Puck Drop

Sirius

Sirius couldn’t focus. Usually, the ice was his safe space. A place where it was just him, the puck, and his boys. A place where he could go and forget about everything outside the rink. But Remus Lupin seemed to have gone and destroyed that very precious boundary.

Remus, apparently that was his actual name and not fucking John (although Sirius did think it fit him much better), was at the end of the rink with Pete and the goalie coach, Mickey. The goalies mostly kept to themselves throughout practice, performing their own drills and really only joining the team for warmups and scrimmages. Today, however, Moody seemed to think it would be fun to give the new goalie some practice with the rest of the team; they were preparing to run a three-on-three with Pete at one end and Remus on the other. Lucky for Sirius, his line had been chosen to face off against Remus. Wonderful.

He was facing Caradoc Dearborn, center for their second line, in the center of the ice, waiting for the puck to drop. But Sirius couldn’t tear his eyes away from Remus in front of his net, now alone. He was massive in his pads, nearly blocking the whole goal just by standing there. He was oblivious to, or at least ignoring, Sirius’s glare, working instead to rough up his crease while the play was about to begin. Remus looked so sure of himself on his skates, even more so than he had on the dance floor if that was even possible. Sirius was hypnotized just watching him go back and forth across the net. And then he turned, his amber eyes just as bright from across the rink and under his mask. He raised his eyebrow and Sirius choked.

The whistle blew and Caradoc stole the puck out from underneath him.

“What the hell, Pads!” James shouted from his right as they sprinted toward Pete’s net, “Pay attention!”

James and he had been skating on the same line since Sirius’s second season, and by now it was like skating with an extension of himself. Still, “Up yours, Potter!”

Sirius slammed Davey Gudgeon into the boards at the red line and wrestled the puck out from beneath his feet and passed it across the ice to Felix, or Fender as he had so lovingly been named. Sirius had lost himself for a second with his back turned to Remus and eyes instead trained on the puck, but the second he turned back around to make his way toward the goal, he slowed. Remus was crouched, ready for whatever the team threw at him. He looked completely in his element and Sirius fell a little harder. Luckily, he wasn’t needed on the ice as Fender had the breakaway. He raced down the ice and took the slapshot, which Remus swallowed easily.

Moody blew his whistle while the team congratulated Remus by banging their sticks against the boards and whistling. “Nice save Remus. Just be careful with watching Fender’s eyes, he’s slippery.” Remus gave a thumbs up from across the ice and proceeded to circle his net.

Remus had barely spoken to anyone since the practice had started besides Peter. He was all shy hellos and polite thanks, absolutely nothing like the bold and reckless man Sirius had met the night prior and it was so goddamn frustrating. Sirius wanted to see that Remus, the one who smirked and took what he wanted (Sirius ignored the thought that he wanted Remus to take him). For all the swooning he was doing seeing Remus in his hockey gear, it was nothing compared to the Remus who had pushed him up against the door to his apartment and kissed him slowly. It was nothing like the Remus who had ripped off their shirts before they had even got to the bedroom. At it certainly wasn’t like the Remus who had thrown him onto the bed and-

The whistle blew again. “I want to see Lines 2 and 3 out there!”

Sirius meandered over to the bench, switching spots with his teammates. He sat next to James who bumped their shoulders together,

“What’s up, love?” He said mockingly, though not unkindly.

“S’nothing,” Sirius mumbled while grabbing a water bottle from Arthur and squirting it down his throat.

“And does that mean I don’t get to learn why you were late today?” James persisted.

“Nope,” Sirius grinned. Truthfully, it was rather embarrassing. He had woken up with a pounding headache and an aching chest from the cigarettes, but still in complete bliss. Until he realized there was no one in the bed next to him, no John to wake up with. It had stung. And after realizing there was no one left in the apartment, Sirius had spent an embarrassingly long amount of time scouring his apartment for a note or even a business card so he could contact John, only to turn up empty. He had made his way through his morning workout slowly, mourning the fact that he would never see John (Remus?) ever again, to the point that he had been late for practice. He wouldn’t have spent so long looking if he had known the man would turn up in his locker room.

“Well, whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’m here.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. James was almost too sweet sometimes. It felt bad hiding from him but there was no way in hell he was about to go blabbing to anyone, not even his best mate, that he had hooked up with the new goalie the night before. To be fair to himself, Sirius knew it was not his fault that it had been Remus of all people. How was he supposed to know who Remus really was? But that led Sirius on to a whole other line of thinking. How did Remus not know who he was?

Sirius wasn’t necessarily a humble person. He liked to brag if he was completely honest, and he felt like he deserved to for the years of hard work he had put in to become one of the best centers in the league. It hadn’t been easy and yet, Sirius had become a minor star within the league and an even bigger star in Gryffindor alone. Anyone who followed hockey knows who Sirius Black is. There was no way in hell Remus didn’t. Leaving the question, why would Remus hook up with him?

As he skated back onto the ice, Sirius pondered the question. Was Remus trying to screw with him? Was this some sort of setup? Were the boys playing a prank on him? But the boys didn’t even know that Remus was the new goalie, no one had. Sirius hadn’t even heard the name “Remus Lupin” before today. Sirius was so lost in thought he almost fumbled the puck James passed to him. But the moment it was on the end of his stick Sirius’s head cleared. All that mattered was getting the puck into the back of the net and he raced down the ice, straight at Remus. He avoided looking at him until he was only a few feet away and their eyes met again. Every time it happened it was like the whole world melted away and they were the only two people left alive. Sirius’s stomach clenched and he blindly shot the puck.
Remus didn’t even move, and the puck easily hit the back of the net. James shouted something but everything was muffled and Sirius couldn’t make it out. He and Remus were stuck in one another’s eyes until the whistle blew and the tension snapped. Sirius whipped around and headed back towards the bench.

After 20 more minutes of three-on-three and an unnecessarily long shooting drill, Moody ordered them back into the locker room. Sirius had never been more grateful for a practice to end in his entire life. Even compared to those one-on-one practices alone with his father, this had been so much worse. It was torture, avoiding Remus when all he wanted was to speak to him, question him, kiss him. His emotions were a jumble, and he was unsure whether he felt angry, betrayed, or over the moon with joy that he was able to see John (Remus!) again. But as he made his way into the locker room he realized he could feel none of those things. This was his team, and Remus was a part of it now whether they liked it or not. And Sirius knew he couldn’t risk losing the respect or loyalty of his team over one lousy (alright, it was incredible) hookup. It just wasn’t worth it, no matter how good Remus looked as he walked out of the showers, towel hanging low on his hips. So, Sirius vowed right then and there to never feel a thing for Remus Lupin.

Sirius turned around to James in the stall next to him, “I had a date last night, that’s why I was late.”

James looked a little confused by the sudden confession, and its abnormality, but took it in stride, “Ah, so you got a little wrapped up this morning then?”

Sirius had to strengthen his stomach. It felt awful to lie to his best friend, “Yeah, it was great.”

“Any chance we’ll meet the lucky lady then?”

Oh, if James only knew. “Not a chance in hell,” smirked Sirius as he stood to leave. He was ready to go home, just lie down, and put on a record, probably some Pink Floyd, but as he shouldered his bag Frank shouted at the room,

“Drinks tonight at the Three Broomsticks. Be there at 8, we gotta show Lupin how the Lions party!” A few of the younger boys whooped and hollered but Sirius couldn’t stop himself from letting out a groan. Who knew what would happen when he and Remus were in the same vicinity, drunk. Again.

…

Remus

Remus wanted to get pissed. Completely, utterly pissed. To the point where he couldn’t move and got the spins pissed. He had vowed when he had signed hisffirst NHL contract that he wouldn’t touch alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes until his hockey career was over. And then he got traded to the Lions. So, when Lily offered him one last night of freedom before he started with his new team, Remus couldn’t resist. And now that he had met Sirius Black everything had gone to shit.

It had been the hardest practice of Remus’s life-long hockey career, and not because he was nowa Lions player. No, it was because Sirius Black was a fucking angel on the ice. He was the most graceful skater Remus had ever seen, gliding across the ice like it was nothing; Remus almost thought he should have taken up figure skating. It was mesmerizing to watch him, even if it was just drills, meaning Remus spent most of his energy decidedly not looking anywhere near him. Until, of course, Sirius locked eyes with him on the three-on-three, and Remus couldn’t help but get lost in them. They were a startling blue, standing out against his pale skin and even brighter ice.

And then Sirius scored on him.

It was the only shot he had missed the entire drill, but Remus seethed. He barely knew the guy and he was already messing with his head. The last thing he needed was for him to muck up his hockey career.

As he made his way to the bar his mind hardly left Sirius, his face, how he’d looked in his hockey gear, how he’d looked changing out of his hockey gear…

Fuck.

The moment Connor, Sirius, whoever the fuck, had walked into the locker room that morning, alarm bells had started ringing and they had yet to stop. Remus was in full-on panic mode, racking his mind as to how to fix this nightmare of his own creation. It had been risky enough to hook up with a guy right before going into the league. Hell, it was risky simply being gay and playing hockey. Remus had understood the stigma since he’d first stepped foot in a locker room and as a result, had vowed to keep his personal life and hockey separate. What he did outside the rink was none of his teammate’s business. That was, of course, until what he did, was a teammate.

Fuck.

Remus understood he and Sirius needed to talk. He was an adult, he understood the importance of communication. But god, he had no idea what to say. “Sorry I fucked you and then showed up in your locker room the next morning. I promise I had no idea you were my teammate!” But if he couldn’t stand one simple conversation, how would he last an entire season? He needed to get this whole thing over with, put it behind the both of them. And as he walked into the bar, he vowed he would speak to Sirius if he got the chance.

Clearly, he realized as he entered, that would not be easy. The team took up a large corner of the bar and seemed very comfortable with the waitstaff; this was obviously their regular place. The sheer amount of people there meant it would be difficult to get Sirius alone. He was nervous enough as it is to be back in Gryffindor during his rookie season. The added pressure of Sirius Black was too much. So, he walked over to the bar before joining the team.

“Whatever’s on tap,” he mumbled down to the bartender, throwing down some cash. Just one more promise to himself that he’d broken. Although, at this point, drinking was the least of his problems. He glanced back over to the team, spotting Sirius jostling with James and Peter, laughing while they shoved one another. They had been in perfect sync on the ice and only seemed more so off of it, finishing each other’s jokes and communicating with their eyes. It was almost creepy to watch.

The bartender handed him his beer and he took a long sip before joining the team. Peter spotted him first,

“Hey Lupin, over here!” The whole team turned around and ushered him over, bright smiles on their faces. They had all seemed nice enough, but Remus hadn’t gotten past pleasantries with any of them, and he wasn’t planning to. This was not a year for making friends, it was a year for getting good. Remus took his seat next to Peter, who just happened to be seated next to James and Sirius, and gave the team all a curt nod.

Fender, Remus thought his real name was Felix, was the first to begin the interrogation,

“I watched some of your tape, Lupin. That shutout against Yale was insane.”

Remus was just glad they were talking about hockey, “Yeah, thanks.”

“How come we haven’t heard of you then?” Peter asked.

Remus just shrugged.

“Didn’t hear your name in the draft either, I feel like I would have noticed,” Peter pressed.

“Oh, I was a last-round pick for the Flames. Got bounced around a bit before ending up in Seattle. No one really needs a goalie right now,” Remus shrugged again. It was true, the goalies in the league were top-notch right now. Vasilesky. Andersen. Fleury. Pettigrew. No team really needed him (The Lions only needed him because their second string goalie, Crowski, was out for the season with a torn ACL), and he was lucky to have been picked up at all. And really, he was grateful for it. The threat of his hockey career ending had been the thing that pushed him into signing the contract with the Lions, no matter how much he detested the team.

“Well, we’re glad you’re here, and I’m sure you are too. The press release said you grew up around here?” James had joined the conversation now and his voice got higher at the end of his sentence, clearly asking for Remus to elaborate.

“Yeah, I did, over in Godric.”

“You must be excited then, playing for your home team and all,” James continued. Like hell I am, Remus thought. But instead, he said,

“Yeah, of course,” As if it wasn’t his worst nightmare.

James clearly wasn’t satisfied and he pressed on, “It’s so incredible to actually get out there and play, the crowds incredible, but I’m sure you know that,” he said with a wink. “At our last home game, I-”

“No hockey talk on nights out!” Frank shouted from across the high top, glaring at James. “I’m sure Lupin is tired of hearing about hockey by now.”

Remus was glad for the interruption. If he had to talk anymore about how great Gryffindor and its fans were he was going to break. Sadly, this meant that the conversation turned to relationships.

“So, how’s Jill?” James asked instead, directed at Fender.

He shrugged, “Pissed at me for something but I can’t figure it out for the life of me.”

The boys laughed and Peter swatted at him, “Probably cause you spend more money on your damn guitar than her.” Ah, so that's where the nickname came from. It was a right of passage really, to get your nickname from your team. He’d already heard Wormtail for Peter and Prongs for James, and he was curious to know what Sirius’s was. Remus immediately chided himself for being curious about Sirius’s anything.

James turned to Remus next and his stomach dropped. He could not be interrogated about his relationships when Sirius was sitting right there. And yet it came anyways, “What about you Remus. Is there a lucky girl that was just pining after you, waiting for your triumphant return?”

Remus scoffed, “Nah, just some friends.” His thoughts briefly turned to Lily and whether or not he should tell her. This was one of those secrets that was career-ending, he couldn’t just go around telling people he had slept with his new assistant captain. But Lily was not just anyone, and besides, he needed someone to vent to about how miserable this was making him. He was going to have to tell someone or he’d simply combust.

“Ah, you’ll have to introduce us then.”

“Yeah, of course,” he lied again. It wasn’t that he didn’t think the team wouldn’t like Lily and Dorcas, really it was the other way around. But it would break his personal vow of mixing his personal life and hockey. To avoid any more questions, and to quell his anxiety, Remus went back to the bar to get another round for the table. By the time he was back the conversation was directed at Sirius who had been silent since he’d sat down, not even looking at him. But now, he was all chatter.

“I’m just saying if I was going to date someone, she could not be a hockey fan!”

“So you’re really not going to see this girl again just because she’s a Lion’s fan?” Fender asked, genuinely curious.

“No, it's creepy! I feel like if they watch hockey they already know everything about me. S’like they’re stalking me.” Sirius gave a pointed look to Remus, the first time they’d even locked eyes since Sirius had scored that goal. It felt like Remus got hit with a truck with the brute strength of his glare.

James butted in, “Sirius, the sex was so good you were late, and you’re still not gonna see her again?” Oh my god, they were talking about him, Remus realized. They were talking about Sirius’s hookup while he was sitting right there, sipping silently on his beer.

“Nope, never,” Sirius said resolutely, not even hiding the way he was staring at Remus. And that was enough for Remus to get the message. There wasn’t even a need for the conversation Remus had been planning, Sirius had declared that he was never going to see Remus again, not that Remus wanted that to happen of course.

And before he could stop himself, “Must not’ve been that good then,” Remus quipped before throwing back the rest of the beer. He was buzzed enough by now, or at least buzzed enough to say that absolute shit.

Sirius scoffed, his mouth falling open a little. “I’ve had better,” he eventually shrugged nonchalantly as if those weren’t the first words they had spoken to one another since moaning each other’s, albeit fake, names. Remus couldn’t ignore the sting that came with the comment and he fired back,

“From who? Moody kissing your ass?” He didn’t even know the team dynamics well enough to know if that were true, but he seemed to have hit the mark as the boys up and down the table hooted and hollered. James slapped him on the back,

“Finally, someone to keep his cheeky ass in check.”

Remus only shrugged for what felt like the hundredth time that night and sent a sickening smile in Sirius’s direction. If Sirius could communicate his distaste for whatever their relationship was without having an actual conversation, then he was underestimating Remus.

Remus went through a few more beers and interrogations about his personal life before he eventually decided to call it a night, and he left the table to many boos and “See you tomorrows.” He slipped out the front door and started walking to his hotel, grateful for the fresh air. Before he even rounded the corner he pulled out his carton of cigarettes and lit the last one. He vowed it would be his last for the season, but at the rate he was going he wasn’t sure how well that promise would keep. He took a long drag and felt himself instantly relax. And then,

“Are you sure you should be smoking that?” A voice called out from behind and Remus dropped his cigarette out of shock, cursing.

He turned, and there stood Sirius, his hair blowing hypnotically in the wind.

“You’re one to talk,” he scoffed. Sirius just stood there, arms crossed and eyebrow cocked, and god Remus felt himself getting lost in Sirius all over again, just like in the club, or on the ice, or in Sirius’s bed. Remus could barely even look at him without his mind wandering to the night before. How raw it had been and how good it felt. Eventually, his sense caught up with his dick and he spoke, “What do you want Sirius, or should I call you Connor?”

“Oh fuck off, John. You know perfectly well why I did that. My real question is, why the fuck did you not realize I was lying about it?” Sirius was nearly shouting, and the question caught Remus off guard.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why the fuck did you not realize you were sleeping with a teammate.”

“Oh, so we’re acknowledging we slept together. Lovely,” Remus couldn’t help himself.

“Answer the damn question,” Sirius growled.

“I didn’t fucking know, okay! I never would have if I’d known!” Remus really was shouting now.

“How the fuck do you not know! I mean come on, I’ve spent four years in the league and you don’t know who I am? And you’re a goddamn Lions fan!”

“Is you’re ego really that big Sirius? That you think every hockey fan must know who you are?”

“Oh, you know full well that is not what I’m saying.”

“Well, you can believe it or not Sirius, I didn’t know who you were! And if I did, I would have known not to fuck such an arrogant asshole!” And with that, Remus turned and stalked away, wishing he had never met Sirius Black at all.