Chapter 8
Draco instantly got to running up the stairs, I was following closely behind him. What was happening? Who was screaming like that? We ran down the corridor and I saw that the door to Theo’s room was open slightly and Draco ran through jumping onto the bed. Without having too long to think about it I followed him in and shut the door behind me. I probably shouldn’t be here but it was too late now.
I looked to the bed and saw Theo thrashing in the bed shouting and screaming. He was covered in sweat and crying out. My heart sank. I know what this is. Is that what I look like when it happens to me?
“No, no, no, please! Leave him alone, please!” I was frozen in place my back stuck against the door. I couldn’t move. I wanted to help, to do something, to pull him out from his nightmare. Hug him and tell him everything was okay. I know all too well how real they feel. How it feels like you’re right there again, wherever there might be. I guess some of us still hadn’t recovered. As much as it hurt to see him this way, I was glad it wasn’t just me. I felt awful for thinking that.
Draco climbed atop of Theo placing a leg either side of his hips and tried to hold him as still as possible.
“Shh Theo, baby come on it’s okay, you’re safe. Wake up Theo come on love.” Draco was pleading with Theo trying to get him out of his nightmare. Out of his pain. I could tell how much it hurt Draco to see him like this. How helpless he must feel.
“Draco! Father please stop, you’re killing him! You’re killing him!” I slid down the door, my legs unable to keep me up any longer. What horror was he reliving. Theo’s shouts were echoing throughout the room, going straight through me.
“Theo, you’re safe I promise. Open your eyes love come on. I’m safe too, I’m right here, just look at me Theo, please look at me baby.” Draco looked like he was fighting back tears. He must know where Theo was right now.
Theo continued to thrash and Draco continued to plead, begging Theo to wake up. After a few seconds more but what felt like hours, Theo jolted awake his eyes snapping open. He locked eyes with Draco instantly and was breathing shallow and fast. He ran his hands over Draco feeling every part of him he could, like he was making sure he was real. Draco pulled him into a hug then, both of them holding onto each other like they’d disappear if they let go too soon.
“Same one?” Draco asked with a knowing pain in his voice. Theo’s head nodded once while still buried in his shoulder sobbing. Draco brought his hand up and smoothed it through his hair.
“Shh, it’s okay baby, you’re okay. I’ve got you.” Those last three words. So simple, yet so powerful. That pang of jealousy crept its way into my chest again. I cursed myself for having it in this moment especially. I wonder how different it would be if I had someone to console me during and after a nightmare. It’s the loneliest feeling I have ever experienced.
They stayed hugging for a while, Draco continuing to whisper consoling words into Theo’s ear. Not knowing how much time passed, Theo finally pulled out of the hug. He saw me then. What was he going to say? Will he be mad I witnessed him like that? Mad that I stayed? I tried to think what if the roles were reversed and he had saw me. I wouldn’t be mad, I don’t think.
“You get them too, don’t you?” Theo said his voice croaky from all the shouting. Theo will never cease to amaze me. He could read me so well. It’s like he knows me more than I know me. I just nodded once, not knowing what to say.
Dracos brow furrowed, like he just had the realisation I’ve dealt with it alone. I didn’t have anyone pulling me out, anyone to hold me afterwards. Draco climbed off of Theo’s lap and sat next to him in the bed, pulling him in for a hug. Theo’s back was against his chest, and Theo patted the space on his other side gesturing me to sit. I walked over and sat next to him, and he pulled me in for a hug then. I tensed initially having not expected it, then relaxed into him, my head falling onto his chest and my legs curled up in a fetal position. His arms were around my shoulders casing me in. I could smell them both around me. Safe. I felt so safe.
“Voldemort, used to make us all duel against each other. He wanted to ‘weed out the weak ones and strengthen them’. Said it made us better.” I felt sick then. Theo continued, his voice rumbling in his chest as he spoke. “Crabb, Goyle, Zabini, Draco and me were the strongest fighters. We’d be forced to use the unforgivables on each other often. Mostly for entertainment I think. Whoever gave in or fell first, would be taken aside, tortured, just for good measure, then the next component would step in. If we refused to compete we’d be threatened to be killed, or worse marked. When Voldemort got wind of mine and Draco’s feelings for each other, well, that just made the game all the more enjoyable for him. Me and Draco would be forced to duel often.”
“Draco though, usually refused to hurt me, in a way they deemed to be good enough. He made me promise him to always go hard on him. No matter how painful it was. It killed me to do it, but I promised. Because he wouldn’t use any spells that were too harsh on me though, they’d torture him, weighed with the curse or other ways. Right in front of me. I would scream, cry, beg them to torture me instead. But they already were. I’d take the curse any day over seeing him hurt like that again. I could do nothing to stop it. I felt so helpless. So useless.” I was crying now, my tears falling on Theo’s bare chest.
“What made it worse, is it would be my father who would do it. My own flesh and blood, would hurt the man he knew I loved. And he enjoyed doing it. Enjoyed seeing me in that pain.” Theo’s voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. “When they’d had their fun, Draco most of the time would be left unconscious, sometimes for what felt like hours. I’d never leave his side, even after everyone else had left the room. I’d just be sitting with him, his head in my lap, waiting, pleading for him to come back to me. I was always so fearful one day, that he never would. My nightmares sometimes have that ending. And it feels so real. Feels like my hearts been ripped straight from my chest. Anyway, Voldemort got so tired with Draco refusing to hurt me in a way he saw fit, that’s when he decided to mark him and give him the assignment to kill Dumbledore. He knew that was the ultimate punishment. They could torture us all they wanted, but they knew. None of us wanted that. And well, you know the rest.”
Theo finished talking and I looked up at him, then to Draco. He was staring off into the distance, it looked like he had occluded. I would need to do that too if I had to hear that story being retold. Having to relive one of your worst memories. To think the amount of times they had both been a victim to so many unspeakable things. I knew what that was like, but to have it happen almost every day? I couldn’t fathom it.
“I know this doesn’t change anything. But I’m so sorry.” I whispered to them both. Theo gave me a sad smile and nodded sniffing. Draco looked at me then, his walls back down and spoke, his voice scratchy.
“I’m not going to ask you to talk about your nightmares Hermione. That’s up to you to share. But promise us, if ever you wake up like that in the future, that you’ll come to us. Either me or Theo. You don’t have to talk about it. But you also don’t have to be alone in it. I meant what I said downstairs. Just come to us. Please.”
My heart swelled and more tears spilled from my eyes. Not many people knew about the night terrors. Ron did but he never knew how to handle them, never knew what to do with me. I think he was so used to me being strong, I wasn’t allowed to be weak. Not in any moment. I nodded and let out a shaky breathe and relaxed more into the warmth of Theo’s chest. He smoothed his hand through my hair and whispered.
“We’ve got you.”