Community Ashtray
12:52 P.M. Monday
It was a cold morning. Hard wakings and diluted coffee. But Sirius had to drag himself out of his perfect bed that now housed the wonderful Remus Lupin, because as much as he hated to admit it, James was right. He did need Regulus.
Even if Regulus made it very clear he did not want to be a part of it.
Standing on the 49th floor, Sirius reluctantly knocked on his door. Only no one answered. He waited a few minutes before knocking again but again: no answer.
Perhaps it was perfectly reasonable that Regulus wasn’t home. He was allowed to have a life. Before Sirius could work himself too much over he pulled out his phone and began to call Barty. If anyone were to know where he was, it would be him. The phone rang seven times before he answered.
“Hello, Sirius.”
“Barty.”
“Anymore murders you need my help with?”
“No. I'm calling for Regulus.”
The other line faltered for a moment. “He’s not home?”
“Obviously not.”
“He’s…” Static rang through along incoherent mumbles. “Give me a second.” Barty quickly hung up, leaving Sirius confused in the hallway staring at the unopened door once again.
Thirty seconds later there was an incoming call from no other than Barty himself. “Hello.”
“He’s with me.” Barty responded too quickly.
“Yeah, then why didn’t you say so a couple of seconds ago.”
“Slipped my mind.”
“...It slipped your mind that my brother was with you.”
“You know him, would blend into the wall if he could.”
“I’m coming over.”
A loud thud from the other line almost bursted Sirius’ eardrum, which he could only assume was Barty dropping his phone. However, he did recover fast. “You can’t.”
Sirius began to grumble as he set his jaw unconsciously. “Why not?”
“He’s… on his period.”
“Regulus had his uterus removed with his boobs you fucking idiot.”
“Must be hemorrhaging then.” Barty clicked his tongue. “It’s pretty gross.”
“Expect me over in twenty minutes, and if I don’t see Regulus, prepare to see god Barty.”
Although Barty lived a good forty minute walk away, Sirius was going to make good on his word. He practically sprinted there, in what he realized wasn’t anxiety for Regulus, but the simple hatred he held for Barty. No. That wasn’t very kind of him. Of course, he was worried for Regulus. But he also hated Barty. Even if he did help them when they needed it.
God.
Sirius couldn’t get his fucking thoughts straight as he ran past people looking like a mad man. He didn’t even call Remus to tell him where he was going. The poor guy is there alone with no concept of when that will end.
Well, I could just call him now?
Nodding, Sirius reached out his phone once more and called.
“Hey I’m going to Barty’s apartment, will be back soon.”
“What? Are you running? Why are you-”
Sirius hung up and continued to run, fearing Remus would only judge him for his hastiness. Finally, at the upper east side, he walked through the building's doors. The doorman seemed peeved by this and tried to ask who he was. Sirius began to speak in french rapidly.
“je ne parle pas anglais” He said pointing to his ears as he continued to walk towards the elevators. “Vous avez de grands yeux gluants et la lune de la pizza crie bonjour, merci, merci.”
He continued to ramble as he waited for the doors to open, and when they did Barty was on the other side with a tight smile and crossed arms.
“Sirius.”
“Where is he?"
“So you do speak english?” The doorman huffed annoyingly.
Sirius turned to narrow his eyes on him. “Not now.”
“Yes, now. I think this is very important to who we are as people.” Barty nodded solemnly, with false conviction.
“You.” Sirius disregarded his empty attempts to change the subject. “You know where Regulus is. Now tell me.”
He stepped out of the elevator at once and shook his head dumbfounded. “He’s gonna kill me if I do.”
“Okay? How does that have to do with me?”
Barty frowned at that, completely unamused. “Just leave him alone okay?”
“Have you met me?”
“Yeah, I’m the one that fucking saved your ass from going to jail.”
Sirius scoffed. “I wasn’t gonna go to jail.”
“You would figure out a way.”
“Just.” Sirius lunged forward to Barty’s pocket that he could his phone sticking out from. “Give me this.”
Barty instinctively started wrestling him to get off. Unashamedly kicking and pulling at hairs. When Sirius finally managed to get the phone from his hold, Barty pinched his shoulder viscously and Sirius yelped in sudden pain. “Let go of me.” Barty grumbled.
“You first.” Sirius spat.
This continued on for a few more moments, until Sirius successfully managed to get the phone open with Barty’s face and went to his contacts quickly. Which aided nothing as it was virtually impossible to find Regulus’ contact, and Sirius had to resort to typing the number manually. Only to see his little brother saved as ‘First and Forever <33’. Sirius almost dropped the phone. Barty saw this as an opportunity to take possession of it once more, but Sirius immediately started kicking him harshly.
“Gross! Absolutely gross!” He hit the back of Barty’s head. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“It was funny in the moment!”
Sirius pressed to start to call and remained staring disapprovingly at him. “Is it funny now?”
Barty didn’t answer. Instead, he loosened his grip on Sirius and allowed him to make the call as he stared down to the floor.
Good, be sad... Whore.
Perhaps that was a tad too mean, but he didn’t have time to dwell as Regulus had just picked up. Sirius shoved the phone to Barty mouthing what he needed to say.
“Hey Reg.”
‘I said Regulus’ Sirius mouthed at him.
‘He would know I was being forced’ Barty mouthed back. “Do you want to grab coffee at that shop you like in Greenwich?”
Regulus was silent for a beat. “Okay.”
“Great, I’ll see you there.”
“Yeah, bye.”
When he hung up Barty frowned intensely, shutting his eyes. “I’m gonna be paying for this, for years.”
Sirius frowned back. “That’s what you get for having that as his fucking contact.”
It had been twenty minutes since Barty called and Regulus was already waiting in the diner. He knew he shouldn’t have sprinted there the second he called but in full transparency, Regulus misses him. He hasn’t seen him in a couple of days and as much as he hated to admit it, Regulus didn’t have many friends. And without his parents, he’s felt more alone than ever.
He hasn’t even been able to return to his apartment since the night of the murder. Regulus didn’t have the heart to tell Barty that as much as he couldn’t go back there the first night, he couldn’t go the next night. There was a hotel down the street from Grimmauld, and he’d been staying there since. In a room that luckily didn’t face those golden accents.
This did not aid his loneliness.
And although Barty did sound strange on the phone, Regulus was not in a position to argue. He’d been contemplating calling for days, but couldn’t bring himself to appear desperate. This was his only chance.
That was how he felt until the bell rang at the door and he saw Sirius standing under it. All of the pieces slipping together.
Of course.
Sirius awkwardly smiled before making way towards the booth. He looked exhausted. Wearing a tired hoodie and bed head at one in the afternoon.
“How did you get Barty to do that?” He asked as Sirius sat down across from him.
“Persuasion.”
Regulus worked his jaw pitifully. “Right…” A silence passed between them, and Regulus would be damned if he would be the one to break it. Sirius deserved an unnerving start to the conversation.
“Where have you been?” Sirius eventually asked.
“Busy.” Regulus rolled his eyes, sipping his coffee slowly. “I run Grimmauld now, if you’ve forgotten.”
“I haven't, that's why I’m asking.” Sirius strongly held his gaze, waiting for Regulus to return it. But he never did. “You’re never there Reg.”
He shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t. Call. Me. That.”
“It’s your name.” Sirius blanched.
“No, it’s a nickname that reminds me of harsher times and only a select few are allowed to say it.”
Sirius started to chew on his lip, peeling away the scab. It created something guilty in Regulus. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so cruel. But the fact remained. Sirius hadn’t exactly proved himself to be deserving of that name.
“Are you in love with Barty?”
Taken so off guard by this, Regulus choked on his coffee. Covering his mouth as he tried to stop coughing. “ What? ”
Staring out the window, Sirius responded quietly. “He calls you that.”
“He does.” Regulus allowed.
“Do you love him?”
Regulus sighed, still trying to recover from the previous moment. “I love him… I’m not in love with him, no.”
“Oh.” Sirius nodded shortly.
It was then Regulus truly noticed how disheveled Sirius looked. Stubble on his face, glasses which he never wore as they disrupted his face, a lost look resembling a puppy. Regulus had been jealous of Sirius for having people like James to fall back on, but now it seemed even their friendship couldn’t solve everything.
Once he noticed who James was, every loose end clicked. He was James Potter: the guy from Hogwarts, son to the owners of the Indian restaurant Sirius used to work at, The guy in the halls who had always been lurking too much. James Potter had moved to Grimmauld for Sirius. If that wasn’t a friendship that could help Sirius, then he didn’t know what could.
Maybe the death of their parents had been affecting Sirius, only in ways he couldn’t see before. Only a few days ago he had been spewing nonsense about the Death Eaters. Maybe Sirius was very unwell.
“How have you been since…” Regulus started.
Sirius nodded again, expect more frantic. “Good, good. Can’t really say I miss them.”
“You don’t have… too-” Focusing on the fine details of his disintegrating paper straw, Regulus struggled for the words. “You can be in pain and not miss them.”
He instantly noticed the way Sirius’ forced calm expression faltered. But before the feature could be consumed, he shook his head like etch-a-sketch, banishing any emotion. “I know… but I’m fine. Great even. Have a brand new crush and everythi-”
“Stop right. I don’t want to know.” Regulus raised a hand.
And Sirius only gave a tight smile as if that was the outcome he was hoping for.
“Why did you trick me here?”
“Can’t a guy want to have lunch with his brother.”
Pursing his lips, Regulus forced his eyes not to turn sorrow. “Stop, you don’t have to-”
Sirius narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What?”
“I know you don’t actually consider me your brother, so flattery will get-”
“What?” He interrupted with more conviction.
“It’s fine. I understand. Brotherhood is something personal and-”
“You are my brother.”
“Sirius.” Regulus met his eyes dead, begging him to stop.
He shook his head again. “No. You are my brother, and I think I’ve considered you that since before you told me.”
“Please.”
“I may not have known it at the time, but when we got along… that was a brotherhood. You have always been my brother and I need you to know that.”
Regulus forced his face to gloss over with stone. “Why are you here?”
“Fine.” Sirius bitterly spoke. “I need your help with something.”
“With what?”
“The… what I told you in the hospital.”
“No. no way.” Regulus grabbed his coffee and stood, because Sirius had officially lost his mind.
Standing quickly, Sirius followed him outside. “Wait, there’s a reason why I’m asking again.”
“You need to let this go Sirius.” Regulus raised his voice as he stalked down the street towards the hotel.
“James said we need your help!” He yelled standing in place. Like he knew Regulus was going to pause.
“He believes this nonsense.” Regulus grumbled as he did in fact pause.
“He’s also my brother.”
Closing his eyes, Regulus turned to face him, knowing he would regret his next words. “Fine.”
“What exactly am I looking at?” Regulus frowned at the papers littering the floor in Sirius’ apartment. Everyone was there gathered around to bear witness. Even James’ new fling or whatever. Regulus was trying to be supportive but it was a bit daunting with everyone staring at him like he held all the answers to Sirius’ delusions. He did not.
Remus - was it?- scratched the back of his neck, a bit uneasy in his stance, as Regulus remembered his injury from the week before. “It’s all the documents we got from your parents office.”
“What?” Regulus felt his eyes bulge out of their sockets. “Are you completely insane?”
Sirius placed a calming hand on his shoulder before he glared at him to remove it. “It’s fine we went through the back walls.”
“And when moth-” He closed his mouth like a fish. Remembering they were no longer around. “Right… and the police haven’t been able to find the room?”
Everyone nodded.
“Okay… I’m not reading all of that so someone explain it.”
They all took turns at it. Jumping over each other when they missed a part. It created a nagging feeling inside of Regulus that maybe - just maybe - Sirius was right. But he was a long way from admitting that to himself. Even if it all made sense.
Halfway through he interrupted Sirius dramatically pointing to a Death Eater symbol with wide eyes. “Can you sit?” He faced Remus with heavy annoyance.
“Excuse me?” Remus said, taken aback.
“You had an injury and you’re making nervous standing.”
Everyone turned to Remus and nodded.
“You should really sit.” Sirius mumbled.
“Why weren’t you sitting in the first place?” Lily chastised.
“Do you want to lie down?” James offered.
Remus looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him up whole as he sat down, disapproving eyes finding Regulus. But it brought him more ease as they carried on with their show. Of course, Regulus would occasionally roll his eyes at stupid things they had done. However, nothing could have prepared him for learning Remus harassed a Death Eater.
“You what?” Regulus seethed. “What the fuck are we doing here? We should be booking a one-way flight to fucking Ireland.”
“Too cold this time of year.” James shrugged, and Regulus almost killed him.
“To be fair, she was sixteen.” Remus gave a weak smile.
“Oh.” He nodded in understanding. That wasn’t a Death Eater. That was a soon to be. Just like how he was not too many years ago. Though it was more difficult in his day since they didn’t have the mask thing to rely on. “And what happened with her?”
Lily then shook her head. “Wait, you harassed a sixteen year old?”
“Her people tried to kill me, Lily.” Remus all but yelled from the couch.
“True, true.”
Unfortunately, that was not the worst. Nope, because apparently a Death Eater broke into this apartment. Got stabbed in the fucking calf with a chopstick, and the idiots thought it was a good idea to crash an induction meeting where Sirius no doubtebly had a panic attack and harassed the guy they fucking treated like a sushi roll, or maybe some rando with a limp. Lovely.
At least it made one thing clear: the Death Eaters want them out of whatever’s happening. Whether they did it or not.
Regulus closed his eyes. “No. No, I can't do this. I’m not doing this.”
“Regulus, please.” Sirius turned to face him with a desperation written all over his face. “I need you.”
“I don’t care.” He choked. “Our parents are dead. Does that not mean anything to you? Have you mourned at all?”
“Does it mean anything to you? These people could have killed them.” Sirius had started to breathe heavily with conviction in his words.
“Then we need to back off!” Regulus tried to get through to him. “We can’t let them take our whole lives.”
Sirius spoke quietly. “They already have.”
Shaking head, Regulus made way towards the door and was going to mutter out an apology when someone latched onto his arms. James. “You two have been running from it for your whole lives, and that’s gonna continue to happen until you figure it out. Please stay.”
“That doesn’t just require figuring out if they killed our parents… that’s taking their whole operation down.” He whispered the last part. Barely being able to speak the words.
“Then we’ll do that.” James found his eyes looking deep into them. A truth behind the stare. “We will.”
“Don’t make me regret this.”
Regulus regretted his decision within five minutes. Remus had just explained to him that he is supposed to be leaving the country. However, only in the eyes of the Death Eaters. Meaning Regulus now needs to make phone calls to get a fake passport and Remus look-a-line, which would be extremely difficult. Not everyone rolled out of bed looking like that. Regulus was so beyond frustrated.
“Is there anything you’ve forgotten?” He eyes every loony member of this mission.
Lily pushed her lips to the side. “No, that about covers it.”
“Oh, the cops don’t think it’s a suicide anymore.” Remus added picking at the now cold takeout.
“What the fuck is wrong with these cops?” Regulus took a seat on the kitchen stools with his head in hands.
“No.” Lily sighed thoughtfully. “I think it’s just Dorcas who doesn’t believe it.”
“You think?” Sirius asked from where he was seated next to Remus. Close, but not too close.
“Yeah, once the police declare something, that’s it. If she’s the one showing suspicions then she’s probably the only one.”
“I can talk to her.” Regulus peeled his hands from his face.
“No.” Sirius said definitively.
“What do you mean no? You said you wanted me to help, and I quite literally own the place. I can have a conversation with her.” Regulus worked his now aching jaw from all the hours of turmoil.
“Fine, but don’t be too intrusive.” Sirius warned.
As Regulus was going to begin again he found James staring at him from the kitchen. Or more correctly, his jaw. Regulus blinked a little too harshly. “We’ll have a lovely time.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Maybe someone else should do it. You’re not really a friendly face.”
Ouch. “I’ll manage.”
“He’ll do fine.” James assured everyone, running a hand through his perfectly messy hair as he entered the living room.
“I need a cigarette.” Lily swallowed deeply.
Everyone nodded.
They all couldn’t fit on the fire escape, so Sirius had to open all the windows so they wouldn’t choke on the fumes. Huddled on the floor, blowing smoke towards the cool air outdoors. When Remus got a little too close to the window, Sirius gently pulled him back by the shoulder. “Don’t get too close to the windows, you’re supposed to be in hiding.” He murmured.
Regulus held back a gag from the sappiness. But Remus gave a small smile as the cigarette fiddled between his lips. A motion that Sirius seemed to melt at. This made Regulus regret his decision most of all. Or maybe it was the weird atmosphere between Lily and James. The awkward stares and jokes. Regulus was close to jumping out the window along with his smoke.
“So.” Remus started, with a slightly dazed look. “Did you two meet before all this?” He asked looking between Regulus and James.
“No.” He answered simply.
This for some reason made James laugh. “Yes you did!”
Regulus scoffed. “When?”
“When-” He laughed through his words. “When you dropped - Sirius off at the train station, you were looking for his cart, but he didn’t notice - and the train started moving so I didn’t have time to tell him - and me being a fifteen year old thought it was the funniest idea to flip you off.”
“That was you?” Regulus tried not to laugh. His jaw working tightly.
“You don’t remember this?” James gestured vaguely over himself.
He rolled his eyes. “No.”
“I don’t believe that.”
Regulus was going to brush it off again, but James’ eyes began to lit up with what he could hope wasn’t an idea.
“Okay! Hear me out!”
Lily covered her ears. “Bro, I’m hearing just fine.”
“Sorry.” He mumbled. “But - no offense Sirius - why have we set up camp in the collectively the worst apartment out of all of us?”
“I’m supposed to be in Wales.” Remus tiredly reminded him.
“What fuck man.” Sirius tutted.
“Not my apartment.” Lily respectively stated.
“Yeah, me neither.” Regulus agreed.
James sighed dramatically. “No, that’s not what I - I mean that mine has four bedrooms… we could be getting so much more work done. And then Remus wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch.”
“Who do you think I am?” Sirius squealed, bringing a hand to his chest. “Remus has been sleeping in my bed.”
“ Oh? ” James teased with a shit eating grin that made Regulus’ heart flip.
Sirius didn’t share the same mindset as he smacked the other on his head. “No, ‘ Oh?’ ”
Regulus didn’t miss Remus’ eyes turning even more dazed along with the flush of his cheeks. On odd look for a giant. “James, wouldn't you mind me crashing there? We barely know each other.”
“Nonsense! We are a part of this together. All of you could stay if you want. We’ll turn one of the rooms into a war room.”
“I’ll stay there.” Sirius accepted. “Not like I haven’t before.”
“Alright.” Remus slurred through his heavy accent.
Regulus flicked his cigarette to the community ashtray. “I wouldn’t mind.”
“What was that?” James tilted his head in fake confusion.
“I wouldn’t mind staying… if that’s fine with you.”
“Yeah, of course! I’ll get to cook so much!” James’ smile took over his whole face. It was a beautiful smile. Like his face was made for smiling.
“I’m not staying. I’ll take the elevator.” Lily stared with stern eyes that quickly dissipated with a bigger smile taking over her face.
“We’ll move tomorrow.” James decided.
That night as they were getting ready for bed it was quiet, but not an uneasy quiet. It always felt fulfilling to be in the presence of Sirius. Even if the situation was weird. It was just that Sirius didn’t have the strangeness most unfamiliar people did. Yes, he was strange, but it was never strange to be near him.
Remus wasn’t stupid enough to turn what was happening around them into something romantic. There were real things happening. People’s lives were at stake. Remus was stabbed for Christ’s sake. It was stupid to involve feelings. Especially when they were most likely not reciprocated.
They were friends at best.
Lifting the sheets for him to get in bed, he eyed Sirius checking his phone on the other side. Facing the window instead of him. Buzzing through each one of his notifications. Remus should probably be doing the same, but he never did manage to respond to people. Unless it was Lily of course. But Remus really hated texting people. Mostly because he comes across as dry and bored when he’s trying to be sarcastic, and cringe when he’s energetic. He didn’t bother. However, him not calling back his mother has its own reasons. Let her wonder if he made it past his wounds. Like she ever cared.
Sirius put down his phone and crawled underneath the covers looking nothing short of adorable. He seemed so small and fragile. Like he could pick him up in the palm of his hand. It was an overwhelming urge to cradle his face and say sweet things. Make sure he never had to bite his lip again. That he felt alive and not scared of these pricks that had ran his life. Remus didn’t know why, but he was growing protective over him. Stupidly so.
“When we stay at James’ place… how are we sleeping there?” He asked before his brain could tire him even more.
Sirius bit his lip. “What do you mean?” He knew what Remus meant.
“Four bedrooms. One already taken by James, one as the ‘war room’. That leaves two rooms and three more people.”
“Ah.” Sirius leaned against his headboard. “Do you… want your own room? Because that could be arranged.”
“I don’t mind.” Remus met his eyes.
“Sharing with…”
“You.”
A quirk accrued to the corners of his torn lips, and Remus’ melted in fondness. “That could be arranged.”
“You wouldn’t mind?” He wanted to confirm.
“Why would I mind?” Sirius breathed out, with his grey eyes so intense it pierced Remus’ face.
“I’m just such a hassle.” Remus smiled. “And so articulate.”
Sirius smiled back. “You are articulate.”
“And you are such an ass-licker.”
“What?” Sirius blanched, sitting up straighter, leaning away from the headboard. “When have I ever shown you kindness?”
“Once.” Remus raised one finger, and pushed himself up with his other hand. “When our mail got mixed up.”
He paused in remembering. “I was nice that day.” Then chuckled a bit too himself.
“What?” Remus found himself chuckling softly as well.
“You’ll kill me if I tell you.” His laugh became contagious.
“What?”
“I think-” He tried. “I think Mary may have mixed up our mail on purpose.”
Remus wheezed. “What?”
“She thinks you would fit in well with the group.” Sirius shrugged helplessly. It was quite intoxicating. Conversing with him, while a twinkle sparkles in his eye only it’s wasn’t from any light force as the only thing illuminating his face was the soft yellow hue from the lamp behind him.
“How am I doing so far?”
Sirius snorted. “Horrible.”
Not being able to contain his laugh, Remus shoved Sirius at the shoulder. “You fucking ass.”
“Don’t you mean-” Sirius extravagantly pursed his lips and brought a diplomat's hand as he mocked his Welsh accent horribly. “ Arse ?”
“I don’t like you very much.”
Sirius took in a breath, and Remus anticipated his next words. “I think you like me plenty.”
He did, he really did. “You’re annoying and I want nothing to do with you.”
“Is that right?” Sirius said, still smiling so wide it could’ve torn one of his scabs.
“Okay, maybe it’s a little misguided.”
Sirius gasped, bringing a hand to cover his mouth. “You’ve gone soft.”
Remus blanched. “You are so… stupid.”
“And you’re soft.” He poked at Remus’ stomach.
“Alright, alright.” Remus shifted to lay under the covers once again.
Sirius followed in suit. “Sweet dreams.”
“Shut. Up.”
Something in his eyes broke. His expression faltered for a moment. “I-”
Remus rushed for his response. “I’m so sorry, I meant that sarcastically.”
“No, I know, It’s that… it's weird.” Sirius bit his lip.
“Look who's so articulate now.”
Sirius kicked his shin lightly under the covers. “I mean that… I could…”
Remus dropped his eyebrows. “Could what?”
“Not shut up… I could talk to you all night.” Sirius’ eyes were sort of desperate with his nervousness. Asking.
“Yeah… it is weird.” Remus confirmed. “Now go to bed.” He rolled over, facing away from him. So glad he couldn’t see his face as it burnt in crimson.