A Woman, not a God
Chapter 1: A Woman, not a God
What is the world if not a floating rock within the abyss of space that is occupied by foal creatures that call themselves humane? Or at least that is what we have learned from history.
I am not allowed to say things like this anymore- mother says that it scares away possible suitors, which had not stopped me in the past, and yet now it is all I am allowed to worry and fret about. Will her opinion stop me however when I am no longer trapped under her ever-so-watchful gaze? Absolutely not. Summer is almost at its end, and I cannot wait to return to my dorm at Hogwarts, it has become my home in every sense of the word. The people I met there became my family, became what my parents could never give me, they did not care in the same manner that they do.
But in all fairness, I was never theirs to love. They didn’t hold me the way she does, they do not comprehend my thoughts the way that she does and perhaps that is why she means so much more to me. Bellatrix Black is, was, and will forever be everything that I need, everything I wish to be, and everything I wish to grasp onto. Tomorrow would mean nothing if her presence was not there. I like to think of myself as an open-minded person in spite of who raised me, I do not wish to claim myself as a saint though- for that would simply not be true, I believe everyone is equal and therefore I am mean to everyone no matter what gender, sexuality or race they are; see equality.
I also think that I do see the best in people, no matter how badly they treat me; a fatal flaw, but alas it is the only thing that makes me feel like any of this is okay. My name is Amalthea Malfoy, I have a brother- the heir to the Malfoy name and the bane of my existence. I cannot stress enough how little I like the man. I do lack the decorum to have the same courtesy that I have for everyone else with my brother. I do not hate him- I simply do not like spending time in his company. Perhaps that seems cruel, but it is very hard to like him- he has no redeeming qualities.
Lucius Malfoy is not a nice man, but I am- he cares, unfortunately, he does seem keen on protecting me, just not in the ways that I wish he would. I do not feel saddened by the fact that I have to distance myself from my brother- it is not like I will have to live without any. Without Lucius, I already have 6 others, very willing to take his place.
I had made many friends within the school, excluding Bellatrix and her sisters of course. James Potter- mischievous, honest, and funny, a brother that some could only dream of. Sirius Black- Bella’s cousin and one of her closest confidants. Remus Lupin- kind, fair and true. Peter Pettigrew- shy, silly, and sly. Regulus Black- short. Daniel Snape- the brother of my sworn enemy, he is kind and funny, and he does not hesitate to stand up for what is right. He has been nicknamed Mushroom for his excellence in Herbology, people liked him- unlike his brother.
Severus Snape was a menace, he believes that he is better than everyone else, he grew obsessive over Lily Evans, a friend of mine. She wanted to see the best in him, but truly there was very little good to find. In all honesty, I believe that Lily Evans is a much better person than I could ever hope to become.
Kindness is her langue, and honesty is embedded within her soul, even when one would wish that it wasn’t.
I sent many letters to all of them over the summer, and in return, I received even more, carefully they were rolled and stored away. A reminder that even when I feel that I am alone I would never truly be. They would always be there.
Today I need to take a trip to Diagonally, Lucius- the moron- broke my wand over the summer while he was trying to cast an Accio charm on his own. Mother had confiscated it after a particularly nasty hex had ruined her rose bushes. That’s what he gets for trying to hex me, I told him he shouldn’t. In all fairness I did deserve it- I told him he was delusional for believing that Narcissa Black would want to date him. She is very clearly interested in Lily Evans. I reckon that they would make a cute couple, Bella however disagrees claiming that Pandora Malfoy- my cousin, would be a much better match for her. I think that they too would make a fine couple if that were who Narcissa wanted to date. Pandora, I believe has no real interest in anyone, her head is far too high in the clouds to be thinking of those trivial things. She had shown some interest in Rita Skeeter, but that attraction had died out within their first interaction. Rita was not unbearable she was simply self-absorbed, not her finest quality. Pandora Malfoy was not like other girls. She was stronger, she was smarter and she had a tendency to see things that others could not. She is everything that I wish I could be.
I tend to gravitate toward the people that I know I could never be.
My body makes contact with another, and I immediately begin to apologize, I don’t know where I am going- I am lost. She looks at me with eyes of honey brown, and she does not yell like my mother. She smiles at me. “My name is Bellatrix, what’s yours?” At this moment I realize, I am fucked.
At the age of 11, I stumbled upon the love of my life, and I was blissfully unaware. She was simply really cool, and I wanted to know everything that she was willing to tell me. She did not steal my heart, I’m afraid that I handed it over very willingly. She did not need to sneak into my life, my love- for I left her the key, sending invitations and begging her to stay when she wished to leave.
I must be the luckiest person in the world, if I was rewarded a love like this, I must have done something extraordinary in my past life. I have no reason to pine for her, she is always there. Why would I feel longing when she is always at my side? This year is our final year- year 7, after this I will be expected to wed a wealthy pure-blood man. Luckily, I am planning on getting disowned before the year is through.
Cygnus and Druella Black- the parents of the woman I plan to marry, have already excepted me into their family. Druella referred to me as her child and Cygnus introduces me as his daughter’s betrothed. And they are my parents, more than my own ever wanted to be, my mother resented me, and my father ignored me- I was not his heir after all.
They wish to sell me as a broodmare, they do not understand that I will be their worst nightmare before I go quietly into a marriage that I did not agree to. I made my way down the stairs leading to the dining room as quietly as I could, avoiding the inevitable as long as I can. If I am silent perhaps, I can avoid a fight until I return from Diagonally.
My mother and brother were already seated, that is a good sign. My father is yet to arrive. I sit next to Lucius, he is sat to the right of the head, him being my father’s pride and joy which is not a surprise, and my mother is to the left of the head across from my brother.
I hate this dynamic sometimes, I am more than what my brother could wish to be; I get the best grades- the brightest witch of my age- I am head girl, I am a better dueller, yet they see nothing but the fact that I am a woman. Woman- the word that condemns us to be second to our brothers in the eyes of our fathers. Father is silent when he enters the room, cold. His eyes hold no warmth like one would have expected a man holds for his children. He sits at the head of the table and as he raises his fork the food appears on the plates set in front of us. I eat slowly, a few bites and then I stop.
My mother would lose her mind if I were to eat more. “A lady never finishes her plate.” I am not skinny, not in any sense of the word. My thighs are thick, and I have boobs the size of mountains, but I do not hate the way I look. I do not hate that my stomach is not flat, I love to embrace who I am. I am a beauty. My mother does not agree, she believes that I must be skinny, perfect for being a housewife- a trophy wife.
I think I am meant to be more. When they have finished eating, my father leaves the table. He does not speak. “Mother, I wish to take a trip to Diagonally today, to replace my broken wand. Would that be alright?” The words are not a demand, I would not dare. My mother nods to me and not a word is spoken. I leave. For what reason would I find to stay?
I scribble a note on some parchment, for Bella, I tie it to Nicks’ foot. Nicks is my owl; her feathers are grey, and her eyes are hazel. “Take this to Bella.” She soars through the window, which is always open. I’m always warm.
I dress in something more sensible, having a meal with my parents is a formal affair, and therefore we are expected to dress formally. A dress and heels are not a good idea when you have to wade through crowds of people and trek long distances. Boots, jeans, and an oversized t-shirt with a button-up on the other hand are perfect.
I will not be home for lunch, but my mother knows that she doesn’t want me there anyway. I leave through the floo, coin purse in hand, and make my way to Olivander’s. The store seems abandoned, but I know better than to think that true. I ring the bell on the counter and Olivander’s head pops up from a stack of wands.
“Ah, Miss Malfoy, what could I help you with today?” I reach into my pocket and pull the broken wand out, laying it carefully on the counter in front of him. “Ah, I see.”
He leans down and starts to inspect the damage. “I’m afraid repairing it won’t be an option.”
I thought as much. “That’s alright Mr. Olivander, would you mind looking for another one for me?” he shakes his head and dives into a stack of wands looking through them.
He pulls one out and holds it up victoriously, “Try this one.” He hands it over and I swish it, one of the shelves closest to me begins to shake, throwing everything for the shelves onto the ground. I hand back the wand, and Mr. Olivander starts looking around once again. He wordlessly hands me another, “That one is close to the one you had before- Dragon Heartstring, oak, slightly springy, 17”.”
I wave the wand, and nothing happens for a moment, then the boxes on the counter are knocked off. “Perhaps we could try something else?” I ask, he nods heading to the back room. I know that his longer wands are not stocked to the extent of the rest, being tall means that a larger wand is required. Imagine me- a bulky 1,83m girl- trying to work with a 10” wand, I would look ridiculous.
Mr. Olivander returns with a dusty worn box, removing the wand and placing it into my open hand, “Hippogriff Talon, apple wood, unyielding, 18”.” I give it a wave, and this time a warmth surrounds me.
“Well, it would seem that the wand has chosen its master. I’ve been trying to get rid of it for years now, but it would not accept any owner, until now.” I look at it, it looks centuries old, with runes carved into it.
I look back up at Mr. Olivander, “How much do I owe you sir.” He looks at the wand for a moment before answering, “4 Galleons, you are doing me a great favour by taking it.” I reach into my bag pulling out 7 Galleons, the same price that I paid for my last one, “Thank you, Mr. Olivander, this wand seems perfect.” I lay the money on the counter and make my way out of the store.
Outside Bellatrix is standing leaning against a wall, “Well, if it isn’t the most beautiful witch that I have ever seen.” She smirks walking towards me.
“I missed you.” The words slip past my lips as a whisper but we both know that it is so much more than that.
Narcissa and Andromeda walk out of the store in front of us, I raise an eyebrow at Bella. “Don’t look at me like that, when they heard that I was meeting you they insisted that they should come along. Mom and dad are waiting at Flourish and Botts.” I smile at the thought- Cissy and Andy refusing to let Bella go without them and Cygnus and Druella tagging along.
“Well, then we certainly mustn’t keep them waiting.”