chapter twenty seven
Remus was rather uncomfortable now. Try as he might return to the happy-go-lucky arrangement, sleeping with Marigold and spending every waking moment with his best mate Sirius. Since they’d visited Greece, however, it became impossible for him to ignore how deeply in love the other two were.
Marigold was just as in love with Remus as she was with Sirius, somewhat of another thorn in the prior boy’s side. There was a wonderful girl, so fun and optimistic and affectionate, loving himself, who he considered very opposite.
Remus had a record-breaking low self-perception, believing himself to be little more than a monster, unworthy of devoted love, and impossibly dangerous to fall for. He didn’t want a wife, he didn’t want a child, and he wanted more than anything to ignore his lycanthropy predicament, and that was impossible while trying to settle down and start a family.
There sat Sirius, a reformed womanizer, who only ever wanted an adoring family. He was emotionally and physically available, and Remus thought him to be much more like Marigold than he was.
It stung his heart, watching the way Sirius smiled so gently at the girl, the pure admiration in her eyes as she gazed at him. The romantic and passionate way he observed the two making love. It was as if they were made for each other, nearly male and female versions of one another, so alike and so different in all the right ways.
It gnawed at Remus’ mind now, the notion his imagination had created, that he was holding the two of them back from truly being together in a way that society would respect. He decided he needed to exit the arrangement, and allow them both their normal lives of happiness, may even get married and move to the suburbs to have children and pets in a quaint little house.
In this made-up scenario inside his head, Remus pondered if he’d ever visit them and their nuclear family. If he’d have the confidence to meet offspring that were half of each of them. If he could see his best friend happily wed to the only girl he’d ever courted.
He shook his head at these unhappy images, assuring himself of his security. That yes of course he could stomach all that, he could never have that but that didn’t mean he got to deny anyone else of it. He’d be delighted to be a fun uncle to their children, bring them chocolate, and mess with their parents. He only hoped he didn’t damage their relationships too much, breaking out of the trio.
It was unavoidable, he thought, he couldn’t love Marigold the way she deserved. He couldn’t promise her everything Sirius would be able to, he’d only pain her. Sirius and Marigold would be happy together, and he’d be glad he got to see and receive such love for at least a little bit.
Sirius was none the wiser to best friends’ moral dilemma, all too caught up in his own affection for the woman. He began writing her love notes and passing them in class, cheering for her during Quidditch practice, and carrying her books between classes. He could hardly keep his hands off her, but when he had to, his eyes always remained glued on the girl. He was on the edge of his seat, ready to proclaim his relentless admiration and absolute devotion at any given moment.
Marigold noticed the changes in the boys' demeanors almost instantly, conspiring with the girls about what they could both be feeling. They chalked it up to boys being boys, acting out of character due to the moon cycle, the stress of their final year, the impending doom of war, or just being male.
One early October day, the girls were trekking through the castle towards the courtyard they were meeting the boys to hangout. Dorcas was reading a letter Mary had sent, as she had just started her job as a beginner editor at a Magic book publisher and evidently had a lot of news to share with her girlfriend still in school.
Marlene was reading over her shoulder, hoping for some gossip about the publishing company’s employees and clients. Lily and Marigold walked a few feet ahead of them, carrying a basket full of food for an autumn picnic outside in the golding leaves from the trees.
They snickered about Sirius and James getting in trouble for not paying attention in class and the way McGonagall had ripped them a new one by embarrassing them. Marigold had her head fully turned to Lily as they rounded a corner, Lily laughing so hard her eyes were squeezed shut. Neither of them saw the approaching person until it was too late, and all three crashed into one another.
“Oh Godric, I’m so sorry, we didn’t-“ Lily began to apologize, but froze when she realized who stood a mere foot from them.
“Black,” Marigold’s eyebrows raised behind her shaggy bangs, and her jaw fell a little in shock. Somehow she had actually never met Sirius’ little brother.
“Noble, Evans,” He greeted, tight-lipped, staring back at Marigold with the same expression of anticipation and surprise.
“We haven’t met before, have we?” She asked, Marlene and Dorcas were silenced a few feet away.
“No, but you’re really acquainted with my brother I hear,” He nodded frigidly.
“Well, um, yeah…” Marigold grimaced, unsure how to make things less awkward. “You can call me Marigold.”
“That’s alright, goodbye.” He gave swiftly, evacuating to her left so he didn’t have to walk past Lily and the other two girls now standing just behind the ginger.
“Yikes, that was…” Marigold turned to her friends, face contorted into a cringe.
“Yeah, it was bad, we can all agree,” Marlene agreed, offering her friend a shrug.
“Come on, let’s go gossip with the boys,” Lily urged.
Soon the eight of them were united under a yellowing tree, Dorcas and Marlene laying away from the canopy to decipher shapes in the clouds. James and Peter sat in the branches, throwing seeds at the unsuspecting first years walking by. Lily and Marigold sat against the trunk, sharing a pickle sandwich cut in two.
Sirius sat on the other side of Marigold, occasionally stealing a bite over her shoulder as he braided her hair in many small pieces. Remus laid his head in the same girl’s lap, reading his textbook for class, trying to distract his mind.
“Oh we saw your brother on the way here,” Marigold told the brunette with his hands in her hair.
“You did? What happened?” Sirius stilled his hands.
“Well we literally ran into him turning a corner,” Lily said.
“He didn’t seem to want to meet me,” Marigold shrugged, cringing at the awkward interaction from earlier.
“He’s too much like my parents, I’m sorry Goldie. It was nothing personal, he’s just…” Sirius sighed.
Above this conversation, James and Peter threw a stick at one another and it fell down, landing on Lily’s lap as leaves drifted down and into her long hair. She looked up, playfully annoyed, and huffed at James’ half apology.
“Regulus was kind of cute, maybe I ought to get myself a Black brother too,” Lily spoke loud enough for James to hear, but the tease in her tone was evident.
“They do seem to make great lovers,” Marigold giggled, placing an affectionate hand on the side of Sirius’ head as he leaned his chin on her collarbone and grinned.
Remus gulped and looked away, shifting uncomfortably. He wished things could just be normal, not complicated and conflicting and so unclear. He considered his options; slowly pull away and hope they don’t notice, pray they’re so preoccupied with one another that they don’t mind. Or, he could rip the bandage off and be forthright, he could confess to his two favorite beings, and offer them his blessing for a lovely life without him.
Although it scared him, Remus wanted to be honest and vulnerable for once. Sirius was always so earnest in his approach to their relationship, his heart constantly adorned the sleeve of anything he wore. Remus couldn’t help but tell himself Sirius was exactly the man Marigold deserved.
Hell, he thought laying awake in bed, he wasn’t in love. He was seventeen, and he knew the love of his parents, the love he held for his dorm mates and best friends, but was he really sure he knew what it meant to be really, truly, head over heels for someone?
Meanwhile, Marigold was drifting around the castle, imagining her life with the two, maybe a tad delusional to believe they could all get away with putting off careers for a while to live in Greece with her grandparents. She hummed to herself and pictured their perfect life, sex on the beach every night, driving the boat to little islands, surfing at sunrise, and just basking in the glory of being tremendously in love.
Sirius at this time was mostly neglecting his studies, it was so much more satisfying to ignore the professors and their notes so he could gaze at Marigold across the room. His mind wandered and his heart soared. He didn’t know how he got so lucky, finding this woman he could feel so much for, or receiving that makeshift kinship he noticed between the three of them and their tight-knit friend group.