“You boys think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Lily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling fondly.
James, Lily, and Sirius were gathered in the Potters’ kitchen, drinking coffee and discussing their plans for the night. James knew it couldn’t be anything extravagant, not with the war going on and his son’s life in constant danger, but he wanted to do something to celebrate anyway.
Halloween had always been James’ favourite holiday. Not because of the sweets, though those were amazing, not because of the costumes, though those were also amazing, but because of Sirius. Sirius who loved Halloween with his entire heart and was always so excited for it despite being a grown man. It was contagious, really.
“Oh, but Evans, we are so funny,” Sirius retorted, grinning widely. “In fact, it’s quite possibly the funniest idea we’ve ever had.”
“Come on, Lils, it’s just a bit of fun,” James added helpfully.
Lily seemed to consider it for a minute, but she ultimately caved, smirking mischievously. “There are about a million ways this could go wrong. Sounds thrilling.”
James and Sirius whooped in unison and fist-bumped.
“You’re the best, Evans,” Sirius cheered, throwing an arm around her. “I promise we’ll be careful. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not completely insane”
“Sure you aren’t, Black. I’m this close to leaving you two here and spending Halloween with Remus so neither of us has to deal with you.”
“You wound me, Evans. Moony’s not any saner than us, you know. And neither are you, anyway.”
“No,” Lily agreed, “But we’re certainly less annoying.”
“Prooooongsss,” Sirius whined dramatically, “Your side piece is bullying meee.”
Lily pressed a hand to her chest in mock offense. “Why am I the side piece? I’m the wife!”
“I was the wife first,” Sirius responded haughtily. “You came second which means you’re the side piece.”
“You literally have a boyfriend,” Lily accused.
“And you’re a lesbian. Your point?” Sirius retorted, unimpressed.
“Touché, Black, touché.”
“Ladies, ladies, let’s calm down, shall we?” James cut in, smirking arrogantly. “There’s enough of me for everyone.”
“Shut up, Prongs, you’re mine.”
“He’s married to me. Legally.”
James cleared his throat. “Come on, you’re putting me in an awkward position here. Unfortunately, Lily, as much as I love you, you are the side piece.”
Sirius punched the air as Lily gasped dramatically.
“The betrayal! How will I ever recover from this? My own husband! Choosing this pretty idiot over me! I suppose I’ll just have to go seduce the pretty idiot’s boyfriend, then.”
“Not my Moony!” Sirius wailed, throwing himself in front of the door.
“In a surprising turn of events,” James commentated, holding an imaginary microphone to his mouth, “Lily Evans, a raging lesbian, has made plans to steal Sirius Black’s boyfriend, the lovely Remus Lupin.”
“Stop coming onto my boyfriend, both of you! This is bullying!”
“Aw, poor Sirius,” Lily cooed, grinning, “Your boyfriend’s about to get stolen by your best friend’s side piece.”
“Shut up,” Sirius pouted. “Moony won’t be stolen by you. He loves me too much. Even you just called me pretty.”
“And an idiot,” James felt the need to add, smirking. “She called you a pretty idiot.”
Sirius waved his hand dismissively. “Technicalities, Prongs.”
James grinned and checked his watch. “Shit, it’s time.” He pulled out a small flask, and Sirius produced an identical one. “Cheers, love,” he said, raising his flask and clinking it against his best friend’s.
They both threw their heads back and drank quickly, not wanting the atrocious taste of Polyjuice potion to linger.
James felt the familiar tingling sensation almost immediately, and looked down to find that his hands had become smaller, more slender, and at least five shades paler.
He looked back and nearly yelped as he came face to face with himself. He knew, obviously, that it was Sirius, but he still had a mini heart attack.
“Merlin,” he breathed, “You look… You look…”
“Just like me,” Sirius finished, his expression of awe mirroring James’.
Once the initial weirdness had passed, Sirius immediately began to revel in his newfound height.
“I’m taller than Prongs! Are you seeing this, Lils? I’m a whole three inches taller than Prongs!”
“Yes, I can see, love, but considering you and James are currently each other, you just admitted that James is a whole three inches taller than you,” Lily answered.
James burst out laughing and reached up instinctively to run a hand through his hair, but Sirius swatted his arm.
“Stop it,” he hissed. “Do you know how long it takes to style that? Don’t you dare mess it up.” He patted his own (James’?) hair disdainfully. “Honestly, I don’t know how you deal with this wreck on your head every day.”
“Yeah, I don’t either. Anyway, I should get going so I can annoy Remus. You two have fun and take care of Harry.”
“You got it, Cap,” Sirius retorted, doing a mock salute. “It’ll be great, Harry likes me better anyway.”
James gasped exaggeratedly. “Sirius Orion Black Potter Lupin, you take that back immediately!”
Sirius doubled over with laughter. “Sirius Orion Black Potter Lupin?!”
Lily raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Are you two quite finished? Because Sirius and I have a pumpkin to carve before Harry wakes up.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m leaving.”
“Moony, I’m home,” James called out as he let himself into Remus and Sirius’ flat, doing his best to impersonate Sirius’ mannerisms.
Remus’ top half popped out from behind the kitchen cabinet and James barely had time to note the colour of his shirt before he was being pinned to the wall with a wand against his throat.
“Merlin,” James sputtered, eyeing Remus’ raised wand warily, “Is this any way to greet your boyfriend?”
Remus was on high alert. “You’re not Sirius,” he said with absolute certainty. “Your heat signature, it’s…” He paused before groaning in exasperation. “James?!”
James just gaped at him. “You can read people’s heat signatures? That is so cool, what the hell, Moons?!”
Remus lowered his wand and stepped back, rolling his eyes. “I can also differentiate everyone’s footsteps. You have none of the Black family grace, Prongs.”
“Rude.”
“Yeah, yeah. Now, would you mind explaining to me why you look like Sirius?”
“It was supposed to be funny,” James complained. “But then you went and ruined it with your super cool werewolf senses.”
Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “And how exactly was this supposed to be funny?”
“Well, me and Sirius took Polyjuice potion to look like each other and swap places. Thought I would mess with you a little, but that didn’t work out very well.”
Remus groaned. “Fuck’s sake, James, I thought you were a Death Eater! I could’ve jinxed you!”
“Except you didn’t, so it’s all good. So, now that the initial plan failed, let’s go prank Peter.”
“James…”
“Pleaseeeee?”
James almost felt bad when Remus slammed his head down on to the table and growled in frustration.
“Merlin fuck, fine! Alright!” He added, muttering in annoyance, “Bloody nuisances, the both of you.”
James grinned widely and grabbed his friend’s arm, pulling him out the door.
The minute the pair arrived at the Pettigrew residence, it was obvious that something was very wrong. They both raised their wands as their smiles evaporated, replaced by the constant gripping fear that three years of war had instilled in them.
“He’s not there, is he?” Remus said softly, looking around carefully.
James could feel his heart dropping lower and lower with every step he took.
“Remus,” James whispered urgently, eyes wide with terror. “If Peter’s… If something happened to Peter-“
“I know.”
“No! No, you don’t, just- Just listen to me for a second, yeah? Peter has to be safe. If anything happens to him, we are fucked.”
Remus paused. “What- What do you mean? What has Peter got to do with anything, why-”
“Moons, he’s the Secret Keeper,” James interrupted, full-on panicking now.
Remus hit his head on the chandelier. “What?!”
“It was Sirius’ idea! He thought he was the obvious choice, that Voldemort would surely come for him first, that we should make it Peter instead. So Peter’s the fucking Secret Keeper and he is quite probably in danger right now.”
“Holy fucking shit,” Remus breathed, looking slightly green.
“Well, well, well,” a familiar voice drawled.
James and Remus whipped around immediately, their wands ready.
Peter Pettigrew’s emaciated form stepped out of the shadows.
“Peter? What are you- Are you okay? What’s going on here?”
Peter barked out a humourless laugh. “You know, I’m surprised. I figured it’d be at least an hour before you found out and then maybe another thirty minutes to get your boyfriend and come looking for me.”
“Peter, what the fuck are you talking about? Find out what? And what do you mean, ‘get my b-‘ “
Realization dawned on James. The Polyjuice potion was still in effect. Peter thought he was Sirius.
Before anyone could say anything else, Remus grabbed Peter by the throat and slammed him against the wall.
“What the fuck did you do, Peter?” he growled threateningly. “What the fuck did you do to them?”
Peter’s mask of bravado slipped for a moment, and James felt a small twinge of pride for his friend. No one messed with Remus Lupin.
“Tell me what you did to them, or I will kill you right here, don’t fucking try me.”
Peter flinched as Remus raised his wand. He knew the latter didn’t make empty threats.
“It’s too late,” he choked out, “They’re already dead.”
Remus’ grip loosened as he gaped in shock.
James couldn’t think straight. His vision was swimming, the very fabric of the universe seemed to be crumbling around him.
Before he even realized what he was doing, he had Peter pinned to the ground.
“LIAR,” he screamed, refusing to even entertain the idea that Sirius and Lily could be…
He punched Peter in the face. “LIAR!” Again. “YOU-“ And again. “FUCKING-“ And again. “LIAR!”
“Hey, hey, hey, James. James. Get up, come on. We have to go. We have to go.”
Remus gently pulled him to his feet and wrapped an arm around him.
Peter wheezed. “James? What do you mean, James?”
“I mean what I fucking said,” Remus snarled.
“No, no, no. But you’re Sirius. You’re Sirius. You’re not James, you can’t be. James is dead.”
Dead.
The word seemed to echo.
Dead.
Remus fell to his knees, his wand clattering to the ground.
Sirius was dead.
James stood in place, unable to move.
Sirius was dead.
It wasn’t possible. There couldn’t be a world without Sirius Black. James didn’t know how to live in such a world, and he never wanted to have to learn. He refused to believe that would have to, now.
Sirius was dead, and it was all his fault.
“It should have been me,” James whispered as his heart shattered into a million pieces.
He felt Remus tugging on his arm. He didn’t resist.
“James, we have to go. Now.”
He let himself be dragged away.
The Polyjuice potion had faded by the time Remus and James made it to the Potters’ front porch. James knew this because it was Sirius’ body on the doorstep.
No.
No.
NO.
James could lose everything in the world, but not Sirius. Oh, god, not Sirius.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” he chanted over and over again, dropping to his knees and cradling his best friend’s lifeless form. “Please, no, fuck, please, please! It should have been me, take me instead, it should have been me, it should have been me!”
He screamed and wailed and begged, but Sirius’ heart was still not beating. James felt like maybe his own wasn’t either.
Remus stood beside him in quiet sorrow, every line of his face etched with pain, but he stayed on his feet, refusing to crumble. Knowing he would never be able to put the pieces back together if he did.
Suddenly, there was rustling from within the house, and a figure came running out. James thought belatedly that he should probably pull out his wand, but he soon found that was unnecessary.
Lily came to a halt in front of Remus, her hair wild and her face a tear-stained mess. Harry was swaddled safely in her arms.
“Oh, Sirius,” she whispered thickly.
———
Lily was in Harry’s room when someone knocked at the door
“I’ll get it,” Sirius hollered from the living room, “It’s probably Prongs and Moony.”
Somehow, Lily knew something was wrong. James wouldn’t be back so soon. Before she could run out to warn Sirius, she heard a thud and a muffled grunt.
“Lily,” Sirius screamed, his voice raw with fear, “Take Harry and get out of here! I’ll hold him off as long as I can!”
Him.
Voldemort had finally come.
Lily could hear the sounds of a physical struggle, which was rather odd for two wizards of great caliber, but she didn’t dare go out to check. She couldn’t leave Harry. So she stayed put.
Eventually, Lily started to get antsy. The struggle still seemed to be going and she had no indication of who was winning. Sirius could have be severely injured. She had to help him.
She placed Harry safely in the closet and, after assuring him she’d be back soon, she grabbed her wand and walked out into the living room.
The sight that awaited her was almost comical. She would have laughed had the situation not been so dire.
Lily never thought she’d witness Sirius Black straddling The Dark Lord and pinning him to her living room floor.
Sirius was wandless, but he was extremely skilled in hand-to-hand combat. He threw his punches at lightning speed and with mind-blowing precision, not allowing his opponent to get even one hit in. Riddle, on the other hand, was struggling. He fought sluggishly and erratically, like an uncoordinated toddler. He had his wand on him, but Sirius never gave him a second to pull it out. The most powerful Dark Wizard alive getting laid out by a scrawny unarmed man was truly a sight to behold.
When Sirius noticed Lily standing there, his eyes widened in panic.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded. “Go! Run!”
“Are you insane?” Lily fired back, “You don’t even have your wand! Do you seriously expect to beat up the Dark Lord to death?!”
Sirius huffed and continued hitting Voldemort. “I can damn well try.”
“Merlin fuck, Sirius! Let me help!”
“You wanna help?” Sirius growled in exasperation, starting to tire out, “Get the fuck out of here. That’s the best help you can do to me and yourself.”
“I’m not just going to leave you here, Sirius, you’ll die!”
“If you don’t, then we’ll both die! Come on, Lils, be practical for a second! There is a zero percent chance I’m getting out of here anyway!”
Lily ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “Don’t say shit like that, Sirius, we can both-“
In a split second, it was all over. Sirius took one second to reposition himself, and that was all the time Voldemort needed to get his wand in hand.
The moment Lily realized what was about to happen, it was like time slowed down.
“AVADA KEDAVRA!”
A blinding flash of green light.
Sirius turned to look at Lily as the curse caught him in the chest. He didn’t seem afraid. Instead, he flashed a final grin. That signature Sirius Black grin that looked so out of place on James’ face. “It’s okay,” he mouthed. And then he was gone.
Lily couldn’t even allow herself a moment to mourn. Riddle was already getting to his feet, wand raised. Lily felt a surge of pride for her best friend as she noticed that Riddle’s face was a bloody, battered mess and he seemed to be having difficulty breathing.
Then, the moment subsided and rage took over. It was a rage so intense that it made everything else insignificant. How dare this man show up in her home and tear her family apart? How dare he kill her best friend on her living room floor? How dare he try to hurt her son? How dare he continue to live after destroying the lives of so many?
Before Lily even realized what she was doing, her wand was in her hand and the words were out of her mouth.
A second flash of green light.
Voldemort never stood a chance.
———
“The idiot left his wand on the table,” Lily sobbed. “He fought the Dark Lord with his bare hands, can you believe him? Fully laid him out, the muggle way. Oh, that stupid, wonderful idiot!”
Despite the gaping hole in his chest, James found it in himself to be immensely relieved that Lily and Harry were alive. But Sirius. Oh, but Sirius. Of course Sirius had taken on Voldemort with his bare hands. Of course he hadn’t hesitated to give his life for Lily’s and Harry’s. He had always been the bravest, most reckless idiot James had ever known.
James was sure he had never felt pain like this in his entire life. It was as if the oxygen had been torn from his lungs, the blood stripped from his veins. How could the universe be so cruel as to take away his very soul and expect him to keep living?
As James wept, the night sky shimmered beside him and a wispy silver phoenix swooped through the air.
Voldemort is dead. Dumbledore’s calm voice emanated from the Patronus. Everyone will be celebrating. The war is over.
At the what cost? James wanted to scream. How could he celebrate this moment when his favourite person in the whole world wasn’t there to celebrate it with him?
As if on cue, a series of colourful fireworks exploded in quick succession. Taunting him.
James held Sirius’ body closer to his chest and muffled a sob into his hair. Remus and Lily knelt down and wrapped their arms around him. He accepted their warmth gratefully.
“It should have been me. Take me instead,” he begged over and over again, unable to accept the fact that Sirius Black was dead. “Take me instead. Not Sirius. Not Sirius. Take me instead.”
The universe did not answer his pleas. In the sky above him, the brightest star shined a bit brighter.