Chapter 1
Thank you to JK Rowling for the Harry Potter series and these amazing characters.
“Why are you so reluctant to let that poor man love you?” Albus Dumbledore did not hesitate to ask her that morning at breakfast.
It wasn’t the first time that the Headmaster of Hogwarts had posed that question to her, ever since he’d caught on to how her former boss from the Ministry made a habit of inviting her out whenever his business brought him to Scotland.
Despite his own rather solitary existence, Dumbledore had been unable to resist periodically expressing his concerns about how his colleague and close friend conducted her personal life. However, having just celebrated her forty-fifth birthday the previous month, Minerva McGonagall was more than capable of making her own decisions unapologetically - and accepting whatever consequences they bore.
‘Why is anyone reluctant to be loved?’ she might have responded rhetorically, if she hadn’t been so focused on giving Dumbledore a pointed glare over the rim of her teacup.
Breakfasts on Saturdays at the school were a typically quiet affair. Many of the faculty went home at weekends and the majority of their students chose to sleep late. Minerva and Dumbledore were seated alone at the center of the head table. Yet despite their relative privacy, Minerva didn’t feel particularly inclined to give too much away at the moment.
“You know this isn’t about Elphi,” she muttered, when she at last drained the final drops of her tea. There were too many reasons to fathom why a person might not respond favourably to a suitor’s affections, and more often than not it had very little to do with the suitor themselves.
“No, this is about you,” Dumbledore agreed softly, as Minerva shifted uncomfortably in her chair, crossing one leg over the other at the ankle.
She knew perfectly well that her single status was regarded with pity and even suspicion by most everyone. It seemed to be a collective agreement amongst her family and friends that the prime of such a bright witch was being wasted in the remote countryside without a husband and children of her own by now. Dumbledore might have been invited into her confidences enough to know where her reluctance stemmed, but that didn’t mean that he approved of the way she habitually closed herself off from people who just wanted to love her.
“Anyway, I think we have more pressing matters to discuss at the moment, don’t you?” Minerva said curtly, her dark eyes narrowing as she watched Dumbledore apply liberal amounts of raspberry jam to a piece of toast. “Aren’t you going to tell me what they want?”
“Nothing so urgent I’m sure that it can’t wait a few more hours so that I can escort the students to Hogsmeade,” Dumbledore replied. “I wouldn’t have asked you to cover for me, Minerva, if I’d known you had plans.”
“Nevermind, Albus,” she said impatiently, leaning closer to him and lowering her voice deliberately. “We’re at war - could this be about those attacks in Bristol yesterday?”
Dumbledore, who had just taken a bite of toast, took his time chewing slowly with his bright blue eyes focused on the image of a sunny sky that covered the Great Hall ceiling. He seemed to be contemplating what to tell her, or how much.
“I imagine that there are several things that our dear Minister Minchum wishes to discuss with me,” he finally answered. “The alarming increase in reports of muggle-baiting by the Death Eaters is surely one of them and Voldemort’s next - well they expect me to have all the answers, don’t they? Only I’m not so sure that I do.”
"You’re the only one he is afraid of," Minerva reminded him quietly. "That’s the only reason why Hogwarts is safe - because of you.”
“You’re very kind, my dear,” Dumbledore smiled, as he reached for the sugar bowl. “But I’m afraid that I can’t match him, which is what Minchum keeps pleading with me to do. This isn’t like last time.”
Very slowly, Minerva dropped her hands down into her lap and squeezed them tightly together. She remembered very well what it had been like the last time - what it had been like to live under the threat of Gellert Grindelwald. His regime had put the whole muggle side of her family in jeopardy, including her beloved father, and had opened her eyes fully to the extreme prejudice that existed all around her - thus ensuring that Minerva would never be able to look at the world the same way again.
More witches and wizards than she would have ever expected had agreed with Grindelwald that their magic made them superior and gave them the right to rule over the muggles he had wanted to force into subservience. They might not have all been prepared for the lengths that Grindelwald had been willing to go to in order to achieve his aims, but the support his message had received had been nonetheless horrific. It had paved the way for a new Dark Wizard to step up to complete and perfect what he had already begun.
“It feels just like last time,” Minerva spoke honestly, but Dumbledore just shook his head, almost stubbornly.
“In spite of all the atrocities Gellert committed, he is still fundamentally a human being like you or I,” he insisted in a calm, unaffected voice that left no room for discussion. “Gellert had a heart and a conscience - even if poorly formed. That’s why I could confront him and win. Unfortunately, Voldemort possesses neither.”
XXX
And Minerva was still brooding about Albus Dumbledore’s greatest blindspot later that day as she sludged through the rapidly accumulating snow in Hogsmeade Village, which still looked exactly as it did during peace times.
Its pubs and shops were all open to serve its magical community and the Hogwarts residents who visited on weekends. Despite the storm rolling in, with its cloudy overcast blocking the limited sun and making it darker even earlier than usual, it had been a rather enjoyable trip so far. The students didn’t mind the weather. They bundled up against the elements and raced from building to building without care. And Elphinstone Urquart had been in good spirits since he’d arrived.
Chaperoning with her might not have been what he’d envisioned when he’d invited her out for the day, but Minerva knew that he’d never complain. It was one of the things she most admired about the Head of Magical Law Enforcement; how he could go with the flow and seemed to possess an unlimited supply of patience. Unfortunately, it had never rubbed off on her…
Because despite attempting to hide her frustrations from that morning, Minerva knew that she was failing miserably. But to his credit, Elphinstone had so far pretended not to notice. Ever the gentleman, he kept up a steady flow of pleasantries; asking Minerva about the latest books she had read and whether she had been home to visit her family recently. Chiding her gently, as he always did, about her choice to resign from the Ministry to become a Hogwarts professor. Insisting that Dumbledore worked her too hard and that Minerva’s talents weren’t being as appreciated at the school as they should be.
“You know that if you had stayed at the Ministry you’d be heading your own department by now?” Elphinstone peered over his oval spectacles at her. “I had you pegged from your very first day of work.”
“Back when I was foolish, naive, and tripping over myself to prove to you I was a worthy candidate,” Minerva said lightly, a playful lilt in her voice as she rewarded him with a small smile - her first since she’d left Dumbledore at breakfast.
“Quite unnecessarily, I must say,” Elphinstone told her, as they passed by Zonko’s Joke Shop and could hear echoes of laughter from the crowd within. “You took my breath away from the very first time I met you.”
Not sure what to say to that, Minera settled for slipping her gloved hand into the crook of Elphinstone’s arm. She had always been fond of him and had known him for more than half of her life by now. He had been a most enthused mentor when she had joined the Ministry of Magic at the age of eighteen and possessed an intelligence, wit, and kindness that she’d found most appealing then and now. They agreed on most things, shared common interests, and had remained friends even when she’d resigned to come teach at Hogwarts after a mere two years in his office.
“I’ve never cared about money or prestige though,” Minerva reminded him. “Staying at Hogwarts, supporting Albus, and getting paid to talk about my favourite subject for a living - that's enough for me. The only thing I enjoyed about the Ministry was getting to see you every day.”
“That was my favourite part too,” Elphinstone admitted, hesitating for just a moment as their eyes briefly met and Minerva knew what he was going to say before he even said it.
“I wish you would marry me, Minerva,” he implored her, and she averted her gaze to the ground and kicked the toe of her black boot at a mound of slush. “You’ve never given me an adequate reason why you won’t. Is it just my age? Wouldn’t you like to have a family? I think you would make a wonderful mother.”
“I’m already mother to a whole castle of children,” Minerva reminded him. She had already abandoned the idea of having a few of her own someday long ago. “After a full day of their antics, I’m really just fantasizing about pouring myself a stiff drink. Anyway, I don’t think I’d be as good at it as you think I would be. For instance, I never know what to do when someone passes me their baby.”
“Well then,” Elphinstone seemed incensed to try a different approach. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone sitting beside you when you’re enjoying a child-free night cap?”
This wasn’t the first time that he had proposed marriage to her, and Minerva had never understood why he was so persistent. A gifted witch she certainly was, but there was nothing so extraordinary about her that couldn’t be found in countless other women, she was sure. Minerva had long expected Elphinstone to find someone else and forget all about her, but as the years went by, that had begun to seem less likely.
“Sometimes yes…other times no,” Minerva shrugged in answer to his question. “I don’t know, darling, I’m set in my ways. I’d imagine I’d make quite the disagreeable wife. I don’t cook for one thing.”
They had paused outside Madam Puddifoot’s cafe, the location where Elphinstone had first asked her to marry him and Minerva had nearly choked on her tea. Through the window they could see a few couples cozying up together, including several student pairs that Minerva briefly considered interrupting with a lecture on public decorum before deciding to pretend that she hadn’t noticed.
“You know that I’m not quite as old as Dumbledore….”
“Elphi…honestly!” Minerva turned away from the window and couldn’t resist swatting him lightly with her gloved hand. “None of this is about Dumbledore! It’s not like that between us at all and never will be, rest assured.”
Her frustration with the Headmaster at the moment made her want to shudder at the mere thought. It troubled her to no end that Dumbledore continued to insist, after all these years, that Grindelwald had shown a morsel of regret or humanity in the final moments of their legendary duel. Whether the new Dark Lord was more dangerous or difficult to predict didn’t really matter. She remembered very well the evil that Grindelwald had unleashed on the world and Dumbledore’s reluctance to acknowledge that irredeemable core was the only flaw she thought he had.
“I’m not too pleased with Albus at the moment,” Minerva confessed quietly.
“Ahh,” Elphinstone sighed, covering the hand that she still had tucked in the crook of his arm, with his own. “I suppose that’s the reason why you’ve been grinding your teeth all day?”
“Have I?” Minerva brought her free hand up to her jaw automatically and scoffed. “Well I suppose I have…”
She would have loved to share with him what was on her mind but since it was Dumbledore’s secrets she was harbouring, she knew that she couldn’t. She respected him way too much and had appreciated being confided in about the things that proved Dumbledore was still just as human as her. Not that any of that had minimized her admiration and trust in the greatest wizard she’d ever known. And Minerva saw her place at his side as her almost invisible way of contributing to this war and the last. It was her support that had made it possible for him to become Head of the International Confederation of Wizards, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, all while still remaining at Hogwarts where they needed him.
“Listen, Elphi - I’m sorry,” Minerva whispered, squeezing his fingers apologetically. “I can’t properly explain it so I won’t try, but I just can’t get married.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Elphinstone replied quickly. “I didn’t intend to put you on the spot again. But if you ever change your mind, I’ll be waiting. I’d move to Scotland in a heartbeat for you. It would be a good excuse to retire too.”
“You - retire?” tilting her head up to catch his eye, Minerva felt wet snowflakes land on her nose and lashes. “Now that I’d never agree to...”
“You wouldn’t?” a crooked smile played across Elphinstone’s wrinkled face, assuring her that he wasn’t angry at the not unexpected rejection. “Why shouldn’t I hang up my hat after all my years of service?”
“Because we need good men like you in positions of power more than ever,” Minerva said simply. “The last thing we’d need is for He Who Must Not Be Named to put one of his people into law enforcement!”
“That’s probably already happened,” Elphinstone replied. “I don’t trust anyone at the office anymore. I’m even careful about what I say to partners I’ve known almost my entire career.”
“It’s like that at Hogwarts too,” Minerva shared. “I look at my students and wonder who's going to help us in the fight once they leave school and who will join him instead. It’s horrifying.”
“It’s war,” Elphinstone said quietly, and she nodded as they walked down a mostly deserted road. The snow had begun to fall even harder by now and most everyone had taken refuge indoors.
“Are you cold?” Elphinstone asked gently.
Minerva nodded again, feeling rather tired all of a sudden. She allowed Elphinstone to steer her in the direction of the Three Broomsticks pub and felt a pang of regret in her heart from recognizing that she was standing next to a kind, wise, and good man who loved her, and yet she couldn’t get out of her own damn way.
She faltered and finally stopped in midstride, bringing Elphinstone to an abrupt halt on the snowy ground. And she could feel the flex in his arm that she was still clutching. While she turned to look up at him once again, ignoring the frigid wind that was burning any exposed skin it could find.
“I just…can’t,” she apologized. Not even when the world seemed to be burning all around them did she feel that she could give herself to him. At least not in the way that he’d deserve.
“It’s okay, Minerva,” Elphinstone said kindly, leaning closer to her so that his forehead was pressed to hers, separated only by the thick woolen hats that they wore.
For one long moment, neither of them did anything but breathe. Minerva’s a little shallow and quick from nerves - for how often was it that she got this close to anyone? And if he had kissed her then, she would have welcomed it. But at the same time it was wrong to pull such a wonderful person along and proceed to give nothing back.
“What was that?” Elphinstone abruptly pulled away, as a loud bang eminited across the snowy village and made the hairs on the back of Minerva’s neck stand up.
The Death Eaters couldn’t be in Hogsmeade, could they? This village was safe - close to Dumbledore - protected. But as Minerva and Elphinstone both drew their wands and ran towards the noise coming from a dark alley between a cluster of houses, she spotted a puff of turquoise smoke that put those greatest worries to rest. The smoke twisting through the air around the falling snow was not inherently dark, but a familiar form of mischief that Minerva had grown used to during her tenure at Hogwarts.
“Potter! Black! That is enough!” she shouted, disarming the two fourth year boys who caused her more trouble than the rest of Gryffindor house put together.
At the sound of her voice, the laughter from their gang ceased immediately. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew backed away from their friends looking nervous, but James and Sirius both still had defiant smirks on their faces as they looked between their teacher and the kicking legs encased in a well-worn pair of faded black trousers that were sticking out of the snowbank.
“Four against one. How cowardly!” Minerva scolded her students, while she performed the counter-charm to free Severus Snape from the snowbank he’d been shot head-first into after undoubtedly being hit by a hex from behind.
“I’m getting pretty tired of this,” Minerva yelled, though her Gryffindor boys seemed unbothered by her anger and appeared to be doing their level best to avoid looking at each other. The idea that they were trying hard not to laugh and that in four years she still hadn’t yet made enough of an impression on them, lit a fire within her.
“Back to the castle immediately,” she snapped. “Straight to my office!”
“Remus and Peter didn’t do anything, Professor,” Sirius argued.
“And he sassed me,” James added unapologetically, shooting a contemptuous look at the scrawny Slytherin boy, who was involuntarily shivering and whose face was bright red from a combination of embarrassment and the snow bath he’d just taken.
“Now!” Minerva barked, but to their credit they did not try to debate her again.
Elphinstone stepped back silently to allow them passage down the narrow alley. Minerva waited until they were out of earshot before turning her gaze onto Severus and casting a quick warming charm over him. The boy was freezing but his situation was not helped by him only wearing an old jumper that was at least three sizes too big for him.
“Why would you let them catch you out here on your own?” she asked sharply.
Minerva should have felt more sorry for him, a part of her was ashamed that she wasn’t, but she couldn’t help but think that Snape might have improved his situation if he made efforts to not be such an easy target in the first place. He was a rather odd child; badly groomed, dressed strangely, and famous at the school for his eagerness to read every single book in the restricted section of the library on Dark Magic. His surly demeanor did not endear him to most of the teachers, who could comment on his intelligence and work ethic but not much else.
“You really should see about getting yourself a winter cloak before you catch your death out here as well,” Minerva added sternly, tucking her wand away again. “Talk to your head of house if you need assistance to buy one. There’s no reason to not be appropriately dressed on a day as cold as this.”
“Yes ma’am,” Severus muttered the expected response, but the redness in his face darkened somehow even more deeply from mortification at her words.
“I have a better idea,” Elphinstone spoke suddenly, stepping closer to Minerva again. “I was intending to pop into Gladrags because I need a new scarf. Why don’t you come with me and you can pick out a cloak for yourself? It’s no trouble.”
“What? No!” Severus answered immediately, backing away and looking stricken that a perfect stranger would make him such an offer.
“No?” Minerva raised her eyebrows at him.
“No, thank you,” Severus stammered quickly, looking possibly more humiliated now than he had done when she’d freed him from the snowbank. “I don’t need - just….no.”
“Well the offer will be there at any point you change your mind. Just let Professor McGonagall know,” Elphinstone told him kindly, but it was very clear that Severus could not have been more desperate to get away from them. And neither of them stopped him.
“That was very nice of you, Elphi,” Minerva said softly, motioning him to follow her in the direction of the four unruly boys that she’d sent up ahead to the castle and still needed to discipline.
“He seems like he’s got it rough,” Elphinstone said sympathetically, looking over in the direction that Severus had gone as if hoping the boy would come back to put down his pride and be clothed in proper winter attire.
“He’s clever enough, but…” Minerva’s voice trailed off as she struggled to find anything else kindly she could say about Severus Snape. She shrugged her shoulders. “He’s not really my responsibility and I’ve got my hands full with my own house - I will talk to Slughorn tonight at dinner though.”
“That’s all you can do,” Elphinstone replied, rubbing her back supportively whilst still looking off in the distance. The snow was blowing around so forcefully now that it was difficult to see much of anything.
“See this is why I’m not a mother,” Minerva said, reaching up to affectionately wipe some stray snowflakes off of Elphinstone’s nose. “But it’s not too late for you if you want to go without me -”
Elphinstone shook his head as the hand on her back increased its pressure. “I’ve got an errand to run before we head back to Hogwarts,” he said, steering her in the direction of Gladrags Wizardwear.
“The school has funds - it's his responsibility to ask-” Minerva began to protest, but Elphinstone shook his head again.
“It will only take a minute,” he promised, making Minerva’s heart ache. She wished she wasn’t so reluctant to let such a good man love her.