Not once in the 6 years of Astoria’s life, had she remembered not being completely head over heels for Theodore Nott.
It seemed as easy as breathing to her tiny mind, to imagine their future together. One where they lived in a big house with all their friends, and hung out with each other constantly, and she got to call Theo; hers.
Because really, Theo wasn’t hers.
Theo was Daphne’s. And Pansy was Daphne’s. And Draco was Daphne’s. And Blaise was Daphne’s.
Just once in Astoria’s life, she wished for Theo to be hers. Only hers. She hoped he wouldn’t just look through her when she called on him. She wished he came over for play dates for Astoria, not Daphne. She hoped for once he would notice that she wore her hair differently. How she had spent hours picking out the perfect outfit and practicing her words in the mirror.
But of course, Theo only came over for Daphne. He barely looked at Astoria except for when Daphne allowed her to join in, in their games. He didn’t notice her hair, or how eloquent her sentences sounded.
All 7-year-old Theo cared about was roughhousing with her sister, playing quidditch, and complaining about his father. Astoria was the absolute last thing on his mind.
It was now, as Astoria sat on her sister's floor watching Theo play Gobstones with Daphne, that her jealous feelings would arise, and she quietly wait for the perfect time to interject with a compliment to Theodore.
“Boys love compliments darling, it makes them feel noticed,” her mother had told her a few days earlier while brushing her hair.
Theo had just knocked another one of his stones out when she worked up the courage to say three simple words, “Good job Theo”.
She believed she could have fainted just from her nerves.
Theo didn’t even look up. He gave a quiet “thanks”, and continued with his game. Astoria felt her stomach drop, returning to her embroidery. With Daphne’s request, she had begun a piece with Slytherin's mascot.
Although both of them were still years away from attending Hogwarts, they were consumed with the idea of knowledge. Daphne would tell Astoria stories before bed of how their lives would change for the better once they were enrolled.
“You’ll see Story, they have so many books, you’ll love it. Plus, it will be like we live with Theo, Blaise, Pansy, and Draco all the time, since we will all be sorted into Slytherin together. I heard they even have a squid in the common room,” she had whispered one night, in attempts to lull her nightmare-woken sister back to sleep.
That was all Astoria could think about. Living with Theo. Maybe being under the same roof was all he needed to get his head out of the clouds and see what was right in front of him.
After Daphne had won, and Astoria gave her deadly glares, Theo left with a hug to the older sister and a nod to the other.
Astoria went to help Daphne clean up the stones, but felt a hand on her arm pulling her back.
“You know he doesn’t like you right?” Daphne pointed out, tilting her head to the side. Daphne had always been blunt. She, even from a young age, refused to beat around the bush.
“He just doesn’t know me yet,” Astoria insisted, continuing to clean up the leftover game pieces.
Daphne paused, looking at her sister's determined face, and shrugged her shoulders. It wasn’t worth fighting over, that’s for sure. Theo’s disinterest would get across to her eventually.
Astoria was ready. She had lasted an entire year without the comfort of her sister ad the visits of her friends. She had survived without seeing Theo’s face once a week and hearing his laugh. She lived off of the short letter Daphne would brief her with, informing her of her new favorite study spots, and what mischief she and Theo had gotten into recently.
Astoria waited in the Great Hall, anxiously picking at the skin around her fingers, which if her mother could see, she knew she would have a heart attack.
Astoria had been ready, to lift the hat onto her head and find out her fate, until she wasn’t. She was ready until she saw the faces of hundreds of students staring at her, hoping selfishly that their house would be chosen.
And when McGonagall placed the beaten-up hat onto her styled blonde hair, she had only one outcome on her mind.
Slytherin. Slytherin. Please be Slytherin.
The voice that erupted from the cloth betrayed her, however, shouting out to everyone’s surprise, RAVENCLAW.
She looked at her sister immediately with frightened eyes that began to swell with tears as she saw her sister's disapproval. She had to be pushed off the stool by McGonagall herself and ushered to the blue-robed students all judging her silently.
A Greengrass in Slytherin? It hadn’t been done in years.
Once she was seated she looked for her sister a final time, but instead looked upon the deep green eyes of Theodore, eyeing her curiously. She watched as he leaned into some unknown girl's ear, and whisper a secret. A secret Astoria was dying to know.
Astoria used to daydream about the moment she entered Hogwarts.
Now the stupid school had taken everything from her.
Theo watched as McGonagall danced with the Weasley kid, his face beat red, and his hands placed awkwardly on her hips.
“He looks likes he’s going to retch,” Draco whispered with a laugh.
Blaise nodded in agreement as he waved his wand slightly and Weasley’s hand moved downwards to their teacher's dip, which Weasley apologized for profusely, and closed his eyes tightly.
“Who do you reckon you’ll take?” Theo asked his friends, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Pansy and I already have an arrangement,” Draco answered with a scowl. “I was already in her debt, so guess who has to take Parkinson ball dancing.”
“I asked Daph this morning, she said yes,” Blaise admitted shyly, earning a punch on his arms from Draco, who hollered at him playfully.
“What about you Theo? Asking Vanessa?” Blaise questioned.
Vanessa had been an interesting evolvement. She had been his first new friend at Hogwarts. And even though most of the Slytherins thought she was a frigid bitch, she seemed to have a soft spot for Theo.
Theo could admit to himself that he had feelings for his picky friend, though he knew they were one-sided, as Vanessa was hopelessly in love with some Hufflepuff bloke that Theo couldn’t be bothered to remember his name.
“She’s going with someone else,” he answered coldly.
Blaise and Draco were smart enough to realize this was their cue to shut their mouths.
“So anyways, moral of the story, Trelawney can be a real bitch and I’m sick of it. Who is she to tell me that I’m not going to get my period tomorrow? I mean I of all people would know!” Daphne whined, her legs draped over Theo’s as they conversed on the couch.
He giggled and gave her a smirk.
“I heard you said yes to Zabini?”
A blush spread across her pale face. “Yes, I did alright. And I won’t have you making fun of me whatsoever.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m only wondering because just last week when I asked if you maybe fancied him, you smacked the back of my head so hard I almost passed out from the pain,” he joked.
“Yeah well things change,” she said quietly. “I heard you don’t have a date yourself?”
Theo groaned. “I’m going stag. What about it?”
Daphne smiled. “Nothing. Just that I had an idea if you didn’t want to go by yourself.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah.”
“And what's that?”
She paused slightly, and then carefully continued. “You should ask Astoria.”
Theo’s lips parted in confusion. Astoria?
“She’s a third year so she wouldn’t be able to go otherwise, and I know how much it would mean to her if you were her date,” she persisted. “I mean, she hasn’t exactly been shy about her crush on you these past few years. Though I think being a Ravenclaw may have deterred her.”
Thoe had always known of the small crush his friend's younger sister had on him. She would always come up with reasons to talk to him and follow them around everywhere. He even remembers when she was especially little, insisting they had a fake wedding, that Astoria had stolen her parent's jewelry for, and they both got in heaps of trouble for it.
“Won’t she get the wrong idea?” he asked hesitantly.
“Not unless you don’t clarify. Just tell her ‘as friends’, and she won’t get any premonitions about your future lovey-dovey romance,” she encouraged.
“Yeah. I guess.”
It wasn’t until later that night that he ran into the younger Greengrass outside the Great Hall with a big group of friends.
Theo remembers how upset she had been to be sorted away from her sister. He had watched her tear up at a table full of strangers, and for the first time in his life, he had missed her annoying babbling.
He waited for the group to disperse before he snuck up behind her and followed her down the hall, rather creepily he might add.
“Astoria!” he yelled, grabbing her attention as she whipped around.
Theo forgot how different Astoria and Daphne were. Not only in personality, where Daphne’s blunt and sarcastic, met Astoria’s timid and wholehearted. They were completely different in looks as well, Daphne’s black choppy hair that she insisted she always cut herself, and Astoria’s perfectly styled blonde locks, that always fell freely down her back.
When she turned around her hair wrapped itself around her shoulders, framing her pale face, a blush already reddening on her cheeks.
“Theodore?” she questioned, surprised by his presence. He hadn’t sought her out in years. The only times they even talked anymore were when Astoria had parties over the summer.
As Astoria had grown up she started to distance herself from the group. She no longer insisted to insert herself into their lives. She started to get her own friend group. One of which, Theo could admit, she was rather popular in. She always had at least 2 people on her arm and told jokes Theo would never be privy to, which seemed to crack up her entire house. It was odd to see her in such a different light, no longer hiding behind her sister's shoulder.
“I was um,” he began, looking anywhere but at Astoria’s face.
She moved closer, at a slow pace, tilting her head slightly. “Yeah?”
“I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go to the ball with me?” he spits out, as quickly as possible. “As friends.”
Her eyes narrowed and she looked Theo up and down. “My sister put you up to this did she?”
Theo coughed, scratching at his head. “Uh. Yeah, she did.”
Astoria rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. “Well, thanks for the offer Theodore but I already have a date. So go ahead and ask whatever floozy is on your arm this week,” she hissed.
Theo didn't even notice the snarly remark that she had included at the end. His brain stopped at, ‘I already have a date’. He furrowed his brows, his gaze darkening.
“You have a date?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Just because you don’t find me appealing Theodore doesn’t mean other gentlemen don’t.”
She turned around abruptly and started her walk down the passage. Theo felt tied by a string as he followed her, anger rising in his chest.
“Who?” he spat.
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t.”
She let out a laugh. Laugh that Theo swears awoken something deep beneath his chest. It was infectious, and despite his best efforts, moved his lips upwards.
“Sure. That’s why you’re following me corridor.”
Theo stopped in his tracks. She continued until she turned the corner, her hair bouncing in her steps. He wasn’t sure what just happened to him, swearing his mind took a break, and left his hormones to take the driver's seat.
Theo sat and watched as Vanessa danced with her Hufflepuff boyfriend, a smile on her face as he spun her around the room.
As he watched her new position, his eyes landed on a blonde in a cutesy purple dress. He was mesmerized, up until she turned around, and met his gaze, her blue eyes staring back at him. Astoria.
She looked absolutely beautiful. And she was dancing with some idiot who couldn't seem to get his feet in line, stepping on her toes every five seconds. He rolled his eyes and started to watch Draco and Pansy, who were in a serious waltz that Theo was sure Draco had only practiced with his mother. Blaise and Daphne were nowhere to be found, but he knew that right now Blaise was working up the courage to kiss her. He had spent the entire night previous rerunning his plan with the boys in the common room.
For some reason, Theo’s eyes were only drawn to the blonde in front of him. He doesn’t know how long he watched her sway before his body got the best of him and he marched across the floor, tapping the bloke on the shoulder, and insisting he has his turn.
Her date scowled and looked at Astoria for support, but she seemed to be as tied to Theo as he was to her, not even giving her date a second glance.
“Theodore.”
“Astoria.”
He placed one hand on her waist and the other on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing slow circles on her skin.
“You know that was rather rude,” she stated, as they began to move together across the floor. “Henry has been very considerate all night. And for you to just–”
“I didn’t hear you coming to his rescue before,” Theo pointed out, looking over her shoulder at this so-called Henry, who was giving him daggers from his seat next to his friends.
She scoffed and refused to look at him. Theo had never realized how cute her annoyed face was. Her lips pursed, but she refused to scrunch her eyebrows, likely from all the training her mother gave her on eternal beauty.
“You don’t even want to dance with me Theodore,” she said quietly.
He cocked his head back to her in confusion. “If I didn’t want to dance with you, tell me why am I here right now?”
She finally looked back at him now, her piercing blue eyes sending shockwaves through his body.
“You don’t want to dance with me. You just don’t want me to dance with him. And frankly Theodore, I’m sick of you.”
She removed her arms and turned around, leaving Theo by himself in surprise as she grabbed Henry by the arm and they left the Hall.
He let out a breathy laugh. Astoria. Always so fucking swotty.
Astoria looked at herself in the mirror, adjusting the tiara that sat perfectly on her head, as her mother teased her hair.
“You look absolutely stunning my love,” she whispered, giving her daughter a quick kiss on her cheek. “Suitors will be falling all over you.”
Suitors.
Selma Greengrass had arranged for a ball, for Astoria’s 16th birthday, to show her off to potential suitors. Daphne was disgusted, saying that Story was too young to be thinking of marriage, while their mother insisted that she was already falling behind.
Astoria had no comment on the matter. If their mother wanted to dress her up like a show pony and auction her to the highest bidder, she would let her. She knew her place. The recent movement with the war had only solidified this. She knew that soon enough, normalcy would be tossed out the window. And if her life could be secured with the protection of a man, most likely already under the Dark Lord’s regime, she would allow it, despite how sick it made her stomach feel.
And as she looked in the mirror, she could agree with how beautiful she looked. She wondered how quickly it would take for someone to sign their name. Would it be some Slytherin boy who graduated years before her? Are they at least near her age? She hoped her mother would at least draw the line at 10 years above her. But who was to tell?
As she stepped out of her room, her chest collided with a hard surface, and when she looked up to see the intruder, she was met with a sea of green.
He looked her up and down, his adam’s apple bobbing, and straightened his posture. “Astoria,” he said, almost in a whisper, his voice cracking.
“Theodore,” she answered. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for Daph.”
“I mean in my house,” she snapped.
“My father made me.”
“Right.”
He let out a breath, leaning himself on her doorframe. “You look beautiful.”
It sounded like a secret, the way he told her. It sounded like something Astoria wanted to lock in her chest of Theodore Nott interactions and save till her last dying breath.
“Yes well if I’m to be betrothed before the years up I had better look presentable.”
He furrowed his brows. “The year? You’re only 16?”
“And?”
“You’re a child Astoria!” he pleaded. “You can’t seriously want to give up all your freedom before you’re even of age?”
Astoria wondered if Theo even knew how being a woman in wizard society played out. She had no freedom since the day she was born under her father's name.
“I don’t have a choice Theodore!” she shouted.
“Yes, you do! You don’t see Daph in one of these stupid dresses!” he pleaded, moving closer.
“Yeah, I wonder why! Because I’m in the dress. I’m here. Daph can afford to play around all she wants with your stupid friends because I can’t. I saved her. Me!” she screamed, her eyes beginning to swell. “You think I want to do this? Do you think I want to give myself up for some pureblood man who doesn’t even know my name yet? I don’t! But I have to. I have to so that Daphne can live her life. I have to so that when the war comes and everyone's dying, at least I’m safe.”
Her chest rose and fell rapidly, and she tilted her head up to meet his eyes once more. “So if you excuse me, Theodore I have somewhere to be,” she pushed past him, dabbing her eyes with her cloth stored in the pocket of her dress, and walked down the stairs. She forced herself to put on a smile and let her mask raise.
“Oh I agree, a Fall wedding sounds beautiful!” Astoria said with a fake laugh, avoiding the stabbing eyes she knew were right behind her.
The man in front of her kissed her hand, noticing the man behind her, and gave her a rushed goodbye.
Astoria groaned and turned around quickly, glaring at Theo, who stood in front of her with a serious look on his face.
“What the hell is your prob–”
“I’ll marry you,” he said determinedly.
Astoria felt a blow to her stomach like a bullet wound, and she felt anger inflate in her chest. She grabbed him by the hand and rushed them out of the room, earring stares from the men she had danced with all night, and she prayed her mother was not privy to this outburst.
As soon as they were out of the line of vision from the attendants, carefully hidden behind a wall in her family's sitting room, she smacked him across the chest.
He laughed in surprise, and when she went to hit him again, he grabbed at her wrists.
“What is your problem Astoria?” he asked, looking down at her.
“What’s my problem!? My problem Theo is that you are so fucking ridiculous you make me sick!” she screamed, desperately trying to remove her wrist from his grasp.
“I’m being serious Astoria. I’ll marry you,” he insisted once more, pulling them closer together. “I’ll marry you.”
“Stop,” she pleaded.
“I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you and you can have as much freedom as you want. And I’ll protect you and I’ll care for you and I’ll keep you hidden from the war. Your parents will approve, I’m already technically a suitor. You can live with me in my Manor, with Draco and Daph and Blaise and Pansy, because as soon as my father dies we are all going to live together. You won't have to be paired up with some freak you barely know. It will be perfect.”
Astoria felt the tear run down her cheek and felt his warm thumb slowly wipe it away, his palm still on her cheek.
“That would never work Theo.”
“Tell me why it wouldn’t. Because I think my plan is perfect.”
“Because marriage isn’t just some paper alright? Our parents would be demanding heirs. We would have to be together constantly. It wouldn’t be some show where you kiss me in public but refuse to talk to me at night. I can’t do that Theodore. I won’t survive it,” she cried.
Instead of saying anything, he did something Astoria had only ever dreamed of.
He leaned in, his soft lips pressing against her cheek. He pulled back slightly and left a trail of kisses until he neared her mouth. He looked back at her for approval before leaning in once more and kissing her lips, pressing down gently, waiting for her to react.
She was still. She didn’t know what to do at first until without thinking, she leaned in herself, wrapping her arm behind his neck and sighing into his mouth, falling victim once more to the ridiculous charm of Theodore Nott.
Once he received the go-ahead, he moved his hand down to her hip, gripping, and began to move faster. He nibbled on her lip and let his hands wander. His lips wanted only one thing. To consume her. And she would let him. Astoria would let Theodore Nott take her whole being.
He moved them against the wall, her back hitting the cold stone and she shivered. He helped her as she pushed her body up his, and he supported her body as her legs wrapped around him.
“Fuck,” he groaned between kisses, as he moved down her neck, leaving bite marks and bruises all over her. She knew when morning came she would need heavy concealment charms to avoid the lecture from both her parents and her sister.
This was everything Astoria had wanted for years. And yet when she felt Theo hungrily grab at her body that she had seen with girls before her, she felt bile rise in her throat.
She moved her hand up to his lips, pushing him away. He let out staggered heavy breaths, staring at her angrily like all he wanted to do for the rest of his life was kiss her.
“What?” he asked, trying to go back, but Astoria kept her hand to her lips, shielding them from his intentions.
“You don’t want me, Theo.”
He laughed breathlessly. “Really? Then what was that?”
“You have ignored me for years, Theodore! And what, now you want me for some reason?” she pressed.
“I haven’t ignored you,” he said defensively. “I have tried to talk to you ever since the fourth year. You pushed me away!”
“I pushed you away because you were only talking to me because you thought I would always be yours. You didn’t want me until you knew you didn't have me anymore. I was in love with you for years Theo. Years! I threw myself at you, and you didn’t bat an eye. Excuse me for finally gaining some self-respect.”
“You can’t pretend like you don’t still want me, Story. I know you. I know you don’t let things go that easily.”
“You don’t know me! You don’t know me at all!”
“Then let me know you! Let me marry you! Let me save you, please.”
“As I said before,” she said, finally turning back around, trusting herself not to break, “It isn’t just some act. We can’t just pretend.”
“Then we won’t.”
He moved quickly, putting his palm right back on her cheek, forcing her head upwards. “I have wanted you ever since that night Story. I have tried. I tried so hard, to leave you alone. Daphne warned me against it. She said you needed someone else. That I wouldn’t be good for you. But I know I could be. I know I could be good because I know you can’t end up with some guy who doesn’t even know you,” he said, tears beginning to show in his eyes. “You can’t end up with some guy who doesn’t know your favorite color is purple, or that you love to watch the stars, or that your favorite subject is Transfiguration. You can’t end up with some guy that doesn't know you need complete silence when you read, or you will just stare at the same page for hours. You need someone who knows you love music from the 80s but only if it’s a muggle singer. You need someone who knows everything he can, and wants to know everything he doesn't.”
Her mouth fell open in shock, and she moved her hands up to his face, her fingers dancing around his jaw. “How do you know all that?” she asked softly.
“Because I’ve been in love with you for years Story. I’ve watched you for years. I used to memorize your schedule so I’d know when you were going to study. I’d purposely make a mess in potions so I would have to stay after when your class began, to clean up. I was so fucking obvious about my crush on you that Daph had to lecture me about staying away. But I can’t anymore. I can’t stay away when you're going to marry some idiot who doesn’t know the first thing about you.”
Astoria didn't waste any more time, she leaned in and took his mouth, shutting him up with peppered kisses, attempting to tie their souls together with her tongue. He tangled his fingers in her hair, drawing out a sigh from her pink lips, and melted into her.
Astoria remembers this night as the first and last night she and Theo were ever truly happy together.
Once the war had ended, her family had completely shattered. Her mother moved quickly in the death of their father, to find Astoria a proper husband. One who just happened to be Draco Malfoy.
Astoria had pleaded with her mother to reconsider Theo. After his father's involvement, Theo was never really forgiven. Although both Draco and Theo had equal involvement in the war, Draco’s father had been sent to Azkaban, and people felt his justice had been earned, so Draco received a pardon. But Theo’s father had died during the war, and people wanted justice. That justice came in the form of locking Theo up for a few months, demanding he serves some of his father’s sentencings.
And although Draco wasn’t who Astoria wanted. She knew it was the only way to give her mother piece, knowing she would be married to a pureblood suitor, who was in decent standing in the wizarding world.
And although Astoria tried to push every memory of Theo from her mind, because she knew she had a duty to serve, and really she was lucky to be matched with Draco. She couldn’t help it.
She had to see him one more time.
So a week before her wedding, she apparated to Azkaban and demanded a visit.
It was shocking, to see him in such a state. It was heartbreaking to watch as he struggled to stand up, chained to the wall, dirt smudged on his face, trying to reach her. She wanted to kiss all of his pain away. She wanted to remove the scars from the war she knew would never go away.
“Story.”
“Theo.”
His expression was blank. The charm that once filled his face was gone. Astoria didn’t even feel like she was speaking to her love, only a shell of the man she had once promised to devote herself to.
“I’m to be married,” she whispered, tears falling down her face. “To Draco. In a week. I wanted you to know.”
His gaze fell, and she swore she could visibly see his heartbreaking, as hers had weeks before.
He tried to move closer, but the chains pulled him back, and he groaned in pain as they rubbed against his reddened skin.
“I want you to know that I fought for you. I fought for you and me. I promise,” she continued, urging herself to adapt some of her sister's bluntness. “But my mother is sick. She won’t last the month. And all she wants is to see me married and happy and with kids. So I can’t delay it anymore.”
He nodded, and she persisted.
“I know that when you are out, Draco and I will have started a family by then. Narcissa is eager to have grandchildren and I won’t deny her that right. I know that when we see each other again you won’t see me as me and I won’t see you as you and I think it’s for the best. But I need you to know that I will love you till my dying breath Theodore Nott. I will love you forever. So, please. When you get out, start a family, and move on, eventually, hopefully, we can be friends. For once in our lives, we can be friends.”
Astoria cried for hours about wasted time. About how if Theo had realized earlier, or if Astoria had still tried harder, they may have ended up differently.
Wasted time had ruined them. And she knew her life would never really be the same.