To us

Sirius Black was not like his family. He knew that- he had always known that. His family was cold, quiet, and brutal in a way he couldn’t come to terms with. But Sirius was still one of them, as much as he despised it. He was brought up in that house, spoke fluent French, Italian, and Latin, and studied the Hogwarts curriculum up to the fifth year before he even went to make sure everyone else knew that the Black children were superior to all others. He had the black hair, grey eyes, and high cheekbones both his mother and father had (probably because they were related, ugh), and worst of all, he had their prejudice. He had tried to unlearn it all, and he honestly thought he had done so after his cousin’s constant coaching in “Being a decent human being”, but one night in his father’s study, he was proven wrong.

It was late, and his father had gone to bed; he had made sure of it. And so, armed with the knowledge that being in there could get him killed, he went in search of information. He still didn’t know what was wrong with Remus, and he was desperate to figure it out as he only had one day until they saw each other again. Try though all the Potters did, his parents wouldn’t let him go stay with them. So, he had written down everything he could think of about Remus on a piece of paper, and he was going to get to the bottom of his monthly illnesses. He glanced down at it, wondering where to start, when he heard a voice.

“What are you doing?” Sirius jumped and clutched at his chest.
“Merlin Reg, warn a guy, will you? Almost gave me heart failure.” He wheezed, beckoning Regulus closer. Reg shuffled into the room, making no noise. It was scary how silent the Blacks could be when needed.

“What are you doing, Siri?” Reg repeated, gesturing to the paper in Sirius’s hand. Sirius clutched it tighter.

“I’m looking for information, and I thought I might find it in one of Father’s books.”
“You won’t find anything good,” Reg warned. “I’ve wondered in here over this past year you’ve been away. The books in here are dark.”

“I’m counting on it. What I’m looking for… I’m starting to doubt it will be happy to find.” Sirius said gravely.

“Do you want some help?” Sirius looked at Regulus, contemplating. Reg was his brother, his best friend before Hogwarts, and even after all that had changed, he trusted him. He always would.

“All right,” Sirius said, unfolding the paper, “Take a look at this.” Reg took it and read over the bullet forms. His eyebrows furrowed together.

“Um, Sirius, are you stalking this person?” Reg asked, slowly handing the list back.

“What? No! Of course not! I’m investigating!”
“You’re obsessed.” Sirius gaped at him, offended. But then he looked at the list.

Things I know:

• Loves chocolate
• Hurt every month/ sick?
• Always cold (in jumpers in summer!)
• Strong!!
• Likes muggle music
• Brown hair
• Likes to read
• Disappears sometimes?
• Teachers know something (gets let out of work without excuse)
• Very secretive
• “Dangerous if I know”???
• Big appetite
• Shy/ reserved

“Okay, so, a little. But I’m just curious!” Sirius defended. Reg held out his hands in surrender even while looking disbelieving.

“Okay, well here’s what you have to do. Turn off that Gryffindor brain of yours for a second and think critically. Chocolate. Is that relevant?”

“No, I guess not,” Sirius admitted.

“Then cross it off as well. Now, this being hurt every month, is that what you’re worried about?” Reg asked.

“Yes.”

“Then that’s what you focus on. Find a pattern and find out what the pattern connects to. Maybe it's connected to a project they’re working on, or their school schedule, or the bloody phases of the moon, but it’ll be something. After you figure that out, you’ll find the rest. Pull on a loose thread, and the rest unravels.”

Sirius nodded, but he wasn’t listening. He couldn’t anymore. Reg had unknowingly solved it. Reg announced that he was going to bed, and Sirius nodded, saying something about being up soon, but he could barely hear himself over his conflicted mind.

Or the bloody phases of the moon.

Phases of the moon.

Oh, he had been so blind. He looked at his list again. Hurt every month, dangerous, secretive, teachers know, strong, appetite. Even the bloody jumpers made sense. He must have scars from transforming. Every full moon. Because Sirius Black’s best friend was a werewolf. Sirius stumbled up to his bed, reeling. He knew next to nothing about werewolves, but what he did know wasn’t good. They were dangerous and non-human; they killed and ate people. How was Dumbledore letting this happen? A werewolf at a school? In Sirius’s dorm? His parents would freak-

And that’s when he realized. He had tried and tried to escape the prejudice, but here it was, rearing its ugly head at the worst time. His parents had told him that werewolves were evil and they deserved to be rounded up like animals and put down. But his parents had also told him that the Potters were a family of blood traitors and filth and that his favorite cousin was the same. His parents believed that Muggles should be wiped off the face of the earth, and then where would they be? What music would he and Remus listen to?

Remus. Remus was a werewolf. But Remus was also his best friend. He was a chocolate-loving music fanatic and an absolute dork who had a wicked sense of humour and a knack for taking a simple idea and turning it spectacular. He was obsessed with muggle novels, and he had to run away from home, but he never complained. He was Remus. Werewolves were supposed to be terrifying, evil, and murderous, but Remus was nothing like that. He was kind and funny, and he had a crooked smile. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, not as himself. Sirius’s parents were wrong. They had to be. Sirius vowed then to keep an eye on Remus, to make sure he was right about this, but also to make sure he was okay. Once back at Hogwarts, he would do some more research on Werewolves, and he would find a way to help him, no matter the cost.

**

Time moved differently over the summer. Remus had gone to visit James at one point for a few days, and those had sped by, but the rest of the time, Remus felt like time was dragging. The women at the inn were lovely, but he craved the company of people his own age. He also missed Madame Pomphrey’s medical help severely. Over the full moons, he would tell the ladies at the inn that he was visiting a friend before going to a secure place in the woods and chaining himself to a tree using magically reinforced chains that Dumbledore had secured for him for when he was out of Hogwarts. This was good, Remus had to remind himself over and over, because he couldn’t hurt anyone. But the thing was, it hurt him. Now on a normal moon, transforming hurt like a bitch. The process of all your bones snapping and reshaping, your organs changing, your skin tearing to be replaced with a fur coat, your skull changing shape, and so much more, was a pain that Remus couldn’t even begin to describe. He was haunted by it in his nightmares, even the faintest trace of the pain enough to reduce him to a shaking, sobbing mess. But the chains, they somehow made it worse. As his wrists and ankles shrunk, so did the chains to keep him secure, which he understood. The problem was, they didn’t know when to go back. And so, while becoming the wolf was excruciating, becoming the human again began to be Remus’s worst part. The moments of consciousness after changing back when the howling turned to screaming in agony and the metal had to be dug out of his skin were some of the worst in his life. He often passed out with only one chain undone, so when he later woke up, he still had to face the others. Sometimes, when the pain became too much to bear, he wished he could just go to sleep and not wake up. He tried, once, when he first woke up with the metal cutting into his bones and covered in blood, but it was no use. A simple thing like bleeding out couldn’t kill a werewolf, apparently. Of course, he had only had to face two moons like this, luckily having the next one three days after getting back. After what felt like years, Remus was finally going back to Hogwarts.

He reached the Platform with no problem, already looking out for his friends, but of course James found him first. He grunted in surprise as a bundle of messy brown hair and luminescent smiles barreled into him at top speed, tackling him into a hug that would have caused any non-werewolf to topple over, but Remus just caught him with a laugh and hugged back.

“Whoa, you’re strong, mate!” James gushed, taking his first step back, “Pete and Marlene fall right over when I do that; hell, my dad does too!”
“Yeah, well, working the gardens,” Remus replied easily, shrugging. He had told James and Pete about his living situation over the summer, and while James threatened to move him into the Potter mansion straight away, he had refused and said he was comfortable. A lie, of course; he was permanently cold, and his shack was full of bugs, but he wouldn’t have the Potters unknowingly harboring a werewolf. He couldn’t. So, lying it was. At least he was good at it.

“I can see that; you got a tan too,” James noted, looking him up and down.

“All right, James, stop checking Lupin out and let me give him a hug.” Remus grinned at Pete’s voice and turned around to embrace him, unspeakably happy to be back with his friends and never surer that he had made the right decision not listening to his mom.

“Hey Pete,” he said, ruffling Pete’s hair as he let him go.
“Hey Remus,” Pete replied, “Stop growing, mate, you’re leaving us behind.”
“Just you, Pettigrew.” All three of the boys spun around at the sound of Sirius’s voice. He smiled at them

“What, I don’t get a hug?” Before he could finish his sentence, James had knocked him to the ground, causing him to wince but laugh at the same time.

“You’re alive!” James shouted.

“Not for much longer, you lump,” Sirius complained, his voice muffled but obviously amused under James. James got up and pulled Sirius up with him.

“Sorry, Lupin caught me, so I was testing. He’s freakishly strong.” James said, still grinning from ear to ear at having Sirius back.
“Maybe you’re all just freakishly weak,” Remus suggested, smirking. Sirius looked at him and smiled even more.

“Re! How was your summer?” He said coming over and giving both Peter and Remus quick hugs.

“All right, yours?” Remus asked, looking at him intently. None of them had heard from him at all.
“Same old, same old, sorry my parents shut your invitation down, James,” Sirius said, waving them off, “But hey, here’s something new,” He beckoned a boy that looked just like him only, for lack of better word, sharper, over to join them, “Boys, this is Reg. Reg, meet James, Remus, and Pete, my fellow Marauders.”
Remus rolled his eyes at the introduction but smiled at Regulus, who looked nervous. He stuck out his hand for him to shake, which Regulus took, shaking his hand firmly.

“Nice handshake you got there, Reg. I’m Remus. It’s great to meet you.”

“Thanks, you too. I mean, it’s great to meet you. And you have a nice handshake, so yeah, for both, you too.” Regulus stumbled through his words, blushing. Remus smiled gently at him and raised an eyebrow, gesturing to their joined hands that Regulus hadn’t let go of. He did so quickly, blushing furiously, before going to shake James and Peter’s hands as well, looking extremely startled when James hugged him instead and announced that any brother of Sirius was a brother of his. The boys all then ushered a nervous Regulus inside, found a cabin, and began catching up. Remus made sure to try and include Reg, as he remembered how scared he had been on his first day, but he worried that he kept making things worse as the boy would keep going red every time he asked him a question. The train ride passed in what felt like a moment, and then suddenly the boys were at the feast, watching the sorting. Remus saw Sirius smile and clap as his brother got sorted into Slytherin, but he knew that deep down, he was disappointed that his brother wasn’t going to be in the same house as him. Remus nudged Sirius sympathetically, and Sirius gave him a grim smile and a look that clearly said, ‘What can you do?’
“If it’s any consolation,” Remus whispered to Sirius, “He looks pretty disappointed, too.”
“Yeah, but we knew it was coming,” Sirius whispered back. “There was no way our parents would allow two Gryffindor Blacks. Plus, that boy’s too smart to be in the same house as me.”

“Still shit though,” Remus said sympathetically.

“Yeah, still shit.”

*** 

Sirius couldn’t help it; no matter how many times he had told himself that Reg would be in Slytherin, a tiny part of him had still hoped for Gryffindor. He sat by the fire in the common room for a few hours after everyone had gone to sleep and after promising to be up soon, just staring into the flames and wishing he could just have a normal family, like James or Pete. He was broken out of his trance when he heard footsteps coming down the steps. He glanced up, ready to tell James or Remus or Pete that he was fine and that they could go back to sleep, but his words died in his throat at the sight of a red-haired, red-eyed girl at the bottom of the stairs, looking like she had been caught.

“Evans?” He asked, confused.

“Sirius? What are you doing up?” She asked in return, moving to sit next to him. He shifted over so that she could share the warmth of the fire. Sirius contemplated lying, but in all honesty, he was just too tired to.

“Family stuff.” He told her, sighing. She let out a bitter laugh.

“I hear that,” she said, looking into the fire as well.

“What, your brother also got sorted into Slytherin and is going to soon be brainwashed to hate you like everyone else in your noble family?” He asked sarcastically. She smiled grimly and rolled her eyes.

“No, but you don’t have to be noble to have family problems, posh boy.” Sirius smiled at her phrase, reminded instantly of Remus calling him and James that very thing many times last year.

“I know, I’m sorry. What happened?” He asked. He thought for a moment she wouldn’t reply, but after a calculating silence, she spoke.

“My sister, she hates me. She thinks I’m a freak. We used to be so close, but after we found out I was a witch, she got so jealous that she started hating me, and now my parents have to choose between us all the time. And I get that they have to choose her, I understand that, but it hurts sometimes, you know?”

And Sirius, as different as their situations were, as different as their whole lives were, did know. He understood not being enough, having your parents love another sibling more, and not understanding you. His love for everything muggle, his anti-blood-supremacy, and his general demeanor made his family cast him out. And Lily, she was the opposite. She wasn’t muggle enough, and because of that, her sister caused her family to cast her out.

“I’m sorry, Lily. And I do know. I get it; my parents- Merlin knows I don’t want their attention- but they’ve always loved Reg more. He was just easier to control. Not as out there.” Lily tilted her head at him.

“I think you’re the perfect amount of out there.” She said softly. He grinned at her.

“You think I’m annoying.” He argued.

“True,” she admitted, “but it’s you. And that’s great.” He, embarrassingly, blushed slightly at that.

“You know what, Evans?” He said, “You aren’t half bad.”

She rolled her eyes again, but she smiled. “You neither, Black.”

They sat together that night for another hour, chatting about their families and Hogwarts, until the fire died, and their eyes drooped. When they finally went to bed, Sirius found he was lighter than before. Maybe Remus had had the right idea, befriending Lily Evans.

**

The full moon came and went, twice. James made the quidditch team as the newest chaser, and it was all they heard about for the longest two weeks of their lives. He began waking up at 5 am to practice and forced Sirius to promise to join the team with him next year, which resulted in the two of them spending many afternoons on the pitch. Madame Pomfrey had thrown a fit when she had seen the scars the chains had left on his arms and legs and at the general state of his wounds and infections due to his lack of access to medical supplies. She vowed to meet with him after full moons from then on, no matter how much he protested and claimed he was fine. She managed to heal him, but after having left the wounds for so long, they still left new scars on his wrists and ankles. Great, more scars. Worst of all, though, was that Remus was sure Sirius was close to figuring him out. He was watching Remus closely every time the moon came closer, and after would look a mixture of smug and concerned. Or maybe he just looked horrified, and Remus was seeing what he wanted to see. Half of him wanted to confront Sirius about it, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it and lose one of his best friends, not when he had had so few in his life.

Before he knew it, it was almost Halloween, and all over the school, the Marauders were being asked about it. Unaware that they now had a reputation to keep up, they had neglected to plan anything, which is how they ended up being called to an ‘emergency meeting’ by James and Sirius. Remus and Peter sat on the edge of Peter’s bed, watching the two boys pace back and forth with amusement.

“James, mate, you’ll wear a hole in the floor.” Pete said, gesturing for him to stop.

“This is important, Pete!” James shouted suddenly, causing them all to jump, “This is our reputation! Our futures as pranksters! Our futures as wizards! This is our defining moment! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is or ever will be as important as this.” James finished his small speech, chest heaving and glasses skew. Remus tried his hardest to keep a straight face but failed after a few seconds as both him and Peter cracked and started giggling at James’s proud face and Sirius’s fervent nodding and glistening eyes.

“That was beautiful, James.” Sirius said, not a trace of sarcasm in his voice.

“Thanks Sirius.”

God, these two were made for each other.  

“Not to break up the love fest, boys, but what is this about?” Pete interrupted, stifling another laugh. James snapped back to attention like a soldier to a drill sergeant’s orders.

“Right, thanks, Pete. Boys- nay, men! Men, we have two days to plan, put in place, and pull off the greatest prank known to Hogwarts. Remus, my good man, take us away.” With a flourish, James and Sirius sank cross legged to the floor in sync, without a glance to each other to plan it. Sometimes, they creeped Remus out, and by the look he got, Pete as well.

“When did this become my responsibility?” Remus asked, laughing.

“You’re the idea man.” The other three chorused. Remus rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Remus groaned, used to the name by now, “Alright then, let’s do this.” Pete and Remus joined the other two on the floor, Pete pulling out some spare parchment to take notes on. It was going to be a long night.

Halloween 1972 dawned like any other day, except for the mass hysteria of course. The cries that the marauders were met with caused them instant satisfaction, despite the small amounts of horror that they too felt at the beginning notes to the dreaded, haunting, Monster Mash.  

“Okay, I get tradition and all, but did we have to go through this again?” Pete groaned, throwing his pillow over his head.

“Hey, at least we aren’t in any of the other dorms right now,” Remus replied, grimacing.

Sirius grinned, “I can’t wait for Lily’s face when-”

“BOYS!!!” they heard from the other side of the door before it flew open to reveal Lily, Marlene, Mary, and Emmeline glowering at them, looking positively terrifying. Remus, try as he might, couldn’t keep a straight face.

“Problem, ladies?” James grinned, causing Pete and Sirius to break into giggles.

“Why the hell did I wake up covered in honey this morning?!” Lily demanded, gesturing to her thick, sticky mess of hair.

“And please enlighten me,” Mary continued, “as to the reason for the feathers and red paint that was dumped on us as we left our dorm!?”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Remus said, holding his hands up in an act of submission, “the Slytherins got spiders and snakes, and the Ravenclaws got their morning wake up with caramel, much harder to clean.”

“You. Are. Idiots.” Lily announced before stalking out of the room with the other girls on her heels, though Remus swore he could hear laughing.

“Well, boys, at least we know phase one was a success. Breakfast?” Sirius asked. Remus sighed. It was about to be a long day.

The day passed in chaos, similar to the previous Halloween, although it seemed other students were joining this year. The Marauders could hardly keep up with what pranks they had set for when, let alone the ones they hadn’t set, which left them as the victims of a few themselves. The hospital wing was overrun with students with hair growing out of ears, overgrown eyebrows and teeth, brightly colored hair and skin, scales and feathers, and some good old-fashioned injuries from falling over trying to defend oneself from these hexes. Pete and Remus had set it up so that every hour when the school bell rang, the Monster Mash would stop for a few seconds to be replaced with a shrill screaming that made students and teachers alike dread the loss of the hated song. James and Sirius, on the other hand, had charmed all the pumpkins in the castle to chase students at random, shouting profanities at them in deep, booming voices. James changed the charm to make the pumpkins only chase older students when a group of first years broke down crying after being cornered by the vengeful pumpkins, apologizing to them and giving them a few pumpkin pasties each, “to show the pumpkins who’s boss”. Between the songs, fear, and laughter, lessons were canceled by the second period, leaving the students to run wild for hours, which was the opposite of what Minnie had wanted, Remus was sure.

At four o’clock, all the water in the castle ran red, which caused a multitude of screams before people realized it was merely beet juice, not blood. At dinner, the feast went on as usual, only with more jumping and general anticipation. Dumbledore made a small speech asking for peace, but looking like he was secretly enjoying the chaos as much as any of the boys. Remus could tell the whole school was waiting for a grand finale like last year, as everyone was consistently glancing in their direction. He shrunk at the attention, while James and Sirius seemed to thrive, smirking and laughing with each other, throwing arms over Pete and Remus’s shoulders and generally showing no concern or remorse, even as the whole school either laughed or cried every time the monster mash began again.

“Maybe we should shut that song down”, Pete suggested, wincing as the song began yet again.

“It's tradition, Petey,” Sirius gasped, mock offended, “Besides, the charms are so strong on it that we don’t even know how. We didn’t want Minnie stopping it.” He leaned over the table to give Remus a high five, which he reluctantly gave.

“Hey,” James said suddenly, “Do you think this could maybe go wrong?”

“You think?” Remus replied sarcastically, while Sirius brushed him off.

“Of course not!” he said airily, “It’ll be great. Just a few minutes.” Remus waited apprehensively, eyes on the door so he would have an easy escape when the hall became unbearable. They continued to eat, seemingly normal until dessert came. The food appeared normal, but as the students soon started to realize, it didn’t stop. Laughs echoed from around the hall as students realized that the grand finale they had all been waiting for wasn’t dangerous, or harmful, but fun. That was, of course, until the food became too much for the tables. Cakes and pastries started to bounce onto the floors, and chocolate, caramel, and all other sauces started overflowing onto people's laps, quickly forming pools on the floor. First through seventh years watched in amazement as the giant chocolate pudding on the teachers' table grew and grew until it looked as if Dumbledore himself was a Cornish pixie next to it. Not long passed before friends started throwing food at each other, and in the blink of an eye, people were running all over the place, slipping on the sauce and sliding across the hall, knocking retreating students as they went.

“Ready?” Sirius asked, smirking and holding his hand out to Remus to help him up and join Pete and James

“Do we have to?” Remus asked, groaning.

“I think you know the answer to that, Re.” Sirius grinned in response and yanked him up, and Remus was powerless against that smile. They joined James and Pete, who were currently levitating whatever they could find onto people's heads, including a whole trifle onto an unsuspecting Slytherin who had been using the chaos to hex and taunt younger students.

“Let's go boys!” James shouted, and with a flick of his wand, the cake at the teacher's table that housed only an amused Dumbledore, a stern but almost amused McGonagall, and a delighted Hagrid; began to float over the students, who all froze simultaneously and watched as it did so, eyes flicking between James and the boys, all of which had to contribute to the floating due to the sheer magnitude of the ever-growing pudding. Once it reached the center of the hall, it stopped, all eyes now on it. For a good five seconds, nobody moved, nobody spoke, nobody breathed. Then the spell broke as James’s voice cut through the silence, screaming “HAPPY HALLOWEEN!” and the cake exploded in a cumulation of fireworks, mini-pumpkins, sweets, confetti, black and orange glitter, stuffed animals, party hats, and pretty much anything else the boys could think of, including a good deal of money that Sirius himself had put in, stating that he might as well steal a bit from his family for the cause, taking great joy in the fact that muggle-borns would profit from it. Laughter and shouts of joy rang through the hall, and people suddenly enjoyed the song and danced while jumping for treats that were raining from the sky. The boys jumped down from the table, and James snatched a crown to put on Remus’s head, who laughed at the ridiculousness of the whole day and picked up a pink feather boa to wrap around James’s neck in return. James gave him his signature sunshine smile, and Sirius ran over with an oversized pair of green sunglasses on his face and with Peter, who had somehow managed to already have had his face painted. James took Remus’s hand and spun him around, dipping him and giving him an over-exaggerated kiss on the cheek. Sirius then ran forward and tackled them to the ground, where Peter soon joined them. Remus laughed, less out of humor now and more out of pure, unfiltered happiness, the happiness he had never felt, had never thought he would get to have. He squirmed under the weight of the three boys, watched as James shook glitter out of his hair and sat up, as Peter popped a sweet into his mouth and challenged James to a who-can-slide-the-furthest challenge, and as Sirius fucking Black looked at him with whole galaxies in his eyes, glitter falling from above him, sunglasses lost in the fall and smile still in place. This, Remus thought, is what it’s all for.

**

The punishment for Halloween was less than Sirius had been expecting. Due to the fact that, at some point, the whole school had gotten involved, the boys only got a week’s worth of detentions, all to do with manually cleaning the enormous messes the day had made, which even Sirius had to admit was fair. What wasn’t fair though, was the fact that in a week, he would have to go home for Christmas. Pete’s birthday had been a great distraction, all of them celebrating for about 4 days longer than was necessary, and the quidditch game against Hufflepuff had distracted him for a good week as the days leading up to it were spent supporting James and lecturing Remus on the importance of the sport, and the days celebrating James’s first win left little room for dark thoughts, but the looming time that would be spent with his parents was all he could now think about. He had taken to spending almost every night in Remus’s bed to avoid nightmares, something neither of them acknowledged in the light of day. Sirius was sitting with Remus on the floor next to him, staring out of the window and listening to music, when James burst through the door, causing them both to jump. Pete ran in behind him and jumped onto his bed as James began to shout.

“SIRIUS! You’re coming to me for Christmas! My parents said it’s okay! And you said Reg is going to his friends, so they have to let you!”

“James, I can’t; they’ll never let me,” Sirius said sadly.

“Tell them you’re staying at Hogwarts, and come, please. I know you don’t want to go home; I can tell how much you’re dreading it. Come to mine, my parents are dying to see you.”  Sirius thought for a while, the rest of the boys waiting patiently for his reply.

“Okay. I’ll tell them I’m staying at Hogwarts. I’ll figure it out.” Sirius watched as James started to smile, looking as if he had just been told the best news of his young life. He tackled Sirius into a fierce hug and shouted loud enough to burst an eardrum about how excited he was. Sirius looked over at Remus and found him smiling softly, obviously relieved. He really did have amazing friends.

Sirius was upset that Remus was staying at Hogwarts, he really was, but he knew why. The full moon was during the holiday, and Sirius knew what that did to him now. He had read enough now, sorting through the obvious lies and anti-werewolf propaganda to the truth, and he had found out just how painful and awful the transformations were. He had made up his mind though to take advantage of his absence, he would tell James and Pete what he knew and how they could help because even he was self-aware enough to know he couldn’t do it without them.

“James!” Sirius heard as soon as he stepped off the train.
“Mum! Dad!” James shouted and sprinted into the couple’s open arms, making Sirius’s throat feel tight as he watched the family embrace in a way that his mother would call embarrassing and unacceptable, but he could only call loving. He walked over slowly, smiling politely and cautiously at the couple.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Potter. Thank you for allowing me to stay.” He rattled off, already slipping into his holiday persona.

“Oh please, call us Effie and Monty; Mr. and Mrs. Potter are far too formal for James’s best friend!” Effie smiled, pulling him into a soft hug that he didn’t see coming, and he tensed, causing her to quickly let go. He started to apologiz, but she spoke up before he could

“So sorry, dear! I forget not everyone is a hugger like us! You let me know what you are and are not comfortable with, all right? We have a room for you, but you are welcome to stay with James in his, and whatever you need, we’re here for.”
“Effie and I always wanted a lot of children, so you’ll have to excuse us for our excitement at having another son to spoil for a few weeks,” Monty chipped in, gently taking Sirius’s hand and shaking it warmly. Sirius smiled genuinely at that, relaxing in the presence of the two near-perfect adults in front of him, the people responsible for the absolute ray of love and sunshine that is James Potter, the angels sparing him from a holiday with his family.

“Come on, boys,” Effie said, grabbing their hands and preparing to apparate, “Let’s go home.”

The days leading up to Christmas were nothing like Sirius had ever experienced. The Potter mansion was beautiful, old, and obviously expensive like his own, but that was where the similarities ended. This was a home, a real one, filled with love and memories and the kind of unfiltered joy Sirius had always associated with James. It constantly smelt like cookies and cinnamon, and it was never fully in order due to the amount of running around James, Pete, Marlene, and Sirius were doing. Sirius’s room had been shown to him on the first day with the stern instruction to make it his own and decorate however he wanyted to, to make himself comfortable, and to let them know if he needed anything like posters or paint to do so. This led to him and James spending days painting his walls red and buying other art supplies that Sirius had always wanted but never had anywhere to put them as his mother had found his passion for painting and drawing to be unacceptable. He also put up pictures of his friends on a wall along with a poster or two of artists, and he bought himself a record player, using his own money, of course.

After a few days, he became more comfortable in that house than he would ever come close to being in his own, and he found himself becoming close with James’s parents. He would join Effie in baking, and when he messed up, she would laugh and gently correct him rather than curse and scream, and he found peace in afternoon chats with Monty over tea and whatever he and Effie had made. It all quickly became home, but Sirius wasn’t too surprised by that. After all, this place had made James what he was, James who had been his home for two years.

On Christmas Eve, the four of them had a quiet dinner before getting into Christmas-themed Pajamas and sitting around the fire, drinking eggnog and listening to Christmas carols. It was calm and full of love, and it was perfect.

Christmas day started bright and early with James jumping onto Sirius’s bed and shouting in his ear. Sirius had just grinned and ran with him to wake Effie and Monty, who happily got up and walked behind the boys to the tree downstairs to open presents. Effie sat down on the couch with Sirius next to her as James sat directly in front of the tree and started going through the pile of presents, more than Sirius had ever seen under the tree. Usually, his parents, if they deemed it necessary to celebrate the holiday, either bought Sirius and Regulus essentials that they were lacking or overly extravagant shows of wealth that neither wanted nor had any need for. Monty jerked Sirius out of his thoughts by handing him a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.

“Thanks,” Sirius smiled and sipped the drink while Monty handed Effie and James each their cups, and Monty just winked at him. James started handing out presents to his parents and a pile for himself. Sirius was content watching him enjoy his Christmas morning, so much so that he didn’t notice James handing him a few wrapped boxes.

“Sirius, these are from my mum and dad,” James said nonchalantly, gesturing at Sirius to take them.

“For me?” Sirius asked, not having expected them to buy him anything.

“Of course, dear,” Effie said gently, smiling. Sirius thanked them politely and took them, placing them neatly next to him. James continued passing out presents until the pile under the tree had dwindled down to nothing.  It was then time to open, all at once and with no apparent order. Sirius opened his first present, the one that James had gotten him, which consisted of piles of his favorite things, from muggle music and clothing to his favorite sweets. He grinned and thanked James while James tackled him in a hug to thank him for the new quidditch gloves, broom polishing kit, and posters that he had bought for him. Monty had gotten him more records of artists they had spoken about over tea, as well as a handmade book titled “A purebloods guide to not being an Ass” which he and James had clearly made together. The book was obviously meant as a joke, but it still touched him because it meant they listened when he worried about turning into his parents and treating people badly.

“Thank you so much, Monty, really.” Sirius whispered. Monty smiled and squeezed his hand before gesturing for him to open Effie’s present. Sirius began to unwrap the box and took the lid off to reveal a beginners recipe book, with handwritten annotations inside from Effie herself, adding and improving steps and ingredients to the recipes. Underneath were more decorations for his room, muggle clothes and a small key. He thanked her with a hug before picking up the key.

“I’m really sorry, but I don’t understand. What’s this for?” he asked. Effie smiled.

“It’s more symbolic than anything. It’s a key to the house. We’ve also added you to the wards. It means you can come around anytime, invited or not. You are always welcome here.” Sirius wasn’t sure what Christmas was like at a normal family’s house. He didn’t know if this was standard procedure, but he knew one thing: he was never going home for Christmas again if he could help it.

The day after Christmas came the Potter’s annual Christmas party. Like the Blacks, the Potters threw the event in the ballroom of their house, inviting close friends and acquaintances alike, often very powerful people. Also like the Blacks, the party was a black-tie event that everybody who was invited went to great lengths to attend.

However, unlike the Blacks, the Potters' ballroom was light and airy, with large windows and golden lights strung everywhere. The house was decorated with holly and mistletoe, as well as Christmas lights and trees and floating candles, and gifts were exchanged by everyone. The people who attended were dressed magnificently, not because they were under an obligation to fit in and impress those in attendance but because it was a fun excuse to dress up and dance the night away with loved ones.  The Potters invited their friends and acquaintances not to show off their wealth or superiority or to make connections in high places, but because they were loved by and loved everybody they met. But no matter how many times Sirius reminded himself of those differences, he couldn’t help it that while putting on his dress robes, his hands couldn’t stop shaking. He couldn’t help but mentally prepare what he was going to say and try to slip into the character of who he needed to be for the night. That was until Effie knocked on his door.

“Sirius?” she called quietly, waiting for him to open. Her and Monty had been very clear on their insistence that Sirius was never under an obligation to spend time with them or to open for them, but he still preferred to keep his door open when he wasn’t changing, as being enclosed in rooms by himself reminded him too much of his mother and the wine cellar. He called for Effie to come in, and she smiled at him, looking mildly confused.

“You look wonderful, dear, but are you sure you want to wear that? I thought you would have used the opportunity to wear a muggle suit, given your obsession with their clothing. Or perhaps something more comfortable, we don’t expect the children to sit through a night in stuffy clothes for the adults to have a bit of fun dressing up!” Sirius blinked.

“Sorry, what? I- I don’t have to wear my formal robes?” he asked.

“Of course not, you never have to wear anything you don’t want to, dear!” Sirius smiled, and he thought of Remus’s words at the end of last year. These fucking Potters. He couldn’t help it; he surged forward and hugged her. He felt as she gasped and then held her breath before slowly and gently putting her arms around him, squeezing him tight enough to show she cared but not close to hurting him, and he hugged tighter for that.

“Thank you,” he mumbled into her shoulder. She let out the breath she was holding and hugged tighter.

“Of course, Sirius.” She whispered into his head. He broke off the hug quickly and turned to face his bed, slightly embarrassed.

“What’s James wearing?” he asked, busing himself with moving clothes off of his bed to avoid eye contact.

“Robes like yours, though I’m sure he’d be happy to change if you wanted to wear something different.” Effie replied, a smile evident in her voice at Sirius initiating a hug.

“No,” Sirius said, turning back to face her. “This is fine.” And it was. It wasn’t strangling him anymore or forcing him to be someone else. It was his choice, and he wanted to look nice to show the people that he cared about that he cared enough to make the effort for them. And that made all the difference.

The party had been going for a while, and Sirius was growing restless. James and Peter were with him the whole night, indulging him as he fawned over the extravagant outfits men and women alike were wearing and admiring the confidence with which they held themselves, unafraid of judgment in a place they knew they were safe to express themselves. The food had been amazing, and the boys had danced with each other and with Marlene, James’s parents, and other kids they knew vaguely from Hogwarts, but now Sirius had become aware of the ticking clock and his promise to himself. This was the night he would tell James and Peter what he suspected, what he damn near was certain about about Remus, and he would tell them his plan. He pulled them away from the drinks table by the sleeves, and, noticing his urgency, they followed him to his room. 

“Merlin, Sirius, what is it??” James asked, rubbing his arm where Sirius had pulled him up by.

“I have to tell you guys something.” Sirius said, starting to pace back and forth.

“Out with it then.” Pete said lazily, making himself comfortable on Sirius’s bed.

“I know something. I figured it out. About Remus. And I don’t know if it’s the right thing to tell you, but I can’t keep it to myself, and I don’t know how to approach him because- well, you know how he is! He’d get all Remus about it, but I do know, and I can’t deal with it alone and-”

“Christ, Sirius, just say it already!” James interrupted, rolling his eyes.

“Remus is a werewolf.”

Silence. Sirius stood in the middle of the room, breathing heavily and looking at James closely for his reaction. James was staring at Sirius, obviously trying to figure out if he was kidding or not. And Peter-

“And?” Sirius and James whipped around to find Peter still lying on the bed, looking at them with a confused expression.

“And what?!” Sirius asked. “Remus is a werewolf!”
“You didn’t know that?” Peter replied, looking even more confused.

“You did?!” James shouted, still reeling from the reveal.

“Well, duh! I thought it was just something we didn’t acknowledge, like Sirius and his brother and James’s weird thing of never wearing socks. It makes your feet stink, mate, tighten up.”

“Peter, you knew this whole time and didn’t tell us??” Sirius exclaimed.

“I thought you knew.” Pete shrugged, looking uninterested.

“Okay, wait,” James interjected, looking confused, “So let me get this straight. Remus is a werewolf. Pete knew, and so did Sirius. No one else knows. He clearly doesn’t want us to know, or he would have told us. He’s probably scared we’ll hate him, which we obviously don’t,” he accompanied the last bit with a threatening glare to the other two, who immediately nodded and held their hands up, “So,” he continued, “How do we help? I mean, that’s how he hurts himself, right? How do we stop that?”

Sirius grinned. He knew he could count on them.

“I don’t think we can mate, not much humans can do during transformations without being killed or turned.” Pete said sadly. Sirius grinned again.

“Well, what if we weren’t humans?” he suggested.

“Yeah, right, let’s just change into animals right quick.” James said sarcastically.

“That’s exactly what I think we should do.” Sirius said, walking towards the other two, “We become animagi.”
More silence.

“You’re insane.” Pete said after a moment.

“Seconded.” James put in, “We can’t become animagi, one it’s illegal because we’re underage, two we could get seriously hurt due to us not being skilled enough yet and three, we’d have to be unregistered which again, is illegal.”
“Oh, come on, James, it’s Remus! He needs us! And we can help him, since when have you cared about rules?” Sirius said, nudging James.

“These aren’t just rules, Sirius; they’re laws. And I don’t want anyone getting hurt.” James replied.

“Remus is getting hurt every month! Horribly! And we can help him! Please, James.”
James looked away for a moment, mentally weighing the pros and cons, but Sirius knew him. He knew his answer already. James would risk it all for any one of them, no matter the cost. He was always going to say yes.

“Alright, but we do it safely, and we do it secretly. No one must ever know, not outside of the Marauders. Got it?” Sirius nodded enthusiastically. “Okay, I’m in.” Sirius whooped and hugged James before turning to look at Pete, the question in his eyes.

“Look, I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off. I’m not as strong magically as you are, but I’ll try, for Remus. I’m in too.”

“Yes!!” Sirius shouted, tackling Pete with James into a hug. They were in. Now it was just a matter of getting Remus to agree. Simple.

***

The full moon over Christmas break had been hard but not his hardest. Surprisingly, what had been worse were the few weeks following. He never knew how much he relied on the boys until they weren’t there. He mentally chided himself for it, but he had grown dependent on them, and without them, he was lonely. He had quickly found out that the only other person in their year who was staying over Christmas was Lily Evans; something about her parents and sister going away and her not wanting to go, but he suspected it was something deeper. Nevertheless, far be it from him to pry into other people’s personal lives. Remus and Lily spent the days in each other’s company, sitting quietly and reading in the weak winter sun or talking on the couches in the common room. She helped him a bit with the charms he was working out for his map, ever-growing as it was thanks to his and Sirius’s exploring. He received presents from the boys and Lily on Christmas, and though he enjoyed his time with her, he missed the others terribly.

One afternoon, after spending his morning reading with Lily by the lake, he heard a loud bang from downstairs and some even louder voices, followed by hurried footsteps rushing up the stairs to their room. Remus smiled to himself and shook his head fondly, carefully putting his book down in anticipation of what was about to happen. Sure enough, seconds later, the door was nearly blown off of its hinges as three boys burst through it shouting Remus’s name at the top of their lungs. He braced himself quickly as they flew across the room at him and landed in a pile on his bed, all fighting to hug him first.

“Alright, alright, get off, you lot.” Remus groaned, shoving them off him.

“Remus!” James laughed as he was accidentally thrown to the ground, completely unbothered. “How was your holiday?”
“Okay, it was quiet and a little lonely without you guys.” The rest of the marauders aw’ed at him, and he rolled his eyes. “Never mind, you can leave now, I remembered why I don’t like you.” He grumbled. Sirius flung himself over Remus’s lap and grinned, “You loveeeee us! You misseeeed us!! Does Remus Lupin have a heart after all?”

“Hmm let me check,” Pete answered, grinning. He leaned up from his spot at the end of the bed and knocked on Remus’s chest softly while Remus batted him away.

“By God I think you’re right Sirius! There is something in there!”
“Oh, shove off you guys.” Remus said, turning red. James laughed from the floor, before commenting that he for one had always known of Remus’s heart. Remus grinned as they fell back into their routine of bickering and teasing playfully as they unpacked. Yeah, he’d missed them a lot.

Sirius, James, and Peter were hiding something. Remus had thought at first that he was paranoid but the day he had caught them in the library of all places, hunched over and book and looking serious, he knew. They had finally gotten sick of pretending to like him and including him, and now they were backing off. Perhaps over the Christmas break they had realized that they didn’t need him, that they had more fun without him, and he was now officially unwanted. He thought bitterly of the shack that he had moved into in order to stay friends with them, and he could only laugh at his naiveite. His mom was right, and it wasn’t even that he was a werewolf that drove them away. It was just his personality. Ironic, huh? He spent the week before the full moon full of anxiety and depression, hurt by who he thought were his friends and worried about what they were planning. The afternoon of the moon, before he left for Pomfrey, he caught James and Sirius arguing about something, and he could have sworn he heard the words “Full moon” and his name. Needless to say, the moon was an unpleasant one. He remembered even less than usual when he awoke in the hospital wing, just a few flashes of white and blood, so much blood. He groaned in pain as he woke up and felt for the full extent of the damage. Pain shot up and down his left leg, but he could barely register it over the white-hot burning of his face.

“Poppy!” he shouted desperately, fighting tears that would only increase the pain and not even realizing he had called the matron by her first name.

“Remus?!” he heard her shout worryingly as she rushed over, followed by three other voices shouting his name.

“Shut UP!” Pomfrey shouted, quietening the voices. If Remus had been in any state to, he would have marveled at her use of foul language and the raising of her voice, two things he would never have expected from her.
“Remus?” she said much more softly, “Talk to me.” He knew in the far corners of his mind that she wanted him to tell her what was wrong, to categorize his injuries for her as he always did, but he couldn’t.

“It hurts.” He whimpered.

“What hurts love?” Pomfrey whispered desperately.

“Make it stop.” He was slurring now, he knew, but he couldn’t help it.

“HELP HIM!” a voice screamed.

“I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE MR BLACK!” Pomfrey shouted back.

“Siri?” he whispered, causing them both to quieten immediately. He felt his hand get grabbed and cold hands grip his own.

“Re? I’m here, you’re going to be okay.” Sirius sounded like he was crying. That couldn’t be right, Sirius didn’t cry, Sirius was the strongest person he knew. Sirius isn’t here, he doesn’t care about you. His brain supplied helpfully. Oh, so he was imagining it. He had to hand it to himself, his imagination was vivid, he could swear the hand in his was real.

“Mr. Black, I need you to move.”
“I’m not leaving Madame Pomfrey” mind-Sirius replied. Could Pomfrey hear him too? It hurt to think through the mist, it hurt to breathe, everything hurt.

“I know,” she sighed, defeated, “But I need to do a diagnostics spell now that he’s awake, so move please.” The hand let go and Remus whined and grabbed at where it had been. Even mind-Sirius was leaving him, he wanted him to stay. For a moment he could hear nothing, and he thought briefly that he was dying, until the pain in his leg and face, especially eye, intensified for a moment before returning to the normal excruciating pain. He let out a weak sob.

“Shh, I’m sorry love, but now I know what’s wrong. Lie still Remus, I’ll fix you right up.” Remus nodded and smiled slightly as the hand took his. Mind-Sirius was back.

“I’m here Re,” he heard mind-Sirius whisper softly, and that was all he needed to hear before sleep took him again.

***
Remus had been asleep for two days. Madame Pomfrey had put him in a dreamless sleep as his eye healed, and Sirius had spent nearly every waking moment by his side. James and Pete were there as well more often than not, but every night as they slept, Sirius snuck out to come and visit Remus. On the third day, while Sirius sat on what he dubbed as his chair next to the bed and cleaned up his charms notes to give to Remus so he wouldn’t fall behind, Remus began to stir. Sirius sat up immediately, beckoning James and Peter over from their corner where they were making tea.

“Remus? Are you okay?” James asked, rushing over. Remus grunted, shifting up on his bedsheets.

“What happened?” he said blearily, going to rub his eyes but stopping when Sirius grabbed his arm softly.

“Here.” Sirius whispered, passing him a mirror. His heart broke for Remus as he watched him realize the damage to his face, the two long scars running from just above his eyebrow to his opposite cheek and disappearing at his jaw. Peter’s voice sounded rough as he spoke, “Pomfrey saved your eye, thank God, but the scars are permanent. You know they can’t be healed by magic.”

“Yeah.” Remus whispered, and Sirius’s heart broke again at how clearly miserable but accepting he was as he dragged his fingers along the scars. Sirius reached out and grabbed his hand, ready to tell him how he still looked great, when he saw something flicker in Remus’s eyes.

“Wait,” he said, clearing his throat and looking up at a guilty looking Peter, “What do you mean, they can’t be fixed by magic?” Peter cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh, you know, uh, scars. Can’t be healed.” Remus’s breathing picked up and he shook free of Sirius’s hand, gripping the sheets instead.

“No,” he said softly, scared, “Scars can.”

“Well yeah, but not these.” Pete said quietly, backed into a corner.

“Why not, Peter?” Remus looked up with a challenge in his eyes, and Peter swallowed, looking panicked from James to Sirius.

“Because they’re from a werewolf.” James replied, not backing down, “They’re from you.” Sirius watched as Remus stopped breathing.

“No,” he muttered, “no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! This can’t be happening. You know?” James nodded, as did Peter. Remus turned to Sirius, terrified. Sirius’s heart broke for his friend as he nodded too, and he watched Remus collapse in on himself, rocking back and forth.

“But we don’t care Remus!” James said, “Well, we care about you, but not that you’re a werewolf, it doesn’t change anything!”

“Yeah Remus, you’re still you!” Pete added. Remus still wouldn’t look at them, so Sirius reached for his hand again and clutched it.
“Remus, it’s okay.” Remus shock his head violently.

He looked up, tearstains on his cheeks, “I’m a monster, you should be scared of me, you should want to kill me.” He said it almost desperately, as if he wanted those things.

“A monster?” James scoffed, walking over, and sitting beside Remus on the bed, “Please, you’re Remus. You wear sweaters that swallow you whole and you’re kind to everyone you meet. You charm adults into loving you and you’re one of the best people I know. If you’re a monster, then sign me up to meet a whole lot more, because I’d love more Remus in my life.”
“And no offence to Sirius and James,” Pete continued, walking over to stand closer, “but you are by far the roommate I want to kill the least. Like, by a lot.”

“As for being scared of you?” Sirius said softly, squeezing his hand, “There are few people I trust in this world completely, and they can be counted on one hand. You, Remus Lupin, are one of those people.”

“You guys can’t know.” Remus whispered.

“See, wrong again there Mr. Lupin, because we do, and we still love you.” James said simply.

“Yeah, come on Remus, you’re a marauder.” Pete added.

“The ultimate one, according to the trophy.” James continued.

“The best.” Sirius ended. Remus finally made eye contact with them, one by one.

“You won’t tell?” he whispered.

“Not a soul.” Sirius promised.

“Of course, you’ve got to keep our secret too.” James said, smiling.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Remus asked suspiciously.

Sirius grinned. “Ever heard of animagi?”

***
It took a lot of convincing before Remus agreed, and he only did so with the knowledge that they would do it anyways, and at least this way it would be safer. He would be there every step of the way, and the second they got in over their heads, he would put a stop to all of it. Even so, he had to commend them for the amount of research they had gotten done already and their level of dedication in the face of what was proving to be an extremely time-consuming and likely painful process. James had taken it upon himself to ensure the safety of the three boys, Peter had assumed the role of testing and retesting spells they would need to make sure he was capable, and as far as Remus could tell, Sirius’s role was making sure Remus didn’t spiral, as he was wont to do these days. He couldn’t help it really, his best friends had discovered his biggest secret and simply accepted it. It went against everything his mother had ever taught him, but here he was. A werewolf, with three best friends.

“Hey Remus, can I ask you something?” Pete spoke up one evening from the floor of their dorm where he was playing a card game with James. Remus tensed, not sure where he was going with this.

“Sure? What is it?” he asked hesitantly, moving aside his essay that he had been working on.

“Do you remember what you did? During the transformations I mean. The books we read all have different opinions.” James hit him softly, obviously to reprimand him, but weirdly, Remus was fine with the question. He supposed he’d been waiting for something, and he was just glad it wasn’t “You ever killed anyone?” like he had expected.

“Sometimes,” He replied slowly, thinking, “I remember the pain, mostly. And sometimes flashes of what I did as the wolf, but when they’re bad… no, I don’t really remember much. I guess it just depends.”
“Depends on what?” Sirius put in from his spot on the edge of his bed. James, now that he knew Remus wasn’t bothered, also looked interested.

Remus thought for another second. “I don’t know, exactly. I guess on how much the wolf is in control. Don’t get me wrong, he always is in control, but sometimes, on a good moon, it’s like I’m allowed to witness it. To be there with him, not getting a say, but just watching from the sidelines. Other times it’s like I just stopped existing, like it was just him. Those are usually the more violent ones. I guess I can’t handle it.” He looked down at his scarred hands, not making eye contact until he felt his bed dip next to him and felt James sitting next to him, quietly comforting.

“Get any superpowers?” Pete chirped suddenly, causing Remus to snort out a laugh.

“No Pete, no superpowers.” He laughed.

“Oh, come off it, you do too. You’re freakishly strong, we noticed before.” James said, nudging him.

“Okay well, I guess that. And I’ve got good hearing. Smelling and sight too. I guess just wolf-like senses?”
“Wicked.” Sirius grinned, and Remus couldn’t help but join him. He’d never looked at the positive side to what he was, but he supposed it was only a matter of time before these boys forced him. They, James especially, had a knack for making the people around them love themselves just that little bit more.

“Anything else?” James asked excitedly.

“Um, I guess sometimes I’ve got a lot of stamina?” Remus said, thinking.

“Stamina, eh?” Sirius smirked.

“Don’t be gross, Black,” Remus rolled his eyes, “I don’t really get out of breathe, but it kind of cancels out because I’m kind of always sore, so I can’t do much.” James looked deep in thought for a minute, shifting closer to him.
“Okay, forget ‘powers’, can you tell us what it’s like? Not the transformation, not if you don’t want to, but before. We know it hurts before; we want to understand exactly what does.”
“You can’t help it, James.” Remus replied, not wanting pity.

“Tell us anyways.” James said stubbornly, lifting his chin and staring Remus down. Remus sighed. If James Potter wanted to help him, there was no way he was getting out of it.

“Okay, but no pity, don’t act weird around me,” Sirius, James and Pete nodded violently in agreement, and Remus already regretted his choice. He sighed, then began to tell them.

“The fuller the moon is, the more I can feel him. The wolf. So, that means just after the moon, that’s when I’m the most me, meaning my senses are weakest. Still stronger than a normal person, but not as overwhelming as just before the moon. The middle of the cycle is when I’m at my best. I’m not sore from the previous moon, my senses are strong, and I can’t feel the wolf. Then that lasts until about two days before the moon. Those two days I’m always aching, I guess my bones are preparing to break or something, and the bite, the one that changed me, it starts to burn. I guess that all of that pain kind of makes me angry, or all my emotions are turned up to 100, which means that I’m more likely to lash out. I kind of act on instinct in those days, don’t really think as much as I normally do. Then I turn, I get hurt so that I don’t hurt anyone else, and it starts all over again.”

The boys were silent for a moment, letting the information sink in.

“Well shit.” Sirius suddenly whispered, causing all of the boys to break out into laughter. 

“Is that why you get all moody sometimes?” Pete asked.

“Moody?!” Remus spluttered, “Excuse me if I’m not the most pleasant when it’s the full moon around the corner!”

“Oh come on, you do get a little moody,” James said through his laughter, “we don’t care though, it’s the moons fault you’re moody.”
“Yeah,” Sirius added, smirking, “You get moony.” Remus groaned as the others laughed again.

“I do not get ‘moony’.”

“You do too!” Sirius argued happily, “You are now, aren’t you moony?”
“Oh, don’t make it a thing” Remus whined, remembering how long Sirius had called him ‘Professor’ for, how he still sometimes did.

“Too late! It’s a thing.” Sirius replied, smiling.

They spent the rest of the night talking about Remus’s condition, or his “furry little problem” as James liked to call it, which never failed to make Remus smile. They then resumed researching the process of becoming animagi, as they still couldn’t find the full step-by-step procedure, for good reason they supposed. It wasn’t supposed to be easily accessible to students. This then evolved into trying to guess the animal they would turn into, which somehow led to planning a prank on a group of Slytherins that had called Peter a name the other day. By the time James fell asleep on the floor mid-sentence, Peter had already crawled into his own bed, shutting the rest out. Remus climbed into his bed and lay down, ready to sleep. He smiled as he felt the mattress dip behind him and he turned to see Sirius making himself comfortable, as he always did.

“Night, Sirius.” He said softly, closing his eyes. After a moment he heard Sirius whisper with a smile evident in his voice.

“Night, Moony.” Remus smiled too. Maybe he didn’t mind Moony that much.

**

The days turned into months, and the boys grew busier. Between schoolwork, pranks and preparations for becoming animagi, the boys could barely keep up, unless they were Sirius Black and didn’t have to work at all at school. Gryffindor played against Slytherin, winning the game as well and securing their lead for the Quidditch cup, with James scoring an outstanding 4 out of Gryffindor’s 6 goals and growing extremely popular for it. Remus and James’s birthdays passed in a haze of sweets, presents and over-the-top celebrations, and soon enough it was April first. Sirius had worried at first that Minnie would go back on her word and not allow the admittedly childish tradition to continue, but being a well-established woman of her word, she had called them all into her office on the 31^st of March to go over ground rules. After much debating, they ended up with the following list:

1) The competition will last only 12 hours, as last year the whole school was kept up. It will be from 5am to 5pm, and the winner will be announced at dinner as last year -Professor McGonagall

2) NO TRANSFIGURING THE CUP!! -James

3) No harming of each other or other students- Professor McGonagall

4) No paying other students to help- Sirius

5) The previous winner begins with the cup- Professor McGonagall

6) The cup must be presented intact to Minnie Professor McGonagall between 4:30 and 5pm – James

7) Loss or damage of the cup= disqualification- Peter

8) Also, grounds for disqualification: unfair play, breaking of rules, or blackmail- Remus

9) No disruption of lessons will be allowed, once inside the classroom, the game is paused, and missing class or breaking this rule will result in disqualification from all future games and detention- Professor McGonagall [ :0 -James]

10) May the best marauder win :) – James [Don’t ever do that smiley again- Sirius]

Sirius remembers the day of the competition in flashes, the chaos too much for his brain to take in all day. To the best of his memory, it went like this:

4:58am: Sirius, Pete and James surrounding Remus, who sat crouched on his bed, holding the cup and darting his eyes between them

5:00 am: Anarchy. Four boys wrestling for one trophy, Remus victorious due to the unfair advantage of werewolf strength.

5:10 am: Sprinting down the steps, tripping each other and tumbling down in hot pursuit. Students emerging bleary-eyed to watch and place bets. Complaints and cheering alike.

6:30am: Sirius, Pete, and James stationed in the great hall, knowing Remus would never miss a meal. Remus walking in, sitting down calmly and beginning to eat, the cup nowhere. Peter, in a stroke of genius, running to Lily Evans and checking her bag. Emerging with the cup, and running out, Sirius and James at his heals, Remus enjoying a piece of toast.

7:45 am: James running, screaming like a banshee with the cup in his hand and his charms book in the other. Sirius, hitting him with a tickling charm and tackling him for good measure just outside the charms classroom.

8:02 am: Charms. Copying notes, looking smug, glares being thrown at him and the cup on his desk in front of him.

10:30 am: Peter dancing mockingly above him as he sits with Remus in a trap hole that they fell into. James pushing Pete into that same hole and running with the cup.

11:00 am: Potions. Slughorn commenting on the bet, expecting Remus to win again.

12:25pm- 1:30pm: Lunch, a brief period with the cup, before an unwanted swim in the lake with the squid. Drying off in the dorm with James.

3:00pm: The quidditch pitch, James proving himself apt as a chaser flying always just out of reach, cup in hand.

4:30 pm: Teaming up with Remus and Pete to stop James from reaching Minnie. James flying in, over their heads, being brought down by Remus. Remus and James wrestling for the cup, Peter knocking it out of the way, running, running, running, winning.

6:00 pm: The feast. Laughter and bright colors. Congratulations and money being exchanged. Dumbledore’s announcements and McGonagall presenting the cup. Wearing the crown and carving his name and the year on the cup. His friends smiling and cheering him on.

9:00pm: The cup beside his bed. His first personal belonging on the table besides a picture of the marauders.

9:05 pm: His picture duplicated on Remus’s bedside table, Remus’s new personal belonging besides books. A whispered, treasured “Thanks Sirius, well done” from Remus’s bed.

It was a good day.

**

April faded to May, and May to June. Soon it was Sirius’s birthday, the final quidditch match, (which was won by Ravenclaw but had a close enough gap in points that Gryffindor still won the Quidditch cup overall, largely due to James’s performance in the game that people had absolutely fawned over, even McGonagall), exams, and then it was time to leave. As much as Remus dreaded going back to the inn where no one could help him with the before and aftereffects of the moon, he was increasingly getting more concerned about Sirius. He started to withdraw from himself, and he joked less and less, acting more like his summer-persona. With his family on his mind, he flinched more, smiled less, and his actions swung from overtly destructive to completely shut down with no warning. Two days before they were due to leave, they were sat in a transfiguration lesson when one such mood swing occurred. Sirius and James were playfighting with their quills, when Sirius took it too far and set them on fire, accidentally lighting the nearby rug alight along with them.

“BLACK!” McGonagall shouted, “Would you STOP!” The class watched as she put the fire out quickly, cleaning up the damage, but Remus could only watch Sirius. The way he had flinched at his surname, harder than usual, the loss of emotion in his eyes, the unnatural stillness of the always- fidgeting boy. Remus touched his shoulder gently and he jumped, looking up at him with timid eyes. This isn’t my Sirius anymore. Remus looked back at McGonagall with a hard glare, ready to fight even her if she so much as raised her voice at Sirius again but found her looking at the boy next to him with almost as much concern and guilt as Remus did.

“Sirius,” she said softly, so none of the other students but the marauders could hear. Remus startled, she never called students by their first names, “Please stay after class, and come to my office.” Sirius nodded mutely as the bell rang and students started to leave.
“If you need anything, call me, okay? I'll hear.” Remus whispered to him.

“We’ll wait right outside.” James added and Peter nodded. Sirius gave them a half-smile that looked more like a grimace and followed McGonagall into her office.

**

“Sit down.” Minnie gestured to one of the plush chairs in her office, and to his surprise sat next to him, rather than behind the desk. He got ready for her to reprimand him. Maybe he had finally pushed her too far, and she was going to curse him. He braced himself as she picked up her arm, thinking she was reaching for her wand, but –

“Have a biscuit, Sirius.”

“A- what?” he spluttered open his eyes to see a tub of ginger snaps. She held it closer to him, and he gingerly took one, wondering if he had finally lost it.

“Thank you” he muttered, and she smiled tightly before putting the tin down.

“Now Sirius, you never have to tell me anything you aren’t comfortable with, but I am here if you need anything, ever.” Sirius blinked in surprise. This was not how he saw this chat going. Minnie continued, “You may be a bit of a troublemaker, but you are a child, and therefore never deserve to be harmed, especially by those older and with more power than you, I hope you, and your brother, know that. And I hope you will come to me if you are ever uncomfortable or are struggling with something. I am your head of house, and it is my job to be here for you.” Her job, of course. She’s just doing her job. But, as if she had read his mind, she continued, “More than that however, I am here for you because I care. You are a bright young boy with a good heart and extreme potential, and I will not let that go to waste. Another biscuit?” she held out the tin again. He took one.

“Thank you, Minnie. Or, sorry, Professor.” He mumbled, holding back an embarrassing amount of tears at her speech.

“You know,” she said, smiling a little with the twinkle in her eyes that Sirius sometimes saw that made him swear she found their pranks amusing, “As much as it is still completely not allowed, you lot have made me rather fond of that little nickname. Just between us, of course.” Sirius lit up, smiling genuinely for the first time in days.
“You have made a terrible mistake, Minnie.” He said, laughing. She looked at him closely, her smile softening.

“No, I don’t think I have.” She smiled again, and he understood. Her goal was to cheer him up, and she did. “Now, I think your friends are waiting for you, Sirius.” He noticed that she hadn’t called him “Black” or “Mr. Black” like she always did, and he grinned again, knowing that she understood what the name meant to him coming from an adult, and that she wouldn’t use it again. He nodded and headed towards the door, starting to open it before looking back for a moment.
“Thanks, Minnie.” She rolled her eyes as he began to walk out.

“It’s still Professor to you!” she called after him, and he merely saluted her jokingly and closed the door behind him.

“What was that about?” Pete asked as he reached his three best friends waiting for him and they began walking back to their dorms.

“Just Minnie being Minnie,” He said with a smile, “Come on boys, let’s get packing. Just three more months until we’re back.” James and Peter laughed, and Remus grinned.

“Here, here, three months until we’re home.” He said, and Peter rolled his eyes.

“Isn’t it strange that our friend group consists of 50% people who hate leaving school?” he said. James elbowed him and scolded “Pete!”

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other and the second they made eye contact, started to laugh.

“You know, I don’t think it is at all,” Remus said, “Not when James seems to collect us broken home- kids like chocolate frog cards.”

“Well excuse me for wanting to help!” James replied indignantly.

“No worries, J, it’s just a Potter thing, Effie and Monty used to take in strays all the time, remember!” Pete chimed in, sidestepping a few third years who seemed to be frantically searching for their belongings to pack and opening the portrait to the common room.

“Are you calling us strays?” Sirius huffed, offended.

“We kind of are.” Remus laughed, nudging him.

“Alright alright, enough of that, “James said, waving his hand as if to clear the air of the previous conversation, “Now, summer plan. Remus, Pete, you’re visiting, and Sirius, I will fight to get you to be able to this summer. Then next year, we start with the process of becoming you-know-what, I win quidditch cup, again, Sirius joins the team and boom, best year ever. Good?”

Sirius grinned. He could get through the summer, he thought, looking around at his dorm with his three best friends and the promise of another year like this. Easy.