Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking across the entrance hall when they saw a small knot of people gathered around the notice board, reading a piece of parchment that had just been pinned up. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas beckoned them over, looking excited.
“They’re starting a Duelling Club!” said Seamus. “First meeting tonight! I wouldn’t mind duelling lessons; they might come in handy one of these days. . . .”
“What, you reckon Slytherin’s monster can duel?” said Ron, but he, too, read the sign with interest.
“Could be useful,” he said to Harry and Hermione as they went into dinner. “Shall we go?”
Harry and Hermione were all for it, so at eight o’clock that evening they hurried back to the Great Hall. The long dining tables had vanished and a golden stage had appeared along one wall, lit by thousands of candles floating overhead. The ceiling was velvety black once more and most of the school seemed to be packed beneath it, all carrying their wands and looking excited.
“I wonder who’ll be teaching us?” said Hermione as they edged into the chattering crowd. “Someone told me Flitwick was a duelling champion when he was young — maybe it’ll be him.”
“As long as it’s not —” Harry began, but he ended on a groan: Gilderoy Lockhart was walking onto the stage, resplendent in robes of deep plum and accompanied by none other than Snape, wearing his usual black.
Lockhart waved an arm for silence and called, “Gather round, gather round! Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me? Excellent!
“Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little duelling club, to train you all in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions — for full details, see my published works.
“Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape,” said Lockhart, flashing a wide smile. “He tells me he knows a tiny little bit about duelling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now, I don’t want any of you youngsters to worry — you’ll still have your Potions master when I’m through with him, never fear!”
“Wouldn’t it be good if they finished each other off?” Ron muttered in Harry’s ear.
Snape’s upper lip was curling. Harry wondered why Lockhart was still smiling; if Snape had been looking at him like that he’d have been running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.
Lockhart and Snape turned to face each other and bowed; at least, Lockhart did, with much twirling of his hands, whereas Snape jerked his head irritably. Then they raised their wands like swords in front of them.
“As you see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position,” Lockhart told the silent crowd. “On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course.”
“I wouldn’t bet on that,” Harry murmured, watching Snape baring his teeth.
“One — two — three —”
Both of them swung their wands above their heads and pointed them at their opponent; Snape cried: “Expelliarmus!” There was a dazzling flash of scarlet light and Lockhart was blasted off his feet: He flew backward off the stage, smashed into the wall, and slid down it to sprawl on the floor.
Malfoy and some of the other Slytherins cheered. Hermione was dancing on tiptoes. “Do you think he’s all right?” she squealed through her fingers.
“Who cares?” said Harry and Ron together.
Lockhart was getting unsteadily to his feet. His hat had fallen off and his wavy hair was standing on end.
“Well, there you have it!” he said, tottering back onto the platform. “That was a Disarming Charm — as you see, I’ve lost my wand — ah, thank you, Miss Brown — yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don’t mind my saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have been only too easy — however, I felt it would be instructive to let them see . . .”
Snape was looking murderous. Possibly Lockhart had noticed, because he said, “Enough demonstrating! I’m going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs -”
“Oh, I don’t think we should stop just yet. We’ve only demonstrated one spell after all, and some of the more intelligent students may already know the spell. So, why don’t we continue with our… little duel? I’m sure you have plenty of tricks up your sleeve you could teach me,” interrupted Snape, an odd sneer twisting his lips. Looking at Lockhart’s not-so-bright smile, Harry wondered what Snape was doing.
Harry, it was fair to say, wasn’t Snape’s biggest fan. However, if it came to a choice between him and Lockhart, Harry would happily dance around Hogwarts singing Snape’s praises. Harry reckoned (and Ron agreed) Lockhart was a fame-hungry fool.
There was something about Lockhart’s lack of reaction to Snape’s spell, which made Harry think Lockhart had exaggerated his achievements. If true, Harry was sure it was one reason for Snape’s evident dislike of Lockhart. Lockhart’s hideous wardrobe and utter uselessness probably added to Snape’s enmity.
“Well... I don’t think... the students could benefit much from seeing me beat you in a Duel,” Lockhart stammered, trying to fix his smile back in place.
Ron snorted. “I doubt that,” he muttered. Then, when Harry and Hermione glanced at him, he elaborated, “I doubt he could beat Snape. Lockhart reminds me of a peacock - pretty to look at but useless in a fight”.
“Honestly, Ron. Haven’t you read his books? He’s seen and fought more creatures than we’ll ever get close to in our life,” gushed Hermione before launching into a list of Lockhart’s exploits. Harry raised his eyebrow at Ron, who sighed. Harry interrupted Hermione when she paused for breath.
“Hermione, remember the saying paper never refused ink? I think that applies to Lockhart,” Harry commented. Hermione threw him a dirty look, huffed and moved closer to Lockhart’s side of the stage. Then, noticing Ron’s confusion, Harry muttered, “It means someone can write whatever they want since paper won’t refuse to have lies written on it. You could also say it means don’t trust everything you read”.
Ron grinned. “No wonder Hermione wasn’t too pleased”. Harry nodded, turning back to Snape, who had essentially backed Lockhart into a corner to ensure the duel would continue. The answer clicked in his head, and Harry laughed in delight.
“Snape’s trying to show everyone what a fraud Lockhart is. If Lockhart doesn’t agree to duel, he looks like a coward. If he does agree, Snape will humiliate Lockhart when he beats him,” Harry exclaimed. Turning back to the stage, he caught Snape staring at him, having overheard his comment to Ron. Wondering if there was some truth to the rumour Snape could read minds, Harry decided to experiment.
Holding Snape’s gaze, Harry thought, I don’t like you. I know you don’t like me. However, if you try to show Lockhart’s ineptitude, I’ll support you in the duel. Most of the boys will. If you succeed in utterly humiliating Lockhart, I won’t react to any of Malfoy’s taunts for a month. If Lockhart humiliates you, then you won’t make snide comments about me in Potions for a month. Move your left foot forward if you agree. (1)
When Snape continued staring at him for ten seconds, Harry broke eye contact, deciding the rumours must be false. “Well, it was worth a try,” Harry muttered.
“Since the duel is continuing, students may stand at the half of the stage occupied by whichever duelist they wish to support,” Snape declared, taking a step forward with his left foot. There was a brief pause. Then the Slytherins started pushing to Snape’s half while most of the girls moved towards Lockhart. As Harry realised Snape could read minds and had agreed to his mental bargain, he grinned. Looking around, Harry noticed a group of students who seemed unsure of who to support,
“Come on,” Harry declared, dragging Ron over to Snape’s side of the stage. After a few seconds, Ron followed without Harry needing to pull him over. Then, as the group of unsure students gawked at him, Harry commented, “Lockhart’s a fool who thinks he’s brilliant. Don’t you want to see Snape disabuse Lockhart of the notion?”
When Harry reached Snape’s side, he noticed Malfoy looking at him, having overheard his statement. “Truce until the duel is over?” Harry asked. After a minute, in which Malfoy looked to his gang for their opinion, he turned to Harry and nodded. Harry nodded back at Malfoy, their feud temporarily put on hold.
Harry turned to gauge the number of supporters each duelist had. Snape had all the Slytherins, almost all of the boys and a few girls from other Houses supporting him. Lockhart had slightly more than half the girls, Hermione among them, and a couple of boys encouraging him.
“-Premier Sang-?” enquired Snape, sneering. “Or are you too afraid of getting a stain on your robes?” Lockhart gulped, then pasted a smile on his face and nodded, trying to hide his fear. Harry looked at Ron. -Premier sang-? he mouthed. Ron leaned over.
“-Premier Sang- translated from French means first blood. The duel finishes when one duelist manages to make the other bleed. It’s the most common type of duel, and all duelling terms are in French because French witches and wizards were some of the most prolific duelists in the world,” Ron explained.
“The nicer one is -Hors de Pieds-. This translates as off the feet and ends when one duelist makes the other fall over. The most serious is -À La Mort-, which was popular a couple of hundred years ago, until it got too popular, and was limited to duelists with 100 wins in -premier sang- duels,” Ron continued.
“Let me guess,” interrupted Harry with a smile, “-À La Mort- ends when one duelist kills the other”. Ron nodded and turned back to the stage. (2) Harry looked and noticed Snape and Lockhart managed to get into the duelling stance while Ron explained the rules. Snape had an air of smug confidence around him; Lockhart was trying to look confident, but his quick glances and wide eyes belied it.
“Now, I’m sure I won’t need to give anyone detention with Filch for a month for trying to interrupt the Duel,” Snape warned, glaring at all the students. “If anyone is too slow to get out of the way of a rebounding spell, you’ll have to get yourself to the Hospital Wing. That should ensure you all pay attention to what’s going on”. Then, turning back towards Lockhart, Snape smirked.
“Professor Snape’s got a plan,” Harry overheard Malfoy mutter as Snape started the countdown, “that’s the smirk he uses when he has a plan to make someone’s life unpleasant”. Harry shuddered: that smirk had been directed at him all too often. For once, Harry would enjoy seeing it aimed at someone else.
Harry expected Snape to end the duel with the first spell, so he was surprised to see Lockhart managed to cast a “Stupefy” first. Snape blocked it with “Protego” and for the next minute, Lockhart sent a barrage of spells Snape’s way. Snape blocked most, dodged a few and got hit by a few, although they seemed not to affect him.
“Why isn’t Professor Snape finishing it?” whined Parkinson to Malfoy, who shrugged. Harry frowned: he was wondering the same thing himself. Harry knew Snape was the better duelist, and yet… He wasn’t getting off a single spell. Lockhart was dominating him, sending hex after hex towards Snape, who had stopped dodging. Snape now blocked all the spells with no visible effort. As Harry watched, astonished, Snape yawned. Snape summoned what appeared to be 15 rolls of parchment, a bottle of ink and a quill between blocking Lockhart’s spells.
To Harry’s (and others around him, judging by the murmurs) growing surprise, Snape stopped looking at Lockhart, concentrating instead on the rolls of parchment. Snape levitated the rolls into the air in front of him (once again, in between blocking Lockhart’s spells) and grabbed the quill in his off-hand. Snape proceeded to dip the quill into the ink and mark what Harry realised must be essays handed up for homework.
Lockhart seemed to realise Snape’s attention was diverted, for he upped the number of spells he cast. However, Snape, having finished the first essay and moved on to the second, flicked his wand to block Lockhart’s orange-coloured spell with apparent minimal effort.
Harry knew Snape always had a reason for everything he did. It may not be apparent or even the first reason you thought of, but he never did something without thinking about it first. Anyway, Snape was supposed to be humiliating Lockhart, so how was…?
“Merlin, I’m an idiot,” exclaimed Harry while slapping himself on the forehead. Ron looked over, concerned, while Malfoy muttered, “You won’t hear any arguments from me, Potter”. Far from being insulted, Harry laughed at Malfoy’s comment. Harry took a few seconds to collect his thoughts before explaining his outburst.
“Parkinson, you asked why Snape hadn’t finished the duel already,” Harry started. She nodded. “Which implies you think Snape is a better duelist than Lockhart”. Again, Parkinson nodded. “Yet, the only non-defensive spells Snape has cast during this whole duel was to summon those scrolls he’s writing on. I would guess they’re Potions essays-”
“Is there a point to this, Potter, or are you blathering on about nothing?” Malfoy interrupted. Ron tensed, reaching for his wand, but Harry stopped him. He pointed over to Snape, who was no on the 5th scroll and still hadn’t been hit by Lockhart’s spells. “Snape has three ways he could win the duel,” Harry stated.
“If Snape had won with his first spell, Lockhart would spin it as a lucky shot, or he might say Snape cheated. On the other hand, if Snape stands for a long time behind a shield before winning the duel, Lockhart will harp on about how he managed to keep Snape on the defensive for the whole duel, unable but for the last moment to retaliate,” Harry mused. The Slytherins were intrigued by what he was saying; Ron looked confused.
Harry continued, “The last way allows Snape to win without leaving Lockhart a way to spin the results to his advantage in some way. As you can see, Snape is-”
“You’re telling me Professor Snape is correcting essays while in the middle of a duel to show everyone how confident he is?” interrupted Malfoy, beginning to catch where Harry was going.
“Almost,” Harry stated, “Snape is correcting essays to show everyone how inferior he considers Lockhart to be”. Harry turned to Malfoy, ignoring the shocked looks on those around them listening in on the conversation. “Snape’s your godfather. Can you honestly tell me that if your father challenged him to a friendly duel, Snape would ignore the spells your father cast?” Harry pried. Malfoy thought for a minute, then shook his head. “No. He would pay attention,” confirmed Malfoy, smiling.
“So, you’re saying Professor Snape’s goal isn’t to beat Lockhart but to humiliate him and show the students how useless Lockhart is,” stated Parkinson. Harry nodded and turned his attention back to the duel, ignoring Ron’s “Wicked”. Now with five essays left to correct, Snape had turned his attention to Harry’s explanation to the Slytherins. Meeting Harry’s gaze with a raised eyebrow, Snape continued to block Lockhart’s spells with contemptuous ease.
Harry met Snape’s gaze and thought, Well, the only thing left to do to complete his humiliation is to drag the duel out a little longer while paying less attention to Lockhart than you have been, then beat him. Oh, and make sure Lockhart doesn’t try to make himself look better than you after. I wouldn’t put it past him, somehow.
Snape huffed and turned back to the essay. Snape didn’t seem too happy with whatever was written on the essay he was correcting, as he was taking longer to get through it and writing more comments on it. Looking around, Snape sneered at someone Harry couldn’t see from his position. “Ms Haywood, I asked for an essay on the uses of bezoars in poison antidotes, not one on the advantages of a Contraceptive Potion. Ten points from Hufflepuff, and I want the rewritten essay handed in by tomorrow morning, with another foot added,” Snape snarled. A student who Harry guessed was Ms Haywood answered, “Yes, Professor”.
Lockhart’s face was turning red as he realised Snape wasn’t paying much attention to him. Even his supporters, who had been cheering after every spell Lockhart cast at the start of the duel, realised Snape wasn’t fighting at total capacity before he did. They had been silent for the last five essays, leaving Lockhart’s pants and the sound of Snape’s quill on parchment as the only audible sounds.
Snape didn’t spend too long on the following essay. Harry was confused until Snape turned his back on Lockhart and yelled, “Mr Davies, last time I checked, I was the Potions Professor. So can you explain why you handed up your Charms essay instead? So much for the clever House! Ten points from Ravenclaw, give this to Professor Flitwick and hand me your Potions essay tomorrow morning,” before sending the essay to the unfortunate fourth-year student. Snape also sent Lockhart’s spell towards the students as it rebounded off his recast shield, causing a fourth-year to jump out of the way.
“Professor Snape didn’t even bother blocking when he gave out to the Ravenclaw,” muttered Parkinson with awe, “and Lockhart still managed not to win the duel”. “Can you say you’re surprised? This is an opportunity for Lockhart to prove his stupidity, which is the only thing he’s managed to do in the few months he’s been “teaching” at Hogwarts,” Harry snorted, making his disdain apparent.
“At this stage, I think a house-elf would be a better Defense Professor than Lockhart,” stated Ron, causing the Slytherins to huff in agreement: Malfoy looked shocked he agreed with Ron. Harry nodded, then nudged the students around him. “I think Lockhart’s realised that Snape is humiliating him,” Harry noted, waving towards Lockhart, whose face had gone past the colour of Ron’s hair and was settling on an alarming shade of red that was darker than blood. Harry hoped Lockhart might have a stroke which would necessitate an extended stay in St. Mungos. He entertained himself with the fantasy for a while, then dismissed it.
“Are you afraid of duelling me?” Lockhart blustered to Snape, who was correcting the third from last essay and wasn’t looking pleased. Without raising his head, Snape replied, “Why would I be - Merlin’s beard! Mr Thomas, is it too hard for you to comprehend the vast difference between a Strengthening Solution and aSwelling Solution? Clearly, my attempts to make you more intelligent than a troll have been an abysmal failure. Ten points from Gryffindor, redo this essay before tomorrow morning and detention with Filch tomorrow night for a week! - Lockhart, you were saying something?”
Lockhart gaped at Snape, doing what was (in Harry’s opinion) a remarkable imitation of a goldfish. Without looking up from correcting the second last essay, Snape commented, “Close your mouth before a bird decides to use it as a nesting site. I won’t repeat myself again, so tell me, Lockhart, what did you say?”. After Lockhart closed his mouth with an audible clop, he opened it a few seconds later, much to Harry’s annoyance. “I asked if you were afraid of duelling me?” Lockhart repeated.
Snape sneered, though Harry wasn’t sure whether it was in response to the essay or his implied fear of Lockhart. When Snape responded with, “Why should I be afraid of you?” Harry concluded it was the latter. Harry also figured Lockhart had a death wish; all Hogwarts students knew when Snape spoke in that tone, it was time to set their affairs in order and decide who would be inheriting what after their untimely death. Perhaps Lockart didn’t get the “Guide To Surviving Hogwarts Without Getting In Snape’s Bad Books”, Harry mused.
“You’ve been too busy blocking all my spells to even attempt casting any back at me,” Lockhart crowed. Harry heard Parkinson mutter, “Merlin, he’s done it”, and he agreed with her. As Snape started grinding his teeth, Harry mouthed at Ron, I think we’re going to need someone to preside over Lockhart’s funeral in a few minutes. Ron snorted, trying to hold in his laughter. “Is that what you believe, Lockhart?” Snape snarled, looking at Lockhart for the first time since he summoned the essays. Lockhart, too stupid to see the threat dangling in front of him, stated, “The duel will be finished in five minutes”.
Harry huffed. Yes, it will. However, I don’t think it will end the way Lockhart wants it to, Harry thought. Snape didn’t reply, turning his attention to the final essay, Lockhart still attempting to end the fight. Harry saw all of Lockhart’s supporters had realised he was unlikely to beat Snape: Hermione was ignoring the duel and reading a book from the Library.
“Mr Bole, fifteen points to Slytherin for your essay on the correct uses of Boomslang Skin in various Potions,” Snape commented, a slight nod directed towards him. Harry heard a Slytherin reply, “Thank you, Professor”. Malfoy and Parkinson smirked, having noticed Snape hadn’t docked points. Sighing, Harry shrugged. It was Snape, after all. Realising with a start Snape was now finished correcting the essays, Harry pondered what he would do next.
Snape slashed his wand, a cut appearing on Lockhart’s cheek, ending the duel as blood seeped from the cut. Lockhart, forgetting the rules, tried to continue duelling, but Snape disarmed him again with “Expelliarmus”. There was a shocked pause then, as students realised the duel was finished, they began to clap. The Slytherins didn’t join in, though Harry noticed they waited until Snape’s gaze was on them before slowly nodding.
Snape stepped off the stage, vanishing it without a word and causing Lockhart, who hadn’t moved, to fall to the floor. Harry, Ron and most of the watching students laughed as Lockhart stood up, trying to straighten his robes and not realising his hat had fallen off again. “Well… lucky one there at the end, Professor. If I hadn’t blinked at the wrong moment, we’d still be duelling,” blustered Lockhart. Snape sneered, opening his mouth with what Harry could assume was a scathing reply. However, Harry didn’t give Snape the opportunity.
Thoroughly fed up with Lockhart, Harry turned to Malfoy, who had walked away after the duel ended. Smirking, Harry yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, “Oi, Malfoy! Since you’re more knowledgeable on duels than me, answer this one for me. If Professor Lockhart is the better duellist, why was Professor Snape able to block every one of his spells? How could he be able to correct essays while stopping all of Professor Lockhart’s spells? Why, even when Professor Snape faced away and stopped blocking, wasn’t Professor Lockhart able to end the duel?” (3)
Malfoy turned around, the smirk on his face telling Harry he was enjoying his implications. “Potter, if it was even possible, you know less than the little I gave you credit for. It’s quite simple: Lockhart ISN’T the better duellist. For one duellist to not pay full attention to the other is the gravest of insults. It means the duellist finds the other person so unthreatening, they feel they can win even when they aren’t fighting at full capacity,” Malfoy explained as if to a dense child.
Lockhart spluttered at the blatant insult, trying to persuade the students how great he is, but the damage was done. The few remaining students who believed what Lockhart wrote in his books turned away as they listened to Malfoy’s comments. Students began leaving the Great Hall in groups, talking about what had occurred. Hermione walked over to Harry and Ron. “Well, that was informative,” commented Ron, grinning. Hermione huffed in annoyance. “Oh, all right. I apologise for being wrong about Professor Lockhart. He’s not as good a duellist as I thought he’d be. If you want to gloat about you being right, don’t,” Hermione forced out.
Harry grinned. Hermione could be relied upon to almost always be right and admit to being wrong with bad grace. “It’s fine, Hermione. Everyone deserves an off day every odd now and again,” Harry teased. Hermione frowned before a smile broke out on her face. Ron commented, “I didn’t know Snape was a good duellist…”
Feeling eyes on him, Harry turned around. Snape was staring at him. I remember the bargain if you’re wondering. I won’t react to any of Malfoy’s comments, Harry thought. Snape turned away after a few seconds before he could hear Harry’s next musing. However, I won’t stop Ron or Hermione from reacting.
Harry fell into his friend's conversation as they headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room, leaving behind a content Potions Professor and a disgraced Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor.