Crushes and sleepovers
(8th Nov, tuesday 9:02)
(we love taylor)
Moony: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Padfoot: am I going to be supplied with context ??
Moony: early
Moony: I’ve got work
Padfoot: ewwww
Moony: well some of us need to work because we have bills to pay smh
Padfoot: I though I was your sugar daddy ;)
Moony: oh look at that, a sudden urge to get to work where I’m not supposed to go on my phone
Padfoot: twas my plan all along
Moony: mhmmmm sure -_-
Padfoot: byeeee moonlight text me later ;)))
(1:03pm)
(rollin with the lgbt)
superiorblackbrother: I came to the library to study. But Remus is asleep on the sofa. Should I wake him?
galwaygirl: isn’t he supposed to be working?
Taylorisgod: sleeping on the job is never a good sign
sweaterweather(mv): shut up I’m on my break
darcassimp: remus, you work in a library, your whole job is a break
sweaterweather(mv): ……..
sweaterweather(mv): you know what that’s actually fair enough
superiorblackbrother: Can you please do your job, I need to find books and things.
sweaterweather(mv): ugh FINE
zumbagod: Aren’t you guys in the same room? Why are you texting eachother.
superiorblackbrother: You have a good point Dorcas.
himboking: look at my brothers bonding, it’s a beautiful moment :’)
Taylorisgod: Do we think Remus is cheating on me with my own brother???? Because that’s really low
sweaterweather(mv): I am not, because Alex just walked into the library and now Regulus has been reduced to a stuttering mess
himboking: oh no
galwaygirl: Remind me who Alex is again?
archiboldsupremacy: The guy in Regulus’ classes that he has basically been in love with since the start of the year
zumbagod: It’s ok everyone, Regulus has got this.
zumbagod: we have been working on his self confidence, plus today he has on a rose quartz bracelet and amythest necklace. It was meant to be
roseMary: wow a lot has happened
roseMary: Wait, how do you know what Reggie is wearing ?!?
zumbagod: we give each other daily updates on what crystals we have on/with us each day, and give advice :)
himboking: Sirius is so jealous rn
Taylorisgod: WHY DOES REGGIE GET CRYSTAL ADVICE AND UPDATES AND NOT ME ?!?!?
zumbagod: I’ll add you to the gc :)
Taylorisgod: thank you Cas the love of my life xx
(10 mins later)
(we love taylor)
Padfoot: how’s it going ??
Moony: my shift or you’re baby brother asking someone out on a date ?!
Padfoot: OBVIOUSLY REGGIE
Moony: wowwww, I’m really feeling the love
Padfoot: REMUS LUPIN ?!?
Moony: finneeee it’s going ok
Moony: they started off a bit awkward but Alex invited Reggie to sit down and it’s all good now
Padfoot: OMG I GET TO TEASE HIM SO MUCHHHHH
Moony: has anyone told you you’re such a wonderful and caring person ?!
Padfoot: of course they have ;)
Moony: oh no
Padfoot: what ?!?!?
Moony: he panicked, he tried to ask Alex out, he’s stumbling
Moony: he said ‘would you maybe like to……’
Moony: and trailed off into silence
Moony: it’s been 40 seconds
Padfoot: oh no
Moony: omgggggg
Moony: Alex just ASKED REGGIE TO THE CHRISTMAS BALL
Moony: what a twist of events
Padfoot: sommensneb omgggg
Padfoot: I actually didn’t see that one coming
Moony: they’re both so awkward it’s adorable
Padfoot: OMG I HAVE A NEW BROTHER IN LAW
Moony: say that and Reggie kills you
Padfoot: oh I don’t doubt it
Moony: he could definitely get away with murder
Padfoot: he spent agessss planning the perfect murder out just incase, he even has a binder for it, it’s tabbed !!?!
Moony: well that’s terrifying
Moony: not unexpected though
Moony: they just exchanged numbersssss skjsnsnsbdhndd
(1:34pm)
(rollin with the lgbt)
superiorblackbrother: I have a date to the christmas ball.
himboking: but the ball isn’t for like, a month ? why does it matter
himboking: tell us what happened with Alex
Taylorisgod: oh Jamie
galwaygirl: remind me why this is the man I have chosen to date ??
himboking: OH MY GOD …… you’re GOING TO THE BALL WITH ALEX !!!!
Dorcassimp: anddddd he got it
zumbagod: REGULUSSSSSDD
sweaterweather(mv): you should see him, he’s grinning like an idiot
superiorblackbrother: Watch what you say Remus Lupin, I know where you live and that you have an allergy to penicillin.
sweaterweather(mv): I’m scared
superiorblackbrother: Good, that’s what I was going for.
himboking: Regulus we talked about this, you can’t research peoples medical history, it’s an invasion of their privacy !!!!
superiorblackbrother: Oh, I forgot.
galwaygirl: it’s ok love, maybe next time just check 🥰
superiorblackbrother: Of course, thank you Lily X
galwaygirl: my pleasure my dear
dorcassimp: can you guys please be my parents??
himboking: Yes but I’m not paying for your uni
dorcassimp: dammit !!!
roseMary: flowerpott are my parents and my new favorite ship !!!
archibaldsupremacy: I thought we agreed on Jily ?!?!?
Dorcassimp: Jily isn’t creative at all WHERES you’re ARTISTIC FLARE PETE
archibaldsupremacy: well i was fitting the vibe of the rest of them
archibaldsupremacy: Dorlene
archibaldsupremacy: emmary
archibaldsupremacy: Jily fits the vibe
zumbagod: he has a point…….
Dorcassimp: maybeeee
galwaygirl: do we get a say in this ?!?
roseMary: Of course not !!
galwaygirl: thought so
(4:12pm)
(moonflower)
Lilyflower: you ok love? wanna have dinner together this evening?
Moony: I’m gonna have a nap and then see x
Lilyflower: sounds good x if you haven’t texted me I’ll come check on you in a while x
Moony: ok thanks lils x
(6:30pm)
Remus had barely slept the night before, he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep or nap, anything, but he couldn’t. His brain wouldn’t be quiet, all these thoughts, he needed to talk about it but didn’t want to burden anyone. It was his problem not anyone else’s.
Remus cast a look around his room and his eyes fell on Minnie sleeping on the window ledge. ‘This is better than nothing’ Remus thought, Poppy his therapist said talking always helped, even if it was to inanimate objects or animals. When you need to talk you don’t always need advice, you just need to vocalize your thoughts, unscramble them from the mess they are causing in your brain.
This worked best for Remus, because he felt he wasn’t burdening them as much as he would if he talked to Lily, and she has enough to deal with.
Remus’ greatest fear was that he was a burden, many things had gotten better over time and with therapy, but this nagging belief he wasn’t enough was always lurking around the corner, and when he came face to face with it every so often it knew how to burn him.
But he did what he could, helping himself was something that didn’t come easily, so when he did a sense of pride always followed. And so he called Minnie over to him, she stretched and jumped on to his bed happily.
Poppy was the first therapist that not only made him want to get better, but made him believe he could, it also helped he trusted her more than most.
The ethics medically were….. questionable, but legally they weren’t related in any way, Poppy was just married to his godmother, and she truly was a healer. She helped heal so many of Remus scars.
And so he visualized Poppy as he spoke into the room empty of human presence, bar himself.
He spoke of the fear, the fear that loving Sirius brought. One of his best friends, someone he trusts, and a couple of words could ruin their whole friendship. He knew Poppy would say ‘Remus dear, keeping your feelings a secret is a dangerous way to live your life.’
And yet the aftermath of what could happen if the secret was revealed, it didn’t seem worth it.
He groaned and threw himself onto his bed. He was about to pick up his book when the doorbell rung.
Curiously he went to the door, he wasn’t expecting anyone. But when he opened the door Lily was standing there with Cadburys chocolate in hand.
“I heard from James that Sirius was here yesterday, and I know this all must suck and is really scary for you.”
Lily’s eyes traced the tear stains on his face, “And I also know that you would be spiraling on your own, because despite how much we love you, you believe you’re a burden. But we can guarantee you that you’re not.”
“We?” Remus asked, confused.
Lily smiled sheepishly, “I may have brought along an emotional support Marlene, Dorcas and Mary if you are ok with them being here? But if you want just you and me, or to be alone, that's fine too!”
Remus chuckled, “Lils that sounds perfect.” Before she went to the car to go get the rest of them Remus pulled her into a tight hug, “How did I get so lucky to have you guys as my friends.” he said, muffled slightly.
“You must have been a bloody saint in another life cause we’re amazing.” Remus looked up to see Marlene, Cas and Mary all standing there. “Sorry Remus,” Dorcas said, “Marlene insisted we come up and convince you that our presence is needed.”
“And aren’t you glad I did !” she exclaimed, “We would’ve missed the opportunity for me to deliver that fucking brilliant line!” Dorcas rolled their eyes but put their arm around Marlene’s waist fondly and kissed her on her nose.
“Ugh I thought you guys were here to cheer me up not make me feel more single!” Remus groaned, everyone laughed and he gestured for everyone to come inside.
Despite them all having lectures in the morning it was unanimously decided that everyone would be staying the night. Lily knew that Remus was already emotionally and physically drained, and had warned the others too.
So they spent the evening eating chocolate, lazily gossiping and talking quietly while pitch perfect (Remus’ comfort movie) played in the background.
Remus pulled out the sofa bed, which fit three people, Mary didn’t mind third wheeling with Cas and Marlene. And he and Lily went into his room and carried his mattress out onto the living room floor.
They all fell asleep soon after, but Remus was still awake. He just couldn’t help thinking how lucky he was, yes, on the off chance that it happens it would be absolutely awful to lose Padfoot, but he still had other incredible friends who would be there for him.
He was going to be ok.
And with that comforting thought he drifted off to sleep.
(10th Nov, Thursday)
(11:23am)
(we love taylor)
Moony: despite how much I love taylor
Moony: trust me I do !!!!!
Moony: I feel like we might need a new chat name
Padfoot: MOONLIGHT YOU READ MY MIND !!!!!!!!
Moony: aw we’re just so in sync ;)
Padfoot: you’re flirting with me ?!???
Moony: I was making fun of you but sure
Moony: why not
Padfoot: wjwhhwhwbebbee
Padfoot: THE DAYS WHEN MOONY FLIRTS WITH ME ARE THE BESTTTT
Moony: mhmmmm just continue
Padfoot: welllllllll I honestly hadn’t gotten as far as actually coming up with a name
Moony: you came into this conversation unprepared ?!?!?
Padfoot: I thought we could brainstorm together moony mine
Moony: that’s new
Padfoot: huh ?
Moony: Moony mine, that’s a new one
Padfoot: what you keep track off all the names I have called you ?
Moony: oh of course I wrote them all down in my notes app dated with the exact time
Padfoot: oh Moonpie how I wish that were true
Moony: I’m sure you do
Moony: but we haven’t come up with a name yet ??
Padfoot: oh right
Padfoot: ehhhhh
Padfoot: skjebebebrbbrr OMG I KNOWWWWWWW
Moony: I can barely contain my excitement
*Padfoot changed chat name to ‘Moonage daydream and the diamond dog’*
Moony: wowwwww
Moony: Bowie inspired I like ittttt
Padfoot: Ik I’m amazinnggg ;)
Moony: one question tho
Moony: I get the moon but cause moony but why diamond dog ??
Padfoot: wellllll Mooonyyyy
Padfoot: I have often been compared to a large black dog
Padfoot: then when a large black dog somehow (it was me and James but shhhhh) got snuck into the school in our third year, everyone loved it and it was soon named ‘Padfoot’
Padfoot: it was then brought to the marauders attention that the dog Padfoot and me, Padfoot, were almost identical
Padfoot: and so the name Padfoot was born
Moony: you have said Padfoot so many times my head hurts
Moony: but I must admit that is a good way to get a nickname
Moony: better than being a walking moon reference in several ancient languages and cultures
Padfoot: don’t you dare!!!
Padfoot: your name is one of the coolest things ever (that’s saying a lot coming from me)
Moony: NO !!
Moony: your name is Sirius Black
Moony: that’s fucking cool
Moony: my name is Remus John Lupin, that’s just pathetic
Padfoot: DON'T YOU DARE
Padfoot: REMUS LUPIN YOU ARE AMAZING AND INCREDIBLE JUST LIKE YOUR NAME
Padfoot: I'M GONNA START A REMUS FAN CLUB
Padfoot: THE ONLY MEMBER WOULD BE ME AND I WOULD JUST WRITE DOWN ALL THE REASONS you’re PERFECT
Moony: ha ye
Moony: well I gtg so talk later ?
Padfoot: oh
Padfoot: yep ok
(12:03pm)
(moonflower supremacy)
Moony: ughhhhhhh
Lilyflower: this about Sirius ?
Moony: he was talking about how perfect I am
Moony: so I just said I gtg
Moony: and LEFT the conversation
Lilyflower: I mean that’s not very ‘no homo’ of them
Lilyflower: have you ever considered the fact that he might like you back!??
Moony: Lillian
Moony: you have to be joking
Lilyflower: I’m just saying !!!!
Lilyflower: I mean you guys talk everyday and spend time together
Moony: have you ever heard of this thing called friendship??? Because that’s what you literally just described
Lilyflower: but do friends look at their friends when they think no one is looking with incredible puppy dog eyes
Moony: huh
Lilyflower: you should see the way he looks at you Remus
Lilyflower: I’m not saying I know it for a fact, but I wouldn’t be so dismissive of the possibility that he could like you back
Moony: but that would be giving myself hope Lils
Moony: hope never ends well
Moony: expect disappointed and you will never be disappointed
Lilyflower: don’t go all MJ on me rn
Moony: -_-
Lilyflower: just consider it
Lilyflower: that’s all
Moony: maybe
(6:34pm)
(James and Remus)
James: hey Remus I’m just wondering if you have heard anything from Sirius today ??
Remus: ehhh at like 12 ish but not since then
Remus: why ?
James: his bitch of a biological mother decided that she would turn up at Reggie’s flat, and Sirius and I were there when she arrived
James: they had a huge fight, she blames him for ‘making Reggie be just like him’ and all this crap, and she kept misgendering Reggie
James: Sirius absolutely lost his shit and kicked her out, she wouldn’t leave but I had called the security in Reggie’s building and they made her leave
James: but Sirius disappeared straight after that and I haven’t seen or heard from them since
James: but they didn’t take their bike so he can’t have gone very far
Remus: oh my god
Remus: that’s awful
Remus: I haven’t heard from them but I can help you look if you need me too ?
James: I mean he should be fine but if you don’t mind it would be a huge help
Remus: of course I’ll go out rn
James: thank you sm
James: call me r text me if you find them
Remus: will do x
Remus wracked his brain trying to think where Sirius could’ve gone, he was just grabbing his coat when he remembered something.
Almost certain he now knew where Sirius was Remus set off to follow his hunch.
After about a twenty minute walk Remus came to the entrance to Hogsmede castle, he hoped his hunch was right as he began to climb the hill. He reached the top and breathlessly looked around, wishing for Sirius to be here.
As he rounded the castle wall, there was Sirius, looking so utterly miserable yet so incandescently beautiful.
Remus mentally shook himself, now is not the time, he needed to be a good friend now more than anything.
Sirius heard footsteps approaching and turned to see Remus, smiling nervously. As Remus made his way towards them Sirius couldn’t help but think that Remus might be the most beautiful person to ever exist, even when they look like their about to be sick with nervousness.
Remus sat down beside him silently, knowing that when Sirius needed to talk, he would.
Sirius kept his eyes on the horizon, “James couldn’t even figure it out huh?”
Remus sighed, “He was worried and thought I might be able to help.” Sirius still didn’t turn around, Remus continued “He told me to text him when I found you, but if you want to wait a while I’ll wait too.”
Many would think, looking at their childhood, that physical touch would be something Sirius hated, however it over the years Sirius had managed to transform touch into a comfort. He found reassurance in touch, it grounded him, the weight of another hand in his, the warmth of a body beside his.
Sirius wasn’t always good with words he didn’t really know how to describe how they were feeling at this moment in time, so instead he hooked his little finger around Remus’.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus whispered.
“Maybe, but I might cry and that’s kind of pathetic.”
Remus turned to look at Sirius and said softly, “You’re allowed to cry, and it’s alright to be sad.” Sirius stayed silent so he continued, “James told me what happened, and you need to know that none of this is your fault.”
Remus had thought a lot on his walk about what to say, and although just a guess he felt that maybe he might be right, “But I don’t think that’s why you’re upset,” Sirius turned to him confused.
“I might be wrong, but I don’t think that is main reason why you are up here alone. Yes you blame yourself, which you shouldn’t, but I think maybe you’re mourning the fact that they didn’t love you the way they’re supposed to.”
Sirius inhaled sharply but didn’t stop him, Remus took this as an invitation to continue, “Even though they’re awful, it’s ok to be sad that they didn’t love you the way they should, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about wishing for that.”
Sirius looked up to meet Remus’ eyes, they had tears in their eyes and a pained look on their face. He opened his mouth to say something but Remus seemingly able to read his mind got there first,
“And yes you have have Monty and Effie, but it’s still ok to wish you had had that love from when you were born. But Sirius I need you to know that although they didn’t love you, or made it seem like you weren’t wanted, you have to believe me that you are wanted. By James, by Reggie and Marls and Cas and Lily and Mary, by Peter and,” Remus took a breath “By me.”
Sirius still didn’t say anything but he placed his head on Remus’ shoulder, “And as far as ruining peoples lives goes, since you chaotically came into my life, you have only made it better.”
Remus could say something now, but he didn’t want to, before anything he was Sirius’ friend and he wanted to be here for him. So they sat in silence watching as the sun sank behind the horizon, painting the sky a shimmering golden and pink.
While they sat in a comfortable silence Sirius traced Remus’ scars along his hands and forearms that were exposed. They didn’t touch them like they were something bad though, Sirius traced the lines that marked Remus’ skin with a tender touch.
“Moony,” he whispered after a while. “Mhmmm” Remus replied sleepily, let Remus sit anywhere too long and he’s guarenteed to doze off.
“I know they don’t define you, but I really do think your scars are very beautiful, they only enhance your beauty.”
Remus didn’t know what to say, Sirius knew that he had said the right thing though.
They continue to trace Remus’ scars until he had them almost memorized.
Eventually Sirius stood up, “I think I’m ready to go home now.” Remus nodded, understanding, and they made their way together back to Sirius’ flat. They walked for twenty minutes in a pleasant silence before Sirius stopped.
Remus turned confused to face Sirius, “Is everything o-“ he started but Sirius interrupted him, “I don’t want it to change!” Remus still looked utterly perplexed and Sirius ttempted to explain.
“I dont want our friendship to change, I don’t want you to perceive me as something fragile, that could break any minute! I still want you to be sarcastic and mean and we can have stupid conversations!”
“Sirius I would never treat you as something fragile, I’ve dealt with that most of my life, so you think I would do the same to you?” Remus said sincerely.
Sirius laughed weakly, “I guess not.”
“Although I am going to ask one thing of you,” Remus added. Sirius eyed him suspiciously before nodding for him to continue.
“Next time you feel like running, maybe try and run towards me.”
Sirius couldn’t look Remus in the eye for fear they may confess their love right there and then.
Instead he began to walk again, shouting at Remus that he should be able to keep up considering he was gifted with such long limbs.
To which Remus responded with an enthusiasm Sirius had never seen about how much he detested the word limbs, and didn’t stop until they reached Sirius’ door.
They arrived at the door and Sirius offered for Remus to come inside for a cup of tea, but he had an assignment to finish and begrudgingly declined.
Remus turned to go when Sirius placed a hand on his arm. They said something along the lines of ‘thank you for everything’ but Remus found it hard to concentrate, where Sirius had placed their hand on his arm was tingling and the swooping sensation in his stomach wasn’t easing.
He did his best to smile convincingly and left before he could do something stupid like confess his love….. or throw up on Sirius’ front mat, both were very viable options at that moment in time.
‘I’m so stupidly in love with Sirius Black’ he thought.
As Remus walked away Sirius tried his best not shout at him to stay, don’t leave, ever. But now wasn’t the time, maybe someday, but he needed Remus to be his friend at the moment, not his boyfriend. Maybe one day though.
This thought sent butterflies flying through their stomach and a stupidly large grin spread across their face.
‘I’m so stupidly in love with Remus Lupin’ he thought.