Mystery of Love

"Father."

Father lifts his face from the pages of the daily prophet and squints at me. After a few seconds he smiles, slow and tired. It's a novel look on him but I'm certainly not complaining. I've learnt not to do that even in the worst circumstances these days. Because perhaps I've already seen the worst that could ever happen to us. 

"Draco, my son. It's so good to see you." He says this every time he sees me anywhere around this tomb of a manor. Maybe making up for the times he never did when I most wanted him to. But we're here now and it's all that we have. Literally. 

/////

"You think he'll agree?" he snorts into his chipped wine glass. 

"Do you agree?" I ask, staring straight into his dulling grey eyes that used to glint like a silver dagger. 

"It was your mother's last wish... “He speaks softly, his mouth turning down in a remorseful frown. It might have been, I don't doubt it. She had many unfulfilled wishes which was quite ironic for a lady of her stature and prestige. I can't fault my father for giving up his lifetime of gilded prejudices just to fulfill one of those many wishes. 

"Have you bought the gloves?"

It's my turn to snort this time, with bitterness in it heavy enough to drag a few unshed tears along with it. 

"You know I haven't. You know I can't. Not yet, but soon, Father."

"Soon," Father echoes pensively and takes a sip from his chipped wine glass with the fading gold rim. 

/////

"You know what I saw today?" Harry says, a tinge of excitement sneaking into his voice as he cuddles me from behind almost fully lying on me and squishing me into the mattress. 

I mumble a muffled "wha?" and keep my eyes closed. It can be a little - okay very - overwhelming to have to stare into those illuminating green eyes for so long all the while getting your cock sucked. It's like looking at the sun and feeling blind for a good few minutes till the utter brightness fades off. 

"Don't look away, Malfoy. I want to see how much you want this," he'd whispered heavily against my thigh, all the while keeping his green as candied glass eyes boring into mine. 

"Neville proposing Luna, well, at least that's what I think he was doing..." My shoulders tense infinitesimally and I wait for it with bated breath and a hint if dread. 

"I was just about to bet how large the diamond would be like typical but then out of nowhere he, instead if fishing out a ring, takes out, guess what?"

I swallow dryly and remain silent thinking it's a rhetorical question and that I'm not actually expected to guess. Which I don't have to. Which I don't want to. Not yet. 

"Guess what??!!" Harry shakes my shoulders roughly and straddles my hips. His warm hands, soft despite the numerous scars and scratches that permanently decorate them, rub between my shoulder blades restlessly. I squeeze my eyes tighter and pick my mind away from my twitching cock. 

"What Potter?" I pretend to grumble and grunt when his rubbing takes a teasing edge. A wet, playful kiss, which is more tongue than anything, lands on my nape.

"You're no fun," he murmurs, blowing hot breath on the cool wetness on my skin. My heart picks speed and the next moment I'm flipping over and pinning him heavily on the rumpled bed. 

"You want fun, hmm?" I lean down to breath into his flushed cheek. He pants and twists his wrists under my hold. "I can give you fun if that's what you want, Potter."

His twisting and struggling slowly abates, getting siphoned into me as I stare down at our laced hands. His strong yet delicate hands......My fingers squeeze his tighter, sliding them higher above his head over the sheets and his bare chest heaves. "We've had enough of that, don't you think?" he says making his eyes meet mine, unabashed. 

We have. And it's not enough. I can never have enough of him. It would be ridiculous to hope so. 

He lowers his lashes and as if beckoned by the motion I lean down too. My body isn't my own around him. It's oddly liberating, really. 

"He gave her a pair of gloves," he husks and gives my jaw a small, sharp nip. "Heard it's one of those unnecessarily fancy pureblood customs. Gloves that were so thin and light that they were almost invisible. Like a gentle breeze blowing on it would dissolve them into pastel mist and carry them away with it and people shall take the little crystals and diamonds for stars in the air in daylight."

"When did you become so eloquent?" I masterfully try to dodge the implications of all that he's said. I know it won't work but I try. I've been trying really hard. 

"You're rubbing off on me," he whispers solemnly but his lips are twitching for a smirk. "Luna was ecstatic," he adds, tilting his neck to the side, inviting me to do more than just stare like a man dying. I blink and trail a line of tiny pecks from his chin to the hollow of his throat and stop to say, "Your point exactly?"

Harry chuckles and shakes his head, squeezing my fingers right back, hard enough to leave crescent marks on my knuckles. 

"I - wonder what it's like.....to be given the respect of a choice so prettily."

My breath hitches in my chest and a shiver runs down my spine that I try to hide. I bury my face in his neck and - and I hope he takes the wetness for sweat. 

///////

I look inside the worn velvet pouch with gold glinting at the very bottom. It's not much by any means but it's all I've been able to save so far. I wonder if they'd let me enter the shop at all even if I had more than this to actually buy something decent. I pull my hood up, clutch the pouch tighter and walk inside the double glass doors. 

I make my way straight for the rows after rows of sheer gossamer gloves. Because I know it's no point dallying my time by gazing at the other things I can't even begin to afford right now. It's a feeling that leaves me breathless at times, an aching constriction in my chest that I'm slowly getting used to.

People throw suspicious glances my way but I ignore them, keep my head down and peer at the array of pale coloured gloves with eye-skewing intricate lacework and tiny threadwork that's fine enough to look printed. The filmy tulle glitters under the luxurious lighting of the showroom that fall just right on them to highlight the exquisite craftsmanship. My palms sweat just by looking at them and my eyes drop to the quaint pouch in my robe pocket. I jerk my head slightly to drive away the self- pitying thoughts even before they come. I rake my eyes through the glass covered rows to find a pair that fits my budget. Even if it's a little more I can manage the expense by cutting myself short in the future but for now I need a pair. Desperately. 

It's not like I hadn't wanted to buy one before but after that little conversation a part of me constantly keeps pricking me to make a fucking move. If it's too late I'll lose the only precious thing I have in my life. I know Harry isn't one for expensive gifts and overly dramatic gestures but it's what he said that has lodged a place in my heart and mind. 

"..... to be given the respect of a choice…that too so prettily."

And Merlin, do I know the value of a choice. Nor am I unaware of the many that have been snatched from him all his life so far. This won't just be a pair of fragile gloves that I'll be offering him. It will be a choice between pleasure and commitment for him and a test of overcoming my odds for me. 

/////////

I toss the pouch with full force against the stone wall and watch in satisfaction as every galleon spills out and clatters down to the floor with a series of clinks and tinks. I run a hand through my hair, smearing the blood on my forehead onto the blonde strands. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much. Not the cut on my head or the bruise on my elbow but the fact that I couldn't do it. Couldn't get one simple thing for him. When I had all the riches and luxuries of the world I wasted them on tormenting him. And now when I want nothing but to bundle him up in all the comforts money can buy, I can't.

Maybe this is what they mean by Karma. My sins are too costly for me to afford atonement. 

I had found just the right pair, a little above budget but it was still as dreamy and beautiful as any other pair. But just then someone had shouted my name and here I am with a bleeding gash on my forehead and my empty hands. 

My knees give out beneath me and I sink to the floor of the room of requirement in a miserable pile of exhaustion and shame. My eyes burn and nails dig into my palms. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! How many times do I have to say it?! When will it be enough??

I’ve failed. Failed myself, Harry,.... mother. 

"Mother...." It comes out as a choked gasp, the way it used to whenever I would wake up from a nightmare as a small child and she would immediately be there by my side to sooth all fears and pain away. She just knew no matter how far she was. She's gone too far to come now though. 

Something glints in my blurry periphery and I slowly turn my head to the side to see what it is. I take a shuddering inhale and stare at the sudden appearance of a mirror which definitely wasn't there when I entered the room. There’s an unusual air about this mirror. The glass is dusty and grim but for some reason it doesn't affect its peculiar and majestic gleam. I lift myself up from the floor and make my way towards it a if pulled by an invisible string. I reel back in shock at what I see in it. 

I rub my eyes to wipe the tears and blink owlishly at my reflection. My reflection that's standing behind an ornate armchair with my arms snugly around a very happy looking Harry Potter. 

The person sitting on the armchair and smiling regally at me is my mother. 

The Harry in the mirror turns his head to give the mirror me a sweet affectionate kiss on my smirking lips. My fingers immediately shoot up to my mouth, trembling over my lips that were last kissed yesterday night. 

Mother swishes her shimmering cloak aside to reveal..... oh Merlin.... a gauzy pair of pale blue gloves inlaid with threads of silver and gems like star dust. My jaw hangs open and my throat feels dry as I watch her slowly rise from the chair, stand before the couple and give them both a gentle kiss on their foreheads. Fresh tears roll down my cheeks and teeth trap my lips to hold back the wretched sobs. 

She turns around to give me a meaningful look before tucking the gloves with utmost care into the robe pocket of my reflection. Harry grins impishly and gives me a little wink. My reflection watches all this in bored amusement with a sharp smirk in my direction, almost mocking my pathetic state. 

I stand there staring with wide eyes for Merlin knows how long, looking over my shoulder every few seconds just to make sure. 

There is a slight heaviness in my pockets but the pouch is lying on the floor instead of in there. A frown creases my brow and then I freeze. 

OH.... Oh my -

My hand is inside my pocket one second and pulling out a pair of sheer pale blue gloves with a mix of awe and astonishment the next. 

It's then that my gaze lands on the words engraved on the frame - Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi

My frown deepens, I look closer and - and a wet laugh escapes from my mouth, the sound echoing in the empty room. 

I show not your face but your hearts desire. 

~