Chapter 6
5:23pm
Thursday, 23rd December.
Regulus was laying down, watching TV when his phone rang with a notification.
Sirius: hey sorry about the other day
Sirius: know it’s been a while but i wanted to make sure we’re alright
Regulus: We’re alright
Sirius: :))
He wasn’t shocked or disappointed it took days for him to say something, especially when he was the one being hurted during the argument. However, he wished Sirius would put a little more effort on their relationship.
Regulus: How are you?
He decided to try.
Sirius: im fine
Sirius: finishing remus’ gift
Sirius: hbu
Regulus: I’m okay. Watching The Hunger Games.
Sirius: is it good?
Regulus: I’m still awake, so yeah, guess it’s good.
Sirius: Will you come over for Christmas?
Regulus: Don’t know
Sirius: You don’t have to come over for the night, maybe just for lunch on the 25th
Regulus: I will tell you something as soon as I have an answer.
Even if their relationship wasn’t as bad as before, Regulus couldn’t help but feel like the ‘Dating James’ situation pulled them apart again. At the beginning, they went to parties together, but now they barely talk and that’s fucked up.
He kept watching the movie, not actually paying attention to it. His mood is always bad on Christmas days, he hated all unnecessary holidays; Christmas because it was just a two-day excuse for everyone to be fake to each other; Halloween because, in addition to always being the same costumes every year, Regulus knew and hated the torture they did with black cats. The new year was simply because it didn't make sense to him — not a very deep reason behind it.
He heard his phone buzz again.
Evs ✌🏼🛹: ayo
Evs ✌🏼🛹: christmas at my house
Evs ✌🏼🛹: bring mr. pet owner with you
Regulus: Mr. Pet owner.
Evs ✌🏼🛹: i’m still thinking about great nicknames cut the man some slack
Evs ✌🏼🛹: but whatever, you WILL come.
Evs ✌🏼🛹: i could make a sexual joke w that
Regulus: You won’t
Evs ✌🏼🛹: 🙄
_____________________________
6:56pm
Friday, 24th December
“You’re seriously comfortable with this?” Regulus asked James, who was standing next to him with no expression on his face.
“I am, Reg,” he reassured him, with a soft fake smile.
“Alright…” Black took a deep breath before hitting the doorbell.
He was going to his friend’s house — where his ex was staying in — or a Christmas dinner with his almost boyfriend that had to cancel plans with his best friend for this. Jesus, he didn’t deserve James.
The door was quickly opened by a tall, brunette white man that showed to be Evan’s Uncle. The man gave both boys a wide smile.
“You came! Come in, come in!”
Regulus stepped in once Daniel gave him space, James followed awkwardly.
“He won’t stay for long,” Regulus alarmed, “He’s just staying for dinner.”
“Oh,” The man in his 50s pouted, feeling unhappy about the information.
“Regulus!” he heard a female voice calling him.
Evan’s aunt looked a lot like him, slightly warm skin and blonde straight hair. When they were teenagers, they used to joke saying Evan’s aunt was actually his mum. They shared the same eye format and welcoming smile. She automatically pulled the boy for a tight hug like she’s used to doing and then did the same with James.
The house looked extremely cozy for Christmas, with all the decorations. A Christmas tree stood in the corner of the room, to the right of the large TV — that played typical Christmas songs — on the wall. The table was full of food and the fireplace under the television had four socks hanging with the initials D,P,E and B. Regulus smiled knowing how Evan's family had always welcomed him as a second nephew since Barty’s father was abusive and his mother left when he was around 14 years old.
“The boys are in the kitchen,” Philomena warned with a smile and Regulus nodded, taking off the scarf around his neck and the coat around his torso.
Regulus and James walked towards the kitchen, seeing Evan and Barty smearing each other with flour.
“Hey,” Regulus called and both boys stopped laughing to look back.
“Mr. Pet owner!” Evan laughed, walking towards James — who was definitely not comfortable — to place his hands on his shoulders since they both shared the same height, “You’re prettier in the pictures I’ve seen,” James didn’t answer, “Reg didn’t mention you not being able to talk.”
“Shove off,” he hissed.
“Wow,” Rosier laughed, throwing his hands up as if he was just caught by the police, “No need to stick your nails out, kitty.”
“Let’s not fight tonight, yeah?” Regulus asked when he noticed that flick of anger on James’ eyes and delight on Evan’s.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you on good terms, James,” Barty forced a smile and James did the same, shaking his hand, “This is my friend, Evan. Also known as Reggie’s best friend.”
“I’m aware,” he drily replied.
“We invited you because we want to know you. I mean, if Regulus is into you that must mean you have something good on you besides the little face, am I right?”
“Barty,” Regulus scolded.
“Chill, I’m just being nice.”
“Guess our friend here isn’t much for talking,” Evan laughed, placing his arm around James’ shoulders, “You’re a bit tense, mate,” Evan started massaging the shoulder his hand was before resting on.
“I’m only here because Reg asked me to come,” he said.
“We know, but let’s try to be nice in front of my family, yeah?”
This is going to be a disaster.
Regulus sat across from Barty at the table and next to James — a real nightmare. There were constant glares and shared smiles that Black was hoping Potter would not notice.
“So, James,” Philomena called, “Do you work? Study?”
“Currently looking for a job,” he said.
“That’s nice!” she said, “What do you like to do?”
“I play basketball and skate,” after that flew out of James’ mouth, Evan’s head snapped into his direction.
Barty laughed at his reaction.
“Evan loves to skate. Don’t you, dear?”
“I do.”
“That’s cool, mate,” this time James was genuine, Regulus could notice how his body relaxed to answer. Meanwhile, Evan was trying not to open his mouth to start a conversation about skating.
“What do you do?” James asked Barty.
“I’m studying. Finishing my last year of University.”
“Nice.”
“How long will you be staying?” Daniel questioned.
“Not for long, I have plans with my best friend.”
“Oh, of course.”
“Reggie will be staying for the night, won’t he?”
“If he wants to! We just don’t know where to put you,” the woman said.
“He can sleep with me, on the floor,” Barty immediately proposed.
“Good idea!”
“Can’t he sleep on the couch?” James asked, his body tensioning.
“We don’t want him to be all alone,” Crouch ironically smiled, James responded in the same aggressive way.
Apart from the parts where Regulus thought James and Barty would start fighting, the dinner was peaceful. The foods were amazing, even the ones Evan tried to cook. Now, everyone was scattered around the room. Philomena and Daniel were kissing and taking pictures near the Christmas tree, James was sitting on the couch next to Evan who couldn't stop teasing him and Barty and Regulus were talking near the table where they ate some sweets and chatted — not knowing that they were being observed by James.
“I have to admit, you are a great cooker,” Regulus sighed.
“Thank you very much,” he smiled proudly and Regulus couldn’t help but feel his own eyes shine.
“When will you go back to Uni?”
“… January 1st by the morning,” he sighed.
“We don’t have that much time left then, right?”
“We’ll keep in touch this time,” he stated, “I’ll be face timing you every day and telling you every gossip about everyone there.”
Now, in front of Barty, he realised how his life is sad and empty when he’s not there and then he wishes he could live happily without Barty — but that’s impossible because he’s a part of him. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries, Barty will forever own him. Looking to the side and catching James’ eyes, he knew he knew it too.
_____________________________
10:13pm
Tuesday 25th December
James left the night before earlier than he was supposed to, but it didn’t seem to be mad — kissing Regulus at least three times before actually leaving the house. Regulus is still nervous, though.
He slept on the floor, next to Barty. He heard his heart and felt his body moving as he breathed — at some point, they were just facing each other, Regulus hungry for Barty’s lips, getting closer and closer; he was ready to risk it all for it when Barty moved away from him; you’ll regret this were his words. If they kissed, Regulus would be cheating James and he would never forgive himself for it. Emotionally cheating was already bad enough.
Facing Barty in the kitchen during the morning wasn’t as pleasing as it used to be years ago — the desperate feeling to have him back was damaging Black’s brain, consuming his veins like poison. He was going insane.
“Can you give me the bread?” Evan asked and Regulus looked around the table just to realise the bread was in front of Barty — who was far away from him.
“Here,” he said, handing it to Evan’s aunt who gave it to Regulus so he could pass it to Evan.
“Thanks,” he muttered.
Regulus took a look at Barty, who was relaxed like they didn’t almost kiss the night before — maybe for him it wasn’t a big deal; but Regulus wanted it to be. He wanted Barty to be freaking out about it, to keep picturing the moment where they could feel each other’s breaths of how close they were, the moment where they both closed their eyes for a short period of seconds, moments before Barty pulled Regulus to reality, a reality he didn’t like. But Barty was acting like nothing had happened, like everything was perfectly normal and under control.
He was desperate to see any flick of panic on Barty’s actions, but there weren’t any and that was making him lose the plot.
After breakfast, they went to the living room to open the presents and Regulus was genuinely happy with that — as he had mentioned to James, he really liked that part of Christmas.
“Here’s to you,” Barty smiled at Regulus, handing him a small box, Regulus took a look at the blue eyes before opening the white box.
Inside it, a little snake ring shined on the boy. Black smiled when he remembered Barty owned one exactly like that — for a few moments he wondered if it was the same.
“Isn’t this your ring?”
“No,” he raised his left hand to show how the ring was there, “They’re just equals. The difference is that mine’s white and yours's white, besides they’re looking at the same direction,” he explained while taking the ring out of the box and grabbing Regulus’ hand to put the ring on his middle finger, “They complete each other, Reggie.”
“How’s that?”
“They’re the same but they’re also different because of the colours.”
Regulus’ heart was getting harder and harder to control, his impulses getting painful to resist. Every time he looked at Barty he remembered what happiness meant and he didn’t want to look anywhere else; but James was still in his life.
____________________________
9:35pm
Wednesday, 26th December
His birthday was only 3 hours away and Regulus hated it. He was with James, lying on the sofa like they always do — he also hated that.
They have barely talked since that one dinner and Regulus knew exactly why. James could be oblivious sometimes, but he was far from being dumb. He definitely noticed everything, every glare, every smile, every chuckle… everything. He couldn’t keep going with this relationship, it was killing them both and no sex would solve that. Regulus loved Barty the way James wanted to be loved by him — but that was impossible.
He took a deep breath, looking to his side. James was with his eyes focused on his phone, biting the nails of his hand, completely unaware of Regulus’ thoughts and the strength he was looking for at the moment.
“James,” he softly called.
“Hm?” James lifted his head.
It was now. The chance was right there in front of his eyes, he just had to take one little step and grab it. Yes, he was on the verge of a cliff, but he just needed to be careful and he wouldn’t fall.
“We– I– I want to… Ergh… We have to– we have to talk,” he started by stuttering, ending it by rushing his words and closing his eyes.
“Is everything alright?” he opened his eyes to see James give him a concerned expression, letting go of his cellphone.
“Yes– I mean, no. No, nothing is alright,” Regulus breathed out.
That was it. There was no turning back.
“Reg…?”
“We can’t stay together.”
His heart was beating fast as if it were in his throat, it was suffocating, desperate. He didn't know what words to use, how to justify everything — he was adrift on the ocean trying to reach land with his bare hands and he didn’t know if he had enough strength for that.
James didn’t react. His expression only came from concerned to neutral and that was scarier than if he had just screaming.
“James?” his voice was shaky.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Regulus couldn’t answer, “I knew it,” he rubbed his forehead, getting up, “I fucking knew it.”
“I’m sorry. I had to tell you before I did something I’d regret,” truth.
“You can stop lying now, Regulus. I know you guys already have something going on.”
“Excuse me?” he got up as well.
No. This wasn’t happening. Regulus was trying his best to find a way not to hurt James; not to cheat on him — just for Potter to take his own conclusions and not caring about hearing Black’s side.
“You think I was born yesterday? Since he’s back you’ve been distant, going to his house almost every day–”
“It’s Evan’s house!”
“Still!” he yelled, “The shirt I found here last week. I know you did not buy it, he slept here. I fucking know it.”
“He didn’t. I slept in Evan's house and he gave me a shirt the next morning because mine was dirty. That’s it! I didn’t and I don’t have anything with Barty!”
“How do you expect me to believe you?!”
“I’m here. I’m here, trying to be real with you and trying to end this the best way I can. I’ve been trying to find a way to break up without hurting you!”
“Oh, so this was planned?!” The voice rising and getting more and more aggressive was scaring Regulus.
James had one hand on his hip while the other was gesticulating in anger. Regulus had never seen James so upset.
“Yes!”
“What about the times you told me you liked me? Were you fucking lying!?” Regulus felt his throat close. His first instinct was to open his mouth to spread a lie, but he stopped himself, looking at James with sad brilliant eyes, “Fucking Christ,” he breathed out.
“I’m sorry–”
“Shut up!” he screamed and Regulus's body shuddered, flinching slightly back in fright—childhood memories haunt him.
“I swear it wasn’t my intention–”
“Can you stop lying for three seconds?! You’ve been playing with me for almost a year and you cheat on me with your ex boyfriend and still expect me to believe any word that comes out of your mouth?”
“I didn’t cheat!”
“Alright! Maybe not physically, but you wanted to. You said it yourself, right fucking now.”
Black couldn’t answer. He was holding back the tears because he failed. He was trying to find a way to not hurt James but it made everything worse and now there was no turning back, he couldn’t go back and reverse his mistakes — it was done and permanent.
“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.
“Sirius was right about you,” Regulus’ head snapped into James’ direction, “You know, I understand your parents sucked and all but I didn’t expect you to be as shitty as them.”
It didn’t matter if regret ran across James’ face the second before, because the mistake was already made. Those words hurted Regulus right on the heart, made his head spin and a sudden urge to vomit came across his stomach.
“Reg–” James tried, with a softer tone.
“Leave.”
“I’m so–”
“I said leave, James,” Regulus had his hand covering his mouth because the nauseates were actually real. He didn’t know when he would throw up, but he felt like it was close to happen.
The brown skinned boy didn’t force any longer, he just turned around and left the house, hitting the door with enough strength for Regulus to feel the floor shaking.
It was immediate. The moment the door closed, his heart ached and his body fell to the ground, his arms on top of the sofa where he was before sitting on. He tried not to hurt James, tried to make the best decisions, but they all failed. He hurt James and ended up hurting himself too — Sirius always used to compare Regulus to their parents when they were younger and the idea of him still doing it was a nightmare. Maybe he didn’t, maybe it was James that realised how much of a bad person Regulus was, but there was a chance of being Sirius the one awakening that comparison and that killed him inside.
His head was dizzy and he couldn’t stop crying, but his mind screamed for Evan. He just needed his best friend, just needed comfort.
After reaching for the phone and clicking on Evan’s contact, he didn’t do anything but sob; even after hearing the “Hi” on the other side of the line.
He wanted to talk and he even tried to explain what was happening, but the grip in his heart and the voice in his head screaming at him and telling him he was a bad person wouldn't let that happen — so he just cried and cried until he heard a "Don't hang up, we're on our way"
Maybe he was, indeed, his parents' child. Maybe he was just as manipulative, mean, liar and toxic as them; maybe he didn’t deserve anyone who was still there for him, like Barty and Evan. Maybe he deserved the lonely faith and dark end his father and mother both got. He didn’t deserve the effort James put on their relationship, he didn’t deserve any of it — because he was just like his parents.
_______________________________
Regulus doesn't remember exactly when Evan and Barty arrived, but he remembers hearing the door open and feeling Barty’s arms around him a few seconds after it. If he wasn’t in the middle of a breakdown, he’d feel happy that Barty kept his house’s key.
“Shhh, we’re here amore, we’re here,” he whispered, rocking both bodies like he was trying to make a baby sleep.
Evan was also there, touching Regulus’ arm, trying to pass even more comfort to the boy who was drowning in his own tears.
Regulus only really stopped crying when Barty and Evan carried him to bed and cuddled with him in the middle, sitting on the white sheets. The thing is that he didn’t feel anything now. His eyes were focusing on a random spot of his room as he was relating everything that happened with his now ex lover. Barty and Evan listened in a quiet silence.
“… and then he said I was just like my parents.”
“What the fuck?!” Barty snapped, moving his head to take a better look on Regulus’ face, like he couldn’t believe it.
“He’s awful,” Evan said, “Reg,” he called but Regulus didn’t answer, “Reg,” he tried again, this time touching Black’s cheek to move it, making Regulus look at him, “He’s an asshole. You’re nothing like your parents, alright? Not even close!”
He wanted to give Rosier a sharp laugh, but his body was too tired to react, so he just looked away again.
“I want to sleep,” he managed to say in a husky voice.
“Yes, of course,” Barty laid his body on the bed, bringing Regulus with him. Evan did the same, leaving Regulus huddled between them.
His mind was blank for a few seconds, until the fight started happening again inside his mind and James’ words started echoing on his brain — tears started coming down again and Barty had to hug him for Regulus to fall asleep and calm down.
___________________________
2:23pm
Thursday, 27th December
Sirius: happy birthday ❤️
Dora: HAPPY BDAYYY
Cas: 🤬🤬 HAPPY 🤬🤬 BIRTHDAY
Remus: Happy bday
Aunt Phil: Happy Birthday dear, Daniel sends it too 🎂🥳
James: Happy birthday and I’m sorry.
Regulus answered them all when he woke up except James’ that was together with other 9 long messages of apology. He didn’t want to think about James, at least not when Barty and Evan were both giving him a birthday cake they made together while he was sleeping, or when Dorcas and Pandora showed up to give him presents and hugs of comfort. James wasn’t a priority now.
After a lot of minutes, they convinced Regulus to go bowling as a small celebration of his birthday — even if he was terrible at bowling.
Getting there, Dorcas and Evan went first for a competition where Evan was humiliated by the amount of points Dorcas was able to make.
“I'm not competing,” he said, raising his hands.
“Why?!” Pandora questioned.
“It’s not fair, I suck at it.”
“I’ll teach you,” Crouch stated, getting up and dragging Regulus by his hand.
“That’s impossible,” he said, ignoring the way Barty was touching his hips and positionating behind him, grabbing the ball after.
His mouth was close to Regulus’ ear where he was whispering the rules in a way only Regulus would hear. However, he couldn’t understand, not when he was fighting himself not to close his eyes at the low, seductive voice in his ear.
His first try was a disaster, 0 pins were knocked. Second try was a little bit better; 3 pins. But there wasn’t a third try — all because of Barty.
Barty’s grip on Regulus’ hip was slowly getting stronger and when Regulus knocked the 3 pins all at once, he carefully whispered a “that’s my boy” that sent Regulus off the earth.
The temperature started rising the moment Black felt a hot tongue travelling through his throat, going up to the mandible — he could barely have his eyes open at that point.
“Stop that…” Regulus whispered, but he didn’t want it to end.
“There’s no James stopping us now, is there?” Regulus' head fell back, giving more space for Barty to kiss and lick his neck as he desired to.
However, the sudden realisation of them being in the middle of a bowling game with their friends hitted and Black had to reunite every strength inside him to pull away from Barty.
“Everybody is watching us,” he stated.
“Let them watch, then. They’ll know you’re mine,” he tried to pull Black closer to him, but two hands on his chest stopped that from happening.
“It’s already written on my face,” he said.
“That you’re mine?”
“It’s clear like water,” Regulus smirked, feeling the butterflies swinging on his stomach.
“Fuck, I could kiss you right now,” Barty looked the shorter one up and down, sighing right after.
Regulus smirked and grabbed Barty's hand, pulling him with him. They didn't need to justify themselves to their friends, a glance at Evan and seeing his proud smile was enough authorization for them to leave through the back doors, starting a desperate kiss as soon as Barty turned Regulus, leaning his back against the door. They were humming against each other’s lips and tongues, Regulus pulling Barty’s hair and Barty messing with Regulus’ clothing; both acting like hungry snakes who had just found their prey.
Barty kept massaging Regulus' waist, licking below his right ear and that earned him a small whimper. Crouch smiled at that.
“Still know your favourite places,” he bragged.
The ice-eyed boy pulled the taller man’s hair, quickly kissing his neck, then biting his bottom lip, pulling it carefully before sliding his tongue inside the other’s mouth seductively.
“Shut up and fuck me,” Regulus ordered in a croaky tone.
And he did.
They kept kissing, pulling each other’s hair, touching, biting and kissing — both desperate as if they were eating their last meal, not caring if someone could catch them because they were totally focused on each other.
Loud moans escaped their throat’s the moment Barty’s hips started moving back and forth, pulling Regulus’ hair to bite and mark the back of his neck. The younger boy couldn’t keep eyes open, feeling like his soul was being sent to heaven with the sensation of Barty inside him mixed with the cold wall against his chest.
After their tour through heaven, both boys sat on the floor, sharing a cigarette.
“I missed this,” Regulus confessed with a smirk.
They were both smelling like sex, and now smoke as well.
“Me too, fuck.”
Regulus titled his head to stare at Barty with a malicious grin.
“I know you’re better than this, though,” Crouch laughed and looked back.
“Give me a bed and I’ll send you to the sky without taking you off the mattress,” he had the happy, hot smirk that Regulus hated more than anything — exactly because it made him weak.
“So, what does this mean?” He asked, taking a drag on his cigarette before passing it to Barty.
“It means you’ve returned to the birthday sex routine,” he laughed, sucking the cigarette next.
It was impossible not to chuckle as well with the peculiar way of him to say they were dating again. It was bold and a very Barty thing to say, so he loved it anyway.