Nightmares and friend groups
The door of Remus’ bedroom creaked slightly as it gently swung open, Sirius made sure to step carefully so as not to wake Remus. They noticed an old, large, winged armchair in the corner and decided that was the best place to make himself comfortable for the time being.
As he sat down and peered over to Remus' bed, he noticed the many tote bags hanging from one of the bottom bedposts. His eyes travelled further around the room until they stopped on the most angelic person Sirius had ever seen. It actually took their breath away.
Unfortunately Sirius, having always presumed that your breath being ‘taken away’ was a myth, began coughing and spluttering in an attempt to try and get their breath back, causing Remus to stir. They looked over to the bed in panic, fearing he had woken Remus. Fortunately Remus rolled back over and his light snoring soon continued, Sirius let out a long, quiet, breath.
Now having the time to study Remus’ face he examined the other boy closely and curiously. The first thing they noticed was a messy mop of brown curls atop Remus’ head, then he did a double take, Remus’ face, and what appeared to be, entire body was covered in silvery white scars. The largest visible scar was on his face, tracing a line from the corner of his right eye, across the bridge of his nose and just past the left corner of his lips, his perfect rose bud lips.
Not that Sirius had noticed his lips or anything.
The moonlight peered through the curtains, illuminating Remus’ face, and freckles, slightly. Sirius could’ve compared his beauty to that of Patroclus or Aphrodite, but it felt unjust, (Also he knew enough about Greek mythology to know that was a bad idea.) He was so much more than surface beauty, Remus was beautiful to his very core, Sirius knew that already, however finally seeing Remus in person just enhanced it. Sirius was so completely entranced by this ethereally beautiful person that it took them a couple of seconds to realise that their alarm to give Remus his medication was going off.
“I swear whoever has an alarm blaring in my ear I will hurt you so badly you will wish I had just killed you.” Remus furiously whispered as he rubbed small circles on his temples. “Remus, god I'm so sorry, really it just went off.” Sirius practically tripped trying to get his words out fast enough.
Remus’ eyes had adjusted to the light as he started to understand what was happening. But Sirius just kept whispering as he fumbled with his phone trying to turn it off. “God why do they make them so bloody hard to turn off, I mean god why can’t-“
“Taylor. I think you mean Taylor, not god”.
Sirius' eyes snapped over to Remus to see him with his eyes slightly opened and a mischievous grin on his face, followed by a grimace of pain. “Moony I can’t manage to keep up our playful banter when I'm hungover, how are you managing with a migraine and a fever !” Sirius exclaimed in a hushed whisper. Remus just smiled, then his eyes widened realizing fully now that Sirius Black, the person from his phone, was actually real, AND was in his flat.
“Oh my, hi, wow” he managed to say ever so eloquently while attempting to sit up in bed. “This isn’t how it- we shouldn’t meet this- ugh!” he said before slumping back down on his bed. Sirius made his way over to the edge of Remus’ bed and pointed an accusing finger at him. “Remus John Lupin I am here to take care of a sick Moony and do nothing else, no other agendas, no meeting you for the first time, this is me, taking care of my friend.” Sirius said handing Remus paracetamol, along with a glass of water.
“So you will stay resting, recovering and getting better. You will not do anything else.” Remus rolled his eyes, but regretted it immediately, it hurt like a bitch, so he had no other choice but to concede. “Fine, but when I'm better, we’re going to talk and then we are going to have coffee and do normal friend things.” Remus bargained.
Sirius smiled, “I think Marls and Dorcas really want us to all meet together as a group”. Remus shot up in his bed, but immediately groaned in pain and lay back down. Sirius sat back down in the arm chair and rolled his eyes at Remus’ neglect for his own health.
“Ugh, of course you know Marlene and Dorcas! You’re ‘that’ Sirius from Hogwarts, how did I not realise, I mean it’s not exactly a common name.” Remus groaned, feeling utterly stupid.
Marlene had told Remus all about her friend Sirius from school, her platonic soulmate, who adored eyeliner, jewellery and leather jackets nearly as much as she did. “You probably didn’t realise,” Sirius started, “because you were fighting off a migraine and some sort of viral infection, and not pre-emptively resting!”
Remus just chuckled weakly and soon a comfortable silence fell across the two of them.
As Remus’ breathing steadied and he drifted off to sleep once again, Sirius tried processing what had just happened. How Moony had looked at them with his green eyes, sparkling with laughter and mischief, how he had managed to hold a conversation despite the amount of pain he was in. Sirius checked their watch, it was just past one o'clock, although they wanted to stay awake and just linger in the presence of Remus, he began to doze off.
At around two in the morning Sirius’ back began to hurt from the awkward angle of the chair, he quietly walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of water and stretch his back.
As he walked back into the room, glass of water in hand, he noticed Remus thrashing around, he was crying out in his sleep.
“No- no, don’t, pain, so sore- mam, mam please.”
Remus continued to mutter in distress as Sirius attempted to wake him. Sirius didn’t know what to do, instinct took over and soon he was beside Remus in his bed, holding Remus in his arms.
Remus couldn’t escape, he was 5 years old again and in a car, it was raining heavily and he could sense something bad was about to happen. He tried to scream from the backseat to warn his parents, tell them what was about to happen, but he had no voice.
It was about to happen, he knew it was going to hurt and tried to prepare himself.
But then there was a voice in Remus’ ear, deep and soothing, and so kind. The backseat of his parents' old car blurred out of view and he awoke gasping.
“Shhhh, it’s ok Remus, it’s going to be ok. I promise. Tu vas bien, you’re ok, it’s all ok, tu vas bien” Sirius whispered soothingly into his ear.
Remus squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember what Poppy taught him.
Deep even breathes. Focus on your surroundings. You’re at home, in your bedroom. You are safe. Deep even breathes. Focus on small details. The blue, purple, and pink plaited bracelet on his dresser his mam had made for him after he came out to her. His stack of books in the corner. Deep breathes. The pattern on the curtain. Deep breathes. Sirius. Sirius holding him. The comforting pressure of their arms around him. When your breath regulates, open your eyes.
Remus opened his eyes and started to breathe more regularly. He looked up to see Sirius piercing grey eyes looking back at him. Remus let his gaze fall to the smudged eyeliner around Sirius' eyes rather than holding eye contact.
They sat in silence for a while, Sirius instinctively stroking Remus’ arm softly. Eventually Sirius spoke up.
“Remus, this isn’t pressure to talk, or explain yourself or anything of the sort, please don’t think that. But, are you ok ?” Sirius whispered in such a concerned, yet calm voice that Remus’ breath returned completely back to normal.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm ok,” he said. Remus sat up to lean against the headboard of his bed, Sirius kept their arms around Remus and he found that he didn’t mind, not one bit. However he did notice the salty tears now dripping down his neck. Remus grinned bashfully and began wiping away the tears, still in Sirius’ embrace.
“Well I'm not really ok.” he chuckled weakly gesturing towards his tears. “But I'll get better,” he assured Sirius. After a nightmare, Remus usually distracted himself, trying to forget about it, but Sirius’ attentiveness and comfort made Remus feel safe, he wanted to….
Talk.
Which was frankly quite unheard of when it came to Remus Lupin.
“I think.. I think I would like to talk about it, if that’s ok, it’s quite a lot so please stop me if it’s too much” he whispered softly. Sirius just smiled, a small comforting smile, and nodded his head, which was enough of an invitation for Remus to begin his story.
Remus took a deep breath before starting. “My father was a lawyer, and when I was five he took on this very public case, involving some dangerous people.” .......
And he told them everything, how Lyall had had enough proof to put away Fenrir Greyback, who ran a large network of drugs, away for good.
That the night before the trial the Lupins were on their way home from a pre-emptive celebratory dinner.
Remus even told Sirius about Greyback, who had been stalking the Lupins for weeks without them knowing, and how he had followed them to this dinner, and catching them unawares afterwards, using the opportunity to crash his truck into their car, causing the car roll off the road, killing his father and Greyback....
“The nightmares aren’t as bad as they were when I was younger, the migraines started when I was seven, my therapist says they’re all connected to the crash.” Remus hadn’t looked at Sirius throughout the whole story, fearing the look of horror, or pity, or worse in their eyes.
When he finally met Sirius’ eyes there wasn’t a look of horror, or pity but rather attentiveness and sorrow. He didn’t pity Remus, but they mourned for him, mourned for the continuing repercussions of the crash. And that meant more than Remus could even describe.
“Remus I wish I could take away your pain, but I can’t, if there is ever a way I can help please let me know,” they whispered as he stroked the back of Remus’ head softly, and soon both of them drifted off into a dreamless deep sleep.