At fifteen, Hermione knew it would be foolish to fall in love with Harry. She was very much aware of her rather plain appearance. That coupled with her pushy attitude, that she was sure would never endear her to Harry.
But, she did.
By the end of sixth year, she had realised it was fruitless.
Harry was falling for Ginny.
She needed to erect some boundaries between her mind and her heart. She had to put her all into their mission and forego her feelings. She had also realized that Ron liked her the same way she had liked him before the Yule ball.
But that was wasted.
Harry has ruined that for her. It was all his fault he shouldn't have come back to check on her in the common room in the dead of the night after the ball. Shouldn't have brought her a blanket, shouldn't have made an effort to understand her and make her smile. Definitely shouldn't have complimented her smile.
She was a goner.
On the hunt it had been obvious that Harry was hooked on Ginny and would never feel for her what he felt for Ginny. Ron was there though, subtly making her aware of his advances.
It was obvious in the way he smiled at her during conversation and gazed at her from the corner of his eyes. He even sat beside her quietly as she read and she realized maybe she could grow to love him if they did end up together. He was considerate and persistent, she conceded.
Then he changed, it started with little Bursts of frustration and soon led to him calling Harry an orphan. It was disastrous, in a fit of anger he had fled.
Hermione was left all alone with Harry again and this time she made sure to keep her heart caged. Only had it lasted.
She was crumpling under the weight of her demons and there Harry was again, with a blanket in his hand and a nervous smile upon his face.
Again, she was a goner.
On the eve of Christmas she contemplated her life and came to the conclusion, She love Harry James Potter unconditionally and probably always will. That however didn't mean she couldn't try to love another. She prayed to magic for an answer and unsurprisingly and in a rather anticlimactic fashion Ron Weasley returned.
She can only vaguely remember what she had felt when she saw Harry hold Ginny close to him almost as if he had achieved Nirvana. It had hurt, that much she recalled but only vaguely.
There was adrenaline pumping in her system as there was a war to fight and win, hopefully, for Harry.
Her hands were full while leaving the chamber of secrets but so was her head, full of insecure ramblings and suggestions from her mind, she frankly did not want, thank you very much. In the midst of this mental debate, she heard Ron suggestion and a spark set in her heart. Who knew Ron Weasley could be compassionate?
She does not regret kissing Ron in that moment, she really doesn't but maybe she should've realized to Harry who was as oblivious to her feelings as her brick wall that looked as a clear declaration of love.
Ah, to be young and in love.
It was on her 21st birthday, that Ron Weasley, proposed to her. To anyone on the opposite side of the screen it was romantic, absolutely perfect and about time it happened. To her, it was enlightening. Because, even though they had been dating for nearly two years, she didn't love him, not enough to completely lose her non-existant chance to be with Harry.
And so, this time, she fled.
At 26, Hermione had finally made peace with herself. She had left her previous life behind and started fresh in America.
She had accepted the fact that she had lost any love and relationship she had with the Weasleys especially Molly and Ginny.
She knew Harry was married.
And she loved him.
'Granger, you need to file these cases in their chronological order and hand it to Carlson by 5 pm.' Daron stressed, as he place a stack of parchment on her desk. An usual look of disdain on his face ever present.
'Oh hold up, these are cases related Quidditch,' she said sorting through roughly placed stack of papers on her desk, 'I don't deal with these, Daron. You know very well this Mcfly's job! Why are you shoving these on me.'
'Hey stop! At least answer me.' she persisted and Daron clearly irritated, made to leave.
'He hasn't shown up today and no one else is competent enough, for me to trust them with these. Plus these are for a very important meeting Carlson is having in the evening. If you do this impeccably, I'll put in a good word for you.' Daron explained with occasional huffs and sigh as if he were doing a laborious job.
'Fine,' she sighed retreating back into her cubicle.
It was on the last few pages that she read the news, Ginny had had a Quidditch injury due to which she had miscarried and was now at St. Mungos bed ridden and in a state of comatose.
A shudder went through body and reverberated in her brain. She couldn't phantom the loss and the pain. Molly would be devastated same with Ron and Harry.
She sat there for a while wondering, what she would have felt in such situation, what she could have done had she been there.
It's was the chime to three that brought her back, hastily she put the cases in order being mindful to collect and add any other necessary detail from the logs.
At quarter to 5, she was stood outside Carlson's office waiting for him to answer her knock.
And once she entered she wished she hadn't. Inside sat, was one Ron Weasley she had ran away from. Eyes swollen, cheeks gaunt and lips twisted in a scowl, one so reminiscent of Malfoy.
His scowl melted a little but his jaw remained set. Both frozen in their place, unable to decide what to say.
Carlson cleared his throat and gestured for her. Broken out of her reverie she hastily placed the folder on his desk and left.
She knew it was futile. She had been caught and couldn't escape again. Maybe she could but just didn't have the will anymore.
She made it to her cubicle and took a chair. She understood now or at least got the gist of it. They believed the accident was a ploy maybe it was. The accident happened in Phoenix and thus Ron was here to check records if there was a pattern or anything.
He was desperate.
Maybe Harry was-no just the thought of it made her blue-maybe he was slipping.
To face such a loss for not one but two lives, at least Ginny is alive her heart supplied.
'Hermione' it was loosely said. Ron sounded reaffirming taken by grief.
She looked up, her face open to read.
'I'm sorry, Ron.'
Her words drowned in her tears as the memories of her childhood flooded her brain.
'I'm sorry,' hesitating a bit first he stepped forward and gathered her in his arms.
'it's alright' reciprocated his tired voice.
And to her, his words were an anchor.
On her 29th birthday Hermione found herself siting at Ginny's bedside. So much had changed in the three years, she had left for England with Ronald, signing her resignation a week after they met in her office.
England had been harsh at first not only the weather but the people as well, George had forgiven her quickly in a desperate need for a sister. Ron had helped her get her reintegrated with everyone. He had also been kind enough to lend her room in the apartment where he lived with his wife and daughter.
Almost all Weasleys had forgiven her for her dramatic retreat, seeing Ron doing so. All apart from Molly. Molly had only grown more hostile as the months went by and that she was okay with.
Expecting everything to be normal would've been stupid anyways.
She had grown attached to Ginny again. Well as much as you can get to someone who is in coma. Ginny liked her there though, or so the doctors thought. Because that's what they told her and thus she visited daily.
Making peace with Ginny was easy.
Harry though, remained a constant presence in her thoughts. She often wondered of him but never had the courage to face him. Harry was so much larger than life now. It was difficult sometimes just to catch a glimpse of him.
Eventhough, Hermione stayed in Ron's apartment for almost two years where, Harry was a constant dweller, she could count on her fingers the times she had seen him.
He was avoiding her.
It was understandable. She had heard in the states that people often tend to replace people once they're gone. Maybe she had been replaced, maybe she didn't have that big place to begin with.
She was reading to Ginny when he entered the room and suddenly everyone's attention was captured by him.
Taking purposeful strides, he was at Ginny's bed, a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand one he brought in every Friday.
He didn't spare a glance at Hermione as he went to the change the flowers. Sensing his awkwardness, Hermione quickly scrambled off.
In her hasty retreat she had left her keys behind and after consoling herself enough went to collect them.
'-doesn't talk to me, do I look that intimidating?'
'I mean, I understand, I have been cold but what am I supposed to do? Just forgive and forget? She didn't even attend our wedding. Said, she'd always be by my side, my side, my arse!'
Maybe everything wasn't lost after all.