It all went to shit yesterday.
James doesn't know why he did it, but in his defence Regulus had asked.
Somewhat.
“Why are you sulking today?” a question, from the voice that James had grown to love as well as the owner of it, the very same one who was now sitting beside James, so closely that James would have to barely move his fingers a centimetre to make them brush against Regulus’
“Do you want the truth or whatever I have been telling others?” asked James.
It had become a habit, James doesn't know when or how but whenever somebody asked him whether he was alright he would either say yes or dodge the question.
Sometimes James would open up, this only happened with a few people only those with whom James was sure that he wasn’t disregarding their feelings, and not feeling like a burden either.
Even these people had only selective amounts of information about him, so if someone were to ask his friends who James Potter was it would take all of them contributing to make the most near to actual James copy, and even then a few of the biggest pieces may be missing.
These people included Lily, Marlene and Remus.
Lily and Remus knew about his crush on his best friend’s brother.
Marlene knew about how James so often felt out of place, even unwanted, sometimes like he was too much and how he still managed to smile everyday. That's what they bonded on, the seemingly pure overconfidence that they both shared and everyone knew about, what they didn’t know was the many drunken and sober conversations held between the two confessing their hatred for their lives.
“The truth, James” oh.. How he loved the way his name sounded on Regulus’ lips.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” asked James, hoping and praying to whatever would listen that the answer to that wouldn’t be yes.
“No. Why'd you think that?” asks Regulus, brows furrowed.
“It’s like there’s this thing in me that makes people who I want to want me the most, not want me, or want me the least i s’pose. No matter how much I try, you know? With Lily i tried so hard, i was so convinced that i loved her a-and she didn’t want me back, that’s- that i got over but now there's this person, they make me feel unlike anyone else does and yet even if were the last person in the fucking galaxy they wouldn’t have me.” dumps James at once, barely breathing as he feels tears run down his cheeks.
“James-”
“And there can’t be anything wrong with them, they’re so amazing and they are indescribable a-and, there can’t- isn’t anything wrong with them so it’s got- it had to be me, right?” James asks, glancing at Regulus’ blurry figure due to the tears in his eyes.
“James… no. there’s nothing wrong with you, sometimes, people like others and they can’t express themselves, okay? That doesn’t mean they don’t like or want you.”
“But they’re so- so so. They’ll never want me, they deserve more.”
Regulus frowned, “who is this person then”
And then before James could do anything about it, “you” escaped his lips and he watched as Regulus’ eyes comically widened.
“James-”
Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to handle rejection said to his face he gets up, “don’t.” is all he says before leaving.
Now he’s in the astronomy tower, so late at night, sobbing miserly.
Regulus had then invited him to a Slytherin party and as soon as he arrived he saw Regulus’ lips on a girl’s.
Olivia Parathon’s to be exact
James thought he felt pain whenever Lily rejected him but he now realised that he had never experienced pain like this, never.
⚝★✶★⚝
The Next Day~~~
Regulus was sitting alone in a corner of the library, he was desperately trying to study but his mind kept wandering to what had happened the day before.
He remembers everything, the way her clammy hands had felt around his neck, the feeling of lips, unwanted lips on his own.
He remembers the way he had scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed his body and yet he still didn't feel clean.
He groaned and let his head fall upon his open book.
“What’s up ur arse?” asks a voice to his left.
He lifts his head up a bit and sees Remus settling into a chair beside him.
“Your mom’s fingers” says Regulus with a flat face.
“Regulus, not a good time for jokes” says Remus, which causes Regulus to lift his eyebrows, it's never not a good time for jokes for Remus.
“Why?” he asks, suspiciously.
“What it is a good time for is to ask you that if you like James, and he told you he likes you too then why would you kiss a girl? That isn’t like you,” he says squinting his eyes at Regulus “James has been a mess.”
No no no.
It wasn’t even his fault and yet he felt bad, after hearing James talk about how sure he was that there was something wrong with him and him being so sure that the person he liked, Regulus, would never like him back, that he didn’t deserve to be liked back, all Regulus wanted to do was wrap his arms around the elder and tell him that he deserved the world, and to never think otherwise.
He planned to do all that, accompanied by a snogging session, at the party but then that had happened.
“I didn’t Remus, she just walked up to me and fucking kissed me” Regulus shudders, “i can still feel her hands on me” mumbes Regulus and he notices the exact moment Remus’ eyes harden and how he grits his jaw.
“Do not do anything Remus” says Regulus, the last thing he wanted was for someone he cares for to get into trouble because of him.
“Okay” says Remus, “Okay.” he repeats this time more determinedly, “but you’ve got to talk to James, i’ll send him to y- no laters Regulus” he says just as Regulus had begun to open his mouth.
Prompt shutting his mouth, Regulus looks at Remus trying to look at him with the most hate filled look, “i hate you”
Remus, the unbothered arse-hole just nods his head as if to say yeah, sure you do
⚝★✶★⚝
When Remus told James that Regulus wished to speak with James the first thought that crossed his mind was, surely he can’t hurt me more, can he?”
And so he made his way to the astronomy tower, some part of him holding his breath, another part of him trying to hold together his heart which was already in pieces from yesterday, hoping desperately that it wouldn’t break once more.
James has heard people say that the strongest organ in one’s body is their heart but is it not truly one’s tongue for it can break even a heart with a few words, meaningless to some yet they may break beyond repair another’s heart.
James enters the astronomy tower and in an instant Regulus is in front of him and speaking – rambling, rather.
“James, i’m sorry i swear i didn’t kiss her, i didn’t she kissed me and i didn’t know she was going to, i swear. And i'm so sorry, i like you too, so much, Remus said you were a mess, are you sad? Please don’t be sad, i’m sorry–”
“Don’t say sorry for something that wasn’t your fault okay?” says James, and his heart wrenches as he watches a tear fall from Regulus’ eyes.
James raises his hand and brings it near Regulus’ cheek and waits for permission, which he soon gets. He wipes the tear from Regulus’ cheek and watches mesmerised as a small smile blooms on his face.
“I don’t wanna lose you James, the things you said yesterday, they– no one has ever said those things about me, to me, and i want you to know that nothing i wrong with you, you can be loved, you are loved, wanted and adored and i’ll spend the rest of my life telling you this– if you let me that is.” Regulus finishes with a shy smile
James moves his hand to poke Regulus’ nose lightly, “as if I'm letting you go” he murmurs before ducking and pressing a small kiss on Regulus’ lips.
One too short for his liking, but he doesn’t want to overwhelm Regulus further.
Apparently it’s too short for Regulus’ liking as well because his brows are furrowed as he yanks the front of James’ hoodie, pulls it towards himself and presses his lips to James’.
He first kiss was, indeed, too small because only now is James truly able to appreciate Regulus’ lips, kissing him is something that even his wildest fantasies could not have measured up to and he can – quite shamefully – admit that he has made up many such fantasies about a certain curly haired Slytherin seeker.
As they break apart the first thing that leaves James’ mouth was, “did you sleep last night?”
The sound that next leaves Regulus’ mouth is something that is now permanently inscribed inside James’ mind, a beautiful, inelegant laugh. A proper laugh.
It’s such a laugh that forms a dopey smile on James’ face but he can not bring himself to care because he gets to hear this sound.
At this moment James decides that whoever hasn’t listened to Regulus' real laugh has never lived.
Surely there can’t be a greater feeling than what James was feeling right now, surely there can’t have been a more heavenly sound.
⚝★✶★⚝
James watches the way Regulus’ curls are spread across his face as he looks so angelic, eyes closed, lips slightly partly, chest slowly heaving up and down, looking calm and absolutely adorable covered in James’ red fluffy blanket.
James presses a small, adoring kiss to his forehead and moves downstairs.
He finds Lily and walks up to her, “I need to talk to you, now.” he says and walks out of the portrait hole, knowing that Lily must be following close behind.
“What is it, James, i really don’t want to help you with any pranks” she says exasperatedly, to be fair they had all asked her to cover for their pranks at least twice.
“No it’s about Regulus.” he says
“What about him?” she asks, her spine straightening.
Everyone at Hogwarts knew about a few groups including The Marauders, The Slytherins [nice] (Reg’s group of friends), The Slytherins [arses] (mulciber and co.) and The Sassy Bitches which are Lily, Remus and Regulus.
“This girl, Olivia Parathon, she kissed Regulus without his permission, fully sober, so i need your help” explained James.
Nodding determinedly Lily says, “c’mon them”
They find Parathon in a corridor between her friends, but as soon as the both of them approach her friends scurry off, cowards thinks James.
Lazily twirling his wand he asks, “do you want to know why i’m here?”
Olivia shakes her head, trying to look confident but unfortunately eyes are the windows to one’s soul and James can see her soul cowering.
James stalks closer to her, “if you ever so much as look at Regulus again, i swear to god i feed you eyes to the Giant Squid.”
Smirking triumphantly he steps back and watches as both she and Lily duel for about 10 seconds before Olivia’s wand rests in Lily’s hand, who leans close and mutters something, probably insanely frightening judging from the way the colour drains out of her face.
Lily returns Olivia’s wand, who sprints away as soon as the wand handle touches her skin.
Lily and James both share a proud look.
⚝★✶★⚝
“Where do you think James is?” Regulus asks Remus, who had come in asking for James, having not found him he had decided to lay next to Regulus joining him in his reading.
“Probably out with Lily, threatening the girl” the answer comes from his left.
Though Regulus would never admit it out loud, the idea of James defending him makes him warm in all the wrong places.