Chapter Twelve
Please picture me in the trees
I hit my peak at seven
Feet in the swing over the creek
I was too scared to jump in
- Peter’s verse
And I think you should come live with me
And we can be pirates
Then you won’t have to ry
Or hide in the closet
Our love will be passed on
- Sirius’s verse
June 6th
Remus sat in his office, absently watching the grindylow swim around its tank. A month had passed since he’d yelled at Harry, and their relationship was still slowly defrosting. His wolfsbane potion smoked gently on his desk, and next to it was a note Rowan had sent him earlier that day to let him know they’d lost their appeal for Buckbeak. It was strange being caught up between such hope for the future and such disappointment that even with the new laws being brought in, hatred was still winning in so many places. It was more than one person could take - but he wasn’t just one person, not any more. The group at the Unicorn were all fighting and bringing their talents, and they were making a difference - weren’t they?
Remus remembered Hermione’s determination as she sat poring over books in Hagrid’s hut. She had all the enthusiasm of youth, without seeming to be weighed down by the shame that plagued his generation. He remembered her telling him that her parents were dentists - without embarrassment, and without a look of defiance daring him to challenge her too. It was just simple; her parents were dentists, and she was a witch. He hoped that simplicity lasted.
In fact - he opened up the Marauders Map with a tap of his wand. He’d told Harry to be careful, but he was so like James, and Remus suspected he’d have trouble keeping away from Hagrid this evening. It seemed risky - but perhaps it was something they all needed to do. Remus quelled his guilt by resolving to keep an eye on the trio from his office. He traced his finger through the dorms - sure enough, they were absent from there - and down to Hagrid’s hut. There. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fudge, Dumbledore, Hagrid, and one other name… the way their names were all overlapping on the tiny page made it hard to read, and Remus worried they’d surely be in each other’s line of sight, until he realised with a pang that Harry must be in possession of his father’s old cloak. As they moved away from the hut, something else caught his eye; a fourth name. But it couldn’t be?
Peter Pettigrew.
Before Remus was able to process this, a second name leapt out from the shadows of his memory, and onto the page.
Sirius… no.
Without thinking, Lupin grabbed his cloak, knocking over everything on his desk, and swept from the room, slamming the door. Behind him, the spilt wolfsbane potion frothed gently into the carpet.
*
“WE’RE UP HERE! SIRIUS BLACK! QUICK”
That was the first thing Remus heard as he entered the Shrieking Shack. He burst into the room, unprepared for anything, but especially unprepared for the sight of Sirius, after all these years, lying on the ground at Harry’s feet, bleeding.
“Expelliarmus!” Instinct kicked in, even as he was trying to unravel the narrative in his mind. Remus caught all three of the teenager’s wands, not looking at them, only able to stare at Black. The man was gaunt; the soft humour was absent from his eyes, and his hair… it shouldn’t matter, but his beautiful hair was ragged and that more than anything made him look like a stranger. But then there was his mouth… it was him. It was Sirius. Remus could have looked forever but somewhere within he knew were more pressing matters at hand.
“Where is he, Sirius?”
Black flinched at the sound of his own name - how many times had he dreamed of that voice whispering in his ear? Enough that it had become twisted and mangled, but hearing it for real brought memories back that he’d pushed away - now they piled on top of him, crushing him - Remus, his Moony - and James, and… Peter. Without changing his expression, Black pointed to Ron - or more precisely, the rat in Ron’s hands that was trying so desperately to escape.
Only Remus knew him well enough to read the emotion through his fixed expression. He looked at him intently, trying to read every sign that was simultaneously so alien and so familiar.
“But then… why hasn’t he shown himself before now? Unless -” Remus broke eye contact with Sirius, the weight of his new understanding breaking him all over again, in ways he didn’t realise he was still able to break.
“- unless he was the one… unless you switched without telling me?”
Sirius had spent 12 years in the shadows of what he’d done to the man he loved. To everyone he loved. Ashamed, but never looking away, Sirius nodded.
Angry heat flashed through Remus, followed by sadness and then finally, the sudden realisation that it didn’t matter. 12 years had passed, and in front of him now was Sirius - his Sirius, and he was innocent. He dropped his wand to his side, and took Sirius’s hand in his own. He hauled him to his feet and then they were embracing, and trying to put years of pain and forgiveness and sorrow into one hug.
“I DON’T BELIEVE IT” Hermione brought them back into the moment. “You - you -”
Remus turned from Sirius, one hand still on his shoulder. “Hermione - ”
“ - you and him!”
“Hermione, calm down -”
“I didn’t tell anyone!” Hermione shrieked. “I’ve been covering up for you - ”
“Hermione, listen to me, please. I can explain - ”
“I trusted you - and this whole time, you’ve been his friend!”
Harry was staring at him, looking horrified. Remus knew he had to explain, and fast. The thought of Harry feeling betrayed again, well, it was a feeling he knew all too well. “Harry -” he began.
“No, Harry, don’t trust him, he’s been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too!” Hermione continued yelling at him, and then she said something that changed everything.
“He’s a werewolf!”
Remus felt the air leave his chest. Of course she thought he was a monster. It didn’t matter that they knew each other, that he’d taught her magic, or that they’d worked on magical law together drinking tea and putting the world to rights; he would always be a werewolf first, wizard second. And that was enough to make him untrustworthy. Beside him, Sirius reached up and squeezed his hand, which was still on his shoulder. It gave him the strength to give the children what he owed them, and that was the truth.
“Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione. Only one out of three, I’m afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don’t want Harry dead…”
In Remus’s mind, a memory rose up unbidden. That night he learnt of James and Lily’s fate, while he sat alone, miles away, alone and useless. He pushed it down. He thought of Hermione revealing her muggle-born status, and kept his voice as even as possible. “But I won’t deny that I am a werewolf.”
Ron gasped and tried to stand. Automatically, Remus went to help him, but he shrank away, horrified. Of all Harry’s friends, Ron was the most deeply entrenched in his prejudices. But still, Remus couldn’t bear to look over at Harry, not wanting to confirm the expression he feared he’d find on his face.
Be calm.
Sighing deeply, he turned to Hermione. “How long have you known?”
“Ages… since I did Professor Snape’s essay…”
Remus laughed, bitterly. “He’ll be delighted. He set that essay hoping someone would realise what my symptoms meant.” Despite himself, he couldn’t help asking “Did you check the lunar chart and realise I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realise that the Boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?”
“Both” She replied.
Remus considered her shrewdly. So, she’d kept his secret. Even from her friends - and she’d allowed him to keep teaching too. “You’re the cleverest witch of your age I’ve ever met, Hermione”
This seemed to be the wrong thing to say.
“I’m not.” She retorted, “If I’d been a bit cleverer, I’d have told everyone what you are!”
Ouch. But he had a response to that one.
“They already know. At least - the staff do.”
“Dumbledore hired you when he knew you were a werewolf? Is he mad?” Ron interjected - disgust momentarily overcoming his fear.
“Some of the staff thought so” Lupin began. He felt Sirius shift behind him, sinking onto the bed impatiently. But he owed them all the truth. It was the only way to get through this. “He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I’m trustworthy -”
“AND HE WAS WRONG! YOU’VE BEEN HELPING HIM ALL THIS TIME!” Harry burst out, stepping towards Sirius.
Remus stepped between the two of them once more, at the same time Crookshanks leapt onto Sirius’s lap. One more for team Black, Remus thought, and he’d take whoever he could get.
“I have not been helping Sirius” Lupin snapped, still unable to look Harry fully in the face. “If you’ll give me a chance, I’ll explain. Look - ”
In desperation, he threw all their wands back to them. Harry looked stunned. Slowly, Remus put his own wand away. He put his trust fully, blindly into Harry. He had to.
“There. You’re armed, we’re not. Now will you listen?”
“If you haven’t been helping him, how did you know he was here?”
“The map, the Marauder’s Map. I was in my office, examining it - ”
“You know how to work it?” Harry replied.
“Of course I know how to work it” Remus was getting impatient now, too. He finally was able to look at Harry directly as he told him “I helped write it. I’m Moony.”
“You wrote -”
Remus saw the glint of surprise in Harry’s eye along with a look of respect and knew he had an opening.
“The important thing is, I was watching it carefully this evening, because I had an idea that you, Ron and Hermione might try and sneak out of the castle to visit Hagrid before his Hippogriff was executed. And I was right, wasn’t I?”
Remus paced as he tried to explain. Suddenly, he stopped in front of Ron. “Do you think I could have a look at that rat?”
Ron cringed away from him. “What’s my rat got to do with anything?” He demanded.
“That’s not a rat” Sirius spoke for the first time in a while. It gave Remus the strength to continue.
“No, he’s not. He’s a wizard -”
“An animagus.” Sirius finished his sentence. “By the name of Peter Pettigrew.”