Regulus Black was many things. He used to be second in line to the House of Black. He was a member of the Slytherin Quidditch Team. He was gay. And he was broken. All of these things were facts which Regulus knew. They helped him navigate the world which was otherwise too loud and bright and confusing to figure out himself.
Regulus first discovered he was broken during his first year at Hogwarts. He’d been sitting in his potions lesson brewing something which smelled strongly of cinnamon when suddenly he found it hard to keep concentration. Barty noticed right away, but when pressed Regulus shook him off. Concern was a pathway to pity which he avoided at all costs. As the lesson progressed and the scent grew stronger still Regulus found himself rocking slightly back and forth, the flames under their cauldrons seeming brighter than before. By the end of the lesson he was ready to keel over and die, convinced that he would never smell anything but cinnamon for the rest of his existence. He spent the rest of the day in the dorm resting at Barty and Evans pleas and only after several hours did the world settle back into normalcy.
Several years later and Regulus had been disowned. He showed up on the Potter’s doorstep and let his older brother hold him for the first time since he’d been seven. As he sat engulfed by Sirius’ arms he did not cry but became unable to say anything at all, instead allowing himself to be rocked and cooed at like the child he never got to be. He wasn’t able to speak for the next few days and nobody pushed him to. By the third day he was answering basic questions-did he want tea? how did he sleep?-but he never spoke about what had happened that night at his parents house.
In his sixth year he started dating James, much to his brothers dismay. They were happy and James didn’t mind that Regulus was quiet and sometimes couldn’t be touched. He was always the first to notice when the world became too bright, or loud and he always knew just what to do about it. James taught Regulus an adapted mufliato charm he’d made in his third year that just muffled noise around you but wouldn’t fully block it out. James always had on hand snacks that Regulus liked and showed him quiet corners in the castle where one could sit completely undisturbed. It was in one of these corners that James found him.
Regulus had had a trying day. When he woke up his body ached and the lights turning on in the dorm room felt like an axe to his skull. The Great Hall was no louder than usual but sounded like it was being amplified directly into his mind and so he found himself eating in the library much to the dismay of Madam Prince. Normally this would not be enough to warrant Regulus Black hiding away in a passageway, but this day was different. This day he was also meant to go on a date with James. But how could he go on a date when the feeling of his robes made him want to claw out his eyes and the outside world was so bright he felt as though his mind was melting? And so, when they were supposed to meet Regulus got up and started heading to the agreed upon spot. But when he got to the portrait hole James wasn’t there and he couldn’t remember the password, causing the Fat Lady to start one of her harrasing arias she liked to sing. That’s what really did it. That’s what cause Regulus to flee with his hands over his ears and tears forming in his eyes which threatened to run down his cheeks. That was how he found himself curled in a closed off corridor with a muffliato charm surrounding him whole.
James found him twenty minutes later (he always seemed to know where Regulus was) and soundlessly sat down next to the crying boy.
“Sorry I ditched our date,”
James let out a huff of laughter, “As if I didn’t cancel it last week Reg”
They lapsed into silence after that. James stroking his thumb over Regulus’ hand.
“James,” the name came out quiet and small, “why do I always feel so…so broken?”
James’ face went stony, the way it always did when Regulus brought up the ones who hurt him. He very firmly stated, “You’re not broken Reg. You’re just like me.” And of course Regulus can’t be broken if that’s the case because there’s nothing about James Potter that’s broken. Beautiful, beautiful James who’s so full of life and knowledge and who would do anything for his friends but also has to sit in a quiet room with his eyes closed sometimes because the world is just a bit too much for him. James, who rocks back and forth when he’s nervous and shakes his hands when he’s excited. Regulus can never be broken because that would mean James is broken too.
Regulus Black liked facts. They helped him navigate the world which was otherwise too loud and bright and confusing to figure out himself. He especially liked the facts that James Potter told him to be true.
They didn’t go on their date that night. Instead, the stayed in that closed off alcove, together-James Potter and the Broken Boy