Chapter 3
James, stupid, Potter.
Lately he seemed to be showing up constantly in Regulus’ life, trying his hardest to ruin it, so why did it surprise Regulus when he was told that he would be doing his prefect rounds with him?
He stands perfectly still as he waits, pressed into the wall as he combs a hand through his curls, nervously.
He was not nervous to be meeting with James, he was annoyed. He had to see him enough lately, and having to do rounds with him almost every other day was horrible.
That’s what he told himself.
He didn’t let himself think about how he was questioning if he really minded potters company that much.
Of course he minded it! Stupid, perfect potter, the perfect boy, the person who he had been replaced by. Dreaming about him wasn’t a big deal- it’s not like he could control his dreams, and it didn’t take away from his hatred towards the boy. He was like a big child, never sitting still, always yelling (Regulus didn’t know if the boy knew how to whisper.) He would dance around the hallways and sing in a very off key voice as he did so, drawing eyes and laughter. He could physically not shut up. He had stupid brown hair and stupid hazel eyes and a stupid pretty face that Regulus despised because it was stupid and so was everything about him-
Yet in a way, he almost envied him, the freedom he always seemed to have. He didn’t worry about the looks he got, nor the whispers that spread. When rumours spiralled about him, he continued to walk around proudly, head held high. He always had a certain light in his eyes, a certain air that drew people to him, and Regulus was jealous.
But he had always been jealous of Potter, hadn’t he?
The same way he never really hated him, not until his brother ran away to him and officially abandoned Regulus, that was. Before he had, Regulus might have even had a little, stupid, worthless (stupid) crush on the boy.
Not that he did anymore, he was way over that silly thing. Only children had crushes, and Regulus was anything but a child. He would definitely never have a crush on Potter, (not anymore.)
Anyways, Potter was everything Regulus wasn’t, and he would get married to someone who was bright and happy and beautiful, like Evans, the girl Potter had been drooling after for years. Even if James didn’t have a soulmark (Regulus was still slightly surprised by that) he would find someone amazing and nice.
Regulus would marry someone his mother picked for him, probably a distant cousin who was cruel and selfish and enjoyed inflicting pain upon anyone who glanced her way. Sirius had been told he would marry Bellatrix, before he ran away, so maybe not even a distant cousin.
He hoped it wouldn’t be Bellatrix.
He fiddles with the family ring on his finger, twisting and turning it as he chews on the inside of his cheek. The ring was bold, (because what less could it be coming from the black family?) with a black band and silver snake wrapping around it. Inside the tightly coiled snake was a green gem, and on the inside of the band was the family motto, written in french of course.
He felt like the ring was burning into his finger, heavy as it reminded him of what he would never be able to escape from. He swore if he took it off, there would be a scar there, because even if he pulled it off and threw it deep into the black lake, he would never truly be able to escape from his family.
“Reg!” His head snaps up, and he glances at James, who was waving at him as he smiled sheepishly.
He didn’t wait for him to get to him, just started walking, but it didn’t matter because Potter was freakishly tall and caught up to him easily anyways.
“Reg! Reg! Reggie,” he sings, and Regulus turns to glare at him, making James stumble into him as he comes to a sudden stop.
“It’s Regulus,” he grits out, and James knits his eyebrows, giving him a strange look.
“Alright, Reginald, what's got your knickers in a twist?” He asks, and Regulus starts promptly walking again, peeking his head lightly into the next classroom.
“I’m always in a bad mood with you, if you’ve forgotten.”
“Nuh uh, sometimes you're nice,” James grins as Regulus scoffs.
“I am not nice, especially not to you.”
James’ grin widens, crooked and joyful, and Regulus makes a face, nose scrunching up.
“Yeah, you admitted to not having a soulmark. That was nice!”
“It was not nice, I was simply answering your question, moron,” he snips, and James laughs, shaking his head lightly.
“If you say so. I’m just saying you didn’t have to answer!”
“I answered so you’d shut up, much like how I wish you would right now.”
“Sure, Reggie, keep telling yourself. To be honest, I think you’re starting to like me.
He comes to a sudden halt, and this time James does bump into him, his hands coming to his shoulders to steady himself. Regulus whirls around, eyes wide and face flushed, a mix of being flustered and angry.
“What possibly could have put that thought into your head? I mean, I know your daft, but this is truly a new level of stupidity from your side. How could I ever like someone like you?” He snaps, a slight stutter to his words.
James' face falls for a quick second, a flash of hurt creasing along his eyebrows as he bites his lip. And just as quick it's gone, his usual grin replacing his features. He pushes his glasses back up onto his nose, though they slipped back down just as quickly, going crooked once again as James threw his head back with a quick laugh.
“I don’t know, Reggie, you were awfully quick with that defence. I think you are starting to like me a little bit.”
Regulus rolls his eyes, his hand coming up, and for a moment James thinks he might hit him. Instead, he fixes his glasses, an annoyed look on his face as he sets them straight and quickly turns back to the hall, walking ahead once again.
James brings a hand to his cheek, brushing his finger along the spot Regulus’ had touched, and a flush rises into his cheeks, coating his dark skin. He blinks once, twice, and then a third time, before he’s hollering at Regulus to wait up as he takes off after him.
He goes to bed thinking about it.
He wakes up in the woods- the forbidden forest, to be exact. It takes him stumbling to all fours to realise he’s in his Animagus form, and he’s quick to steady himself, shaking his head out.
He glances around, taking on a small trot as he goes along the forest, turning around trees and jumping over branches.
He was dreaming, that much was obvious to him. He wondered if he’d ever had a dream this realistic- or a dream this pretty. The sky was bright above him, which he usually couldn't see from the forbidden forest, blocked by the onslaught of trees that usually seemed to tower hundreds of feet in the air. It had a nice air to it, which the forbidden forest also usually didn’t have- even when they went in it midday, the boys always noticed the eerie, creepy feeling to the woods.
Not this time, though. Now, he stopped to look at the flowers, admiring the beauty of the place.
A small rustle to his right draws his attention away, and he blinks as a black, furry animal tumbles from the bushes, a flurry of bright colours mixed in.
When the animal lands, James can see it’s actually a cat- a black, fuzzy, kitten to be exact. Their eyes were wide and grey, and they were so tiny James feared getting closer in case of stepping on them.
After another quick moment, James can see that in their mouth, they held a bundle of flowers, assorted with all different colours.
It blinks at him, slowly, and he blinks back, kneeling down carefully so that he could get as close as possible. He was quite cute- the cat, and he tilts his head to the side ever so slightly, delivering another slow blink towards James. Finally, he brushes closer, his tail swinging, and drops the flowers directly in front of James, surprising him.
The cat looks at him expectantly, eyes wide, and James opens his mouth to thank him, forgetting he was a deer. When he realises he couldn’t do that, he leans forward instead, brushing his nose against the kittens.
They stay like that for a minute, hazel eyes meeting a familiar, pretty grey, before the kitten is startled by the fluttering of leaves beside him, and he takes off swiftly, jumping back into the bush he came from. James can hear him leave, and he mourns his absence in a way, leaning his head instead onto the flowers, soft under his head.
When he does actually wake up, he turns over, scratching his fingers along his forearm. It itches, but James ignores it, pressing it under the pillow and quickly falling back asleep.
The next, and last time he wakes up, he has a blissfully happy feeling in his chest, and he doesn’t know why. His arm still itches, which should probably put him in a bad mood, but instead, he can’t help but smile as he gets up and stretches, scratching his fingers down his forearm.
He gets ready for the day, his cheerfulness putting the rest of the boys in a horrible mood.
“What’s got you in such a good mood,” Evan grumbles, clutching his forehead. Regulus smiles, smug and in a ‘I told you so’ way, making Evan roll his eyes as he tosses a pillow towards Regulus’ head.
“Nothing. Maybe I’m just not hungover, like the four of you.” He gestures towards Barty, and then down towards the two girls lying on the ground, huddled under a mound of blankets.
“It’s not our fault you’re no fun,” Dorcas snaps, slinging the blankets off her and Pandora as she straightens into a sitting position, before clutching her head and groaning as she stumbles to her feet. Dora, who never really got hungover, smiles as she stands up, stretching out her arms.
Regulus drags his nails up and down his forearm as Pandora moves closer, draping an arm around Regulus’ shoulders.
“We really need a day where we can all just get high and drunk.” She muses, and Barty sits up now, nodding his head along to the idea.
“Yeah, Reg, you’ve been so uptight lately. This weekend we should sneak into the Greenhouse like we used to last year and bring all kinds of snacks and drinks! Also, get that dopey smile off your face please, Black, you’re scaring me.” The soft smile Regulus had drops off his face immediately as he glares at Barty in the mirror, and Dora lets out a soft laugh, pressing a fleeting kiss to Regulus’ cheek before walking back over to Evan and flopping onto his bed. He lets out a startled noise as he jolts up from where he had fallen back asleep.
“Whatever, I can’t this week obviously, but I guess maybe over the weekend,” he replies, tying his tie quickly, before grabbing his shoes.
“Can you hand me my new potions book, I need it for the class today,” he points at the book next to Dorcas, who whines about it but grabs his book and stumbles to her feet.
“Good luck in that class babes, I know you’re already, like, ten times smarter than all of them but, don’t show them up too much, seventh years are vicious,” Dorcas tells him, pressing a hand to her mouth to muffle her yawn.
“Thanks, Cas. Good luck getting through all of your classes with that hangover. I’m pretty sure I watched you down four bottles of fire whiskey. I think we have an aspiring alcoholic on our hands,” he laughs as he dodges her hits, which were rather weak considering she looked like she could hardly stand, and heads out the door to breakfast, ignoring Barty who asks him to bring him back a muffin.
He ended up bringing them all muffins.
By third block, Regulus was heading towards the potions room, brimming with excitement and anxiety.
He was quite happy to be bumped up to seventh years potions, he hated to admit. Potions had always been his highest skill, something he had always enjoyed, and he was glad that even though he was currently not doing well in all his other classes, potions was something he could never fail.
After Sirius had left, he had started falling behind in everything. When his mother called for him, he was slower to climb out of bed and trudge down the stairs. When she told him to do something, even as simple as to clean the library as a punishment, it took him hours longer than it usually would. Obviously, that stump he was in followed him to Hogwarts, because most days he hardly felt like he had the energy to climb out of bed. He often fell asleep in his robes for the first weeks, before Barty and Evan had snuck Pandora in to try and ‘fix’ him. Honestly, by this point, he believed he was far from the fixing point, but he hated seeing his friends worry for him, so what else could he do but get up and go about the days like he had before?
He was glad to know that he’d always have potions to himself, always have that one part of him no one could ever take, (except his mother when he got older, but he didn’t like to think about that yet.)
…
Just kidding, of course he couldn’t have this one thing to himself, because as soon as he walked into the classroom and met the stare of none other than James Potter, he realised that everything was against him in the world.
He also realised this when he met his brother's confused glare, and suddenly wanted to open the window and drown himself in the black lake.
He wasn’t being dramatic, okay?
“Ah, Mr. Black, how lovely to finally have you here! Students, welcome Mr. Black, my best student in potions! He is by far one of the most talented kids I have ever seen, and even as a sixth year student, he was bumped up into seventh year classes!” Regulus hoped his face wasn’t burning nearly as much as it felt. He wraps his fingers tight around his bag strap, clenching his teeth as he stares straight ahead, not meeting any of the eyes from the students. He can see someone lean over and whisper into their friend's ear, and they laugh at whatever he had said, making a painful lump form in Regulus’ throat.
“Now, where should I put you,” he murmurs, and a hand raises into the air. He glances towards Severus, who nods his head briefly at Regulus as Slughorn looks his way.
“He can sit here, Professor,” He says, and Regulus bites his tongue to stop himself from groaning. He can visibly see the gears turning in the Professor's mind as he slowly moves towards the seat next to Snape.
“Actually, I have a brilliant idea. I was just getting onto Mr. Potter and Black, so why don’t you and… Mr. Sirius Black switch seats? Sirius, come up here and take this seat, Severus can help you with potions, and Mr. Potter, Regulus can help you!” All four students' mouths drop open as Sirius jumps up.
“What! No fair!” He cries, outraged.
“Now, now, Mr. Black, please. Take your brother here as an example, he’s excelling in my class, and both you and Mr. Potter could use some help with potions. This is for the best,” he states, moving up towards the front, and there are a few giggles as Sirius turns his glare towards his brother as Regulus cringes, glancing at the glowering face of Severus before back at Potter, who was still staring wide eyed at Regulus.
Grumbling under his breath, Sirius trudged up towards the front, shoving his shoulder into Regulus’, who cringes as he makes his way back to James.
He sits, sliding down into his seat as if he could hide from the stares of everyone. Of course the one class he was excited for had to be ruined like this. He could all but feel Potter burning a hole into the side of his head as well, and finally he snaps his head towards him, raising an eyebrow. James flushes, looking back towards his book as he rubs the back of his neck.
“And, Mr. Black, could you tell me the most important ingredient for this potion?” He glances up, seeing his brother open his mouth to answer, but Professor Slughorn walks swiftly past him to stand in front of Regulus, making his brother glare at him once again.
“Billywig wings, which are rare and troublesome to find, and mostly found in hot and humid places. You can use a drop of venom from their stinger to replicate the usage of the wing, but a drop too many could be deadly so it's uncommon to do so,” he replies easily, and Slughorn beams, clapping his hands together. Regulus can once again feel James staring at him, and he ducks his head back into his book as Slughorn continues.
“Very good! Now, you and your partners can start on your potions, remember to follow the instructions step by step, and to not stir for too long or too short of a time.”
Everyone begins to set up their stations, and Regulus walks over to the shelves, gathering the supplies he would be needing before heading back to his desks and placing it down. He sorts everything so that he would be able to grab what he would need first, and then began to grind up the Billywig wings, which he would set aside for later. It was easier to get everything done ahead of time so he would be able to precisely put everything into the cauldron without it being too late or early.
“Sooo… what should I do?” He startles from his thoughts as he glances up from what he was doing, blinking slowly at James, who was sitting on his seat smiling sheepishly. He reached for something, and without thinking, Regulus smacks his hand away.
James stares at him, mouth open as he rubs his hand, and Regulus scowls, rolling his eyes. “Don’t just touch, you’ll mess something up,” he snaps, and James pouts.
“I’m not stupid, you know? I can help,” he huffs, and Regulus, once again, rolls his eyes at the boy as spares a glance at him.
“Fine, pour the spring water into the cauldron and wait for it to come to a boil. While you wait, you can start chopping the Alihotsy.” James grins, grabbing the clear spring water and dumping it into the cauldron, cursing as some sloshes over. Regulus moves onto shaving the puffskein, glancing once again at James, before dropping what he was doing and glaring at him.
“Are you incompetent, what in merlins beard are you doing, Potter?” He asks, exasperated, and James gives him a confused look as he stops what he was doing.
“Chopping the Alihotsy, like you said?”
“More like butchering it, here, hand it over,” he huffs, sliding his hands along the knife. James immediately snatches his hand away when Regulus’ fingers brush his, and Regulus gives him a strange look as he slides the cutting board towards him.
“Like this,” he murmurs, and in the most graceful and gentle way James has ever seen anyone cut something, he swiftly chops the Alihotsy. He was right- compared to what Regulus was doing it truly looked like James had been committing manslaughter.
He’s almost entranced as he watches Regulus work; pouring and cutting and dumping. Everything he does is concise and perfect, even down to the stirring. His face is concentrated but also calm as he works, and finally, he glances up at James, looking at him through his eyelashes. When James meets his eyes, that same enticing grey that had been haunting him lately, he feels a twisting in his gut as he clears his throat lightly.
It takes him a moment to realise Regulus is speaking to him, and he blinks, giving him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, what?” He asks, and Regulus gives him a deadpanned look.
“Giggle into it,” He repeats, voice exasperated.
“Erm- into what?”
“The potion, Potter! Merlin, you truly are…” he trails off as he rolls his eyes, waving his hands towards the cauldron.
“Oh, of course, of course. And why do you want me to giggle into the potion?”
Regulus gives him a blank look, seeming to be trying to tell if he was being serious, before blowing out a breath.
“Were you not paying attention in the least bit? It’s a laughing potion, James, you need to giggle into it,” he snaps, but James is now far too distracted to acknowledge him for a second.
James. He had called him James. It was so offhandedly, James doesn’t even know it Regulus noticed he had called him that, but him saying his name had unleashed a cage of pixies into his chest, and the smile that spread across his face is wide and bright. It takes Regulus by surprise, who blinks up at him.
Clearing his throat, James’ grin widens. “Why don’t you giggle into it? You’re the potions master.” He replies, smiling as he leans closer to Regulus, who rolls his eyes and leans away.
“ I don’t giggle, Potter, and you’re always giggling and laughing, it’s quite annoying,” he snarks back, and James laughs, leaning over the cauldron nonetheless and giggling into it, which he would’ve really done anyways. He couldn’t help how tingly and happy he’s felt since this morning, and surprisingly, the feeling seems to be building sitting next to Regulus.
The itchiness was also getting worse, and he wondered if he should have his arm checked out. The thought is quickly diminished when Regulus leans in, reaching across James to grab horseradish powder. He brushes close, and even though the burning in his forearm grows almost unbearable, his heart is also beating so quickly he thinks he might combust.
When Regulus leans back over to his seat, their eyes meet, and he flushes lightly, clenching his teeth as he measures out a little of the powder and sprinkles it over the top.
He ignores James the rest of the time, not even asking him for help again when he has to lean over and laugh into the cauldron another time. The laugh is dry and devoid of emotion, and James can’t help but snigger at it.
When he’s finished, he sits patiently, ignoring James’ attempts at talking while Slughorn walks down the aisles of tables and peers into the cauldrons of potions, tutting or complimenting them.
When he gets to theirs, he peers into the cauldron, and then leans back and beams, clapping his hands together excitedly.
“Now, I knew I could believe in you, Mr. Black! It’s perfect, like usual. Aren’t you glad I sat you next to him, Mr. Potter? I’m sure he’ll help you out greatly!” Slughorn compliments, clapping a hand onto Regulus' back, before spooning his potion into a jar and capping it.
James glances at Regulus through the corner of his eye, and though his face is stoic like usual, there's a happy flush on his cheeks from the compliment.
James smiles at Regulus, who avoids his look as he mutters under his breath.
By the end of class, while everyones filing out, Slughorn makes their way back to their table, smiling at Regulus. James starts putting his things away slower as Slughorn begins to talk, pretending as if he wasn’t listening in.
“Mr. Black! As I’ve told you, I have a potion master friend who’s looking for an apprentice, and I’ve been sending him your potions lately, including the side projects I’ve been assigning you, and he loved them! He thought your work was astounding, especially for so young, and he said he can’t wait to see your work when you’re older, and also that he wants you to work with him once you graduate this year!”
Regulus' face slowly lights up, and James stops completely, staring at him blatantly as Regulus gapes.
“Really?” He whispers, excitement making his whole face glow, and James can’t help but smile.
“Yes! I told you you were a brilliant student, Mr. Black, and I expected no less from you,” he smiles, patting Regulus on the shoulder, and then his face drops slightly as he clears his throat, ”ah, there is one downside, though.”
Regulus immediately deflates, looking at him expectantly, and Slughorn continues as James gathers all his stuff, loitering at the end of his desk. “You have to at least have an Acceptable in all of your classes to be accepted.” Regulus sighs, packing all of his stuff into his bag.
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Professor,” James cuts in, and both of them look at him wide eyed, completely forgetting he had been standing there while he continues, a bright smile on his face, “we’re working on that in the tutoring sessions, and Regulus is catching up quickly once again!”
Regulus stares at him, eyes comically wide, and Slughorn beams once again. “Wonderful! I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how it’s going! Alright, have a nice day, you two,” he claps his hands together, smiling as both James and Regulus walk out.
Regulus continues to stare at him, and finally, James clears his throat nervously, giving him a sheepish smile.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” he coughs, and Regulus' eyebrow furrows more as he continues to stare at him through the corner of his eye.
“You lied,” he said after a few moments, and James' smile wobbles slightly, thinking he was talking about the eavesdropping. He was about to apologise, when Regulus continues, “I’m not getting any better at any of my classes.”
He blinks, confused, before he realises what he was talking about. “Oh,” he blinks again, before laughing slightly. “Welp, that just means we’ll have to work harder! Tonight, we’ll work on the transfiguration you’re struggling with, and once we get that done with we’ll move on to the next one! And during our next session, which is, what, Thursday? We can catch you up on this semester's work!” He cheers, and Regulus gives him an unimpressed look, pressing his lips together as he glances away.
He sighs after a long pause, nodding his head. “Yeah, we’ll do just that,” he agrees, and James beams, wrapping an arm around Regulus’ shoulders.
Regulus flinches slightly, squirming under the arm, and James' smile widens.
His forearm burns, but he ignores it as he cracks jokes to an annoyed Regulus, whose hand moves up to scratch at his own forearm.
“Can you believe it, Prongs! I swear that little slytherin is invading all my space,” Sirius huffs, and James almost tells him about how he was just begging James to help him so their parents didn’t kill him, but stops himself at the last moment, sighing.
Sirius drops onto the bed, next to Remus, who rolls his eyes and shoves him off. Sighing dramatically, he moves on to Peter, who also rolls his eyes, but allows Sirius to flop on top of him.
“I think you’re being dramatic, like always, Sirius,” Remus cuts in, and Sirius gapes, placing a hand on his chest.
“You should be proud of him, getting bumped up, plus Slughorn was going to move you anyways, even if it took a little longer because you know he’s a little slow,” he continues, and Sirius mouth only drops farther open.
“How dare you moony, I am not dramatic!” He cries, and James rolls his eyes.
“Tell him, Prongs!” James raises his eyebrows, glancing away and feigning innocence as he whistles.
Scoffing, he turns to Peter, who holds up his hands in a ‘don’t get me involved’ way.
“I can’t believe you guys, my own best friends, betraying me like this!” he places a hand on his forehead, rolling off the bed and jumping off.
“That spoiled brat probably got his mommy to buy him into the class or something,” he continues, and usually James would agree with him for his sake, but this time he feels a not so nice feeling churning in his gut, and he clears his throat as he gathers his stuff.
“I should get going, sorry guys. I don’t want to be late, like last time,” he mutters, rushing out the door and ignoring the questioning stares.
He rubs his forearm, shaking his head. He wondered if this would be a recurring theme, feeling strange things whenever Regulus Black got brought up.
James sat in front of Regulus in the empty classroom, once again explaining something they had already gone over. He was trying not to get annoyed, because Regulus seemed plenty annoyed with himself alone.
When he, once again, messes up the spell, James lets out a small mix of a laugh and sigh. “Remember, Regulus, it’s a small flick and-”
He doesn't get to finish before Regulus slams his book shut, dropping his head into his hands as he lets out a sharp exhale of air.
“I can’t! I can’t do it! I can’t do the stupid spells, or the stupid incantations, or the stupid work, and I’m going to fail, and they’ll kill me, shit I can’t do anything okay? Laugh all you want, I can’t do anything right. Shit, shit, shit,” he’s hyperventilating, shoulders shaking slightly, and James sits, frozen in his chair as he stares wide eyed. It had come all so quickly, James has to blink and register what was happening.
“Regulus- Reg, hey, it’s okay, calm down, calm down,” he repeats, sliding out of his chair and around the table to kneel next to Regulus, who was still shaking and muttering under his breath.
Regulus lets out a breath, shaking his head as he continues on, “I can’t do anything, I can’t, I can’t do it,” he repeats anything close to that over and over, running his hands up and down his face.
James hesitantly reaches out his hand, placing it softly on Regulus' knee, and Regulus flinches under his touch, glancing up at him. He wasn’t crying, James notes now, but he wipes his nose anyways as he stares, exhaling unevenly.
“You can do it, Regulus, and it’s not a big deal if you get it wrong, it doesn’t matter.”
“It does! It does matter- maybe it wouldn’t for you, but it will for me! You don’t get it- you just don’t-” he cuts himself off, dropping his face back into his hands as he lets out a groan, the trembling reentering his shoulders.
James continues to stay frozen, hand placed on his knee as he stares up at the boy in front of him.
Was the Regulus Black having a panic attack? What should he do? How should he fix it?
He knew that when he was having a panic attack, he enjoyed being held (specifically by his mom, she gave amazing hugs,) but he also knew that Regulus probably wouldn’t react the same way he did if he surprised him with a hug right now.
Instead, he talked to him in that calm, gentle voice his mom used whenever he began to have an attack, because if that was the most he could do, then he’d at least do that.
“It’s alright, Reg, I know I don’t understand, and I know you have different expectations than I do, but that’s why I’m here, to help you meet those expectations. You don’t have to panic when I’m helping, I don’t get annoyed when you need the help, and I don’t mind if it takes longer. You don’t have to be embarrassed that you need help, because everyone does sometimes.”
He had stopped shaking again, and James was set on him not beginning it once more. Before he could continue his comfort, though, Regulus' muffled voice slips through the cracks of his fingers, which were still hiding his face away.
“You don’t need help.”
James blinks, and then lets out a loud, startling laugh that has Regulus glancing up once more.
“I do too, I’ve had panic attacks as well you know? I get them often, and the only one who can really calm me down is my mom,” he replies back, humour in his tone.
Regulus is staring at him now, and he can feel himself beginning to get embarrassed by his statement, a dark red flushing over his cheeks, and he wipes his free hand on his trousers nervously as he waits for Regulus to speak.
“You really have panic attacks, as well?” He asks finally, and James nods his head, maybe a little excessively as the blush in his cheeks darkens.
“Yes! Is it… really that surprising?” The look on Regulus' face was making him more nervous than he already was.
He’s quiet for a pregnant pause, before he bites his lip lightly and shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, I always assumed you were perfect.”
“I could say the same for you!” James replies loudly, but not unkindly, and Regulus lets out a startled laugh, making James stare in astonishment.
“Me? Really?” He huffs out, shaking his head. He seemed better now, and there was even a hint of amusement in his eyes as he muses, “I guess I should be glad you see what I want everyone to, I’m just surprised you believed it to be honest.”
James stares at his pursed lips for a moment, shamefully distracted by the rosiness of them. He had never noticed how full they were before.
When he glances up to meet Regulus’ eyes again, he can see his eyebrows raised in question as he waits for a reply. It takes James a moment to remember what he had said, and he feels a hint of sheepishness for getting distracted at a time like this.
“Of course I believed it! Everyone does!”
Regulus sets his chin on the palm of his hand, giving James a ghost of his smile.
They’re both quiet for a moment, before James clears his throat, standing up and nervously removing his hand from Regulus' thigh. It leaves Regulus’ leg cold for a moment, and he almost misses the warmness of it until he remembers who it was.
“Why don’t we take a break from the hard stuff? I know you’re tired, and I think we both need a break anyways,” Regulus’ face flushes, and he opens his mouth in a way that makes it seem like he means to argue, but James continues before he can, “You enjoy potions right? Why don’t we work on that the rest of the time, or at least for a little bit?”
He goes on when Regulus stares at him wide eyed, seemingly frozen in his spot. “Congratulations on being bumped into seventh year potions by the way, that's a real achievement! You never told me you were good at potions,” he smiles at Regulus, who blushes at the compliment, sending a warm feeling of triumph into James’ gut.
He shrugs, and James grins at him, leaning in on his elbow. “You know, I was never very good at potions, it’s actually the class I’m currently failing,” he snorts, and Regulus raises an eyebrow at him, giving him a small smirk.
“Of course, I mean, you have to have at least half a brain for potions, and you don’t even have that, do you?” The comment was so sudden it has James sitting up straight in his seat, open mouthed as he stares at Regulus.
They stare at each other a moment, Regulus giving him a daring look as he leans forward on his elbows as well.
After a quiet moment, James bursts out laughing, tilting his head fully back as he does so. Regulus blinks, mouth opening slightly, and James continues to giggle as he places his head onto the table, shaking.
When he glances up, Regulus is giving him a deadpanned look, and he tries to calm his laughter as he sinks low into his chair, foot knocking against Regulus’ lightly as he does so. He keeps it there, and neither moves nor bring it up as James goes on, grinning above the table.
“So, do you want to be a potions master? I can’t believe you even got offered a position as an intern for a potions master, I mean, not even some seven years get offered that!” He grins, and at that, Regulus actually smiles, though small and hesitant.
“I would enjoy working with potions,” he hums, picking at his cuticles, before glancing up through his eyelashes at James and continuing, “I think… I mean, I might want to sell potions, but I’d also enjoy working at Saint Mungo’s, making potions for them. Or, maybe having my own potions shop, where I could work alone,” he grins now, tipping his head back as he talks.
It’s only a second later before his smile is gone and he’s staring at the table again.
“But… I wouldn’t be able to go into potions,” he mutters, and James blinks.
“Why not? You seem to really like it?”
He continues to stare at the table for a long moment, gaze heated, before he glances up at James, sighing slightly.
“My mother… She has plans for me already. I’m to marry… and do whatever she wants me to do.”
This time, James’ stare gets angry, and he glares at Regulus, making his eyes widen.
“You shouldn’t let your mom control what you do. You obviously enjoy potions, you should go into it! You should get your potions shop, and work there, and sell your potions to everyone. You could help at Saint Mungos from time to time as well,” he had sat up now, leaning forward eagerly as he reaches forward and grabs Regulus' hands. He flinches, flushing a dark red as he stares at James. His forearm had begun to burn, but the burn wasn’t exactly bad. In a way, it almost felt nice, and he stays frozen in James grip as he continues, rambling on quickly with barely a breath between his words.
“I mean, there’s so much you could do, Reg! So much you could see, if you weren’t being controlled all the time. You could do anything you’d like, from going to muggle London, to being a potions master! It’s not fair that your mother controls you; it’s not fair that you have no freedom! I mean, why should you be having panic attacks because you’re scared of what she’ll do to you? You shouldn’t have to constantly be fearing for your life at sixteen!” At the last sentence, Regulus’ face slackens, and he rips his hands away from James’, who blinks in surprise as he leans back. He hardly noticed he had grabbed onto him, but now that he was no longer holding his hands, he missed the feeling of them.
They had been soft, and much warmer than he had imagined.
Not that he imagined holding Regulus’ hands.
Not often, at least.
Glaring, Regulus crosses his arms, shaking his head. “You don’t get it, James,” he whispers, and James smiles hesitantly, noticing the air in the room was going crisp with building tension.
“I didn’t mean to cross a line,” he says after a moment, and Regulus’ glare softens up slightly as he rubs a hand down his face, tugging at his curls.
“Why don’t we start on some potions work?” James asks after another long moment, and Regulus stares at him, look indescribable.
Finally, he lets out another slow, exasperated breath, nodding his head. “As long as you don’t ruin the potion,” he gives James a ghost of a smile, though sarcastic, and James returns it, full force (without the sarcasm.)
“No promises,” he sings, pulling his potions book out and flipping it open.