Severus was just settling in for the night when his floo chimed. He debated the merits of simply ignoring it and feigning sleep before deciding to just get it over with. It was probably the old man with his late night ideas that merited night-long discussions, and putting it off would only mean he had more plots to bounce off for the next time.
"Severus!" It was Poppy. Severus felt immediately alarmed. Rigel was still in the hospital wing recovering from his ordeal, and there was no reason for her to call him so late at night unless something had gone terribly wrong.
Perhaps it is just for a student with allergies to the regular healing potions, some part of him supplied, mainly to suppress his sudden concern.
"Yes, Poppy?" Severus said carefully.
"Mr. Black has not yet come to the hospital wing."
Dammit.
" What? " Severus barely kept the frustration from his voice, "Why am I only hearing about this now?"
"It isn’t that late, Severus." Poppy said sharply, "Curfew only just fell. And if I recall correctly it was you who gave into the boy's wishes to be allowed about the castle without escorts."
Self-recrimination and worry flooded him. Was this what his maudlin decision had cost him? Was the boy in danger yet again?
"I'll go and search for him," He promised, before dismissing the call and striding out of his office, barely keeping himself from running.
Who knew what the boy could have gotten into? And he was in absolutely no state to get out of a fix. Hell, Severus worried about whether the boy could even get back up under his own steam if he merely tripped in a corridor.
On second thought, Severus ran. There was no one around to look at him anyway.
He checked the boy's personal lab's wards as he did, despite knowing that the odds of him being there were astronomically low. The boy had taken a break from potions, given how they took him back to that rotten prison. Another sign of just how delicate whatever balance Rigel had achieved to keep himself from breaking was.
Severus hesitated, then decided to go through the grounds once. His search turned up nothing.
As he was leaving, Severus looked up.
And he froze. There was a small— blurry enough to make him unsure, even —figure at the top of the Astronomy Tower. He was only able to tell because it seemed some lumos orbs there were alight.
He brought his Sight to the fore and realised with some dread that it was, indeed, a student.
Breath caught in his throat, Severus cast a strong cushioning charm on the ground below— it would likely not be enough if tested, he knew —and hurried back into the castle and up the tower.
Breathless and panting, he opened the door.
The boy was by the other side, however, and he strode there, an accio at his lips—
The boy was sleeping against a wall. Severus took a relieved breath and stretched out his sensing abilities towards the boy. To his surprise, the boy's magic had wrapped itself around him like a cocoon, likely keeping him from feeling cold or too uncomfortable.
Severus exhaled and cast a Patronus, "Go to Poppy Pomfrey. Tell her that Mr. Black is with me, and that she need not worry herself. No harm appears to have come to the boy. I shall escort him back shortly."
The doe blinked at him, and then disappeared to do as it was bid.
Severus couldn’t find it in himself to be frustrated at getting worked up over nothing, which was decidedly odd. All he felt was a strange, strongest sense of relief, and a rueful wish to reprimand the boy, and the latter, as well, vanished after a few minutes.
Rigel had been through a lot, and held himself remarkably despite it. He didn't think he deserved a scolding for what apparently seemed like the slip of a tired mind.
He wondered if he should wake the boy or just carry him to the hospital wing. His hands were shaking, however, and he doubted he'd be up to it.
Severus snorted. He was ageing older than his years, apparently. Oh, and also getting disgustingly sentimental.
He tapped the boy's arm gently so as to not startle him, and his magic swirled around him suspiciously, "...Rigel?"
The boy frowned in his sleep and twisted and recoiled away a little before blinking himself awake.
"What…?" The boy's vision focused on him, "Professor Snape?"
"The Astronomy Tower is an unusual choice for bedrest," Severus said dryly, watching the boy embarrassedly realise his whereabouts with some amusement.
"I- uh, sorry sir." The boy frowned, "It must be past curfew, I take it?"
"Indeed. You would do well to turn in at least some time before, now onwards," Severus said, "You gave Madam Pomfrey quite a fright, I'm afraid."
And me, a voice inside him whispered.
"I'm… really sorry Professor. I just…" The boy's gaze shifted from him to the expanse of sky surrounding them, "I came here quite early, actually. I had not planned to stay so long. I believe I might be tired because of the—" Snape's eyes sharpened and the boy coughed, "Well, anyway, it was remiss of me to concern you so. Sorry."
"See that you do not repeat it," Severus aquiscened. In all honesty, three apologies in a row had unnerved him.
"What were you doing here?" Severus asked him with some curiosity.
Rigel frowned, "Nothing, really. I just didn't want to be… cooped inside, and the grounds had too many people when I came."
Severus inclined his head, then noticed the way Rigel's eyes lingered on the edge of the tower.
"You were not thinking of doing anything… foolish, I hope?" Severus said idly.
"I'm not planning to chuck myself off the tower, if that's what you mean." Rigel said bitterly.
"Do not make light of your life, Rigel." Severus said, matching the bitterness before he could help himself. Merlin, but he was a bad surrogate figure.
"Make light of it, sir?" Rigel scoffed, "It's my own life, and I daresay I value it very much after… after all was said and done. I'd rather you not concern yourself with me doing something ''foolish"."
As Severus bit back the affront at the boy's tone and sharp words, the boy exhaled wearily.
"I'm sorry, Professor." He said softly, "I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I just- it just- everything feels so—" Rigel shuddered, "I didn't- I didn't mean to say those things, or take such a disrespectful tone. I'm sorry , I—"
"Stop, Rigel." Severus said with force, realising the boy was working himself into hysterics.
Rigel shook his head in frustration and Severus hesitated before holding him in a gentle grip by the shoulders.
"You have survived where grown wizards may have failed," Severus told him, "It was a traumatic experience and you… you do not have to be perfectly fine after it. It is okay to take time to properly heal from the experience, and trying to rush down the road won't make it better in the long term. As such, it is… not incomprehensible that you would struggle with regulating your emotions and connecting back with normal life."
Rigel looked at him unsurely, but Severus could see that he was considering his words.
Severus inhaled, and then braced himself, "And if you do need time, Rigel, I suggest that you take it, if only for my own selfish reasons. I… wish to see you in better health. It was not only Madam Pomfrey who was concerned when you didn't show."
The boy's eyes were an ocean of guilt, "I'm sorry, sir. I-I didn't mean to worry you—"
"You foolish boy," Severus said, more than a little exasperated, "I only mean to say that there are those who care for you, and as such are willing to wait while you sort things out. You need not feel pressured to put on a mask."
The boy's breath hitched violently, and Severus' brow creased with some concern. He did seem reassured on some level, but his reaction was leaning more into hysterical than Severus had been expecting.
Figures unbearing your heart to a child is a moot and unnecessary point, Severus groused to himself. He was going to incinerate that parental book McGonagall had gifted him as soon as he got back to his office.
"Did you not understand?" Severus said, keeping the frustration well away from his tone.
"I-I did. Thank you, Professor." Rigel was not meeting his eyes, clearly wishing for the topic to end there.
Severus did not think there was much else he could do, "Perhaps it is best we retire to the Hospital Wing."
"We, sir?" Rigel said.
Severus raised an eyebrow, "Of course. I shall be escorting you."
They walked in silence, Severus noting uneasily how Rigel still stumbled when they were to walk down or up sloped surfaces. The ingredients the boy had consumed combined with whatever tortures Pettigrew had inflicted on the boy using the Jewel had done considerable damage to Rigel's motor control and coordination. Still, the boy had come far from his initial state. Severus thought there was hope for a full recovery.
Severus surveyed the boy. His reaction to Severus' advice had been most concerning. Instead of relief, Severus saw only more guilt.
Severus slowed to a halt. He sighed before turning to a confused Rigel Black.
"Mr. Black, is there anything you'd like to tell me?"
The boy swallowed, "No, sir."
"Not even why words that were meant to reassure you only seemed to have fed to some sort of guilt further?" Severus said, allowing some of his exhaustion to leak into his voice.
"No, sir."
Severus stared at him.
"I'd hoped you could trust me, Rigel," Severus said softly. His throat was tightening at something he didn't dare name.
Rigel's eyes were moist, "I do, sir. I really do. But not for this. I can trust no one."
And for some reason, it didn't feel the melodramatic words of a child who felt misunderstood by adults. It didn't even feel like hollow words meant to placate. It was a plea, of all things, a request to accept a line set by circumstances.
Severus let his eyes wander to the route ahead of them. There was another staircase a few feet away.
Hogwarts sure didn't take into account disabilities, Severus thought bemusedly.
"Very well." He said, "But do consider the words I said, and the intent behind them, if you would, without whatever filter you're currently putting them through."
And with that, he picked the trembling boy up and started walking once more.
The boy's embarrassment was short-lived, as his eyes immediately began to glaze.
"S'not fair," Rigel mumbled, "when will this stupid tiredness go 'way?"
Severus' lip twitched, "Patience is a virtue."
"Y'll kno' all 'bout thaht…" he managed with a faint smile before dozing off.
"Not before you," Severus said to the sleeping boy, a fond smile playing at his lips, "Not before you."
Upon reaching the Hospital Wing he had the boy tucked in his bed and went to inform Poppy that he was now safely back in her custody. She was understanding, but also understandably concerned with the whole situation. Severus went back to look at the resting boy one last time for the night and brushed some errant hair off his forehead.
"You're meant for great things, Rigel," he said quietly, "But I think sometimes we all forget that you're human too."