In the middle of the war, James Potter never expected to find Severus Snape on the other side, or actually, he did, but in the back of his mind he hoped he was wrong. Just for a second, he wanted to be able to close his eyes and have Padfoot arrive to tell him that he had been dreaming and that it was time for his Quidditch training.
Only this time it's not like that.
He really is there, with his black hair blowing in the wind, attacking left and right but his face looked uncomfortable. Potter knows.
He heard them talking, he knows Severus is on the side of the Order, he knows he supports Dumbledore and these are simply orders from the other wizard so that Voldemort does not lose his loyalty to him. The problem is that the aurors and his companions don't know this.
And that's probably why he's not running away like others, but his heart trembles, James has heard what happened to Evan Rosier, how he died in the fight not to turn himself in. James Potter felt fear like never before.
He can't let Severus die in combat.
And in a second he was careless, everything in his eyes changed colors because of the spells they were using, the curses that some of those Death Eaters were using without regret. When he was able to regain some sense, he couldn't see Severus, James became even more desperate. So he didn't care if he was being reckless, he didn't care about the fights taking place in front of his eyes or the screams of his friends, he just needed to know if the Slytherin was still alive.
James found him, he was hurt, his chest was bleeding almost non-stop and he seemed to be trying to maintain consciousness, James quickly went into the trees to look for him.
"What were you thinking, Severus!" He exclaimed angrily, kneeling down beside him.
James doesn't know how to stop the bleeding, maybe there was a Muggle way for this, maybe if he tries to stop it from coming out....
"I'm Severus now? No more Snivellus?" Snape asked, James didn't quite see because of the darkness, but he was sure Severus was mocking him.
That was his Severus Snape, the boy who always teased him back, who glared at him with hatred and later in the assigned Potions classroom kissed him as if his life depended on it. And now the life was really going out of him as he tried to sketch a smile.
"This is no time for jokes, Sev," James complained, settling Severus' body on top of his legs and trying his best.
He tried transforming the sleeves of his shirt into bandages, he wrapped them tightly around Severus' body, that should work, right?
No, it wasn't working, each time the breathing of the man beneath him became shorter, more passive, more dead.
"It's funny" he spoke weakly, James opened his mouth to tell him not to strain; Snape kept talking ". I always thought, if I died it would be something like this, but I never imagined being here, with you, trying to cure me, it's usually the opposite"
"That was at Hogwarts, don't talk nonsense."
"Yes... " Snape stared up at the stars, slowly closing his eyes. "James."
"Yes?"
"I'm..." he tried to speak, it was getting harder and harder. "I'm in the arms of my first love. I'm dying in the arms of my first love."
There was a voice in his head, a voice telling James to answer something.
Let him answer what he knew Severus wanted to hear, but he couldn't, the words stuck in his throat, not because he didn't feel them, but because he never thought he would be confessing it in the middle of a war.
While that boy he loved so much dies in his arms.
And James regretted it.
He thought that when he had started those late-night meetings with Severus he had repented, that all the times he apologized to him as they huddled together in the Astronomy Tower to watch the stars was his attempt to redeem himself.
That every time he kissed him, he couldn't feel any worse for having torn his life to shreds since he entered Hogwarts.
But as he watched him die in his arms, it was different. He felt his soul being torn apart, that something was being taken from, that would never come back, he began to weep without rest. For James knew that Severus no longer spoke because he could no longer, he knew that the body in his legs had lost its life without ever having heard an I love you come out of his mouth.
His life was gone when Severus died, he didn't hear when Sirius appeared, nor when Remus arrived. He was just crying hugging the body of the Death Eater who gave his life to follow Dumbledore's orders. He hugged the body of the love of his life trying to find that warmth he had been used to before leaving him when he learned of his decision to follow Voldemort's path.
James Potter wished he had listened, not walked away banging on the door, a week before graduation. He wished he hadn't walked away, hadn't gone along with his game of wooing Severus' former best friend, he.... James wished it all.
He wished he had known earlier, not that same damn morning and he wished he had hugged Severus more, never to lose the warmth or the life in his eyes, how could he ever look at his friends again? He was just thinking about those eyes that had lost their life, that used to cause him a jumble of feelings and make him feel like a fool in love.
It's a nightmare, he told himself. He's going to wake up.
When he wakes up, he will be again celebrating his month anniversary with Severus after escaping from Sirius, they would be both in the room of requirement stealing kisses, he laughing at Severus' sarcastic comments, grabbing him by the waist and telling Severus he looked like a star.
They would both have Harry, they would be a happy family, Severus would see his son every day at Hogwarts, being potions master and the leader of Slytherin, while he would be an auror arriving before dinner every day and playing with his son to annoy Snape.
They would be a perfect match.
And Severus wouldn't be dead in his arms.
He buried his face in Severus' neck, just as he used to do, and cried, once, twice, even three times, even more, he lost count, just crying and trying to call him.
"Love, wake up, love" He begged.
"Prongs..." called Remus carefully.
"Love, wake up, I still have something to tell you" he continued speaking, completely ignoring his friend," love, Sev, wake up, there's still something I want you to know."