Marlene had warned them
She had. So Dorcas couldn't even be mad at her for the heartbreak they were feeling right now. The urge to be mad wasn't too big, it wasn't Marlene's fault that she was dead now. It wasn't her fault that Dorcas loved her too much. Dorcas would do anything for her, even now that she was gone.
Marlene had been cautious. Starting a relationship at the brink of a war that everyone knew was coming would be hard. She was aware of the pain that could come with it. The pain was probable.
But Dorcas hadn't wanted the war that was going to take so much, take the time they could have as well. Dorcas made it clear to Marlene that they would do anything for her. Dorcas would give everything they had and would ever have for Marlene and they would expect nothing in return.
When you are prepared to do anything for someone, it means they have your heart. We are human and we cannot function without our hearts. Marlene had Dorcas' heart and Dorcas was prepared to fight so that Marlene could keep it safe. But their heart had gone alongside their love. Dorcas didn't feel human anymore.
Love hurts. And they had been in love. Dorcas still was. Genuinely hopelessly. They had been in love for years. Marlene had been in love with Dorcas since her Second Year and Dorcas had returned those feelings from the Third onwards. It wasn't until the end of the Sixth that they confessed it though. But time didn't feel real to Dorcas, not now that Marlene was gone. It wasn't real just as it was not enough. Never enough.
Half of their time as a couple they had been fighting. For their relationship. For their friends. For all the innocent people. For peace. They were stuck in the trenches, but they were stuck together. They didn't achieve peace though. Things were less peaceful than they had ever been. Dorcas' mind could not even process what the concept of peace meant anymore.
The first of their family. The only one that had ever truly understood Dorcas. Gone. Just like that. Gone because of someone with a desire to gain power and obliterate anything and anyone that didn't conform in their eyes.
Dorcas knew too. They also knew the possible consequences of being in love during a war, a war they were fighting in. It hadn't stopped them from letting their love for Marlene grow. No matter if there wasn't peace and if there never had been, they didn't regret loving Marlene. They knew the dangers, they knew what was lingering beyond the horizon. They still gave each other their best. They gave their love the best shot.
But now, the one thing that gave Dorcas hope and a sense of what peace could look like was gone.
The silence was gone and was replaced with a constant buzzing and noise. Their vision was blurred and the one person who always put it back into focus was buried six feet deep where Dorcas couldn't see. Their body was restless. Their mind needed something they couldn't have - peace.
They didn't have peace together but they were close enough. There still wasn't peace now. It was worse now. They had to do something. The one thing they wanted - to have Marlene back - wasn't achievable.
So Dorcas went for the next big thing.
Death.
Not their own death. No, Dorcas' last breath wouldn't be taken until they had tried to kill someone else. He was going to die and they would be the one to do it.
Marlene's death deserved to be avenged. Marlene deserved peace. Dorcas would try to get it for the both of them.