't seemed as emotionless and cold as they did then for a long time, although, if I thought about it carefully, they rarely did.

"I'm sorry that I'm responsible for seemingly plaguing you with nightmares, however, I've had a question burning on my mind since yesterday. I didn't ask Lucius yesterday because, if I'm honest, I was too enchanted by Senara. Was there someone by my side?" Oh Merlin help me. At that moment I cursed Lucius for making me come here.

"Not exactly," I answered so quietly that I had difficulty understanding myself.

"What do you mean, not directly?" he probed. I sighed softly and averted my eyes from him. How could I explain to Severus what had happened back then without him thinking I was completely mad?

"It...is...difficult...to...explain," I stammered, running my hand over my face.

"Is she dead?"

"No, Severus, it's not that. Lucius and I have decided to tell you everything slowly so that you won't be overwhelmed and have time to process everything you are about to learn. Only I can't answer that question until you know who you are," I replied, pained. Even if I tried to explain this to Severus, there was still the magical war and that made everything so damn difficult.

"Okay, so this person is still alive but has no interest in me?" I really couldn't help laughing now. How could he? I was sitting right in front of Severus and I was more than interested in him.

"Oh no, do you believe me when I say that she would like to go back to where you told her you loved her? It's just hard because you don't remember," I said smiling slightly and tilting my head. Severus seemed to be thinking about what exactly he should do with this information.

"But why didn't she come looking for me, or come here?"

"She was looking for you Severus. Let's try it another way. What else do you remember," I said quietly, looking at him appraisingly.

"Not much, as I said, Saorise and there's something else," he murmured quietly and furrowed his brow.

"A fragrance, if I am not mistaken, it is roses mixed with a touch of lavender. I don't recognise the person or the surroundings in my dreams. Her voice sounds distorted, not as clear as Saorise's." he explained, stroking his chin thoughtfully. Severus was a potions master, his nose would hardly play tricks on him. It was my perfume he was talking about, the one he had given me at Christmas.

"What do you associate with that smell?" A barely perceptible smile flitted across his lips.

"In a strange way, love and security. That loneliness I am trapped in here is no longer there. I used my days off to find this scent, believing that it might help me remember. The trouble is, there is no one that even comes close to it," he replied, slightly exasperated.

"You made this fragrance yourself back then, it was a Christmas present to take my mind off things," I said quietly and reached for my handbag. I hesitantly took out the small bottle and handed it to him. Severus eyed it critically before opening it and taking a quick sniff.

"I..." he began to speak. Slowly he raised his eyes and looked me up and down.

"Not directly? Why not directly?" he whispered barely audibly and looked at me questioningly from his deep black eyes.

"A lot has happened and we haven't had time to find out what this is between us," I replied with a forced smile.

"You were looking for me?"

"A year, two months and three days, alternating with Lucius. We never believed you had died. But the hope of ever finding you alive diminished with every day that there was no sign of you. No matter where we searched, no patient named Severus Snape was brought in bearing such injuries as you. We tried to go on living normally, which was not easy after everything that had happened, especially for Lucius. On 2 May of this year, you were declared dead and the Severus Snape file was closed. Nevertheless, we continued to search and finally found you, even though I actually had other plans for that day," I told him, giving free rein to the emotions I had been suppressing for the last few hours.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You can't remember anything Sev! What do you think I should have said?! Hello Severus, we need to clear up something you said to me over a year ago?!" It was pure desperation that could be heard in my voice. I had been glad to finally find Severus, but it gnawed at me that he couldn't remember. He could be falling in love with someone else, after all, he didn't know about any of this anymore. Could I live with losing Severus to another woman? Or was I going to fight for him to one day become aware of those feelings again before the battle?