summer 1975
Sirius Black was, as many would say, uncategorizable. He was contradictory and parts of him were elusive, only seen to a small few.
He was known as wildly different from most students at Hogwarts, loud and brash and unafraid. He also loved the school year more than anything, and despised the summer more than anything.
This summer was no different. On the train ride to platform nine and three quarters, he acted as he usually did, but there was a pit of writhing snakes in his stomach, hissing and biting. When the train pulled into the station, he moved slowly, trying to stretch out the time before he had to leave as long as possible. Peter waved goodbye and hurried out, Remus following him with a salute. Sirius exhaled and grabbed his trunk, preparing himself.
"You'll be alright, mate?" James asked, holding him back before he could leave the compartment.
"’Course I will. I can deal with those pissers any day." Sirius flashed his signature grin at James and slipped out of his grip, ignoring the look of sympathy on his best friends' face.
"Remus, wait up!" Sirius called, hurrying to throw an arm over his shoulders. Remus shot a look of amusement at him, and Sirius felt his resolve crumbling.
"It's okay to be worried, you know. about going back." Remus said quietly. Sirius' grin faltered, and he sighed. Remus always saw through his walls, no matter how fortified they were.
"I know it is. I'll be fine, Remus. don't worry about me.” Sirius said, trying to reassure himself as much as Remus. The latter arched an eyebrow at him, but left it, knowing better than to poke. Sirius had a short fuse when it came to his home life.
They exited the train, and Sirius's arm on Remus' shoulder tightened. Remus said nothing, but gently put his palm on Sirius's waist, reassuring him. Over in the back of the platform, Walburga and Orion Black waited, Regulus already with them, his face blank.
"Well," Sirius sighed. "Guess this is it. See you in a few months, Moony." He looked up and managed a grin, shaking his hair back. Remus hesitated, and then threw his arms around Sirius, squeezing him tightly.
"Be safe, okay? Write back to me every day. I'll see you soon." he whispered. Sirius hugged back fiercely, clutching Remus like a lifeline. They stayed there for a while longer, loath to let go, until Sirius felt a tap on his shoulder.
He released Remus and turned, seeing the darting grey eyes of his little brother.
"Mother wants to go. Now." Regulus whispered, standing up straight with his hands curled at his sides. "Hello, Remus."
"Good to see you, Regulus. You stay safe, alright? Try and keep this idiot from making too many bad decisions,” Remus said, attempting to make a joke. Sirius chucked weakly, throwing his arm around Remus and planting a quick kiss on his cheek.
"Not possible, Moony. See you." and he left, hurrying towards their parents with Regulus, whose face has turned blank again. He threw up the widest and most arrogant grin in his arsenal when they reached Walburga and Orion, which he knew would irk them. Sure enough, Walburga's nostrils flared, and Orion pinned him with a glare.
"Sirius." Walburga said stiffly. "Good. Let's go."
"What, no hello? No, how are you? The greetings here have really gone downhill." Sirius remarked dryly. Regulus twitched slightly.
Orion turned to look at Sirius with a cool, calm look, having yet to say anything yet. That was preferable.
"Sirius. take my hand. We're leaving." he said, his voice low and humming with dangerous energy. That tone always sent a shiver down Sirius's spine, one he hated himself for and refused to let show. So he took one last look at the bustling platform, spotting James with his parents, Peter with his mother and sister, Remus already gone. Then he reached out and touched Orion's palm, gone in a whirl.
They appeared in the sitting room of the Black family home, dark and drearily cold. Sirius had barely landed when he was struck hard across the face, sending him to his knees. Regulus made a small noise from the corner, and Walburga's angry face swum in Sirius's vision.
"Well," Sirius said, mustering a cocky smile, "I can't say this is usually how I like to be on my knees."
Really, he should have known to shut his mouth. Walburga slapped him again, harder this time, sending him back. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Regulus looking terrified, clutching Kreacher's frumpy pillowcase.
"The fuck did I do?" Sirius grunted, feeling a bit woozy.
"What didn't you do?" Walburga hissed. "Your head of house told us that you got the most detentions this year she had ever given.You've managed to disgrace the most shameful and disgusting house in that godforsaken school."
Sirius coughed, smiling slightly. "Yeah, Minnie told me about that. Pretty cool, innit? A new record set by yours truly. I think next year I'll try to break it."
"Crucio."
Even having been under the curse multiple times before, Sirius was unprepared for the pain. It was a million red-hot knives stabbing his body repeatedly, carving out his insides, carting off his body parts to sell. He cried out and fell flat on the floor, losing all semblance of his surroundings.
Remus' face swam in his mind, telling him to be safe with a worried look. Well. That instruction went well.
Sirius wasn't sure how much time had passed under the curse before he came to, shivering on the floor, sweating and shaking.
"Take him to his room. Lock the door. He is not to leave unless I give explicit permission, nor is he allowed to receive anything without such." Walburga said coldly to kreacher. The elf bowed and snapped his fingers, and Sirius felt himself being lifted into the air. He was much too weak to fight, and let himself be carried up the stairs, catching one last glimpse of Regulus, hands curled tightly into fists and face blank.
Remus
It had been four weeks, and Remus still hadn't heard from Sirius.
This was extremely unusual. During the summer, Sirius sent letters almost daily, desperate to have some sort of contact with the outside world. Remus had yet to receive a response to any of his letters, despite sending nearly 15 of them so far.
He had written to James again yesterday, asking if he had heard from Sirius. Now, Remus paced the floor of his bedroom, waiting for james' large barn owl to appear in the sky.
The light wood floor was cold beneath his feet despite the warm climate, so he crossed over to the centre of his room, where a medium sized blue rug sat. Remus' room was themed with soft blues and greens, thanks to his mother before he was born. She had decided those would be his favourite colours, and she hadn't been wrong.
The room had of course been adjusted as he grew, and now contained a twin bed with rumpled blue sheets, an old (slightly rickety) bedside table, stacked high with books and chocolate, an even older (very rickety) desk, and a wardrobe stuffed in the corner. There was also a threadbare green armchair underneath the window, underneath an old lamp that hadn't been moved since remus' room was first decorated.
The walls were decorated with various posters and flyers Remus had found in the city, along with a few pictures of him and his friends. Sirius and James were up there quite a lot, as was Peter, although most of the pictures Remus had of them were from when they had dated briefly early in third year and were not up on the walls. Lily was also up quite a bit, as were Marlene and Mary, and there was one with Emmeline.
His room was usually a source of great comfort, small and cosy and filled with knick knacks that were just him. Now, however, Remus felt trapped, pacing back and forth like a caged rat.
Finally, late in the afternoon, a familiar shape appeared in the sky. Remus ran to the window and shoved it open, his heart thudding as Gwen, James' owl, landed gracefully on the sill. He snatched the letter from her quickly and tore it open, sinking down into his bed.
Moony,
Sirius is okay. He hadn't been answering my letters either, so I called him in the mirror the other night. He's not allowed to leave his room or get mail, something about having set a record for the most detentions given. But anyway, he's okay. seemed a little down, but managed to crack nine different jokes about my hair, so it can't be too bad. He said not to worry about him and to enjoy your summer, because he can see your worry lines appearing now and you're too young and attractive to have those. His words exactly, I wrote them as he spoke.
How are you, Rem? Besides worrying your arse off. Only one more moon in summer, eh? Then we'll all be back at Hogwarts and planning our big prank to start the year.
Oh, I think Pete is interested in someone. He came round the other day with his mum and sister and wouldn't stop talking about Benjy Fenwick, that Ravenclaw who's friends with Vance. I think they'd be a lovely couple, don't you?
Don't worry yourself too much, Moony. We're all okay, and we'll be back together before you know it. Write back soon!
James
Remus exhaled, folding the parchment up and setting it down. Sirius was okay. He was okay, and he was making jokes, and he called Remus attractive. In a friendly, joking way, but Remus couldn't help the way his heart fluttered.
He lifted his hand to his cheek, where Sirius had absently kissed him goodbye, and felt a small smile begin to grow.
He caught sight of himself in the mirror above his dresser and frowned, dropping his hand. Who was he to blush like a girl when Sirius very obviously only saw him as one of his best mates?
Over a year of dealing with this silly crush, and it hasn't gone away, much to Remus' dismay. His heart thudded painfully whenever Sirius did anything particularly attractive, which was only about a hundred times a day. Merlin, that boy could trip and fall and manage to make it look suave.
And Remus - well, he was Remus. He had shot up like a sprout over the last few weeks, but gained little to no weight, so he was thin and gangly with too long limbs that didn't match. He had scars everywhere, even on his face, and a messy mop of bland curls. He was nothing special. There was no reason Sirius would like him as anything other than a friend.
Remus sighed and flopped back on his bed, reaching for his tattered copy of the picture of Dorian Gray. There was still around an hour until his mum called him for dinner, and he was determined to get a few chapters in.
James
James was up and running down the stairs before he even registered he was awake. Fear like he had never felt was pounding through him, and he knew before he yanked open the front door what he would see.
Sirius lay on the front porch, covered in blood and eyes fluttering weakly. James' heart lurched, and he fell to his knees, clutching Sirius' face in his hands.
"MUM!" he yelled, loud as he could muster. "MUM, IT'S SIRIUS! HELP!"
Loud footsteps sounded on the stairs, and James knew she was coming. He looked down at Sirius's body frantically, his stomach turning as he took note of multiple deep gashes.
"Sirius, Sirius please, be okay," James choked, feeling completely helpless. Effie appeared behind him and gasped, raising her wand immediately. Sirius rose in the air, James still kneeling on the ground, and Effie hurried to her office with him.
James stared at the ground where Sirius had lain, which was stained with his blood. He felt tears begin to stream from his eyes, and he noticed belatedly that he had forgotten to put his glasses on.
A hand on his shoulder jolted him, and he looked up at his father's sombre face. James started shaking, and before he realised it he was lurching up to Monty's arms, safe and warm in them the way Sirius never was in his father's.
"James, I understand you're scared and shaken right now. You have every right to be. But Sirius needs you, lad. He needs you there. He's going to be terrified when he wakes up, and likely very traumatised." Fleamont said quietly, speaking slowly, as if trying to calm a frightened animal. "Don't ask him to tell you what happened. Don't ask him anything about his family. Let him talk to you." he paused, and drew back to look James in the eyes. "He'll be okay, james. Effie has him. He's safe now."
James felt relief seep through him at those words. Sirius was finally, completely and wholly, safe from his parents. He was safe.
"Thank you, dad," James rasped, wiping his eyes. He felt somewhat embarrassed that he had fallen apart like that at fifteen, but Monty's comforting gaze told him that he had no reason to be.
Fleamont smiled, the many wrinkles on his face getting more prominent. "Any time, son. Now go check on him."
James nodded, and hurried through the house, swallowing hard and looking up to avoid seeing the trails of Sirius' blood. He opened the door to Effie's office, and saw his mother and multiple house elves working over Sirius, who lay on a cushioned table in the centre of the room.
Effie barely looked up when he came in, only saying, "Don't get in the way, James, but you can stay." James nodded thankfully, and one house elf broke away to conjure up a squishy chair for him in the corner.
“Thanks, Minka." he said absently, sitting down and nodding to the small elf. She stood next to him, her large eyes worried, and placed her tiny hand on his.
"If mister James is needing anything, sir, Minka is happy to get it for him," she squeaked. James smiled briefly and thanked her, before sitting forward and watching Effie work.
It was the most gruelling, long hour of James' life. He sat in the corner and watched as his mother brought his brother back from the edge of death, feeding him potions and murmuring spells to heal his wounds. James felt like a fraying string stretched too far, about to break from nerves. He wanted to get up, to move, to do something, but he was frozen, stuck to the chair.
All he could think about was what could have happened to get Sirius like this. Images were flashing through his head, each more terrifying and gruesome than the last. And how had he managed to get to the Potter's house? He didn't seem in a fit state to apparate, and he obviously hadn't flooed. Someone had banged on the door, loud enough to wake James up, and it hadn't been Sirius.
James had too many questions, and no way to get answers.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, Effie exhaled, and stepped back, her hands falling to her sides. Sirius laid on the table, chest rising and falling almost peacefully, the blood cleared from his face and limbs.
"Mum?" James croaked, standing up. She turned to him and held out her hand, smiling exhaustively.
"He'll be just fine, James. Not to worry. He should wake up soon. He'll likely have some stress and trauma from the event for a while, but physically, he's okay."
James took his mother’s hand and looked at his best friend, laying so peacefully on the table. He almost looked as if he was sleeping, except Sirius was never so still when he slept. He was a mess of tangled limbs and hair, snoring loudly and making a mess of the covers.
"What happened to him, mum?" James whispered. Effie sighed. She knew better than to hold things back from him.
"Cruciatus, likely. Multiple times. A few curses I'm not sure of, dark in nature, and a fair few cutting curses."
James' stomach rolled, and he fought down a wave of nausea. He moved forward and grasped Sirius' hand in his, feeling the warm, completely alive skin and holding onto it like it was his lifeline.
Sirius
Sirius woke up filled with fear.
His mind was muddled, not sure of anything except that he had to get out. He thrashed up and struggled against the arms of whoever was holding him back, but he was too weak to break free. The ringing in his ears began to recede, replaced with his name, being shouted over and over by a familiar voice.
“SIRIUS! SIRIUS, IT’S JAMES! You’re safe, Sirius.” He blinked, stopping the struggle all at once, and James’ worried face came into focus. He was missing his glasses, and his eyes were all wrong, but Sirius had never seen anything so relieving.
“James,” he croaked, and grabbed him in a tight hug. James clung to him just as tightly, making strange choking noises. Sirius buried his head in the crook between James’ neck and shoulder, feeling safe for the first time in a while.
“Sirius, how are you feeling?” a warm, motherly voice reached his ears. Sirius pulled back from James and turned, spotting Euphemia Potter in the corner, wearing a dressing gown and a concerned expression.
Sirius shrugged, sitting up fully on - whatever he was sitting on, some kind of weird table.
“I dunno. Fine, I guess. I’m a little confused. How did I end up here?” he gestured around him to what he guessed to be Effie’s home office.
“You don’t remember what happened?” Effie asked slowly. Sirius laughed bitterly.
“Oh, I remember my dear mother and her dear friends torturing me for a few hours, all right. What I don’t remember is how I ended up at your house. The last thing I remember is passing out on my floor.
James looked at him, his mouth tight. “I woke up about an hour and a half ago to someone banging on the front door. I knew something was wrong, somehow, and ran down there, and you were laying on the porch, bleeding from every damn part of your body.”
Sirius winced at the venom in James’ tone. James Potter didn’t show his anger often, but when he did, he didn’t hold back. Sirius could bet on what the object of his anger was this time, and it scared him.
“You can’t go after them.”
The words had slipped out before he even knew he was saying them.
“Like hell we won’t,” James spat, practically quivering with anger. “They fucking tortured you, Sirius! Their son! They almost killed you, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop them.”
“I don’t care what they did, James, do not go after them. Please. They have more power than you know.” Sirius pleaded. He didn’t know exactly what would happen if his parents' treatment of him and Regulus was made public, but he was sure that it would end with James getting hurt. Badly. He wouldn’t let that happen.
“Sirius -” James argued.
“I can’t lose you, James!” Sirius yelled. “And I will, if you, if anyone tries to go after them. You have no idea what they’re capable of, who they know. This?” he waved a hand over himself. “This is just a tiny taste of what they would do. I won’t let you or Effie or Monty or anyone else get hurt over me. I won’t, you hear me? I won’t.” he was breathing heavily, gasping for air.
“Okay, okay. I won’t, Sirius. It’s okay. They can’t get me, or you, or anyone we care about. We’re all safe, yeah?” James soothed, taking Sirius into his arms again. However, these words had the opposite effect. Sirius’ eyes widened, and he turned pale as a ghost.
“No,” he breathed, eyes filling rapidly with tears. “No, no no no.” He shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself as he broke down. “Fuck!”
James was right there, moving with him, clutching him frantically. “Sirius, what’s wrong? What is it?” he asked, sounding extremely distressed.
“Regulus,” Sirius whispered. “I left Regulus.”
And then he fell apart, broken into more pieces than a shattered glass ornament, unable to be fixed by anything or anyone.