Revelations

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“Clyde, what the fuck!” 

Stop. 

“I’m not doing anything,” Clyde responded calmly. He lied so easily when he felt like he needed to. Clyde was such a bad liar. How could he even do that? “I’m just out thinking.” 

Kenny’s nose twitched. “Where are you?” 

Please. I don’t want to be back here. 

“The swings,” Clyde muttered. There it is. He still cracked just as easy. Because Clyde wasn’t a liar. He was a fucking angel. Truly. 

“So you’re telling me, if I go to the swings right now, you’re gonna be there?” The painful silence gave Kenny time to beg as it always did. Please. Say yes. Please. Just let him say yes and let me go to the swings and him be there. We can just swing lazily back and forth and talk about nothing and this night doesn’t have to happen. Just one time. Please. 

“I’ll be home soon.” 

He was never able to make it stop once it started. “Where are you Clyde?” Please. Just this once. 

And of course, as they always did, his pleas for mercy fell on deaf ears. Kenny blinked and he was staring into reddish-brown eyes that were being overtaken by darkness. He replayed this scene over in his mind hundreds if not thousands of times. He wondered if things would be different if Clyde actually knew how to use Craig’s relic. That was something specially made for someone like Craig. What if he’d been able to actually figure out its limits? Would that have made a difference?

 “Do you think next time around I can actually try impressing you? Maybe we can go on more than one date? We can fall in love and live normal lives and do stupid shit together, like, homework or something?” 

It was disgusting. Kenny felt like he’d had every frame of this scene singed into his memory down to the individual scratches that littered Clyde’s face and neck. The way his nose twitched as he tried to fight off the pain just so he could say his piece. The way fluffy brown hair had flattened against his forehead. The way his voice wavered as he asked to die. Every imbalance. Every inflection. It felt like it was burned there. It lived inside him. 

Squirming.

Writhing. 

Screaming. 

 173 DAYS, 6 HOURS, 19 MINUTES(2)

Kenny woke up with a start, immediately clamping his mouth shut. A hand flew up to his chest as if it would physically relieve the pressure that had been building. He was used to the nightmares at this point, but sometimes they felt like they’d actually kill him. He blinked hard, blindly reaching out for his phone in the darkness. He fumbled for a moment, huffing quietly to himself. Then he heard it vibrate under his pillow. 

A tiny pit formed in his stomach as he reached underneath his pillow to pull out the device he wasn’t even sure why he kept anymore. It basically functioned as an overpriced clock. Leaving it under his pillow was an abandoned habit. Waking up to it there was actually unsettling. There was no one left that if they were to call, he’d need to wake up. If Brimmy really needed him, he’d just show up. 

It was weird that he was texting this early though. Or late? He grabbed it, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand. He tapped his home screen, stomach immediately falling. 

Ky: [One New Message] 

He scrambled to unlock his phone. The realization that he was still having a nightmare didn’t deter him. He would do anything to relish in these tiny moments of connections to the past that weren’t full of bloodshed and pure agony. 

Ky: Are you up yet? 

Why am I here again? He took a deep breath before responding, trying a different approach than what he usually did. He wasn’t even sure why. He just wanted to see if this would work. When this actually happened, it wasn’t 7:40. It was 8:15. And he shot off a lazy response to Kyle before flinging himself out of bed because he realized he was late for school. But this time shaky fingers quickly pressed the call button. 

His ears were graced by a quiet chuckle. “Wasn’t actually expecting you to be up.” 

Kenny’s heart didn’t know what to do with itself. “Uh-” He stuttered a few times before actually getting the words out. “I just wanted to hear your voice,” he finally said, barely audible. 

“Fuck, are you okay?” 

The pit in Kenny’s stomach grew. Maybe this was his brain’s fucked up attempt at closure. Would it help? “No, Ky,” he whispered, voice wavering. “I miss you so fucking much. I miss everyone so much.” 

“Kenny,” Kyle murmured. “What’s going on? Do you need me to come over?” 

He knew it wasn’t real, but still, he gave in when tears started to roll down his cheeks. “Can you?” It wasn’t a matter of if he could though, moreso, was that even possible? Kenny never had control of his dreams. He couldn’t get a handle on it. 

“Yeah…” Kyle responded with concern. “Give me, like, fifteen, okay?” 

Kenny let out a tiny sob. “Okay, yeah.” 

When the line went dead, he actually didn’t know what to do with himself. No weird dream shit started to happen. He just curled in on himself, completely uninterrupted. Usually when he was left to suffer alone, there was no one around from the start. But now he was just in an old bedroom that felt so foreign to him waiting on a ghost to come save him from his own mind.

A quiet knock on his door caused him to flinch. “Dude?” 

He sat up, wiping at his face when he saw Kyle. Just as he was. Seventeen, tired, but not crushed by trauma caused by the horrors the world had to offer. It was just Kyle. “Hi,” Kenny greeted, a fresh round of tears spilling out. 

Kyle carefully stepped inside, taking a seat on his bed. Without another word, he wrapped his arms around Kenny. Kenny broke down right there. He didn’t realize how bad he needed this. “Kenny, what happened?” Kyle asked softly. 

“You know what happened,” he got out. “I can’t fucking take it without you guys. It fucking sucks. I miss you. I miss you all. I–” his voice failed him.

“Dude, you’re actually freaking me out,” Kyle whispered, stiffening slightly, but not letting go of him. 

Kenny paused for a second. This felt so incredibly real. A bit too uncomfortably real. He could smell the sandalwood and coffee coming from Kyle. A wave of anxiety started to come on. “Um.” He pulled back, wiping at his face. He didn’t even know what to do in this situation. Maybe play it off? Did it matter? This was the dream. Right? “I-um,” he said shakily. “I had a really bad dream. I think. Um. My head’s really fucked up right now.” 

This vague sense of confusion was starting to kick in as questions bubbled up. ‘When was the last time I smelled anything?’ being a pervasive one. 

No. 

This is the dream. 

Before he could even get anything out, Kyle’s hand gently ran through his hair. “You haven’t had one this bad in a while,” he murmured, rocking them slightly. “You’re alright, dude. I got you.” Kenny just nodded against him, trying to get his head in control. That couldn’t have been a dream, right? This is the– “Do you wanna skip today?” 

Kenny was conflicted about this. Part of him wanted to say yes and spend the entire day sobbing on Kyle, if that’s what life was allowing him. But if this was real and everything that happened was just some fucked up dream, that meant the others were there. He bit his lip. “No. Maybe we can just stay like this for a bit though?” His voice was weak and tiny. He didn’t even have it in him to feel embarrassed as the nightmare that was his reality slowly started to float to the back of his mind.

Maybe he just went a little too overboard in his head after their night of hacking. Of course he’d give himself a nightmare. He was prone to nightmares. He’d had them in the few days leading up to this, just none of them were this bad. That was all it was. It had to be. This Kyle right here was real. Kenny buried his head back into Kyle’s side, fully letting himself be a weirdo and taking Kyle in. Kyle ran a hand through his hair patiently, completely getting it. It was like they were fifteen again and Kyle was finding any excuse to have sleepovers just in case Kenny woke up like this. For a while, nothing had changed. 

It could’ve been thirty minutes. It could’ve been thirty years. But Kenny finally gathered up the courage to weakly ask, “What time is it?” He’d heard Kyle’s phone vibrate a few times as they stayed like that. Or maybe it was his. Either way, it went ignored.

Kyle let out a hum, hand not pausing. Kenny was still clinging to him, legs and arms wrapped around Kyle’s waist from his side. He wasn’t exactly sure how he got like this but he also wasn’t sure if he was ready to let go yet. “Half past,” came a mumbled response. “The guys are texting. Should I tell them to fuck off?” 

Kenny shook his head. “No, I’m okay.” He pulled back, rolling backwards onto his bed. He laughed awkwardly, embarrassment flooding in. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“You act like I haven’t seen much worse from you,” Kyle teased, putting his arms up to stretch. “You needa get ready or are you just going to school like a total dirtbag today?” 

Kenny let out a hum. “Do I look like a hot dirtbag at least?” 

“I wouldn’t think twice if you threw on a hoodie,” Kyle responded with a laugh. 

“Would Clyde?” The question tumbled out without permission, but once Kenny’d registered it, he was so completely overwhelmed with happiness. He was himself again. The Kenny McCormick that had died in the face of the worst things life had to offer wasn’t dead. He was right here, asking about someone he had a massive crush on because he could. It’d felt like so long since he’d been himself. But here he was. 

Kyle smirked. “So, you’re going full send with that, huh?” 

“No!” Kenny responded defensively, secretly reveling in the way his face warmed up without permission. Was it ridiculous to decide a benign school day was the best day of your life because the nightmare you had the night prior was that bad? Yes. Was Kenny doing that though? Absolutely.  “I mean.” He paused, trying to fight the smile on his face. “No. No.” A quiet laugh escaped him as he realized Kyle was staying silent in attempts to get Kenny to keep talking. “I’m not about to just like,” he trailed off, actually unsure of where he was going with this.

“Be incredibly forward like you are with every single other person that has ever taken a breath in your proximity?”  

“Dude, fuck you!” 

Laughs started to bubble out of the boy in front of him, prompting Kenny’s own. He got up, rolling his neck before sliding his closet door open. He didn’t even have it in him to get annoyed that the track was slightly broken. It was something that grated. He either got a clean room with a closed closet door that didn’t feel like it was going to kill him, but struggled everytime he needed to actually open it, or he got a mostly-clean room with a partially open closet door that drove him crazy. But today was a gem. He gave it a lazy kick and fiddled with it, actually surprised it complied. Maybe that was the trick. 

He grabbed an orange hoodie and shrugged it on. “Alright, beautiful. Walk to school with me?” 

“You’re on your own,” Kyle deadpanned. 

“Baby, you wound me. C’monnn.” Kyle laughed, rolling his eyes as he followed Kenny out of his house. The sun was already out, casting a warm glow over the two boys as they walked to school, talking about nothing of importance and Kenny couldn’t help but love every second of it. He loved the way the autumn leaves crunched under his feet. He loved the way their breaths were slightly visible in the cool morning air, the biggest indicator that they didn’t have much left of fall. 

As they walked up, Kenny felt a weird sense of anticipation and giddiness bubble up in him. The school that always looked and felt like a prison to him was suddenly so much more. He knew it was just because he was having a morning. He knew that. But he also knew that he was thrilled to step inside the brick building that would kill his cell service and likely bring him several inconveniences. 

Walking inside, Kenny reached out for Kyle’s hand, stomach falling when Kyle gave him a look of confusion before shrugging and taking it. Kyle was fine. He was fine. So why do I feel the need to hold his hand? The need felt compulsive, throwing him off ever so slightly. His nose scrunched slightly, but ultimately, he chalked it up to bad dream nonsense. It’d happened before. He’d had nightmares so bad he’d been out of sorts for days after. That’s just how it was sometimes. 

The bell rang as they walked in, shrill and loud as ever. Walls of bodies flooded out into the hallway. Kenny’s breath hitched when he saw Tammy. The hallways were already clearing out. He couldn’t help himself. He started running through the hall, eyes set on her. “TAM!” 

She snapped her head away from Wendy to look at him, eyes lighting up. “HEY!” she yelled. 

“IF YOU DON’T START RUNNING YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO CATCH ME!” 

She barked out a laugh before stepping outwards slightly and putting her arms out. He didn’t hesitate to jump in her arms, wrapping his legs around her waist and hugging her tightly. “As much as I love this,” she said with a laugh, “why are you in my arms right now?” 

He knew he was grinning like an idiot, Tammy’s own idiotic grin showing up. “Because you’re the most beautiful girl in school and you can catch me.” He looked at Wendy, smile somehow growing. “Second most beautiful,” he amended. 

Wendy shot him a half hearted glare. “Hi, Kenny.” 

“Hiya gorgeous.” 

“Alright, clinger, I’m gonna drop you,” Tammy huffed out. Kenny retracted his legs and she dropped him the second she knew he would actually be able to catch himself. “You seem like you’re in a mood,” she noted. 

He laughed, waving a hand. “I just missed you.” 

“It’s been a week.” He playfully rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that it in no way felt like a week. “We have off tomorrow though, wanna hang tonight?”

“Maybe, gotta see what’s going on with the guys.” 

She shot Wendy a look before leaning forward slightly to whisper. “Maybe it’s time we get the gang back together?” 

Kenny agreed with this sentiment, all things considered. Even if he hadn’t just had a nightmare from hell, he genuinely missed their janky little friend group and weekly hang outs at the mall. He shot her a devious smirk. “Let me see what I can do, princess.” 

A laugh bubbled out of Wendy. “Could be fun. It’s been a while.” 

Kenny stepped back, winking at the two of them. “Alright, cuties. I’ll talk to them later. Text you?” 

“Mhm. Later!” Tammy took Wendy by the hand, pulling her off with a tiny a protest from Wendy. Kenny smiled to himself. Tammy definitely liked Wendy and now that he was actually seeing them interact, he got it. It felt obvious to him. 

A firm hand on his shoulder elicited a quiet yelp. Kenny spun around, trying to play it off, stomach falling infinitely. He felt like his entire body temperature increased a thousandfold as his eyes landed on the absolute gem in front of him. He took in Clyde’s entire presence for a second. His face was on the rounder side, making him so approachable and so damn cute. Warm brown hair fell messily just above his ears. He wanted to reach out and gaze into deep brown eyes for way too long. And then he realized he was being a total freak and Clyde was watching him stare at him like a total freak. Or he’s staring at you too, dumbass. “Um.” Kenny laughed awkwardly. “Hi, Clyde.” 

Clyde blinked a few times, seemingly coming back to reality which made Kenny feel infinitely better about his freak behavior. “Sup?” 

“Uh nothin’, act-” 

Clyde blinked hard. “Wait. Fuck! No. I’m supposed to be excited!” He brightened back up, any slivers of disorientation completely gone. “Kenny, did you see?!” 

Kenny’s nose scrunched slightly. He wanted to see Clyde excited like this always, but the question didn’t sit right with him. “See what?” 

He leaned forward to whisper, leaving Kenny with traces of butterflies. “In your locker this morning?” 

“I just got here??” Clyde pulled back, grinning like an idiot. He grabbed Kenny by the hand and whisked him off down the hallway. “Cly-”

“Nope! We’re going on an adventure!” 

He laughed, surrendering himself to Clyde’s idiocy, hoping, praying that this was not what his gut was telling him it was. There was no way. This morning went differently in his dream. He was late to school but got his relic before first period. He didn’t see Kyle before that. Nor Tammy. Nor Clyde. And by the time second period rolled around, his phone was blowing up as everyone started to process the reality of their situation. His phone wasn’t going off. His free hand hesitantly patted over his pocket. A tiny pit in his stomach formed. He checked his other pocket. Nothing. 

They came to a stop and Kenny was still patting himself down. “You good?” Clyde asked, head tilting slightly. 

“Uh. Yeah, think I left my phone at home.”

“Oh.” Clyde frowned before coming back to himself. “Well, that’s fine. We can always like, ditch and go get it. I think we’re probably gonna ditch anyways but um-” 

“What?”

“Shut up! Just open!” 

Kenny’s stomach fell infinitely. At this point he wanted to dig his heels in and straight up say no. He wanted to flat out refuse to open his locker and walk away from this. But if it’s something else he’s going to look at you like you’re insane. He frowned slightly.

“Kenny?”

Kenny let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry. Been in my head a bit this morning,” he rushed out as he reached forward, hands shaking slightly as he put in his locker combination. 

Clyde leaned against the lockers, carefully looking him over. “Are you okay?” 

Kenny looked over as he opened his locker. “Yeah, I just-yeah. I’m fine.”

A small reassuring smile graced him. “Okay, yeah. Good.”

Kenny looked back, frowning slightly. There wasn’t a ring there, thank god. He was sure he would’ve lost it, had there been a ring there. But something was sitting gently on the top of his books along with a familiar looking piece of paper. 

“It’s fine,” Clyde urged. It was gentle, not something he was at all used to. And yet it was so familiar to him. The tenderness in his voice felt like it opened up a chasm in Kenny’s chest. It was a familiar feeling, though slightly misplaced. He remembered it clearly, but he was watching it previously. When Craig had watched Kyle break into Trinitarianism, Kenny felt like he could feel exactly what Craig was feeling, though it wasn’t his own. But this was his. He was helpless as he reached a hand out towards the small necklace. 

He looped his fingers underneath the chain, slowly holding it up to see. It was a simple silver chain with a bright green pendant. Mysterion’s question mark. He started at it for a moment, realizing Clyde hadn’t said another word. He looked over to see Clyde grinning like a madman. He could also now see the fully exposed bright red mark on his wrist. A simple teardrop he could’ve sworn he’d kissed millions of times over. That wasn’t real. 

He took a slow deep breath, before looking back up at Clyde. He couldn’t fight the smile that crossed his face. Clyde’s smile was infectious. His nightmares were just that. Nightmares. This was real. Clyde’s goofy smile and poor attempt at staying still and concealing just how excited he was was real. Right in front of him. Tangible. He could just-

Clyde rushed forward, wrapping his arms around Kenny, and spun him around. “Bro! We have magic!” he whisper-yelled. 

A yelp forced its way out of Kenny before he devolved into laughs. “I can see that!” Kenny whispered excitedly, despite no one being around to really hear them anymore. The hallways were near empty at this point. 

Clyde placed Kenny back down in front of him, smiling brightly. “Oh my god, we’re gonna do so much cool shit! But we need to get everyone together! So we’re gonna make a plan to ditch, like right now!” 

It was easy to get caught up in his excitement. “Have you seen Kyle? I came in with him.” 

“Well he probably went to his locker then? Do you think he’s still over there? Maybe in shock?” He made a face before reaching for his phone. “Actually…” His smile grew. “We have a group message!” Clyde reached out, throwing an arm over Kenny’s shoulder and pulling him close so he could read along, not that he was really following. Clyde was so close and he smelled like citrus and it was always something that made no sense to Kenny but he felt like he hadn’t smelled that specific scent in ages and it was near intoxicating. Clyde scrolled for a minute before quickly typing that they were on their way to the front.

Clyde let go of him and started to walk, Kenny not hesitating to follow. “Okay, so we’re all gonna squeeze in Craig’s car and go to my house. Do you want to stop at yours to grab your phone, or?” 

“Uh,” he laughed, smile growing slightly. “No, I’m fine without it. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Hey, uh.” Clyde’s pace slowed slightly and Kenny matched him, frowning slightly at the realization that Clyde was genuinely nervous. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m okay… Why?”

“You seem a bit…” Clyde waved his hand around. “Did something happen? Or, like, did I do something?” 

“No!” A nervous laugh bubbled out of Kenny. “No, no. I just had a weird fuckin’ nightmare, man,” he responded as casually as he could. “Just spun me out a bit. Feelin’ a little off, I guess.”

Clyde’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “Oh. Good. Not like, good that you had a nightmare. I, good, like, you’re not-whatever.” He paused, trying to pull himself back together. “I get you. I have super bad nightmares sometimes. Anything I can do?” 

“I-” He had to fight off his idiot grin. “No, thank you.” It was weird to go to sleep with a massive crush on someone only to wake up and feel like your feelings grew exponentially. It was hard to figure out exactly how to act at the moment. A plethora of casual compliments danced on the tip of his tongue but he actually felt anxious to let any of them out. 

Clyde pushed the back exit open without a second thought. Kenny felt like his heart was going to explode when his eyes landed on Craig and Stan. Craig, specifically. His chest felt tight. He practically dashed over, act normal be damned, as he crashed into Craig, arms wrapping around him tightly. He had never once in his entire life properly hugged Craig. “Dude, what the fuck,” Craig stammered out once he registered that it was Kenny wrapped around him and not Clyde. 

“You can go back to pretending you hate me in, like, thirty seconds, just shut up.” 

“I-” There was a smack above Kenny, probably from Kyle who was directly to their left, before a pair of arms awkwardly wrapped around him. Craig patted his back slightly. “Um. I’m here, dude. You’re fine.” 

“I know,” he muttered. “I see you.” 

“Alright, great. Can you stop now?” 

Laughs bubbled out of Kenny as he let go and stepped over, ripping Stan into a hug. “C’mere cutie!” 

Stan was much more receptive to his hug, squeezing him tightly. “I know it’s only been two days, but I kinda missed you this weekend,” he teased. 

Kenny let go and spoke up, hoping, praying, he could chalk everything from before up to a dream. Maybe he could. Everything was starting to feel like the things he was sure he ‘repressed.’ Just a little farther away. A little more distant. A little more quiet. “Okay, then. What’s the plan?”