Friends
Regulus hadn’t been able to sleep that night, in fact he had barely slept for weeks, consumed with the fact that he had thrown away his entire life in one night.
The years he spent trying to be the perfect son, trying to make his parents truly love him, were in vain.
Of course he’d run after Sirius. Sirius, the one who stopped sending him letters when he went to school, the one who stopped smiling and laughing with Regulus when their parents weren’t around, the one who was ready to abandon Regulus without a second thought.
As hard as he tried to make his parents love him, he tried harder to make Sirius love him, but he would never love him more than James Potter.
Regulus had hated James since he was all Sirius could talk about, since he stole his brother from right under his nose.
He hadn’t really always hated him though, he used to honestly enjoy hearing whatever stupid thing James had done that week, but it didn’t last long.
It was kinda surreal now, being in James’s house, living with him, seemed like fiction. Almost like the world was playing some kind of sick joke on him, because of course.
Regulus found himself wandering the house at night, admiring the multitude of vibrant and warm colours, Grimmauld Place looked like a graveyard in comparison. He remembers how when he was younger he was convinced the house was haunted, and would ask Sirius to check for ghosts.
Eventually Regulus settled himself down on the couch and he couldn’t help it as his eyes drifted towards the front door.
He was sure if he ran home now he could convince his parents Sirius had forced him against his will to run away, and this was all a huge misunderstanding.
Maybe they would even resow his face back onto the family tree tapestry, maybe things would all go back to what they were, even if they were hell.
Regulus knew how bad his parents were, he remembers how they had locked him up in his room for three days without food when he had talked back after hours of lecturing.
Nevertheless he still held love for his parents, maybe just for the idea of them, he didn’t know or care.
He did know Sirius held some form of a vendetta against him for it, seeing as their parents were worse on Sirius, but that’s because he wouldn’t stop acting out.
Regulus would beg him everyday to stop hanging up Gryffindor banners or provocative posters just for the point of rebelling, but he always was too stubborn.
Regulus didn’t know how long he’d been staring off into space, he’d always been like this, almost as if he couldn’t be grounded on earth.
Pandora, his friend from Hogwarts, would joke that he was simply trying to be with his star in the night sky, which he didn’t mind the thought of.
“ Reg? “ He heard faintly.
Go away.
“ Are you there? “
What does it look like?
It went quiet.
Finally.
Regulus felt the couch dip slightly beside him and was suddenly aware someone was sitting next to him.
Merlin.
He was immediately snapped out of his haze and looked around to see a very tired James Potter.
His messy brown hair looked more untidy if it was even possible, and his small circle framed glasses fell to the tip of his nose, which made Regulus feel… Nervous?
The atmosphere suddenly felt tense as Regulus watched James’s eyes rake over his face, he wanted to wrap himself up in a blanket and turn away from his burning gaze .
James’s eyes eventually met Regulus’s, and his eyes widened as if he had just realised how close they were.
In fact, Regulus had come to the conclusion that he would only have to move around fifteen centimetres before they came face to face, but James quickly moved back before coughing slightly.
“ Can’t sleep? “
Regulus averted his eyes from James’s and nodded “ you too? “.
Regulus didn’t need to look at James to tell that he was shocked Regulus was actually talking to him, he wasn’t going out of his way to ignore James, he just never really had to.
There was a beat of silence before James quietly responded “ Yeah, today was… Really nice “ Regulus felt himself slightly melt at the smile in his voice.
Of course that didn’t mean anything, Regulus still hated James with every bone in his body.
“ You can’t sleep because you had a good day? “ Regulus questioned flatly.
He expected James to sigh or get annoyed at his remark, but instead he let out a low chuckle and shook his head
“ Yeah, doesn’t make much sense does it? “ Now Regulus was looking at James, and even through the dimly lit room he could make out the twinkle in his eyes. He looked at Regulus like he was looking at something special, it made Regulus fidget in his spot.
“ No “ he scoffed, looking away, now uneasy.
Another beat of silence.
“ Why are you awake? “ James asked softly, like Regulus was fragile.
He didn’t really know how to respond, he didn’t want James to be concerned, Regulus knew James had a tendency to try to make everything better when he literally can’t.
“ I’m just… Thinking “ Regulus responded, he’d settled for neither a lie nor the whole truth, afterall James didn’t really want to hear of all his problems.
James chuckled a little, but it was laced with upset, living at Grimmauld Place made it easy to tell.
“ What? “ Regulus asked sharply, looking back over at James, who was looking at his feet.
“ Nothing, nothing… “ Regulus felt his breath hitch as James looked over at him with the softest eyes he’d ever seen, he had beautiful hazel eyes that made it hard to look at anything else.
What was going on with him tonight?
It took about a minute, though it felt like hours, for James to speak again.
“ Why do you feel like you need to lie to me? “ He asked slowly, his eyebrows furrowing together in a mixture of upset and frustration.
How Regulus wished he could rip his eyes from James’s, get up and walk away, but that was proving to be impossible.
“ It doesn’t matter “ Regulus answered softly, which was true, for some reason he felt like he couldn’t lie straight to James’s face.
James’s eyebrows furrowed further, looking even more upset, Regulus wished he could take back his words so James wouldn’t look at him the way he was.
“ Of course it does Reg… It matters to me”.
One final beat of silence.
“ Goodnight James “ Regulus whispered before finally getting up and walking to the guest room, he didn’t look back for a response but nevertheless.
“ Goodnight Reg “
When he was sure James was out of earshot he let out a breath he didn’t know he was still holding in.
What the actual fuck just happened?
….
The next day James and Sirius had invited Remus, Peter and Marlene over to play quidditch in the Potters backyard.
The Quidditch field was quite makeshift, the hoops being poorly sawn and wooden, and the balls being slightly slower and clearly second hand.
Nevertheless every day James spent at home he would fly around pretending to be playing in the world cup.
Regulus had quickly learnt he liked Marlene Mckinnon.
She was a funny, confident and assertive Gryfindoor who never failed to remind Regulus how stupid his brother was. She almost always wore a smug look, similar to Sirius’s, and her dishevelled blonde hair would usually be worn in two braids.
Remus didn’t play quidditch, instead he would sit outside on a chair next to Regulus watching everybody play, and Regulus couldn’t help but notice he was watching someone a little more than the others. Remus’s face was littered in scars and he seemed to live in sweaters and brown corduroy pants, without fail he was always calm whenever a situation was stressful, which the last few weeks alone had proven.
Peter was very clumsy and it was clear he viewed James very highly, which wasn’t much different from a lot of kids at Hogwarts. He seemed like a huge softie, incapable of hurting a fly, in fact he apologised multiple times whilst playing quidditch for hitting the bludger like he was supposed to.
“ SUCK IT MCKINNON! PERDANTE! “ Sirius yelled, which Marlene rolled her eyes at.
It was clear that having his friends around made Sirius feel better, and Regulus hadn’t seen this side of him in years.
It almost made him feel sad.
Almost.
After hours of being outside either playing or watching quidditch, everybody went inside to eat lunch, which Euphemia had already put together.
There was a large fruit platter and a plate full of sandwiches, which everybody quickly started tucking into.
“ Can you believe summer’s almost over? “ Marlene said, almost wistfully.
“ What a nightmare, can’t we skip a term?.. Or two? “ Sirius muttered whilst eyeing Fleamont, who was sitting across from him.
“ What? Not excited to see Snivelly? “ James chuckled, to which Sirius made a fake gagging noise.
“ We all know James has been counting down the days ‘till he can see Lily “ Peter mentioned, causing everybody ( excluding Regulus ) to laugh.
James went slightly pale and looked down at his plate.
“ Don’t worry James I’m sure she just can’t wait to see you too “ Sirius barked with laughter.
“ Yeah, she’s definitely forgotten how you ‘ accidentally ‘ dropped a dungbomb into Snape’s amortentia, “ Remus added sarcastically.
Regulus couldn’t help it as a small laugh fell out of his lips at the thought.
He looked up to check if anyone had heard, and sure enough James was staring at him with a smile.
Regulus froze at the sight.
James had a gorgeous smile, though Regulus would never say it aloud.
He just always had the power to make time stop with a single look.
It was infuriating.
“ Okay, okay “ James threw his hands up jokingly, looking over at Remus.
Regulus looked down quickly at his plate.