Chapter Eighteen
To Professor Lupin,
I’m writing in regards to my new initiative, the Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare. I’m aiming to increase the number of free elves, starting with those in employment at Hogwarts. Currently, this involves clothes made by myself, and I’m looking for donations to keep this going and to put towards improving the rights of house elves.
I was wondering if you think the owners of The Unicorn might be willing to display my campaign in the shop? I’ve attached a copy of the form for members, and some badges I made too.
I hope you’re well! We’re all a little worried about Harry of course, but he’s doing his best. I could hardly watch the dragon task, I hope the next one is less dangerous!
From Hermione
Remus sighed. He wondered if he’d ever be able to shake off the professor persona with these kids. He’d received a letter from Hagrid earlier that week, too, asking for advice on Blast Ended Skrewts, which felt ominous. He felt he’d somehow slipped into this character with authority, and he wasn’t sure if he should really be trusted - he always questioned whether he really knew enough to be imparting anything onto others. He was brooding over this when he heard a knock at his door. It was Eloise, and as usual, she was frazzled.
“Remus, hi, sorry to drop by unannounced, I just had a thought and - wow, what are these badges?”
Remus explained Hermione’s venture, passing Eloise some of the badges. She immediately pinned two to her cloak, and pocketed a few more to distribute further, dropping some coins into the collection box positioned beside them. “Where can I sign up?”
Remus flicked his wand, causing the petition Hermione had helpfully enclosed to zoom over. “Sign here, and you’re officially a SPEW member.”
Eloise added her crooked signature below Remus’s own. They smiled at each other, but Eloise’s gaze shifted across to his arms. Glancing down, Remus noticed a small blood stain on his sleeve. His most recent full moon had been particularly rough on him. He hastily performed a vanishing spell, and pulled on a jumper for good measure. That kind of self consciousness never really left him.
“Do you think I’ve let you down?” She said guiltily, in a rush.
“What?”
“I just… I can’t figure out this potion, and I know you’re suffering. I’m so close I can feel it but… it’s so dangerous. One wrong ingredient, and… I just really don’t want to risk it. To risk you, Remus.”
“Eloise…” Remus began. “You’ve probably done more work to help werewolves than anyone else I’ve ever met. How could you ever have let me down?”
Eloise sniffed, and Remus realised she was crying.
“Hey, hey!” He stepped towards her, arms outstretched, and she leaned into his embrace with a shaky breath.
“I actually agree with you.” He said.
“Y-you do?”
“Yeah.” He looked down at her. “A few years ago, I would’ve easily given my life to test it. To help others, sure, but also I was looking for… an out, I suppose.” He set his jaw squarely. “Things are different now. I have a reason to live, you know? And that’s a good thing. We’ll find another way with the potion, I know we will. And the tonics you’ve developed, they really do help!”
She looked up at him suspiciously.
“Ok, not with the transformation so much, but they help the fatigue before, and speed up healing afterwards.” It was true, for the record. Since Remus had got the full ingredients list, Eloise was able to update her tonics into powerful potions that had significantly improved Remus’s life.
She breathed out, pacified a little bit. “I think I need a break from it.” She admitted. “Is that terrible?”
“Of course not.” They drew apart, and he squeezed her arm. “What are you going to do now?”
“I actually thought.. Maybe I’d like to teach? If you’d have me as an assistant?”
Remus considered her proposal. The concept of doing something because you wanted to, rather than out of obligation, was so alien to him. But why shouldn’t they? Hadn’t they all suffered enough? Slowly, a smile spread across his face.
“Why don’t you take over completely?” He asked. The beginnings of an idea were forming in his mind.
*
In the end, Remus waited a month to follow through on his plan. He felt a pounding in his blood, impulse nudging him none too gently towards leaving right away, but he resisted it for the sake of his students. Once he’d finished the term and felt he’d given each of them as good an opportunity as possible, he was finally able to breathe again. On his last night in the flat, he sat up late into the night, writing a full handover for Eloise, who he had been training and introducing to future students. He scribbled out an explanation for Harry, who he hadn’t told about his plans, not really believing he’d be able to get away until it happened. He hadn’t said a word to Sirius either, unsure whether he’d accept Remus’s plan if consulted. Finally, he decided to write to Rowan. He didn’t have an address, but he left it with Tarun just in case.
His life successfully wrapped up, he threw some belongings into his suitcase, and stepped out of the flat. Truthfully, he was going to miss his home comforts. But he didn’t belong in a flat. He belonged in the wild.
*
“How the fuck did you find me?”
This was the first thing Sirius said once he’d recovered from the shock of Remus appearing out of nowhere in the corner of his cave.
“I don’t know” Remus shrugged. The truth was, he hadn’t even thought about it. He’d just left, and found himself here. He considered it now.
“It’s like… like our chess board, right. You move a piece, and mine moves with it. We’re linked, I guess.”
Remus saw Sirius frown, shrinking from him, and quickly backtracked. The old easiness they’d picked up again in letters seemed to have evaporated in person. “Sorry, that doesn’t really make sense. I know. And I should have asked you before I just turned up, I didn’t really think it through. I just thought… maybe you’d need a wand? Or that I could go into villages more easily and get food, and that? But I can leave, if that’s what you want…”
At this point, he’d been rambling long enough, so he took a step away before he could dig himself a deeper hole. A hand on his sleeve halted him. Sirius’s hand. “Stay” he said.
So Remus stayed.
They set up sleeping bags, conjured by Remus, on opposite sides of the cave. Remus cast cloaking spells around it, which allowed them to safely start the first proper, wizarding fire Sirius had experienced in months. It was much neater and more efficient than the muggle ones. The fire cast strange shadows on the wall, and that night neither of them could sleep.
In the morning, they agreed to move. With Remus, they could apparate, although it was pretty awkward to manage alongside an entire hippogriff, so they tried to keep their movements to a minimum. Sirius would grip Buckbeak tightly as they shuffled awkwardly towards each other, lightly holding hands for just enough time to apparate, and then letting go again.
Their next stop was an old laithe house in the Yorkshire Dales. Compared with the caves Sirius had been using, it felt like a luxury. Buckbeak had a whole room to himself, and he seemed to be enjoying the hay. Remus circled the perimeter, casting charms to keep muggles away, and adding warmth. Sirius watched Remus through a window as he moved, rolling his sleeves up to his elbow in the exact same way as he did when he was 16. His heart ached, and he wondered if he was making the right decision, closing himself off to this.
When he’d escaped Azkaban, he didn’t really want to live. All that kept him going was revenge. He’d convinced himself now it was just a need to protect Harry that he lived for, and at first maybe it was. It felt too big and scary to admit he was holding a place within him for Remus. But Remus wouldn’t let him go.
Right on cue, Remus returned to the house, and reached over to pluck a leaf out of Sirius’s hair.
“I forgot to say” He murmured. “I ran into your cousin… or rather, she ran into me.”
“Which one?” Sirius had instantly tensed. Remus silently cursed himself for not being more specific. In Sirius’s family tree, there weren’t a lot of options that weren’t terrifying to encounter.
“Relax,” he said, his hand still entangled in Sirius’s hair. “Andromeda’s kid, Tonks she goes by now.”
“Wow.” Said Sirius. “She must be about 21 now, I guess.” He ran his own hand through his hair, displacing Remus’s.
“Yeah. She’s pretty strong willed, that one. I can tell you’re related” He grinned, but it turned quickly into a grimace as he remembered the rest. “She’s convinced you’re innocent, and that the real Death Eaters are planning to return soon. She’s ready to start a war.”
“And why shouldn’t she?” Sirius had sat up at his words, a glint in his eye. “When the time comes, we’ll need young people like her!”
“She’s your family, Sirius!” Remus exclaimed, shocked. “How can you sit there and talk about her in terms of how useful she’s going to be?”
He stood up and walked away from Sirius, turning back after a few paces. “I’m not naive. I know there could be another war coming. I’m just not ready to watch a whole new generation die for it.”
Sirius ran a hand wearily across his face before pulling himself to his feet and striding over to Remus. Without thinking, he put a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the warmth through his fingers. Remus had always run hot. He swallowed, and tried to concentrate.
“You’re right. But we have to think practically. We’ve got to use everything we’ve got to protect Harry.”
Remus glanced down, seeking Sirius’s eyes, but he had already turned away to pet Buckbeak. Remus looked out at the darkening trees. The forest seemed to go on forever.