Chapter 2
1972
Regulus shoved down the sleeve of his jacket before anyone else in the station could see the bruises painting his arm. Dimly, he could hear his mothers voice within the overwhelming chatter filling King’s Cross Station, but his eyes were fixed on the crimson train now pulling into the station. Its great gold lettering atop slightly chipping paint read Hogwarts Express, but to Regulus, the train meant freedom.
He looked to his left at Sirius, who was nearly bouncing out of his new leather jacket in excitement. He had insisted on wearing it, no amount of threats or beatings or cruel hexes from Walburga could convince him otherwise. When their mother had tried to burn the jacket the day Sirius bought it, it had proven to be fireproof, curseproof, waterproof, and magically protected in any way possible against their mothers destructive means. Eventually, after Sirius threatened to make Regulus join Gryffindor at the sorting, their mother had conceded with a murderous look at Regulus, as if to warn him from ever doing the same. Walburga was becoming more and more lenient on Sirius, as if she was slowly giving up fighting him at every turn and had finally decided to write him off as a lost cause. In exchange, more and more focus had been placed on Regulus this summer. He could feel his mothers rules and expectations tightening in on him like a noose.
Walburga would burn every leather jacket in Britain before letting her younger son wear one, he thought bitterly.
Their mother now stood behind them in sour silence, glaring at everyone she laid her eyes on, most especially Sirius. It didn't seem to affect Regulus’s long haired, handsome brother, though. Sirius was brimming with energy, his head whipping back and forth, searching the crowded platform. For one of his friends, Regulus assumed. Sirius seemed to have made a lot of them during his first year, he would hardly shut up about them this summer, which filled Regulus with both excitement and slowly building anxiety. He knew he was not half as outgoing as Sirius, he had never had a friend outside his family in his life. But it couldn't be that difficult, he had reckoned as Sirius prattled on to him about some girl or another. After all, his brother had managed it just fine, and Regulus was fairly sure Sirius had never even met a kid outside the Black family before boarding the Hogwarts Express for the first time. It had chafed with Regulus, the first time Sirius returned brimming with tales of his adventures with one student or the other, all of which he seemed to be best of mates with. Without his brother, he was utterly alone in this world, but he had always felt comfort in knowing that Sirius was the same. If Sirius didn’t need him anymore…Regulus pushed that thought aside. He would be fine. Hogwarts was an escape, anything was better than Grimmauld Place.
“That's James!” Sirius said with a gasp of excitement, and without a glance at Regulus or his mother, sped in the direction of another dark haired boy standing with two, kindly looking adults.
The other boy glanced up at Sirius, and his face lit up like the dawn breaking through Regulus’s bedroom window as he tackled him in a hug. The boy grinned at Sirius with such happiness bursting through his smile Regulus felt an actual physical ache. His glasses were askew after Sirius’s enthusiastic greeting, and his already messy hair was now sticking on its end, but he didn't seem to care.
The two boys began chattering away immediately, so in rhythm with each other they hardly paused between sentences, and Regulus stared, amazed at how perfect the two seemed together, careless and happy and right. Sirius almost made it to the train doors before he stopped and turned back to Regulus. Their eyes met for a second, and Regulus thought Sirius could see the emotions roaring through his head, twisting his stomach into a bundle of nerves. His brother beckoned him before turning back to James, his full attention on whatever the other boy was talking about now. Regulus began to move towards him, but his mother caught his arm. She leaned in close to his ear, her breath was sickly sweet and Regulus wanted to gag, but he forced his face into neutrality. He was getting better, much better than he was last year.
“Regulus.” Her voice was sharp and bitter and Regulus fought the urge to cringe away. “Your brother is a disappointment, as you know, and you will not be one too. Do you understand?”
Regulus nodded.
“You must be sorted into Slytherin. You are a Black, uphold your family honor. If you don't, you know what will be waiting for you when you return home.” his mother squeezed his arm, where bruises were freshly laid and tender. Regulus couldn't fight back a wince.
“Remember.” Walburga hissed. “Toujours pur.”
Always pure. The Black Family motto. Regulus didn't say anything. He didn't know if he could. All he wanted was for his mother to let go of his arm with her grip that felt like shackles, and to lose himself in the promising red of the train whistling before him. To Regulus’s relief, his mother didn't seem to require an answer. She released his arm and shoved him forward, towards the train. Regulus stumbled a bit but kept walking, faster until he looked back and his parents had been lost in the sea of clambering bodies.
He realized then he never said goodbye to his father. Then again, his mother hadn't given him a very warm farewell either, so maybe it was for the best. Breathing out steadily and trying to shake the lingering pain stinging his arms, he gazed up at the train before him, so magnificently colorful and alive, and ready to take him where no prison-like grips could ever reach him. Someone called his name from inside. Sirius was on his tiptoes, standing in the doorway. “Come on, Reg!” he called. James was standing behind him, the top of his messy black head peeking out from behind Sirius’s slicked hair. Regulus walked quickly to where his brother was waiting as the train let out a sharp whistle. Steam flooded the air as parents waved tearful goodbyes all around him.
“Reg, c’mere.” Sirius called as he walked through the door and down a long aisle paved with a moth eaten red carpet. All around Regulus the train compartments were full of students laughing and trading chocolate frog cards, or comparing textbooks and whispering over magazines emblazoned with the smiling face of Ludo Bagman, the newest Quidditch phenomenon. Nerves twisted Regulus’s stomach as he hurried after his brother.
“This one look alright, James?” Sirius said, stopping in front of a door near the back of the car. James nodded distractedly, peering over Sirius’s shoulder to look at Regulus.
“Is this your brother, mate?”
Sirius looked back at Regulus, seeming to realize for the first time that his younger brother had never met the boy he so clearly thought of as a brother himself.
“Er, yeah. This is Regulus. Regulus, this is James. He’s my best mate.”
Regulus gave a polite nod. James grinned awkwardly. “You’ve mentioned him a few times,” he said. “He lives with you and your parents?”
a shadow passed over James's face as he said it, and the quick glance Sirius gave him told Regulus everything. He knows. Sirius had told this boy about their parents, particularly Walburga. Regulus suddenly didn't want to be in the company of this boy anymore, with his full smile and bright eyes and loving parents missing him back home. The look in James’ hazel eyes as he stared at Regulus sent shivers down his spine, he could feel himself being opened up as easily as a book, leaving all his secrets, his pain, splayed vulnerably in front of him for this boy to see. He didn't like the pity that laced the smile James gave him. He wondered if this was what Sirius found so appealing, that this boy was so whole he made you feel either painfully broken or wonderfully complete.
“I'm going to go.” Regulus said, gesturing senselessly as he backed out of the compartment. “Nice to meet you, James.” he forced his face into a void, bored expression as he said this, but he couldn't help being disconcerted as he felt hazel eyes following him all the way out. Regulus closed the compartment door behind him softly, letting out a breath of release. Sitting with Sirius was out, then. He didn't want to spend the train ride sitting awkwardly while the two boys chatted rapidly about things he couldn't understand, or being taken apart by James’ curious gaze. Regulus looked around the aisle, now almost empty, and walked almost three steps before completely colliding into a tall figure.
“Sorry.” he muttered, jumping back. The other person was looking at him with mild surprise. It was another boy, older than Regulus but not by much, though so much taller Regulus had bounced off his chest when they crashed. He was wearing a worn orange sweater that clashed horribly with his sandy blonde hair and freckled skin.
“It's alright.” the other boy said, staring at Regulus. He had a strange, quiet manner, like he knew something he didn't want you noticing. His eyes darted around the aisle, hands shifting uncomfortably at the frayed ends of his sleeves. The boy pushed his hair out of his eyes, and Regulus noticed for the first time the scars that sliced up and down his pale face, some were white and faded, a few a light pink and not quite healed. He looked like he had been slashed by a bear. The boy seemed to notice Regulus staring, and gave a quick, uncomfortable smile.
“Remus Lupin.” he said. “I'm a second year.”'
“Regulus Black” responded Regulus carefully. A look of comprehension broke out on Remus’s face. “I thought you looked familiar.” Remus said with a smile. “I know your brother, Sirius.” there was something in his voice when he said it, a tenderness that he cradled Sirius’s name with as if he was terrified to drop it. Perfect. Regulus thought. Another one of Sirus’s friends.
“Nice to meet you.” Regulus said curtly. “My brother is a few compartments down.”
“Thanks.” the tall boy said. They stood there in awkward silence for a few moments. Regulus thought this boy seemed different than Sirius and James. He was more reserved, less confident and brawdy, with his soft brown eyes and lanky frame, he was the exact opposite of Sirius, yet Regulus could see how they would fit with each other perfectly. It reminded him of the way Sirius and himself always just clicked, their contrasts fitting like puzzle pieces. Remus finally gave Regulus a fleeting smile and moved gently past him, towards his brother's compartment. He took his fraying suitcase with him lightly, holding it like it might break at the nearest loud noise. Regulus watched him go, utterly curious and slightly jealous of the friends his brother had amassed in one short year.
“You can sit here.” a sweet voice said.
Regulus turned. The compartment to the left of him was empty but for a small, blonde haired girl with glasses twice the size of her eyes balanced precariously on her nose. She was staring at him expectantly. Her large glasses magnified her pale blue eyes to an uncanny size, giving Regulus the impression of talking to a slight, pale beetle. He looked around, wondering if it was him this strange girl was talking to, but there was now no one else in the aisle.
“Er, thanks.” he said uncertainly. The girl smiled softly, and resumed her reading of a strange magazine Regulus had never seen before. It was quite an affair to lift his trunk and all of his things into the shelf overhead, especially with Regulus’s thin arms and short frame, but by the time he collapsed into the seat across from her with a puff, the girl had dogeared her magazine and placed it aside. The cover said: The Quibbler, Second Edition Ever! Exclusive interviews with first hand witnesses in a Crumple Horned Snorkack sighting! Although the last sentence was partially obscured with what looked like a pumpkin juice stain. Regulus squinted, wondering if he had read it right.
“Crumple horned Snorkacks are very shy creatures.” the girl said solemnly, noticing him looking. “A sighting of one is very rare, all eye witness accounts must be properly documented and analyzed to their full potential.” Regulus didn't respond, he wasn't sure he understood what this girl was talking about, and he was already wondering if he could slip out politely and find a compartment for himself. “I'm going to find one one day.” the girl continued, unfazed by his confusion. “With hard evidence, the ministry will have no choice but to grant them protection under the Magical Creatures Protection Act.”
“Um-”
“I'm Pandora.” the girl said, extending her arm out to him. Her wrist was frightfully thin, her veins a pale blue beneath her freckled skin. “Pandora Merrywright.”
“Regulus Black.”
The girl stared at him with large blue eyes. Regulus squirmed, wondering if everyone in Hogwarts was going to be this nutty. Outside the window, the English countryside was passing in a greenish blur, slowly giving way to cloudy fog that gave the impression that the train wasn't moving at all. The girls magazine fluttered slightly in a sudden draft.
“Er, you're a first year too?” Regulus said in an attempt to break the silence.
“Yes.” Pandora said airily. “I'm rather excited, I’ve never been to Hogwarts before, although I've heard an awful lot about it.”
“From your siblings?” Regulus guessed. Pandora looked surprised. “No, I’m the only child, my parents had me and then for some reason decided not to have any more.” Regulus thought he could see why. “What about you, Regulus?” the way she said his name made him start. Not many people outside his family had ever spoken his name to him, and they always said it in a way that meant they wanted something. It felt foreign to hear his name on her tongue, as if he was just a normal boy having a conversation. He realized in Hogwarts people would call him Regulus every day, because that name belonged to him. He felt a jolt of excitement.
“Yeah. I have a brother.” he said, remembering Pandora was staring at him expectantly. “He's in here somewhere. Sirius Black.”
“Why aren't you sitting with him then?” Pandora said bluntly. She didn't seem bothered he was here, though.
“I-” Regulus didn't know how to explain the horrible feeling he got whenever he was around Sirius and his friends. Like he was unwanted, fading into the background, an empty shell that Sirius didn't need anymore. “I guess I just didn't want to hang out with his annoying friends.” he said with a half smile, trying to lighten his words. Pandora didn't seem fooled.
“I've never had any friends.” she said conversationally. “But I'll believe you if you say they are annoying.”
“Yeah,” Regulus said, smiling for real now. “Yeah they are.” but his mind flashed to a pair of hazel eyes behind glasses and he couldn't help a flare of jealousy.
“Treats! Snacks! Refreshments!” a voice hollered from the hallway. Regulus jumped, and Pandora turned serenely towards the compartment door.
“That must be the food trolley.” she said calmly. “Would you like to buy some snacks? I particularly love cockroach clusters.”
Of course she does. Regulus thought amusedly. But he was rather hungry and he could feel the small bag full of Galleons and Sickles in his jacket pocket his mother had shoved in before he left.
“Yeah.” he said. “I haven't had proper candy since christmas.”
“Christmas?” Pandora said, sounding scandalized. “That was ages ago!”
Regulus shrugged, uncomfortable. “I guess we just don't have it at home much.”
Pandora gave him a curious look, but seemed to decide not to push it. “Well.” she said in a matter of fact tone. “You simply must try the newest chocolate frog flavor, I heard they just came out with a caramel pumpkin one for Dumbledore's card!” Regulus smiled at her, taken aback by this girl but surprised to find himself quite happy in her company.
“I'll guess I'll have to try it.” he said with a grin.
Regulus and Pandora bought nearly half the cart from the taken aback trolley witch, and spent a happy hour trading chocolate frog cards and laughing over vomit flavored Bertie Bott’s jelly beans as the English countryside glided past. The sky steadily darkened outside, until the compartment was awash with a dusty orange light of the setting sun and the two of them were sitting in a pile of sticky wrappers feeling quite sick. By the time the train released a sharp whistle to mark the end of their ride, they were barely recovered and were forced to scramble into their robes as the train was slowing to a stop. Regulus’s side hurt from laughing and his mouth tasted unfortunately reminiscent of a snot-flavored jelly bean as he gazed in wonder out the window at the huge castle slowly sliding into view.
The night sky was perfectly clear and awash with stars, so Regulus could see every perching tower and parapet alight in its full beauty. The Quidditch pitch could be seen next to the castle, goal posts standing eerily solitary in the abandoned field ringed with empty stands. He felt a jolt of excitement, almost feeling the warm broomsticks beneath his hands and nothing but air below him. Regulus had been practicing quidditch since he could remember, it was the one indulgence his mother allowed as she claimed it was becoming of a young Black to be well rounded in all fields. He thought it was the only time he truly felt free, high enough where his mother could barely be made out and the countryside splayed out miles before him in every direction. It was the only reason he endured the visits to their aunt's house in the countryside, where he was generally treated with extra scrutiny and criticism by his many relatives, and relentless jabs from Lucius and Bella. Sometimes even in London he would sneak out in the dead of the night and float up as high as he could, until number 12 Grimmauld Place became indistinguishable from the others and he could almost pretend when he landed he would be someone else. Regulus had heard from Sirius that first years weren't allowed to join the quidditch teams, but he wasn't sure if he had been messing with him. Even if he wasn't, there wasn't a rule stopping him from flying.
For a brief moment, Regulus wondered if Sirius would try out for the team this year. His brother had always been naturally gifted at Quidditch, but practiced half as little as Regulus and never had the same hunger to be on the broom. It was one of the only things Regulus managed to out-do him in. Sirius would probably try out anyway, he reckoned. He remembered Sirius had mentioned James Potter played quidditch, and was supposedly phenomenal. The two of them would be a force of nature. He shivered at the thought of playing them on the pitch that was steadily approaching him now.
“Are you excited to see Hogwarts for the first time?” Pandora asked beside him. Her already giant eyes were almost unnervingly wide as she stared at the castle.
“Yeah, I guess.” Regulus said, trying to sound nonchalant. He was positively shaking with nerves now, as the train drew to a stop before a large, glittering lake. Pandora didn't buy his bluff. “You know, admitting you're afraid is one of the bravest things you can do.” she said lightly to him. “There is no shame in fear, only in thinking there is.”
“Blimey,” Regulus muttered. “You sound like Dumbledore now.” Pandora let out a high pitched laugh.
“I think I’m going to be in Ravenclaw.” Pandora said to him as they walked off the train together. They were immediately swept into the mob of students pouring into the grass next to the train tracks, and huddled towards the edges of the pack with some other scared looking first years, clutching their trunks for dear life. Regulus looked at, not surprised at all. “Yeah, do seem like the brainy type.” Pandora sniffed. “I'm going to take that as a compliment.”
“How do you know it wasn't one?”
Pandora looked at him curiously
“What?”
“You know,” she said. “You've almost lost that posh accent you had when we first met.”
“I had a posh accent?”
“Please.” she snorted. “I didn't think you had the ability to laugh until about an hour ago.”
“Well, I have only known you for a few hours.”
“Yes.” she said simply. “But you've changed quite a bit.”
Regulus didn't know what to make of that, and Pandora didn’t seem keen on elaborating.
“What house do you think you’ll be in?” she asked, changing the conversation abruptly.
“Slytherin.” Regulus said immediately.
“Oh. Do you really want to be a Slytherin, then?”
“I guess so.” Regulus replied cautiously. He didn't know how to explain that he didn't have a choice. “I suppose most of my family has been a Slytherin, so it's just what's expected.” he left out the fact that his mother would very possibly never let him return if he was placed in any other house. Pandora displayed once again her uncanny ability to read between whatever Regulus was saying.
“Yes, but what house do you want to be in?”
Regulus hadn't given that much thought. He didn't think he actually cared that much, which house he was in. He wanted to make his mother happy more than any preference he had one way or another.
“Slytherin.” he said again, looking resolutely away from her and at the castle looming in the near distance. She said nothing for a while, as the students finally all disembarked the train and gathered in groups by years. A whistle let him know the Hogwarts express was headed back to London, and he watched the crimson train disappear into the night.
“I don't know what house my parents were in.” she said finally. Regulus was so surprised he turned and looked at her. Her pale eyes were almost glowing in the moonlight, her skin bone white and freckles dark contrasts. “They never told me.” she continued. “They didn't want my choice to be influenced by them, so they could see who I really was, deep inside.” Regulus stared at her.
“Pandora.” he said. “Has anyone ever told you your family is a bunch of nutters?” Pandora giggled. “Yeah,” she said. “A few times.”
Their conversation was interrupted with a shout.
“First years, c’mere!” a great, lumbering man was calling to them. He was at least twice the size of Regulus, with dustbin sized hands he was now waving at them and a massive body cloaked in a coat that was probably enough fabric to dress the entire Black family.
“That's Hagrid!” a first year beside Regulus whispered excitedly. “He's the new groundskeeper. I heard he got expelled!” their friend made a squeaking noise. “He looks positively terrifying!” they whispered back. Regulus turned to face the great man, now ushering first years into a giant boat that seemed to be used to row across the lake.
He wasn't afraid, he thought amusedly, schooling his face into a bored indifference already at the prospect of meeting a new person. Nothing could scare him more than his mother, even this small giant was laughable compared to her dark eyes and cruel temper. He and Pandora let themselves be shepherded into the boat, the water was inky black and scattered with reflections of the thousands of stars above. He heard Pandora inhale a faint breath of awe as the lake stretched before them, the moon seeming to float on its silky surface. Regulus didn't look though, his eyes were fixed on the castle now drawing nearer that his brother was certainly sitting inside, chatting with James and probably the tall, scar faced Remus. The nerves twisting his stomach released, just for a moment, and his mind cleared from the endless scenarios in which he was placed in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw or even Hufflepuff, and his mother locked him in Number 12 forever. Regulus stopped worrying about whether he would make friends, if he would see Pandora again, even if he would be able to force himself into Slytherin, and watched the great castle that glowed magically in the night approach.
Inside that castle there was light and laughter and freedom, and Regulus wanted so badly to be a part of it.