cleaners and cacti
James is thrumming with excitement; he’s zipping across the ice, destroying his opponents with every nudge of his shoulder. He learned the definition of transcendence the other day, and thinks it is the perfect word to describe hockey. Every experience pales in comparison to those on the rink.
He’s more excited than usual today, if that’s even possible, because the ballet students continue their hockey lessons. And that means James will get to coach, something he thinks he will love. Afterall, it would be lovely to share the amazing sport that is hockey with someone new. James secretly hopes he gets Regulus– for payback reasons.
He’s going to give Regiland hell.
When coach Minnie draws the whistle the hockey players line up on the ice, sufficiently warmed up.
“All right boys,” coach Minnie announces, “are we ready to show them how it's done?”
“Yes coach!” The team cheers back in unison.
“Now, a few ground rules,” she says, “No arguing, no fighting, no checking, and certainly no biting.”
The team snorts back at her.
“What? I needed to announce that explicitly, or else these hooligans,” coach Minnie waves her hand to James and Sirius, “would end up with teeth marks on their cheeks again.”
James and Sirius begin howling; they do remember that time. Although, it technically wasn’t their fault. Coach Minnie said they needed to play more “passionately,” so Sirius decided to ferociously clip his teeth to James’ mouth while stealing the puck. Chaos ensued.
“Well, anyway. Here they come.” Coach Minnie gives the signal for one of the boys to open the door to the rink, and the ballet students filter in.
James finds himself searching for Regulus in the sea of confused ballet students. His eyes click to him after he waves to Remus, who stumbles to the side in his skates. Regulus looks like a disgruntled penguin in his hockey gear, which James thinks is hilarious. He grins, trying not to laugh.
He doesn’t end up laughing, though, because Regulus promptly skates over to where he and Sirius are standing, and knocks Sirius into the wall. Sirius’ shock and Regulus’ instability on skates then sends them tumbling to the ground and throwing punches at one another.
James knows this is not good. Of course he should have known better. He can’t believe he was too distracted by Regulus both today and the other day to think about the consequences of the two of them finally running into each other. Sirius told him about the other night, when he dashed away from his brother in the hallway. He came sprinting into their room and told James how bad he felt, that he just didn’t know what to do. Sirius thought Regulus wouldn’t want to talk to him and was too angry with him since their last phone call, so Sirius just ran.
But it seems that Regulus was not going to let Sirius off the hook for that. Coach Minnie has to pry Regulus off of Sirius, who is hitting his chest. James would’ve done it, although he’s afraid he wouldn’t be strong enough to pull him off.
“Boys, what is going on?” Coach Minnie asks, exasperated.
Neither of them answer, they just glare at each other.
“They’re brothers.” James butts in, because he can’t handle the silence of their staring contest any longer.
Coach Minnie is not satisfied by that explanation.“Brothers who beat each other up during the first week of Sirius’ arrival?”
“That was the first problem.” Regulus mumbles.
“Oh really, Reggie?” Sirius bites, skating over to him so he is standing in his face, “Your problem is my general presence?”
“Yes Sirius, it is,” Regulus replies, “In fact, your breathing is more like my problem.” Even though Regulus is a few inches shorter than Sirius, he somehow makes himself look taller.
“Oh, will you two cut out the bickering!” Coach Minnie admonishes. “I think we need to step outside.” She shoos Regulus and Sirius to exit the ice, and James follows– clearly this situation involves him too.
“Not you, James.” Coach Minnie waves her finger in the air at him, telling him to stay back.
Sirius swings the door open violently and Regulus smashes it closed. Coach Minnie has to open it again to let herself through, allowing everyone to hear their fighting for a few more seconds.
The students look around at each other, not knowing what to do.
“You think they’re all right, mate?” Peter whispers to him.
“Er, well I think they will be,” James tries to reassure him with a pat on the back.
He isn’t quite sure what to do, but James doesn’t want to waste any valuable ice time, so he might as well dump everyone into the action.
“Alright everyone!” He announces, clapping his hands together, “Let's check to make sure your skates are laced up correctly!” He directs everyone to stand in a line, then begins checking the skates. Marlene has done an exceptional job with hers. The boy next to her, however, has not.
James begins fixing his boots, much to the boy's astonishment.
“Don’t want any blisters, now do we?” James jokes. The boy still stares at him, confused as to why James is tying his ice skates for him.
“Anymore blisters, you mean?” Marlene corrects James, breaking the awkward silence. Most of the girls and James begin laughing, and James continues down the line.
Once everyone is properly laced up, James checks to make sure all padding is secure and that everyone has mouthpieces and helmets. He knows the mouthpieces have to hurt, especially for those who never wear them, but he feels that they’re a necessary precaution for beginners.
“Alright. I suppose we ought to start marching now,” James says, panning his focus around the crowd, “So uh, really you just stomp your feet up and down… like this…” he gives them a demo, “and then you start moving!”
He watches as the dancers stomp and start moving around. James discovers that he loves coaching hockey.
By the time Coach Minnie comes back in, with Sirius in tow and Regulus absent, James has got at least half of them up and skating. The other half are still clinging onto the wall, but he’ll take what he can get.
“Well, what do we have here?” Coach Minnie asks him.
“I taught them the basics,” James says, grinning. His smile falls off his face, however, when he realizes that Sirius is in a bad mood.
See, James likes to explain it astronomically. Sirius is a star– but not just any star, a sun. And as a sun it is only natural he has solar flares (and these solar flares would be considered his ‘bad moods’). The sun is bright and cheery, until it gets hot headed and decides to release an explosion of radiation that ruptures magnetic fields– just like Sirius.
James has learned that it is best to give Sirius an entire hour, and sometimes longer, to cool off. If he tries to talk to him within that window, Sirius will explode again and then it will take an additional hour for him to cool down.
So James falls in line–next to Sirius– with the rest of his teammates and the ballet dancers as they wait for Coach Minnie’s next instructions.
“Well,” she says, “it seems James has done a wonderful job getting you all on your feet. Or at least some of you…” Minnie looks over to the two boys who can’t seem to get up without falling over.
“But,” she continues, “skating isn’t the game in its entirety. And to make this even better, I hear you have partners! So, time for a little payback. Boys, find your partner and help them with shovel shots.”
James watches as his teammates find their partners and spread throughout the rink. James prays for Remus, who has to deal with Sirius.
“Coach,” he asks Minnie, “Regulus isn’t here. He was my partner, so who should I go with?”
“Hmm,” Minnie replies, “I suppose you don’t have a partner, then. Why don’t you take the hour off? Maybe you could–”
“Take the hour off?!” James cannot believe she just proposed that. She’s never said anything like that to him before, “What do you mean? I only get so much time on the ice here as it is!”
“Now James,” she tells him, “you work so hard. I think you can handle an hour off to eat lunch and prepare for your ballet class.” James is very confused. Who is this new Minnie who gives him breaks? “Besides,” she continues, “you’ve already replaced me as a teacher, so there’s no reason for you to be a player today.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say replace,” James hurries. Is she upset with him for coaching the ballet students? “More just like a substitute. You’re irreplaceable, Coach!”
“Ah, very nice.” She smiles, “now run along, go do something fun.”
“That’s more fun than this?” James asks.
“It’ll be hard,” he admits, “but if the cafeteria is serving pizza then maybe…”
James loves pizza. He always has. Sure, it’s an American food, but it’s so fun. The melted cheese becomes stringy and he can pull it across the table, the dough is fluffy, and he loves pepperoni.
So, pizza is all James thinks about on his walk to the cafeteria; his focus is so deterred that he almost misses the person walking towards the forest. James squints to get a better look at the figure waltzing into the trees. His glasses currently lay in his pocket, but he just knows it’s Regulus.
James realizes he shouldn’t follow, for many reasons. But if a bloke is walking into the woods mysteriously, who is James Potter if not a follower?
So, he decides to sneak after him. James keeps a good distance behind Regulus and tries not to step on any leaves that look crunchy. Regulus winds through the evergreens for many minutes before sharply turning to the right. James has to leap to the side so he doesn’t get caught in Regulus’ peripheral vision. His foot accidentally breaks a stick.
Regulus whips around, an alarming look in his eye. It quickly turns to dread.
“Why are you following me?” He snaps.
“Oh, well hello to you too Regulus.” James gives him a little bow while Regulus pinches his eyebrows. He has books in his right hand.
“I don’t think stalking someone in the woods warrants a welcome.” Regulus rolls his eyes while speaking.
“Hey, why are we assuming I’m following you? Can’t a guy just take a nice stroll through the woods every once in a while?” James steps forwards with his arms up, trying to show Regulus that he’s not a threat.
The boy’s mouth is a flat line. “I didn’t take you for much of a botanist.”
James has to laugh. Regulus can be so funny, although the abhorrent look he is giving James tells him that Regulus does not have a funny complex (unlike James).
“Oh, that was a good one.” James tells him, “But plants love me, for your information.” He lifts his chin up proudly; James believes he does have a green thumb.
“Didn’t you kill a cactus that Sirius got for you in three days?” Regulus crushes James’ botanical confidence with that memory.
“Oh, we are absolutely not going to mention Lila.” James is highly offended, and still hurt by that cactus. He did even think cactuses could die that fast; that was the whole point of keeping a cactus– they’re not supposed to die even if the owner does take very bad care of them. “I can’t believe she just gave up on me like that.”
“I can. You drowned her!” Regulus scolds, “You dumped an entire pitcher of water on her and continued to do so every 6 hours. Of course she ruptured!”
“Oh bollocks! I was told that cactuses store water; I thought she’d want a lot in advance in case I went on vacation or something. No one told me she’d burst!”
“You imbecile.” Regulus slaps his palm to his face; he can tell that James really does feel terrible about it. Then he shakes his head, “Wait no, stop. Why are you following me?” He steps back from James, an annoyed look on his face.
“I don’t know.” James says, deciding to tell the truth. “Coach Minnie let me out of practice early today, after a certain sibling skirmish…” Regulus frowns at that statement, “And she told me to go get lunch or something. So then I started thinking about pizza and pepperonis, and cheese, and my glasses were off so I saw a little blur walking into the forest and thought, huh, why is that blur walking into the forest? So then I decided to follow it, and he has turned out to be quite pissy. And now here we are.”
Regulus still seems unsatisfied with the answer. “Whatever.” He rolls his eyes, “I’m not ‘pissy’ though–”
“Well, you kinda are,” James mumbles. This earns him a dagger-shooting glare.
“Will you fuck off? I’m serious, leave.” Regulus throws his hand into the air to further accentuate his point.
“No, your brother is–” James immediately puts his hands over his mouth; he can’t believe he made that joke at one of the worst times.
Regulus is ablaze. “Oh, I’m sure you’ve decided to bring Sirius into this-”
“Well at least I didn’t go into the ice rink today and pound him into the side–”
“He deserved that.” Regulus turns around and huffs. James doesn’t really know what to say. On one hand, he thinks Sirius had every right to be scared of talking to his brother again, but on the other hand… Regulus has a point.
James shifts his feet around in his boots for a minute, then attempts to change the topic. “So you’ve decided to come out here and… birdwatch?”
Regulus’ reply is clipped, “Not your business.” He does turn around, however, giving James access to snatch one of his books.
“Ha! Gotcha! You’re reading about… stain removal products?” James snorts at the cover, which features an old lady with a hand towel, rubbing something icky out of her carpet.
Regulus snatches the book back, looking highly bothered. “What the hell, James?”
“No need to be embarrassed, Regiland.” Regulus winces at the nickname, “There are plenty of other people who like to do laundry in their freetime.”
“Piss off. For your information, I need a stain removal agent because my tights have purple frosting on them.”
James bursts out into laughter. Their purple dinner prank! Oh, it was entirely too much fun, and they didn’t even get caught– kudos to the naïve administration.
“Oh, so it was you then,” Regulus convicts, “I knew it.”
“Um, excuse me. I have no clue what you’re talking about.” James keeps his cool, but the boy in front of him continues to stare him down.
“Well, lovely to see you as always, Regiland, but will you look at the time,” James makes a clicking noise with his mouth and fake checks his watch, “Can’t be late for ballet! Have fun washing your tighty whities!”
“Wh- they’re not tighty whities!” He can hear Regulus shouting behind him, but he needs to make a quick exit before he confesses to his wonderful prank. Because James would; he’s a blabbermouth who’s very proud of convincing the chefs to only serve purple desserts.
James has a tame rest of his day; Sirius seems to have cooled down– thanks to Remus– and ballet was very fun. The boys finally listened, and they got through an entire barre. James didn’t realize how much hard work would go into perfecting moves, although he supposes that’s the fun of it. He likes working hard everyday to achieve mastery, just like with hockey.
James, Sirius, and Peter are sitting in their shared room, along with Remus, who has managed to fandangle fries and milkshakes right under the cafeteria chefs’ noses. James loves his dorm; it has a cozy feel with maroon beds, a golden carpet, and a wooden fireplace.
The four of them sit on the floor in the middle of the three beds. Peter has convinced them to play chess, with James and Remus on one team, and Sirius and Peter on the other. Naturally, Sirius and James become bored within the first 30 minutes, so really only Peter and Remus are left.
As Peter moves a pawn to check Remus’ king, James decides the school needs more excitement. He remembers Remus telling him about the ‘occasional’ parties. It’s the end of his first week, and one hasn’t happened. He knows this because he surely would have been invited if there was one.
“Remus,” James asks, “where would be the ideal location to throw a party?”
Remus looks up at him, seeming a bit nervous that Peter nearly has him in checkmate. “Well, the boys in my hallway throw them once every few weeks on the roof. But seeing as your dorm is the closer one to the staff building… that might be more risky.”
“Hmm,” James replies, “Good thinking, good thinking. I suppose our dorm would be too small, wouldn’t it?”
“For sure,” Sirius jumps in, “If we want to throw a proper rager, we’d need 10 of these rooms.”
“What about a common-room party?” Peter asks. “Seems like the most logical place to throw one if you ask me. Checkmate!” He traps Remus’ king and watches as the other boy swipes a fake tear.
James thinks Peter is right, however. Every dorm has room for meetings and hangouts on the first floor.
“That’ll work, Pete!” Remus exclaims almost immediately. He’s not a sore loser. “Your dorm room is all for hockey team members right?”
Sirius and Peter nod in response as James lays back, his head hitting the bed frame.
“Well good,” Remus says, “Because we had to stop having them in our common room because some people on the first floor complained to Dumbledore.”
“Yeah, rest assured that won’t happen here.” Sirius mock-wipes his forehead in relief, “All the guys will be thrilled to finally have fun around here.”
“Agree, Sirius. So, when should this party be? Theme? Time?” James asks, rubbing his fingers across the carpet in excitement.
“Neon! Glow in the dark!” Sirius yells back. He loves these types of parties just because he can paint his entire face pink and shimmer in the night without any judgment.
“Love it.” Peter affirms.
“Ok.” James agrees, “Neon glow is set. Sirius and I will get all the hockey mates, can you round up some of your favorite ballet people?”
“You got it,” Remus replies, “9pm?”
“Sure thing,” James says as he looks down and finds something on the carpet near his hand.
“Hey, what’s this?” He questions the group.
Sirius and Remus crawl over to see the spot left on the floor.
“Oh shoot,” Remus explains, “I thought I accidentally dropped some ketchup on the floor like an hour ago. Couldn’t see it under the bed so I wasn’t sure, but I guess I did.”
“Can ketchup come out easily?” Peter asks, “My grandma says no.”
“Eh, it’s fine Remus” James replies, rubbing his hand over the ketchup, “Really. No one will notice it anyways, unless they’re mysteriously looking under my bed.”
Remus laughs, “Well, if anyone does mysteriously look under your bed and finds that ketchup stain, let me know; I have to preserve your personal privacy.”
“Of course, of course, my bodyguard Remus.” James chuckles along with him. “Seriously, though, I doubt they’ll find it even when they clean the dorms this summer.”
“Yeah,” Sirius agrees, “Don’t worry about it Remus. And anyways, we have decorations to plan!”
Peter nods his head, “Absolutely!” The two of them love interior design; it’s their unique passion.
By the time the clock strikes twelve, they have everything: decoration lists, food, beverages, guest lists, and a guy to call for fireworks (just in case). The party is a-go.