Too Much

“...I can be too much and I don’t want to subject you to that”

Just as James finished his speech Regulus leant forwards pressing a short, but strong kiss on his lips.

“I want to be subjected to that” said Regulus and James? Oh James might just pass out from the relief he feels coursing through his entire body.

“I want you when you’re happy, I want you when you’re sad. I was you when you’ve won, I want you when you’ve lost. I want you when you laugh, I want you when you cry. I want you when you’re first, I want you when you’re last. I want you when you’re innocent, I want you when you’ve just pranked the entire school. I want you when you’re angry, I want you when you’re calm. I want you when you’re playing cards in the common room, I want you when you’re hexing Snape. I want you James, not just parts of you and don’t you dare think otherwise. I really like you, not just the happy you, not just the you that show everyone. I want the you which you are when in front of a whole crowd and i want the you which you are alone. And I’ll never stop wanting you, not the sad parts, not the angry parts, not the happy parts, none of it. I’ll always want you James, just so long as you’ll have me. Give me your heart and I’ll make it mine in a way you’ve never known before.”

Before James could register what he was doing he has ducked forward and started kissing Regulus.

Hands tangled in the other’s hair, they make up for all the lost time they spent loving each other but never expressing.

Or well, that’s how it was supposed to go in James’ head but of course life could not be so sweet.

“...I can be too much and I don’t want to subject you to that” 

Regulus raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “Are you done now?” he asked, a bored expression on his face.

James feels tears rise to his eyes as he slightly nods his head.

“I did not even fucking ask and you just dumped that shit on me, i do not care whether you think that you can be too much sometimes because for me you’re too much all the time–” 

James knew that.

Of course he knew that.

He’s been told to shut up enough times, but hearing it from the boy he loves hurts in a totally different way, it slices through his body and goes straight to his heart, effortlessly tearing it into pieces.

“–if it were up to me I’d never even want to see you again, let alone want to fucking be with you. I wouldn’t even want my worst enemy to be with you. The only reason that I tolerate you is because of Sirius. You and your dumb pranks get on my nerves, you and your habit of talking so loudly gets on my nerves. You and your ability to take whatever is mine gets on my nerves. You get on my nerves, so fuck off.”

James doesn’t know when he started crying, but he is now because it hurts so bad.

Having the love of his life tell him that he was such a bloody nuisance hurts.

James has never fallen for anyone the way he fell for Regulus.

Regulus is his it person.

But James? James is just a pain in the arse for Regulus.

Through his blurry vision he sees Regulus’ lips curl in a smirk and it makes him want to hide.

He remembers how he used to admire that smirk whenever it made an appearance on Regulus’ lips.

Now he just wants to hide.

“I'm assuming my brother doesn’t know. It truly would be a tragedy if he found out that his best friend, platonic soulmate, broke one of his strict rules of not falling for his family members.”

James starts shaking his head wildly because Regulus already hates him; he doesn't want Sirius to do so too.

Regulus lets out a malicious chuckle which has James curling up in himself, despite nearly having half a foot (15 smthng cm probably) on Regulus, he was making James feel like he was the size of an ant. 

Maybe that's how much he is worth to Regulus.

Probably even less.

“I guessed you wouldn’t want him finding out, stay away from me now or else i will not hesitate to let the entire wizarding world know.”

James nods as Regulus leaves.

James has read books which describe heartbreak and he always thought that they over exaggerated it but no, he gets it now how it feels like your soul has been crushed and you heart beaten to pulp with a sledge hammer and yet, yet you’ll give up your life for them to be happy.

Let them walk all over you for a smile on their face, hell James would let Regulus say all of that all over again and worse just to see him.

James’ knees buckle as he slips down the wall and down to the floor.

He hugs his knees close to his body and rests his head on his knees.

Silently crying, his worst fears have been confirmed now.

Life can be cruel.

So cruel.

꧁꧂