Mary had been so excited for this party. She had come with her friends to Emmeline’s eighteenth; Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter had come to her house to get ready, since she lived so close by, and Sirius and Marlene were also going to be coming home with her afterwards, but Marlene had been at Emmeline’s already to help her set up.
And while it had been fun for a while, she was now stuck looking after a very drunk James lying on the road outside the expansive house. He had been profusely throwing up for a concerning amount of time at this point, and Peter and Sirius were no help, even offering him another drink before being harshly led back inside by a furious Lily. Mary didn’t really blame them though, they were almost as shit faced at James, even though it had only been about two hours since they got here.
So now she was helping James get it out of his system into a bush, offering him cups of water supplied by Pandora and wrapping a blanket around him as he shook. Soothing hands rubbed across his back and sweaty hair was swept from his eyes by Marlene, who had been hanging out with Mary until a worried Alice had gotten them from their spot in the kitchen to look after James.
After a while, he seemed to have calmed down enough to go back inside, and Mary dragged him into a bedroom to sleep so he wouldn’t feel too awful by the end of the night. When she closed the door behind her, she immediately went in search of a drink, having been entirely too sober for James’ bullshit mumbling about how Lily would hate him for getting drunk.
Feeling better with a cool can in her hand, she wandered around the house for a while, talking to people she knew while keeping an eye out for Marlene, who had disappeared when Mary brought James inside. When she was nowhere to be found after half an hour of wandering around, Mary gave up and asked Alice if she had seen Marlene.
Luckily, Frank had come by to tell Alice he was going outside with a few people a while back so Alice suggested Mary look for her at the end of the short road the house was on.
Sure enough, Mary found a small group of people laughing and swaying to the distant music in a dark cul de sac. A cigarette was being passed between Barty and Evan while Frank was talking to Marlene and Dorcas, who had her arm around Marlene's shoulders. Mary thought nothing of it, it was a cool night out, and Marlene was wearing a rather small top if she was to be honest. Besides, they were friends and drunk, an arm around a shoulder was nothing strange.
Mary joined them, and when Marlene drunkenly put her hand around Mary’s waist, she did the same back, relishing in the warm comfort of Marlene’s skin under her cold hand. Marlene shivered slightly at the cold touch, but laughed and smiled at Mary, telling her she had missed her.
“I was only gone for like half an hour.” Mary laughed back.
“But it seemed like such a long time.” Marlene retorted sloppily, clearly having had more to drink in the aforementioned half hour. For some reason, during their short conversation, Mary suddenly remembered Marlene saying her goals for the party were to wear a slutty top (check), get drunk (check), and to kiss someone (could Mary be that person? She hoped so). She shook the memory away, even as she imagined herself leaning in and kissing Marlene. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. They were best friends so kissing was a given, and they had even dated when they were 14 before Mary got obsessed with a stupid guy and they broke up.
They continued chatting for a while, and Marlene kept turning her head towards Dorcas, though in Mary’s now tipsy mind, they were just talking. It was only when Frank lit up a cigarette and offered it around that she realised they were stealing kisses.
She stood frozen for a second, but quickly collected herself. Marlene was just doing it to do it right? Cause it was one of her goals. Right? When the cigarette was passed to her, she took a few deep drags, coughing and quickly passing it back to Frank. She had never liked cigarettes, they just tasted gross and made her cough. Frank took a drag before passing it to Dorcas. Mary, who was following the cigarette with her eyes, watched quietly as Dorcas took a drag so deep Mary felt it in her own chest, before turning to Marlene.
Time seemed to slow as Dorcas brought her lips close to Marlenes and exhaled.
Mary watched on as their lips connected, quickly deepening the kiss and turning it into a makeout instead.
She turned, took a swig of her drink, and walked away.
-
Mary was on autopilot as she entered the house, walking past her friends calling her name, making her way to the toilet. When she reached it, she sat down on the closed lid, head in her hands, and sighed. She sat for a while, long enough for someone to bang on the door demanding to be let in before they pissed themselves.
Mary raised her head and stood. She would be fine. She could just avoid Marlene and Dorcas, pretend everything was fine, and get on with the party. Assuming they were still outside, Mary grabbed another drink and headed to the living room, where people were doing something resembling dancing while screaming the lyrics to songs Mary couldn’t care less about. When she reached the doorway, she stopped in her tracks.
They were there. Arms around each other. Breaths mingling. Eyes locked onto the others. Disgustingly in love probably.
Turning to walk back out of the room, she crashed into Lily, who had just come out of the room James was in.
“Shit sorry, didn’t see you there Mary.” She apologised, grabbing her by the shoulders to stop her from falling, “Where have you-” She paused, looking at Mary’s face. “Are you alright Mary?” She had a worried look on her face. Mary felt bad for putting that look on her face.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” A monotone voice definitely not belonging to Mary responded.
“Alright, wanna go sit on the couch with me for a while.” Lily was still worried, and Mary couldn’t understand why she cared, Mary was fine . But she let herself be dragged along anyway, not paying attention to where they were going until she was gently guided to sit on a soft couch.
“Tell me what happened. Please. I want to help you.” Lily said quietly.
Mary was close with Lily, she wanted to tell her, she wanted to be able to unload some of the crushing weight off of her chest. But what if she thought Mary was just weird. What if she thought her feelings were stupid or told someone else and ruined Mary’s life. Realistically Mary knew Lily would never do those things, but her brain wasn't really being rational at the time.
“I, uhm, well this is gonna sound stupid.” She started.
“Mary, nothing you say is stupid. Whatever has you like this is clearly worth me listening to since I want to help you.” Lily said, scooting closer and placing her hand on Mary’s thigh to rub comforting circles into her leg. Mary took a deep breath. She could tell Lily. She would.
“Marlene kissed Dorcas.” She rushed out, “But not in just a we’re friends and drunk at a party way they were making out .” She continued, choking out the last words. Though now that she had started, she was on a roll. “They shared cigarette smoke and Dorcas had her arm around Marlene’s shoulder and Marlene had her arm around mine and it was awful and I was right there but she didn’t notice and they were kissing and I was staring and I couldn’t so I walked away and I don’t know what to do Lily.”
“Oh, Mary.” Lily’s hand on her thigh stopped, and she looked at Mary with such pity in her eyes that Mary had to look away.
Her eyes landed on Marlene and Dorcas standing in the center of the room kissing.
Lily had led her to the couch. The couch which was in the living room, which was where Marlene and Dorcas were.
When Mary stilled for a second before opening her drink and drinking almost half of it in one go, Lily looked to where Mary’s eyes had previously been fixed and sighed.
“ Oh, Mary.”
“Stop saying that.”
Mary was being unfairly mean.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s ok. I just don’t want your pity.”
“Ok. I’ll just listen if you want to tell me something.” Lily said after a pause. Mary loved her for being so understanding and willing to listen, even when Mary did stupid things.
Looking over at Marlene and Dorcas again, she took a deep breath.
“I love her. So much. And it hurts cause she’s the one person I can’t be with.” She averted her eyes again and brought the drink back to her lips, drinking deeply. “I’ve loved her since I was thirteen for fucks sake.”