When Sirius had boarded the Hogwarts Express for their last year, there were very few things running through his mind. Half of his mind was thinking about how bloody good that Firewhisky he’d shared with James the night before had tasted, and, by contrast, how absolutely foul it had tasted coming up through his throat this morning. The other half was lingering on the nice looking bird that had smiled shyly at him (Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw? He could barely remember), and the way James had shoved him with an exasperated expression.
“Barely five minutes on the platform and you’re already scouting girls.” James rolled his eyes good-naturedly, used to his best mate’s antics. Sirius had simply grinned roguishly, swept his long black hair behind his shoulders and looked back to wink at the blushing brunette.
When it was finally time to make it onto the train, James steered Sirius away from the girl he’d since been chatting up, and they clambered aboard and set upon making their way to their claimed compartment. Just as they reached the doors, Sirius knelt down to fix his shoe and heard James greet the boys inside.
“Alright, lads? Wotcher, Pete- Blimey, Remus! Merlin's balls, you’ve shot up like a rod!” James’ voice carried loudly to the corridor in which Sirius was looping his laces tightly. With a firm tug, he grabbed his bags and made his way in, curiosity eating at him.
As he made his way into the familiar compartment, he barely noticed Peter, or even James.
Good bloody God. Sirius’ mind went carefully blank as the taller, almost unrecognisable boy, in front of him turned from where he was stashing his trunk. Remus Lupin had shed his meek, soft exterior; his rounded baby face had slimmed and hardened, all sharp edges and a pronounced jaw complemented by a rosy, tan look which replaced his usual paleness. His scars stood out, more pronounced than ever; white streaks across his skin which disappeared into his robes and… Heavens above, James had not exaggerated. Sirius felt rather emasculated as the honorary tallest member of the Marauders (no matter what James said, he was positively sure he was taller) as now that self-proclaimed title was stripped away by the boy in front of him.
“Bollocks, Moony.” He exclaimed rather breathlessly, and Remus smiled crookedly, embarrassment visible in every pore of his face. The lighter-haired boy slouched down into the seat, as if to escape all of this new attention.
Sirius was now deeply aware that he was the only one standing, and looking, rather frankly, like a fish out of water, gaping unattractively at his friend. With a quick nod to Peter, he found his spot next to James and stared resolutely out at the window as James began to prattle on about this year’s Quidditch strategies to anyone who’d listen.
Sirius was not thinking about the boy across from him, who was sporting stubble, and who’s haircut (trimmed around the sides, floppy on top) looked absolutely illegal, and…
Suddenly, Sirius realised he hadn’t been staring out at the window after all. Not only that, but it was only when he was halfway through angling himself strategically away from James in order to adjust his robes that he realised what he had been unconsciously doing.
Oh, fuck.
____________
The Marauders weren’t the only ones who’d noticed Remus’ change in appearance. Suddenly, Sirius and James weren’t the only ones receiving attention as they strolled into the Great Hall. Girls from all houses did double-takes as they passed, eyes glued to the six-foot something boy who stuck his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground as he walked rather swiftly to the table.
“Psst!” James hissed, elbowing Remus. “Looks like you’ve got a few fans.” He smirked, and Remus blushed deeply, avoiding his eyes.
Sirius rolled his eyes. What-the-fuck-ever. Big deal that even the girl Sirius had been flirting with (definitely Hufflepuff) was eyeing Remus from where she sat. James seemed to notice his dark attitude, and slung an arm around Sirius’ shoulder.
“Don’t sweat it, mate. Plenty of girls left for you, still.” He rubbed his back reassuringly, and Sirius felt relief flood his body as he was left without need to explain the real reason for his sudden bitterness. Remus averted his eyes from the pair.
After the sorting ceremony (Sirius had trained himself over the years to sleep through this ordeal with his eyes open), he ate rather quickly and excused himself early, offering the excuse of wanting to nap for a bit in the dormitory.
“What? Come on, mate, you can sleep later!”
Despite James’ insistence, Sirius managed to escape, giving reason to the fact that the two boys had stayed up drinking too much Firewhisky and he was knackered. He forced a yawn and as he made his escape, pointedly avoided eye contact with Remus, whose eyes he’d felt on his back the whole way as he walked, even when he was far past the eyeshot of the boys.
It felt like almost immediately as he stepped into the dorm that Sirius stripped off his robes, jumped up onto his bed and jammed a hand down his trousers. For a few moments, he tried directing his thoughts in a more safer direction.
Marissa Greenberry’s tits. Yeah, she’d gotten really hot, especially with her hair up like that.
A stupid little voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like his own voice poked at his brain.
You know who else got really hot? Yeah, you do. The voice laughed mockingly, and Sirius groaned in frustration, turning onto his stomach and jerking his hand furiously in his pants.
Girls. Tits. Nice bums.
Remus has a nice bum.
Oh, bugger this. It was no use at all. Why did Remus have to go and get so bloody handsome over the summer? And why was he forcing everyone else to suffer as a consequence of it?
Not everyone. The voice spoke slyly. Not everyone’s a poofter like you. Did you see James getting a hard-on for his mate?
Sirius growled loudly. “Fuck off!”
“Sirius? Are you alright in there?”
For a second, Sirius thought the voice had split and had taken on the alter ego of Remus, just to really take the piss at him, but after a few more moments he realised that no, this Remus was real and he was coming into the dorm right bloody now.
He had just a second to yank his hand out from his pants and try to school his shameful expression before Remus was ambling inside, eyes locking in on the position Sirius was in and the discreet manner in which he was wiping his palm across his robes.
He saw the exact moment in which realisation dawned on Remus, and he scrambled to make amends.
“Oh, um-” Remus stuttered, red in the face. “I- I didn’t- Sorry, Pads, I’ll just-”
“No, no, wait, shit! It’s not what-” Sirius was aware of his own burgundy blush spreading across his cheeks.
As he leapt up from the bed, standing a few feet away from the impossibly lanky werewolf who should not be as attractive as he was (Sirius blamed his evil internal voice on that errant thought), an extremely awkward silence descended upon the two. Remus looked ready to flee.
“I was just… Erm, I just came to fetch my Arithmancy textbook.” He jutted his thumb towards his trunk.
“Oh right. Yeah, ‘course.” Sirius nodded rapidly. Godric, why was this so bloody awkward? They were boys. They had lived together for six fucking years, they’d each seen their dicks more times than was probably necessary. It shouldn’t be this weird to catch the other in a… compromising position. It’s not as if Remus could even read his conflicting thoughts. Sirius decided to put an end to the strange foot they had gotten off on in the train’s compartment earlier on and clear the air between them. Remus might have been his sexual awakening (Sirius was still trying to figure out exactly what was going on in regards to the relationship of his dick to Remus), but he was his mate first.
Sirius stepped forward as Remus was sorting through his trunk, and the brunette’s eyes darted to him, giving off the impression of a cornered animal. “Hallo.” Remus said carefully, hands never ceasing in the pursuit to find the textbook.
“Hallo, Moony. ‘M sorry I’ve been a bit strange.” Sirius coughed, taking another step forward until he was standing over Remus, who was searching even faster now through the trunk.
“Look-” Sirius started.
“Found it!” Remus stood up triumphantly, textbook clutched in a white-knuckled grip, cheeks flushed, and turned quickly on his heel towards the door.
“Wait! Remus, mate, come on-” He yanked on the taller boy’s robes, forcing him to come head-to-head with him. Grey eyes searched green ones as the latter flicked from the floor to the walls to the bed frames and back, never meeting the black-haired boy’s. “I’m sorry if I’ve made things awkward.” Sirius murmured softly, apologetically, wishing that Remus would look at him.
“It’s no worries Pads, seriously. Maybe just try working on your locking spells a bit more.” Despite the half-hearted joke, Sirius thought that Remus looked like he was bordering on asphyxiation.
“You alright, Moons?” He questioned, rather seriously, and Remus nodded vigorously.
With a quick motion, he jerked the other boy forward and wrapped his hands around his shoulders, which, once knobbly and slim, were now broader and filled in with muscle, something that Sirius probably shouldn’t have focused on when he was making full bodily contact with him. The hug was more difficult than it should have been as Remus stood stock still, arms hovering like a mannequin’s around Sirius before resting stiffly along Sirius’ upper back.
“We’re good, yeah?” Sirius asked, voice muffled by Remus’ robes.
Unfortunately, whatever Remus was going to offer as a response was lost as Sirius shifted slightly and suddenly Remus was shooting back, eyes wide and neck flushing crimson.
But he had been too late. Sirius had felt the hardness poke into his hip, pronounced despite the layers of clothing between them.
“Fuck, Sirius, I-”
No words escaped the long-haired boy’s mouth.
“I’m sorry.” Remus blinked, guilt tearing into expression. “I’m really, bloody bloody sorry. I know that you like girls, I’m such a-” He cut himself off, rubbing a hand down his splotchy face. “You don’t have to worry, I’m not gonna do anything. I’ll still be me, and you know, I’m not gonna take away any of those girls, I know what you and James think and I mean, obviously I’m not interested in Amy Callendale, or that one-”
“Who?” Sirius interrupted his rambling rather dazedly.
“That… that Hufflepuff.” Remus stammered, scratching at the back of his neck in a way that reminded Sirius fondly of his younger self. The boys, as first years, getting to know one another. Later on, when they found out Remus was a werewolf. When Remus had had his first kiss and was being interrogated about it in Fifth Year. Always that same spot behind his neck, scratching at it obstinately. Sirius knew there was a mole there; he’d traced it on the nights of the full moon, after Remus had transformed back, making a constellation between all the other marks around it.
Oh.
“Oh. That was her name.” Sirius muttered distractedly, before taking one step forward, reaching his hand up and clasping Remus’ jaw in his palm and pressing his lips tentatively to the other boy’s.
For one singular, dreaded moment there was nothing; just the dry press of Sirius’ lips of Remus’ own unmoving ones. The clock ticked in the background, and the textbook slid from Remus’ grasp and hit the floor next to their feet. Sirius pulled back, scared that he had fucked it all up, even despite their mutual erections for one another and Remus’ lengthy confession; Was it even a confession? Were you even listening? He’s probably going to run and tell James that you’re a big, loser queer and the Marauders are going to abandon you and you’re going to become a school outcast, probably be forced to sit with- The voice in his head was abruptly drowned out as Remus blinked slowly, wet his lips and exhaled softly.
“Pads, I…” Remus stopped himself and leaned forward once more. This time, when their lips connected, Sirius pushed forward and pressed his tongue to the opening of Remus’ mouth, teasing and probing, sucking on his bottom lip until a moan was elicited from the other’s throat, deep and guttural.
“Fuck, Sirius.” He muttered against his mouth, and Sirius fought back a moan of his own which was sure to be high-pitched and girlish, and ruin his entire reputation if anyone ever found out. This resolve lasted no longer than thirty seconds before he was panting into Remus’ mouth, small whimpers escaping from his lips as Remus reached a large hand into his hair and tugged gently.
When they finally pulled apart, lips equally swollen and slick with saliva, Remus was looking down at him with an unreadable expression.
“Sirius, I’m… I don’t know what you want from this but…” He swallowed with difficulty, and Sirius found it hard to pull his eyes away from the bobbing of his throat. “I’m gay. I don’t know what you want from this, if this is just a one-time thing or a joke, or-”
Sirius cut him off with a kiss, more forceful than any of the other kisses they’d shared so far, and when he pulled back, Remus’ eyes were flickering shut, his lips slightly ajar. Blimey, if that didn’t send blood rushing straight to his nether regions. “Moony, I think,” He murmured into his neck, hand curling around his hair. “I think I’ve liked you for a while now. Maybe it just took you shedding your grandpa appearance for me to truly accept it, but-”
“Oi!” Remus shoved him, his face contorted with playful anger. “I’ll have you know I packed my trunk with my best cardigans, because I thought you liked them!”
Sirius doubled over with laughter. “No, I do! Come off it Moony, you know I loooove your gorgeous knitted sweaters.”
Remus scowled and tackled him to the floor.
____________
When James found out a few weeks later about this newest development between the two Marauders, he stood silent for a few moments, glancing between the two nervous boys before breaking out into a fit of laughter.
“Sirius, you bloody prat, you just figured this out yourself? Fourth year, you were telling me that we should ‘implement a rule’ about going shirtless in the dorm, all because you saw a sliver of Moony’s collarbone-”
Remus subsequently discovered that Sirius had thoroughly improved his locking spells since the initial incident, as he thrust James into the nearest cupboard and with a flick of his wand left the messy-haired boy yelling bloody curses at them through the wood.