Bad Teachers Bunny
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and other canon characters belong to JKR I’m only having some fun
A one-shot.
The Disillusionment of Hermione
Fifth-year Gryffindor Prefect and Supreme Studious Student for the previous four years of her (hopefully) illustrious academic career was frustrated, and the fact she was frustrated annoyed her, because when she was frustrated her hair became even frizzier than normal.
So what had our normally perfectly placid prefect freaking out, well it was really quite simple, she had just met the most incompetent teacher she had ever had the misfortune to meet and be taught by, one Senior Undersecretary by the name of Dolores Jane Umbridge. She was so annoyed by the woman that the first thing she had done after class was to borrow Hedwig from Harry to send a letter to her parents and request that her name be changed by deed-poll to Hermione Jean Granger, no way was she going to share a name with that toad-like person.
Hermione had been shocked by the poor teaching standards and lack of care and control the so-called staff seemed to have over the students attending Hogwarts since her first year. She had attended private schools for smart children since on her first day at nursery she had corrected the teacher’s pronunciation during story-time, and had been a nightmare for her teachers ever since, sucking in knowledge and regurgitating it as fast as she could. The head teacher of every State School within travelling distance of her home had sighed in relief when informed that Hermione would not be attending their establishment.
Having completed her homework, and not seeing Ron, as he was off raiding the kitchens, (or would have been if he could remember where they were) and aware that Harry was in detention with the Toad, Hermione was at a bit of a loss. Her dorm-mates were huddled in a corner discussing boys with Ginny and her dorm-mates, so she decided to pay a visit to her favourite place in the castle, you’ve got it, the Library.
Hermione had spent hours of her life at Hogwarts in the library and knew her way through the stacks better than any other student, and if truth be told, even Madam Pince didn’t know the library as well as Hermione did.
Tonight though, Hermione had a problem, she didn’t know whether she wanted to study or just read to relax, so she was pacing up and down trying to work out what she was going to do. As she paced, a stray thought came into her head, ‘Why is the teaching here so poor,’ then the thought repeated with a stress on the word ‘Why’ and again, this time stressing ‘teaching’ and a third time stressing ‘poor’. A sudden thump brought her out of her reverie and as she looked down she spotted a leather-bound book on the floor, picking it up she read the title: ‘Hogwarts: A True History’ ‘Unabridged Self Updating Edition’.
Her curiosity piqued, she bent down and picked the book off the floor and walked over to the nearest reading table and settled herself into a chair and opened the cover of the book and read the frontispiece:
This book is the property of the current Warden of Hogwarts Open Prison, please return it immediately do not read any further.
Any normal person would have put the book down as requested, but Hermione had always been a curious girl, and that curiosity had only been deepened by her Polyjuice mishap, although she had managed to stop tracking birds and rodents with her eyes when they disturbed her. So Hermione started to read.
‘Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was founded by four of the greatest magical humans of their time’, her eyes skimmed the information she already knew until some new information. In the early 1400’s, the Hogwarts School was on the brink of closing as mismanagement of the funds left by the Founders had left the school Knutless, no wealthy Pureblood family was willing to put in money as the school educated Muggleborns and Halfbloods, and the Muggleborn and Halfbloods didn’t have any money anyway, so the Wizengamot made a decision, use criminals to do the teaching as the price for staying out of Azkaban.
Hermione was almost stunned by what she’d read, but quickly scanned the list of teachers until she came to the current ones.
Albus Dumbledore: Current Headmaster, working off sentence for lying to the Wizarding World about former lover and Dark Lord Gellert Grindlewald, Dumbledore claimed to have killed Grindlewald but has actually only imprisoned him. Sentenced to serve at Hogwarts for seventy-five years, plus ten years for having poor fashion sense. No Parole.
Minerva McGonagall: Current Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor, working off sentence for being an unregistered Animagus and cat burglar, Sentenced to serve thirty years at Hogwarts, addition ten year term to be served consecutively for allowing underage students to become Animagi.
Filius Flitwick: Current Head of Ravenclaw, working off sentence for being ‘Wand for Hire’ suspected involvement in thirty assassinations using a Wizard’s Duel as cover, as Flitwick is half-goblin, sentenced to 100 years.
Pomona Sprout: Head of Hufflepuff, working off sentence for supplying fake potion ingredients and passing off oregano as ‘happy weed’. Also suspected of supplying dried herbs to the Muggle world.
Bathsheda Babbling: Ancient Runes, serving twenty years for selling fake runic charms
Sybil Trelawney: Serving thirty for running Floo scam offering palm and tarot readings and fake horoscopes supplied by Sinistra
Vector: Serving twenty years for gambling scam, claiming to be able to predict outcome of Thestral races using Arithmancy
Rolanda Hooch: Serving thirty years for fixing Quidditch Matches, caught when the Chudley Cannons won for the first time in forty years.
Rubeus Hagrid: Serving seventy years for illegal animal breeding, a further twenty years to be added for breeding of the illegally crossbred Blast Ended Skrewts
Severus Snape: Serving eighty years for selling fake contraceptive potions resulting in bloodlines being tainted, after serving his sentence he is to be executed for betraying a pureblood family to the Dark Lord.
Madame? Pince: Fifty years for writing fictitious stories about Harry Potter.
Sinistra: Serving twenty years for assisting Trelawney by providing fake astrological charts
The current Warden is Mr. Argus Filch.