Chapter 2
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It was around 1:30PM when Regulus started feeling extremely bored. He was laying down on his sofa, watching some film he wasn’t even interested in, just thinking about what he could do. His eyes shifted to the bookshelf and the sudden realisation that he needed new books kicked in.
It wasn't like he'd read them all, but he was definitely wanting to buy at least a new one. He grabbed his phone, looking at some of James’ messages.
James: Don’t forget, Dorcas’ cafe at 3 😉
James: I have a thing with Sirius afterwards but we can still hang out for a couple hours!
Regulus: I’ll be there, don’t worry.
He sighed, dropping his phone before making the decision that he was definitely going to buy a new book. He packed the phone in his trousers’ pocket and grabbed his coat and scarf, leaving the house quickly.
Sometimes he wishes he'd taken the car his father offered him, because even if the bookstore wasn't far away, the cold was killing him. Even though he was walking as fast as possible, his nose still ached from how cold it was and his hands looked like they were slowly freezing inside his pockets. Regulus liked the Christmas season and the decorations that made the city more pleasant in sight, but the cold was really a hard thing to deal with.
When he saw the red walls and doors with large letters in faded yellow "Hogsmeade Bookstore" on top of it, he felt a relief fall upon him. The inside wasn’t as warm as Black wish it was, but was still better than the freezing wind and snowflakes falling on his hair and skin.
A Christmas song played softly on the radio and you could see people walking around. There was a small kid with light brown hair, looking at one of the books like she had just saw the gates of heaven in front of her — Regulus understands it —, and on her side, two teenagers giggled softly about a book, which is also understandable. However, from all the people he expected to meet there, none of them included a tall man looking down at an incredible huge, heavy book he was holding. See, the problem wasn’t the fact a tall man was on the store, the problem is that he could recognise that one tall man anywhere.
His brown messy hair, dark thick eyebrows and big, slightly cracked nose were some of the things Regulus had permanently tattooed inside his brain so it was impossible to be anyone else, because no one can wreck Regulus’ world like Barty does.
He felt dizzy, like he was about to pass out. The people were all gone, up to the bookshelves around — Barty was all he could see. His body was on fire and it felt like his scarf had become a hungry snake hugging his neck tightly to take the air away from him. It was definitely working.
In an act of despair, he turned and walked quickly to his left, picking up the books without actually reading them. He was hoping Barty wouldn’t recognise him if he was looking down with his back facing him.
He should’ve known better.
Of course when his heart started beating a little calmer, a strong familiar scent started getting close. No, no no. His brain screamed. He needed Barty to step back because now, Regulus could barely breathe.
He kept grabbing random books, pretending to read their title and first pages but his eyes weren’t moving. He could feel the warmth of Crouch’s body on his left and see his fingers carefully touching the books. Something on his stomach shifted and he glared back at the page in front of his eyes.
“I recommend this one for your taste,” he heard the well-known gravelly voice that made his knees go weak and had to close his eyes for a few seconds.
Barty held out the book towards Regulus, who raised his eyes slightly to look, seconds before closing the one he had in his hand and taking the one the taller boy was handing him.
“… thanks,” he nervously muttered, still not looking up.
He read the title, A Tale of Two Cities and if Regulus wasn’t petrified, he would’ve smiled because he actually wanted to read that book.
He felt Barty's body turn toward him before hearing a soft chuckle leave his lungs.
“You know, looking down like that for too long will give you neck pain, Reggie.”
Honestly, Regulus didn’t know what actually made him lift his head. If it was because of the joke or because of the nickname. The only person who ever called him Reggie was Barty, and to be fair, he was the only person Regulus allows that.
When his eyes locked on Barty’s soft, deep, hypnotising blue eyes, he swore his heart ran through his throat. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move. The only thing he was able to do was stare at those beautiful eyes he missed so much. Jesus, he’s gorgeous was his first thought.
The winter always made Barty seem even more angelic somehow. Since he always has been very pale, his nose and knuckles always went a little more red than usual and Regulus loved that.
Crouch had a smirk dancing on his lips, his pupils slowly growing whenever his eyes shifted back to Black. He felt like he was dying.
“Good to see you,” he finally said.
“Hi,” Regulus managed to breathe out. Barty only laughed and took the book away from Regulus’ weak grip.
“I’m buying you this for you,” he stated.
“What?! No,” his voice was finally found.
“C’mon Reggie,” the nickname again, “It’s a gift for a long-time… friend, alright?” Barty squinted, pronouncing the word friend in a high pitched, question tone.
A shot would hurt less.
“Fine,” he gave up in a sigh and Barty smiled, starting to walk away.
The only thing Regulus could do was wait while Barty paid for his book. He was scared, confused. It was weird that Barty wasn’t being a total dick, Regulus thought he hated him — After all, he was the one who pulled him away, he was the one destroying the relationship. Maybe, if Regulus never had let his insecurities win, they’d have a long distance relationship and see each other every holiday throughout the two years they actually spent without talking to each other.
Black couldn’t understand why Barty was acting normal if they ended in bad terms.
“Let’s go,” he smiled once he got back, this time with a paper bag where the book was now resting.
Regulus stared at him for a while, blinking before actually stepping forward to start walking outside the store. The taller man was still holding the bag for him after a few seconds of walking on the streets that they both knew so well.
For a few seconds, Regulus managed to hear his laugh and looking forward as he saw the summer weather again. He was running away from Barty, laughing hard as if he were still a little kid. His boyfriend was running as well, with an ice-cream on his hand — Black still remembers how it started; Barty was trying to stick the ice cream in his nose and Regulus was laughing, trying to escape, then, he just started running. In the end, Barty caught him and he did have a dirty nose after all.
“Well, I believe this is yours,” Barty’s voice pushed him out of the illusions.
Regulus looked down, realising Barty was handing him the bag. He smiled even if he couldn’t see it and grabbed it, looking forward again.
“So, how’s life?” Crouch questioned.
“Pretty boring,” he confessed, “Yours?”
“Great, actually. It’s good to be back.”
“Why did you come back, though?” he asked, turning his head, lifting softly to see Barty’s face.
“Why? You don’t want me here?”
He knew Barty was being dramatic. Still, he slightly panicked, hurrying to justify his tone.
“No. Of course I do! I’m just curious because you were away for years, you know,” Barty laughed, looking down at him.
“I know. It was for the holidays,” he said, “Evan’s family invited us.”
Evan. My God, he really needed to know about evan. A sparkle went through Regulus’ eyes and his stomach flipped in emotion.
“How’s he?” he immediately asked.
“Evan? He’s great. He misses you, by the way.”
He genuinely smiled at that feeling and his face heated up. God he missed his best friend so much.
“I miss him too.”
“Did you miss me?” the question hitted him like a shot he did not see coming. His throat closed but still, he decided to answer.
“I did,” he confessed and the only thing Barty did was smirk.
They walked a little bit more in silence, and Regulus drowned himself in the memories again. He remembered everything all too well and even after years, the comfortable, warm feeling he used to feel with Barty was still the same. Even if they weren’t saying anything, it’s like they didn’t need to.
“How’s University?”
“Pretty good, actually!” Crouch’s voice was now excited, “Some classes are boring, you would’ve hated them all, but apart from that I’m going really well. I even have a part-time job that helps a lot paying my flat with Evan.”
“I’m happy for you,” he meant it.
“Thanks.”
“Things haven't changed since you left, actually. Everything it’s pretty much the same.”
He knew he shouldn't have started the conversation, he knew it shouldn't even have started. It was wrong to be taking a walk with Barty and having interest in what he has to say, but he couldn’t stop.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Maybe the fact that me and Sirius don’t actually hate each other anymore, but apart from that… same shit,” he laughed quietly.
“Wait, you and Sirius are okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, we’re not the best of friends but we are actually pretty close, compared to how it used to be, you know? I am friends with his friends now.”
“Wow. That’s amazing, Reggie! I am really happy things are better for you two.”
All it took was Regulus to glare at his face to make sure he really meant it. A warm, exciting feeling sat on his stomach and Regulus couldn’t help but smile and look away — fuck, he was definitely blushing.
“So, you lied,” Barty said.
“Huh?”
“You said nothing changed, but actually, everything changed. Your hair is longer, you are close with your brother and his mates now. Also, the bookstore took away the section of Italian Literature, which I found a complete disrespect,” they both giggled, “There’s new people in the city and Evan’s aunt now has a musician neighbour. Don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty hot but he was playing the drums while I was unpacking… annoying.”
Regulus didn’t like the comment about the neighbour, but decided to ignore it since they weren’t even dating. He wasn’t the only boy Barty could ever feel attracted to, or even sleep with. Besides Regulus being with James—
Fuck, James.
He suddenly stopped walking, which alarmed Barty, who stopped as well and looked back, confused and worried. Black pulled out his phone with the hand who wasn’t holding the bag.
3:45pm
Wednesday, December 14th 2017.
James: Where are you??
James: Regulus??????
James: Are you ditching on me?
James: It’s been 30 minutes, I genuinely cannot believe this.
James: I’m waiting until 4.
“Fuck, I have to go,” Regulus announced, looking up from his phone.
“What? Why?”
He froze. He didn’t want to talk about James. He knew that was wrong but he didn’t want Barty to know about James.
“I…. i have a thing to do,” he pointed back, trying to show the despair in which he found himself to leave.
Crouch's features remained confused for a few moments before relaxing, placing both hands in the front pockets of his trousers. The legs are slightly separated as well as the arms, which do not even curl on the side of his body. Fuck. He was mad.
Regulus got desperate again, but now Barty was upset. He knew Barty better than he knew himself and that pose wasn’t a great sign about his mood.
“Got it. Have fun with your boyfriend,” he sarcastically smiled.
Regulus’ heart is crushed. He was sad, but also confused. How did Barty even know? Did he, actually, know or was he just making assumptions? Why was he mad?
“He’s not—” he regretted saying that as soon as it left his mouth because if Barty didn’t know, now he definitely did.
“I said, have fun with your boyfriend, Regulus. See you around,” he firmly interrupted, turning around and starting to walk away before Regulus could even answer.
“Fuuuck,” the grey eyed boy grunted, watching his ex-boyfriend walking away.
Barty was mad. James was mad. And Regulus was at the verge of freaking out.
He then remembered James was still waiting on the snow, so he texted him.
Regulus: Fuck I’m so sorry
Regulus: I’m coming alright? Sorry I didn’t check my phone I was watching a movie
Regulus: I’m omw please don’t be mad
He took one last look at Barty who was already very, very far away. His heart hurted again and for a few seconds he just wanted to run up to him and ask him not to be mad, tell him that he doesn’t even like James, that he’s still the only one he wants. But he couldn’t, so he swallowed the stuck tears and started walking up to the cafe.
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It took him around 10 minutes to arrive at the cafe, since he was almost running of how fast his steps were. James was there, sitting on the short wall besides the little stairs in front of the cafe door.
“I’m sorry,” he bursted out.
He knew James wouldn’t hurt him, but he was still scared. He was scared of James whenever he was angry. He didn’t feel safe around him, not in moments like that, not in normal moments. Not ever.
“It’s okay,” the boy with the glasses reassured him, standing up to kiss him.
Regulus had his eyes opened, but then forced himself to close it. His mouth pressed onto James’ didn’t feel as okay as it used to. He actually felt sick and when James tried to slide his tongue inside, Black couldn’t open his lips.
James pulled away, in a sigh.
“What’s wrong with you these days, Reg, seriously?”
“Nothing,” he lied.
“Christ. What did I do that you’re not telling me?! ‘Cause you’re been acting all weird for days and I don’t believe it’s because of the birthday situation.”
“Can you,” he grabbed James’ wrists to pull him away, still holding the bag, “stop with that?”
James looked down.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s the bookstore b… you were at the bookstore?” Regulus looked away as soon as James stared at him with furrowed eyebrows, “You said you were watching a movie! What the fuck, Regulus?!”
“I just stopped by the bookstore to buy a book!”
His heart was racing. They were in public and people were staring as they walked by. Fuck, he hated those scenes.
“You definitely did not.”
“Jesus Christ James, is this why you asked me out? To fight over a book?!”
That was enough to shut the older boy down. He swallowed his saliva, rubbing his forehead before sighing.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”
“Let’s get in,” he sighed, walking inside.
Already inside, the anger did not last long because only the sight of Dorcas behind the counter caused a smile to grow on Regulus' face.
“Hey!” she greeted with a happy grin.
“Hello, how are you?!”
“I’m fine, how are you?”
“I’m perfectly fine, actually.”
Meadowes smiled again, looking back at the boy's shoulder.
“James.”
“Dorcas.”
“Alright, what do the lovebirds wish to eat?” she tapped the counter with her long nails, smiling at the, somehow, couple.
“Uhm— dunno,” Black shrugged his shoulders.
“Cheese cake, maybe?” James took a look on Regulus’ face, who smiled downwards and shrugged again. He didn’t care, “Yeah, Cheese cake.”
“Noted. Anything to drink?”
“Orange juice,” Regulus automatically answered.
“Coke it’s fine.”
Dorcas nodded, opening the counter window door to get the little cheesecake that cooled there, placing it in front of the boys. James grabbed the plate and automatically walked up to a table. Regulus stayed there, waiting for the drinks.
“You seem odd,” Dorcas confessed, opening the orange juice glass, “Straw or cup?”
“Straw,” she walked up to the pot with straws and pulled out two, placing beside the glass, “And… I don't know. Me and James are constantly fighting over the most stupid shit, it’s getting annoying.”
“You know, I don’t think that’s working. Like, yeah, fights are normal. Me and Marlene fight a lot, but we love each other too much to get mad, but you… I feel like you could just stop talking after a fight and wouldn’t miss each other.”
She was right.
“I don’t know… he’s amazing.”
“He is. Genuinely, probably the best person you have ever been with. You actually started in a healthy way but… you don’t match. You’re both being toxic to each other without meaning or even realising it.”
Regulus looked to the side. James was sitting down, on his phone. This was madness.
“You think so?” he turned his gaze to Dorcas again.
“I do. Now, go, have your date.”
He grabbed his glass in a sigh, going to the table and then coming back to get James’ Coca-Cola, since he was still holding the bag. When he looked at it, he immediately missed Barty and that made him feel even more sad than before.
“So,” James dropped his phone in a smile, “How are we eating this cheese cake?”
They didn’t have forks, so yeah, Regulus had no idea how they would eat it. He laughed quietly.
“She forgot.”
“Yeah I noticed,” he leaned back, with a smile.
“Want me to go ask her?”
“No, you can stay. I’ll go,” he got up in a grin.
Regulus followed James with a smile, shaking his head softly. Dorcas was so worried about giving relationship advice that completely forgot they needed forks to eat the cake — quite funny. Regulus watched James’ phone turn on with boozing notifications he quickly saw to be from ‘Padfoot <3’ and rolled his eyes. James was texting Sirius on a date with him, unbelievable.
It didn’t take long for Potter to get back with two forks and a big smirk on his face. Regulus raised one of his eyebrows.
“Why are you so happy?” Regulus questioned, laughing lightly right away.
James sat down, rolling his hazel eyes, still not letting go of the grin.
“You want me to be sad on a date with the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen?”
“Stop worshipping me like I’m some Greek god,” he laughed, grabbing one of the forks to break the cake first than James.
“But you are a Greek god. That’s why I like you so much.”
“Because I’m hot?” he asked with his mouth full.
“Because you’re hot, intelligent, sexy, funny, because you have a beautiful smile and you’re really pretty even when you’re annoying the hell out of me.”
“For someone who was accusing me of lying 5 minutes ago, you’re a bit too romantic for my liking,” James rolled his eyes.
“Let’s forget about it, okay? I’m done with our fights. I really want this to be something.”
“But it is something,” he moved his fork, shrugging his shoulders.
“You know what I mean.”
No, no, no. Please don’t start a ‘let’s date’ conversation. Please don’t start a ‘let’s date’ conversation.
“Sirius sent you like 7 messages, you should answer,” Regulus commented, drinking.
“Nope. Right now it’s about you and me.”
“You and me,” he repeated in a whisper.
“So, what’s the book about?”
“Its A Tale of Two Cities. It’s set before and during the French Revolution in both London and Paris. I’ve always wanted to read it, you know, as someone who’s both French and British,” he smiled, “I was there and…” the words got stuck while he was trying to think of something to say, '' I saw the book. It was there on the window. That’s when I came in to buy it.”
“That’s cool. I’m glad you’re finally reading it, then,” he looked at the food.
Regulus’ smile faded quickly as the silence fell over the table. Gosh this was awkward.
“Uhm— you said you’re hanging out with Sirius later. What are you two doing?”
“He’s making a hand-made gift for Remus and needs my master's hands to help him,” he had a happy, excited smile dancing on his lips and Regulus forced himself to smile back, seeing how James seemed more interested in other people’s relationships.
“That’s romantic,” he replied, “Christmas present?”
“Mhm,” he answered after putting a piece of cake inside his mouth.
“I really like Christmas presents,” he informed me.
“I have to think about a present for you. It’s our first Christmas together, it’s quite special, right?” Regulus nodded.
“I mean— I just really enjoy the familiar opening present things. I’ve never— I’ve never experienced that before befriending Dorcas, Pandora, Evan… Barty,” he whispered.
James didn’t seem angry at his ex’s mention, though. He just shrugged his shoulders before saying, “Well, then we’re making you live that again.”
Regulus smiled awkwardly, continuing to drink his juice again. He didn’t know how to feel about this. It was great to not fight with James for once, but at the same time the boy felt so distant. He wasn’t interested in what Regulus had to say, and the conversation felt dry, awkward, like they weren’t talking with the person they were with.
Long seconds, even minutes of silence passed and at some point James picked up his cell phone. Regulus stared at him for a while until he saw Potter leaning back, clearly taking a pic of the table.
“Christ,” he groaned, “can you fucking stop?”
“What?” James furrowed his eyebrows.
“You don’t need to… promote our relationship.”
“You never complained about the pictures.”
“We’re not talking right now.”
“And? Pictures didn’t seem to be a problem with you ex.”
“Aaand here we go again,” Regulus rolled his eyes, “His name is Barty.”
“I don’t care.”
“Why do you like to post our dates so much?”
“And why don’t you repost any of the photos I post?” Regulus felt judged.
“Because I don’t need to share my private life,” he shrugged his shoulders.
“With me. Because you still have a thousand pictures with the boyfriend you had years ago.”
“Oh my God, James. Shut up about Barty for once.”
“You know, sometimes I feel like you’re ashamed of me,” his tone was getting higher and Black hated the fact they were definitely going to fight in a public space again.
“Me not wanting to share our dates and private moments all the time does not mean I’m ashamed of you, James!”
“What do you want me to think when you don’t want people to see you’re with me when you have a highlight for your ex fucking boyfriend!?” he almost screaming by now.
“Why are you so obsessed with Barty ?! Stop bringing him into our relationship, it's ridiculous!” Regulus shouted.
“Oh, I am ridiculous?”
“Yeah. Yeah you are, always with that stupid insecurity of yours. If I wanted to be with Barty, I would be with him, not with you.”
Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie.
“I wouldn’t say that.”
Something on his tone made Regulus firmly believe James didn’t give a fuck about his justifications, so he got up. The cake was finished and so was the juice. The date was over.
“I can’t believe you.”
“What?! I’m just saying the fucking reality. You appreciate your stupid ex more than me.”
“Barty!” he yelled, “His name is fucking Barty and you’re extremely, weirdly obsessed with him. Maybe, just maybe, if you stopped pulling him into our relationship, we wouldn’t fight so much.”
“Oh fuck’s sake. Now you’re blaming me?! You’re the one acting weird for days.”
“Shut up!”
Everyone was watching. Dorcas was watching, customers were watching. Regulus was angry and uncomfortable.
“You’re gonna deny it?! You just started a fight over a goddamn picture! How am I the one to be blamed?”
“I don’t like those posts!”
“But—”
“Stop! Just fucking stop!”
He automatically took the bag and left the cafe without looking back. He always the one storming off, but that was because James never gives up on a fight and before things can get worse, he just leaves.
He walked in hurried steps to the house, slamming the door hard as soon as he arrived. Jesus, he hated that. Hated the inconsistency in his relationship with James, not knowing if he was going to start a fight or make a declaration of love, he hated the way he didn’t know what to expect.
He always thought he liked those roller coasters, that he liked jealousy and possessiveness. But the reality is that he liked it with Barty — even though not even him and Barty fought as much as him and James did. It was overwhelmingly exhausting.
Black fell on the floor. Coat and scarf still on. Tears started falling down his face as soon as he thought about everything in a few seconds, because he was tired. Everything was happening too fast and he couldn’t control it, he couldn’t see what was expecting him and that was a fucking nightmare.
Even if he missed not being with James, he also missed the times they weren’t fighting three times in less than twenty-four hours. He genuinely just wanted the less chaotic and overwhelming times back. The times where he didn’t have a snake choking him all the time.
He stayed on the floor having a breakdown for at least a couple of minutes. Desperately trying to run from the terrible feeling on his chest that made him feel an actual sickness travel from his stomach to his throat, making him want to throw up. It didn’t work completely, but the crying actually helped him release a little bit of the tension he was holding inside him.
Regulus there did not even know what time it was, but at some point he was lying in bed, in pyjamas, fiddling with his cell phone without any emotion. Actually, he felt quite depressed. He watched some videos on YouTube, not actually paying attention to any of them when his door bell rang.
Jesus, he immediately thought, turning off the phone before getting up to open the door. Of all the people that could, eventually, show up in his house; Sirius was the last one he wanted to see at the moment.
“Fuck no,” he breathed out.
“Let me in,” the older one said.
Regulus rolled his eyes, stepping back as he watched his brother enter his flat.
“May I ask what the fuck do you want?”
“You need to stop,” Sirius said.
“Stop with what, exactly?”
“Stop making James believe that you two have a future when you haven’t moved on from Barty.”
“Excuse you?!”
“You heard me. I am actually done hearing my best friend talk about how the both of you had a fight for the thousand times in a day.”
“Well, it's not my fault. He always finds a way to start a fight and they’re all about Barty. He’s insanely obsessed with him and I won’t date a guy like that,” Regulus tried to be as honest as possible.
“He’s obsessed because he likes you!” Sirius ran his hands through his long hair, “He actually likes you, Regulus. It hurts him that you’re on a totally different page.”
“We never established pages to be in.”
His brother rolled his eyes, extremely annoyed.
“You’re being such a dick.”
“I am not.”
“If you’re still in love with Barty, why are you doing this to James?!”
It seemed that Sirius was choosing to ignore everything Regulus said, asking questions and not listening to the answers. That was upsetting.
“You’re assuming things that aren’t correct. You don’t know me and you don’t know how I feel about Barty.”
“Don’t know you?! I’m your brother.”
“Still you only showed up 2 years ago.”
Regulus regretted that the same second it ran through his mouth. He knew that Sirius felt guilty for not being present until Regulus was almost 18 — he never meant to abandon him, or to give him traumas. However, he still did and sometimes Regulus would accidentally use that as a way to hurt Sirius. Even if unknowingly. He was being confronted and that made him uncomfortable and intimidated, so he just said the meanest thing he could think of.
Sirius blinked at him. Regulus could feel him hurting, but he wouldn’t dare apologise.
“Okay,” he breathed out, “You’re right. I’m not anyone to tell you how to feel, because I am a stranger to you anyways, right?”
“That is not what I said.”
“It’s what it looked like.”
He took a deep breath. First James, now Sirius? He was so tired of those stupid fights. Tired of hurting people even when that’s not his intention.
The younger boy didn’t answer; he only watched his brother leaving his house as fast as he got in. The visit was fast, he came in, took James’ side, Regulus hurted his feelings and he left. All in less than three minutes.
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Three days. Three days have passed since his fights with Sirius and James, three days since he heard from Barty.
As expected, James and him didn’t stay mad with each other for long. The next day, they were texting each other and James was apologising. Regulus forgave him. However Sirius still hasn't said anything, but Regulus knew they were okay — or at least he wanted them to be.
He had not yet left the house, which was comfortable since today seemed even colder and darker. A heavy rain was falling outside and for a few moments, Regulus remembered when he and Barty used to kiss in the rain, regardless of whether they would get sick or not.
A few seconds later, while Regulus drank his hot chocolate, someone rang the bell. He knew it was James, as the boy had already warned him by text.
“Hi,” he tried to put a smile on his face when the door was opened, but James didn’t seem very happy.
He came in in fast steps, closing his arms once he was inside. Regulus got flashbacks to Sirius.
“What happened?”
“Maybe let’s have a sit, yeah?” his voice was drowned in sarcasm and Regulus knew something bad was about to happen.
They walked to the couch, sitting next to each other. Potter still had his arms crossed.
“So, since when are we meeting up with our exes behind each other’s back?”
Regulus opened and closed his mouth, not knowing what to say. He wasn't meeting Barty, he just bumped into him one day and they shared a talk. That was it.
“James…” it was all he could say.
The boy touched his own nose, inhaling before replying.
“You should call him. He said you two have things to share.”
“He… what?” Black was confused. Barty said? James and Barty were together?!
“I saw him, Reg,” James finally looked at him, his eyes deep, dark, scary, “We shared a very lovely talk. You never told me your man was bold.”
Your man. James was definitely pissed off.
“I-” he sighed, “Don’t be mad. We just ended up bumping into each other and had a walk, but it was just for a few minutes. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“When? When was that?”
Regulus could’ve lied, after all, that’s what he always does to james; lie to him. However, this time he decided to be honest.
“Three days ago…”
It took a while for Potter to calculate what day that meant, exactly. He let go a short sharp laugh as he eventually understood.
“So you did lie to me or…” Regulus didn’t answer, “Incredible. You got late to our date because you were with… Barty. No, amazing. Where did that book come from then?!”
“He bought it for me,” Black confessed in a shaky quiet voice.
He wasn’t right this time, or had any comments to defend himself and the fact James wasn’t screaming just scared him more.
“Your ex boyfriend bought you a gift,” he breathed out, “And that’s why you got late. And instead of being honest, you decided to fucking lie to me?”
“I know you’re always gonna be mad. If I told you I was with Barty you would’ve start screaming right there,” he tried to desperately justify.
“If it wasn’t a big deal, why did you keep it a secret?”
“I already told you! I’m done with these fights. I know you will be mad if I talk about Barty so imagine if I told you I got late because I was with him!”
“And don’t I have the right to be mad?”
“You do!”
His answers were immediate.
James rubbed his forehead, sighing deeply before looking at the ceiling. Regulus could sense he was sick of this just like he was. The relationship was dragging both to the bottom of the lake, drowning them, suffocating them — Except the difference is that James thought it could be saved, thought it could work and Black was just waiting for a reason to leave him without looking like the asshole of the story.
“Look, I really don’t want to fight,” James said.
“Then don’t.”
“— but I can’t trust you,” he added, facing Regulus once again.
Regulus was used to that sentence, so it didn’t even bother him.
“If you stop being so mad about Barty, I can be honest with you,” maybe that was a lie, but he could try to make it true.
“It’s impossible. I- I really adore you, Regulus, and I want to be your boyfriend, but that cannot happen if you are still in the past. Your story with Barty is over, alright? It ended. Years ago! You’re with me now, and if he… if he hurted you so badly you can’t be full on this relationship like I am, I will be here to help you,” Regulus knew those words were sincere.
However, he kept wondering: If the story was over, why was he still writing pages inside his heart, his brain?
“You’re amazing, James,” he meant that, “you actually are, but… I don't need help. Barty didn’t traumatise me in any way. I just chan—” he took a deep breath, “I just changed. Its been two, almost three years. I’m not 17 now. I didn’t know anything back then, but now I do and I really just want to stop fighting so we can… see where this is going.”
Again, he felt like a total asshole for making James believe he was interested in a future relationship, he knew he should stop. But he didn’t want to hurt James, he didn’t know how to be honest with him — because he never was.
James was there for a while. The discussion ended after a few minutes and the boys decided to see a series they began to see at the beginning of the relationship — in a failed attempt to improve the situation between them.
He was on the taller one’s arms, resting his face on Potter’s chest but he didn’t feel safe. He was comfortable, he liked the warmth of the hug — still, it didn’t feel like he was hugging someone he was supposed to be in love with.
He knew James was still mad, or at least his paranoia told him so. He was still thinking about the fight, he couldn’t just let it go — not so randomly.
He knew James was still mad, or at least his paranoia told him so. He was still thinking about the fight, he couldn’t just let it go — not so randomly.
Barty had been with James. They talked. They saw each other. What if Barty said more than he should? But at the same time, what would he even say? They didn’t do anything bad, they only talked a little like two people who haven’t seen each other in a long time. Still, Regulus was terrified.
“Hey,” he murmured, getting James' attention. His deep hm made his chest vibrate under Regulus’ head, “Are you still mad?”
“I’m not,” Regulus didn’t believe it
“You sure?”
“Yes,” James pushed the boy off of him, sitting down, “I need to go. I’m not mad, though.”
He didn’t kiss him before leaving, though. James always kisses him before leaving when they’re not angry at each other. As soon as the door closed, a painful feeling hitted his chest and he threw himself on the sofa, grunting onto his hands. He was so done.