Chapter 5
“Potter? James Potter?” Barty asks incredulously, and Dorcas begins to cackle, holding her stomach and falling backwards. “Potter?! You could have chosen anyone to snog, and you decided on Potter? I was right there!” Evan smacks him on the back of the head, hard, and he grunts, rubbing it lightly.
“Shut up! ‘Oh, let’s get drunk and high, how fun does that sound? Please, Reg,’” He mocks, tracing his fingers over the mark lightly. Pandora giggles as Barty grunts again.
“Nobody told you to be a reckless drunk,” he mutters, and Regulus reaches out in a strangling motion before dropping his hands.
“It could be a coincidence. Maybe- I mean, it’s possible right? Maybe he doesn’t even have a mark still! If James doesn’t have a mark, then it wouldn’t be him, because it wouldn’t have formed over touch.”
Pandora shrugs, nodding her head slightly. “I suppose it’s possible, if James doesn’t have a mark, it may not be him.”
“I can’t believe you finally got your mark,” Sirius breaths excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and James beams. They had been like this all morning. When they went down to the common, he had proudly showed his arm off to a crowd of people, including Lily, who stepped aside and congratulated him privately, she had never been one for crowds.
Usually, stepping aside with Lily, alone, would have made James’ heart flutter in his chest, as if a cage of pixies had been released into it. This time, though, he barely thought twice of it, thanking her and skipping back off to join his mates at the couch as Sirius exaggerated a story.
They had decided, or technically Sirius had, to throw a party. It was a celebratory matter, he had stated. “My Jamsie is finally growing up,” He pretends to wipe a tear from his eyes, and Remus rolls his eyes as they sit back onto their bed, opening their book.
“It’s kinda strange that it randomly formed overnight, isn’t it? I mean, there has to be a reason.”
“Oh, stop putting the mood down, moony. It’s a miracle! There doesn’t have to be any logic behind it,” Sirius grins, and Remus, once again, rolls his eyes at the boy, grumbling under his breath. After a moment, Peter pipes in.
“I mean, he kinda has a point. It’s strange it only just formed, and randomly too. I wonder what sparked it into action.”
Sirius’ eyes light up, and he turns to James, a sly smile on his face. “Last night, you came into the common room bright red with a special someone, didn’t you, Prongs?” He asks, grinning. James blinks, confused, before he realizes who Sirius was talking about.
Remus and Peter stare at him, waiting for an answer, and James nervously fiddles with the bottom of his tie, coughing out a breath. “Yeah- uh, Lily, but-”
“Lily! Can you believe it! After years of pining after her, award winning, really, you guys are soulmates!” Sirius shouts, and James tries to cut in, but he’s already off, babbling excitedly once again.
“This is awesome, truly a miracle. I mean, finally, am I right?”
He continues to gush, and James shuffles from one foot to another awkwardly. Remus gives him a weird look over his now closed book, and he glances away, down at the floor.
“Pads. Padfoot. Sirius!” He goes quiet, and James does another awkward throat clear, pointedly staring at the ground.
“I don’t think it’s Lily,” he says finally, and Sirius stops, staring at him, before smiling.
“Come on prongs, don’t be so pessimistic! It’s always possible!”
“I just have a feeling-”
“Feeling smeeling, it’s still possible! Come on, what happened to the James who never gave up on who he likes?”
James stays quiet. How was he supposed to tell Sirius, his best friend, that instead of being out with Lily, he was out with Regulus, his little brother, who he said he hated?
“Come on, Sirius, lay off it, won’t you? James just got the mark, and you’re stressing him out,” Remus says, and Sirius glances between Remus and James, eyebrow furring.
“Stressing him out? I’m just being excited for him. You know, you could stand to show some excitement as well.” He snips back, and they glare at each other for a moment, before Sirius huffs and grumbles something about being hungry before stomping out. Remus sighs, rolling his eyes.
“Always in a mood, I swear,” he snaps, rubbing a hand over his face in agitation. James chews on the inside of his cheek nervously, clearing his throat.
“Hey, what’s been up with you two lately? It’s been kind of… tense, whenever you guys are in a room together.” Remus stays quiet for a moment, before sitting up on his bed and shrugging.
“I dunno, he’s been pissy ever since I told you guys about the guy.”
Ah, the guy. Sirius had started this year off with him bragging about the people he had hooked up with, and Remus had replied he, too, had in fact hooked up with someone. A gardner, he had said, who tended to the house's garden next to his.
“Oh.” James doesn’t know what else to add to that, and he lets the awkward silence engulf them for a second, something that didn’t usually happen in James’ presence.
“So, Sirius said you had been hanging out with Lily last night?” Remus asks finally, and James doesn’t meet his eyes as he shrugs.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“But I thought you had prefect duties last night?”
James snaps his head up, mouth open, and then fumbles over his words. “It- I, we didn’t-”
“You’re a really bad liar, prongs,” Peter grins, and James groans, cupping his face in his hands.
“Okay, I know, Merlin. I wasn’t hanging out with Lily last night.”
“Really? We never could have guessed.” Remus replies sarcastically.
James fiddles with his fingers nervously, and Remus’ eyebrows furrow as he thinks. “What I don’t get is why you would lie, if you were just out on prefect duties. Unless you were meeting someone else, and used Lily to cover that up?” James gapes, and his eyes dart from the door to Remus nervously.
“Why would you think that? I was just on Prefect duties.”
“You even took the map. Was there a reason, Prongs?”
He flames and shakes his head, knowing that coming up with a lie was out of the question. He was currently digging himself deeper and deeper into a grave.
Remus laughs slightly, shrugging his shoulders. “You don’t have to tell us, Prongs, you can have your secrets. I just never knew you were one to keep them.” With that, he excuses himself and heads downstairs. James stays quiet, glancing over to Peter, who was giving him a curious stare.
“He may not care to know, but I sure as hell do. Spill the beans, prongs.”
“Nothing to spill! I swear on Merlin's beard,” he replies, not leaving room for Peter to get on him before rushing out the common room door as well.
Regulus is sitting on his bed, Pandora splayed out next to him in her way of trying to comfort him. He had refused to go down to breakfast that morning, arguing that he wasn’t hungry. Evan promised to bring him something up.
When they got back, the door slams open, banging against the wall, and Regulus flinches into Pandora, who lifts her head from the bed.
Dorcas is absolutely beaming, and it’s not a nice smile, either. It fills Regulus’ stomach with nerves as they make their way inside, an annoyed Barty and sympathetic Evan following foot.
“So, we have news,” Dorcas starts, and Evan hits her on the back of the head, stepping forward and handing Pandora and Regulus a muffin.
Regulus looks down at the muffin, and then with narrowed eyes back up at Dorcas. “What.”
“James was awfully proud of what he was showing off this morning,” She starts again, and again shes hit by Evan, making her give him a glare.
“How else do you want me to say this! God, Rosier, stop hitting me,” she snaps, and he glares at her, before starting to speak up with a sigh.
“Reg, he had a soulmark.”
“Dammit Rosier, I wanted to say it!”
Regulus physically feels sick, and he slowly pulls the pillow from under him over his face. “Can one of you put pressure on this? It’s not possible for me to suffocate myself.”
Barty begins to move, forward, and Evan rolls his eyes and grabs his shoulder, yanking him back. “Is it really that bad, Reg? Surely it can’t be, since he was good enough for you to kiss him last night,” Regulus sits up, flinging the pillow in his direction, and it bounces off his chest.
“I was drunk! It was a cheek kiss, for Merlins sake! It’s not like I had a full make out session with the man,” he cries, and Pandora lays a hand on his arm, smiling slightly.
“But out of everyone, is he the worse?”
“You guys are insane, Potter is the worse soulmate to have,” Barty sniffs, “so many other fine candidates, and you get Potter? The world is truly looking down on you, Reg.”
Regulus sighs, leaning back onto the bed. “It’s not even because it’s Potter, really. It’s just, I mean,” he pauses, and everyone stares at him with confusion as he cups his face. “Merlin, did it have to be the dude I used to have a crush on? The one who stole my brother away from me? Not to mention the fact he’s in love with someone else, and has been since first year. Everyone knows about Potter and Evans, you really think I can compete with her?”
At this, Pandora leans in, punching him in the shoulder, hard. Regulus stares at her, mouth agape, and she glares at him, eyes fierce.
“Regulus Arcturus Black, of course you can compete with her! I wish you would stop doing this to yourself, saying things like this and putting yourself down. You deserve and are just as good as everyone else! Understand me?” She snaps, and he smiles slightly, nodding his head with a sigh.
“Good. And trust me, Lily will not and will never get with him. If he doesn’t want you, that’s his loss, and I’ll hex him bald.”
“I’ll do more then hex him bald if he hurts you,” Barty states, and Regulus rolls his eyes at them, though his smile widens slightly.
“You guys are getting ahead of yourself. Even if Lily never gets with James and doesn’t want him back, James would never get with me, especially after I all but groped him the other night. Merlin, I’m going to drown myself in the black lake,” He groans into his hands, shaking his head, and Barty snorts.
“I dunno, I think there’s a probably chance James would get with you,” Pandora replies after a second, and Regulus raises an eyebrow.
“And what makes you think that?”
She smiles, shrugging. “Call it a hunch.”
It had been almost a week, Christmas break was vastly approaching, and Regulus was quite literally fearing for his life. He had covered his arm extra bandages and had been avoiding Potter for the life of him. He didn’t want to see James or his mark.
But truly, that was not the biggest problem he had.
His mother.
He didn’t know how to play this out, how this could possibly end well for him. Should he write her a letter before hand? Prepare her and himself?
He didn’t know if he would have the guts to send it.
Springing it on her wouldn’t be good either, though. Should he try and hide it?
He thinks that might be the best course of action, even if it really wasn’t smart. At all. It may even endanger his life more than the other. The real reason he chose to hide it out of everything was because he was a coward. He didn’t know how to tell his mother- he knew what would come of it if he did tell her.
So hiding it would be the best option, even if he was just lying to himself by saying it was.
So that’s exactly what he did. He hid it from everyone outside of his friend group, he bandaged it and made sure to keep his sleeve down over it. While he hid his mark, he also hid away from Potter. He avoided him, in the halls he did, and in potions class he ignored him. James seemed to take the hint, never seemed to try and spark conversations with him, maybe even seemed embarrassed.
The thought of James being embarrassed embarrassed Regulus himself more than he already was.
But tonight, he had prefect duties, and sure he could avoid him in tutoring sessions, but skipping too many prefect duties would only get him into trouble.
So, with the sympathies of Evan and Barty, Regulus trudges up the stairs to their meeting spot. Surprisingly to him, Potter was already waiting there, sat up against the wall. His fingers ran over something on his forearm, and as Regulus gets closer, his chest gets a strange feeling as he sees for himself what he had been avoiding this whole time.
He could see now that it had almost the exact same pattern his own did, filled with bright colors and designs, but in the middle of his, instead of antlers, was what looked like thin triangular ears. When he stood in front of him, making James jolt from his thoughts and glance up at him, he could see it wasn’t just the thin outline of ears, but right below it two black dots and a little nose.
A cat.
He almost laughs, but refrains himself as he glances towards James’ face instead, giving him a nod of acknowledgment.
“Potter,” He says crisply, and he jumps up to his feet, giving Regulus a hesitant smile.
“Hey, Reg,” he replies, sounding nervous, and Regulus turns around abruptly, beginning their job. James follows behind quickly, trailing a foot behind, and Regulus can’t help but wonder if he knew as well. The thought of James knowing hadn’t passed his mind, and now that he thought of it, it plagued him.
Did he know? Was he upset? Did he hate the fact it was Regulus, of all people?
“Uhm- Reg,” He snaps out of his thoughts quickly, casting a glance over his shoulder, and James gives him a small smile.
“Have you been, by any chance, avoiding me?” Regulus doesn’t reply, and James continues, clearing his throat. “Is it, by any chance, because of, you know…”
Regulus heart was in his throat, and his mouth was dry. Did he know? Did he know they were soulmates?
“Because of what?”
“Because of that night,” he states clearly, fiddling with his tie.
Regulus pauses this time, glaring down at the ground, and he lets out a small breath.
“I’m not avoiding you, Potter. Don’t think so highly of yourself.”
“Oh? You haven’t been to either of the tutoring sessions this week, you don’t talk to me in Potions, and you very clearly run the opposite direction whenever we see eachother in the hall.”
He cringes, tugging at his curls. “I’ve been busy, haven’t been able to make it.”
“So you’ll be there next time?”
“Yeah.”
They stay quiet for a little longer, and James walks up beside him now, keeping in pace with him.
“Is it because of the soulmark thing?”
All the air is knocked from Regulus’ lungs, and he glances up wide eyed, coming to a full stop now as he stares at him.
“What?”
“I got a soulmark, I know you’ve noticed, I’ve kind of been… showing it off, to say the least. Is it making you uncomfortable? I know- I know we talked about us both not having one, and I don’t want to make you feel bad now.”
Regulus blinks at him, the constriction in his chest lightening as he stares, bewildered at James, before letting out an improper snort as he shakes his head.
“Are you joking right now?”
James blinks, visibly confused, before flushing slightly and shaking his head. “So that’s not it?”
“No, James, I’m not jealous of your soulmark.”
“I was just- I mean, I used to- I was jealous of my friends, you know. It wouldn’t have been a big deal- if you had been jealous.”
Regulus stares at him, for a good, long moment, before letting out another light snort.
“Come on, Potter, let’s keep going.”
He listens, once again trailing a step behind, and never one keen to silence, immediately sparks up another conversation.
“Ready for christmas break?”
“Never really one to care for it, to be honest.” James gapes at him, waving his hands around for a moment.
“You don’t care for christmas? Who doesn’t care for christmas?”
Regulus shrugs. Christmas time had never been a good time for him. It had never been one full of presents and joy. It always reminded him of everything he didn’t have; of everything he lost.
It hurt, seeing kids rave about going home and spending time with families when he knew all that waited for him was pain and suffering.
He wouldn’t have said he had really hated Christmas until second year. The first year Sirius spent Christmas away from home, at the Potter manor. He came back, talking nonstop about all the fun, showing off his presents to Regulus.
He hadn’t gotten Regulus his present. They didn’t do their normal tradition of trading presents at each others bedroom doors on Christmas Eve. Regulus still had the leather jacket he was never able to give.
Christmas had never felt like a joyous time for him, but now, without his brother, it was worse.
“Regulus? You okay?” He blinks, looking back up at James, who was staring pointedly at him.
“Fine.”
James gives him a long look, eyes running over his face, before he chews on the inside of his cheek. “You know, you could always come and spend Christmas break at our house.”
“What?” Regulus was totally taken aback by the comment, mouth open and eyes wide.
“Yeah! It could be fun! My parents would love you, I can already tell.” He grins, and Regulus blinks again, before slowly shaking his head.
“No, that- that couldn’t work, James.” He says softly. James pauses in his ranting.
“You could!”
“I couldn’t, James! It would never work. What about Sirius, what would he think, with you bringing his little brother, who he despises, home with you?”
“He would be happy! He wants you out of that house, don’t you understand? He loves you!”
“Don’t. Don’t say he loves me. He’s over me, he has you now. He loves you, you’re his new brother. He got rid of the old one, the dirty one, the broken one, and he replaced me with the brand new shiny one, the perfect happy not a single crack one. Don’t you understand?” His voice breaks slightly, and he rubs at his forearm, sucking in a small breath.
James automatically slides his thumb over his own forearm, eyebrows furrowing.
“Reggie,” he whispers, and Regulus shakes his head, teeth clenched.
“Don’t call me that, Potter,” his voice isn’t as venomous as he means for it to come out, just sounds…
Broken.
“Regulus,” he breathes, reaching out a hand and grabbing his shoulder. Regulus flinches under the sudden touch, turning his face towards James and glaring at him.
“It could work.” He repeats.
“It couldn’t. Even if Sirius wasn’t a problem, what about my mother, James?”
“Say you have to stay for a project! Or your tutoring!”
Regulus gives a short, crisp laugh. “If I told my mom I was stupid enough to have to be tutored, that would be enough alone for her to be pissed at me.”
James chews on his lips, sighing. “Just remember, yeah? You’re always welcome. We want you there, Reg.”
Regulus feels a strange feeling bloom in his chest, and as they make it to the end of the corridor, he glances towards James.
“Whatever you say, Potter.”
He sits in the common room, Barty on his right and Evan on his left.
He’s playing with the bandages wrapped around his arm, tugging at them lightly. Evan gives him a look, and Regulus glares at him.
“You can take that off, you know? Everyone's asleep or won’t care.”
“You never know,” Regulus replies back softly. He didn’t want something getting back to his mother.
“Come on, Regulus, chill out. Nobody’s going to see.”
Rolling his eyes, he tugs at the bandages again, letting them unravel. He rubs at the mark slightly, marked red from being wrapped so tightly.
Barty leans over, letting out a low breath as he stares at it. “Even if it sucks on who its from, it looks pretty damn cool.”
Regulus rolls his eyes, running another finger along it. He traces the pattern of it, memorizing the colors.
There's a sudden creak, and Regulus snaps his head towards the stairs, pulling the sleeve down with a snap.
When he’s met with nothing, Barty lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “You really have to chill, Regulus.”
Regulus rolls his eyes again, letting out a small snort.
“I’m going to miss you guys!” Pandora cries, wrapping her arms tightly around Regulus. He cringes lightly, but wraps his arms around her after a small moment, glancing towards the window of the train. He knew his mother was out there, waiting impatiently, and he knew he probably shouldn’t keep her waiting.
“Stay safe, okay?” Her voice is coated with concern as she pulls back, rubbing her hands along Regulus' shoulders, and he sighs, nodding his head.
“I’ll try my best. She doesn’t usually make a habit of looking too closely at me, so it should be fine. I’ll be fine.” He didn’t know if he was comforting her or himself, but nonetheless he squares his shoulders and raises his head.
After exiting the train, he sees his mother immediately, and her stare is blank and impassive like always.
He stops in front of her, nodding his head slightly, and she gives him a look.
“Welcome home, Regulus.”