Chapter Five
I have seen what the darkness does
Say goodbye to who I was
I ain't never been away so long
Don't look back, them days are gone
Follow me into the endless night
I can bring your fears to life
Show me yours and I'll show you mine
Meet me in the woods tonight
In the aftermath of the attack on Filch’s cat, and the ominous graffiti, it was decided among Unicorn members that Remus should focus more solely on the protection of muggle-borns at the school. Tarun and Kitty Squires, who owned the Unicorn bookshop, were muggle-born, and had been the first witch and wizard to reach out to Rowan after he was bitten. They let out their bookshop for meetings freely, and campaigned tirelessly for better Muggle Studies in education.
It seemed unlikely to them all that this chamber existed, but what they did know for sure was that the attitudes of purebloods towards their muggle-born peers had not softened. It saddened Remus to watch Harry growing up in a world that wasn’t so different from the generation before. It saddened him more when he heard from Hagrid about Harry's friend Hermione being called a slur, although he was somewhat cheered that she had been defended, albeit by a very faulty wand.
He resolved to keep a close eye on Harry and his friends, as trouble never seemed to be far away from them.
Weeks went by, dragging Autumn to an early wintery death, and Remus and Rowan found themselves meeting in the forest more frequently. When the first muggle-born was found petrified, it was the first place Rowan headed to.
“It’s outrageous.” He said. “If it had been a pureblood who had been attacked, it would have been all over the news.
“They need to make muggle studies compulsory, at least for one year. Understanding is the first step to changing attitudes. And don’t get me started on the way they teach Wizarding History.”
Darkness had gathered around them; it was happening earlier each night. Remus flicked his wand, so that the light at the end of it split off into ten miniature blobs of light above their heads.
“Wow…” said Rowan, momentarily distracted. “It’s pretty artistic, for you.”
“Shut up” said Remus.
Rowan had brought several young mandrakes to boost Hogwarts current supply. They wouldn’t be mature for some time, but Remus took them gratefully, knowing that Professor Sprout wouldn't ask questions about where they came from.
“Actually, there is something else I’d like to discuss with you.”
Rowan looked at him curiously. There was something else that had been playing on Remus's mind, that he hadn't mentioned in his letters.
“It’s Harry… I’m worried about him. It was at this duelling club, last week… it seems he’s a parselmouth.”
“And?”
“And… what do you think it means? Is it a sign of dark magic?”
“Oh Remus, you of all people should know not to judge someone on what they are, but by what they do. Look at us, for example.”
These words made Remus feel better. Rowan always knew what to say. He looked over, and saw Rowan looking at him intently. They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds, and Remus felt a familiar feeling flushing his cheeks. The forest always made him feel brave, and he leaned forward and kissed Rowan. He tasted of oranges and mints and it’s different, and it's not the right time, but it’s good. Remus wants this. When Rowan pulls back, he’s surprised.
“I’m sorry Remus, I can’t do this. I like you - but it’s too much." Rowan threw his hands up. "I’m already half wizard, half werewolf. I’m still figuring that out. I can’t be half gay on top of it all. I’m just caught in between too much. It’s all too much. I’m sorry.”
And then he disapparated.
Well, thought Remus, that went poorly.
*
He didn’t have much time to dwell on the kiss, because all the teachers were being required to patrol the corridors, and escort students to and from their lessons constantly. He kept up communications with Rowan; now was not the time for awkwardness. A cold Spring replaced Winter, and somehow things kept getting worse.
The attacks were getting more frequent, and Remus was making no headway with his investigations. Most recently, Harry’s friend Hermione had been petrified, and Harry was distraught. In fact, his behaviour had been quite suspicious recently. Remus felt sure he was up to something, and wished he could convince him to confide in him, but Remus was his teacher, not his friend, and the divide felt uncrossable.
Harry wasn’t the only one with secrets. Remus ran into Hagrid one morning, and the man looked distinctly twitchy. He tried asking if all was well, but he was cut short and Hagrid stomped off in quite a hurry. It wasn’t like him at all.
Not long after this incident, Remus spotted Hagrid being escorted from the grounds. He dropped off the group of third years he was taking to Herbology, and hurried over, finding himself face to face with the Minister of Magic.
“Excuse me… but what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I can’t think why that would be any of your concern, Mr…?”
“Lupin.” Remus replied shortly. He waited as Fudge cast around his mind for the name, and then his eyes widened. Remus supposed he remembered him for his constant barrage of owls with complaints, petitions, and other matters concerned with making the Minister's life hell.
“Oh god, not you!” Fudge groaned. “Look here, there’s nothing you can do. It’s just a precaution, but we’ve got to take him to Azkaban. The last thing we want is a death, I think we can all agree!”
“AZKABAN?” Remus was livid. “On what grounds? Have you even seen a lawyer, Hagrid?”
The large man shook his head. “They think I opened it, Remus. They think I’m responsible.”
“I’ll contact Rowan immediately. We’ll fight for you Hagrid, we’ll fight for you.”
As they led Hagrid away, Remus was seething. Of course their first instinct was to blame the giant. It was always the same old story, over and over. Something had to give. He went to the owlery and wrote to Rowan. It was all he could do.
*
All the teacher’s were assigned night patrols in pairs. Remus had the misfortune of being paired with Lockhart, who found excuse after excuse to cut their patrol nights short, until finally one day, he simply failed to turn up at all. Remus would have been angry, but Gilderoy had been annoying the hell out of him, and he was definitely more effective on his own. It also meant he could make full use of the secret passages he’d discovered as a student. It felt liberating to use them freely in the night once again. It reminded him of nights with James and Peter and - well. It was a time gone by. He felt the echoes of them round every corner, the past overlapped on his present, threatening at times to suffocate him. A strange procession of spiders interrupted Remus’s thoughts, and he followed them up to the window ledge.
Through the window, he could see Hagrid’s Hut glowing warmly in the darkness. Harry and Ron had started going down every evening to feed Fang, the dog. It seemed to comfort them a little. Remus felt a pang of sympathy towards Rubeus. He might think of Dumbledore as a saviour, but it seemed all he’d done was trap him; allowed to remain as if one day he’d be able to get up and go to lessons and become the wizard he ought to have been. But Rubeus never would get that opportunity, and he’d never walked away from the hope either. Now he was in Azkaban. It was too cruel.
A sudden movement in the trees caught Remus’s attention. Was it the trees… or… a reflection from behind him? Two amber orbs joined the cottage’s glow, and that was the last thing Remus remembered.