"re, your hearts beating super fast" sirius spoke with a start, pulling his head up from where it laid on his boyfriend chest, with concern evident in his features.
only then did he spot the way remus’ eyes were painfully srunched shut
“woah hey, love, what’s going on?”
sirius gasped, placing a hand over remus’ heart, only growing more and more concerned when remus’ chest was moving up and down so fast he could barely feel the quick beats.
"Hey, breathe moons, it's okay," he
murmured, quickly realising his remus was working himself up to having another one of his panic episodes.
"I'm here, you're okay." sirius began, being interrupted by remus letting out a painful sob,
“m dying pads,.?!, it won’t stop why won’t it stop-it won’t stop!!” he was getting into dangerous territory here, and Sirius’ heart broke at that.
He knew remus was going to be just fine and was not dying like he felt, but it didn’t make him feel any better seeing remus like this, scared and so much more childlike than ever.
sirius took his hands, squeezing them firmly to get his attention,
“shh look at me re, you’re not dying love i promise. you’re having a panic attack, i know this is scary but we’ve done this before and it always passes hon, so we’re gonna take some deep breaths together and it’s gonna be ok”
remus shook his head fiercely at that, his eyes darting around the room so fast it looked as if they were shaking.
“no no m dying i can’t i- i can’t do this” he gasped through a sob, kicking the sheets off of the both of them, frantically pushing through the curtains around his bed and pushing his shaking legs into a stand.
“hey hey come on moons we’ve done this before, deep breaths with me love” sirius tells him as he quickly follows him out of the bed, slowly placing his hands on either side of his hyperventilating boyfriends face.
At that moment the door swung open to reveal a flushed james potter, looking as if he had run laps around the quidditch pitch.
“ mates you won’t believe what just ha- woah woah, are you ok moony??”
‘panic attack’ sirius mouthed, watching as recognition flashed onto james’ face.
“shit ok, what do you need?”
james rushed out, then taking this time to look over the pair of them.
“okay um-”
sirius paused mid sentence, looking down to where remus was scratching at his arms frantically.
“moons stop that love you’re ok” he murmured as he grabbed his loves hands to stop the scratching.
remus seemed to stop breathing all together at that, glancing behind sirius at the bathroom door.
tracing his gaze, sirius frowned and quickly gestured to james to lock the door quickly.
“remus honey stay here you don’t need that” he told him softly,
a couple of months ago during an attack remus had locked himself in the bathroom and gone back to some old habits. Sirius still hadn’t forgiven himself for not being there for him.
“no no i need it please just let me go” remus hiccuped, starting to hyperventilate again.
james had come back from the bathroom with a couple cool wet towls, locking the door with his wand as he exited.
“you know we can’t do that rem” james spoke.
remus let out a loud sob looking towards sirius. “please pads just once, i gotta- i gotta do it” he pleaded.
sirius tried not to show the devastation on his face as he listened to his boyfriend plead with him to let him hurt himself.
“i’m sorry love” he whispered, kissing his forehead as he lead them towards the wall, sinking down it and pulling him into his lap, head against his chest.
james moved forward with the towels at that point, placing one behind remus’ kneck, and the other two over his forearms.
it was a process all of the marauders knew all too well.
"Here, listen to my heartbeat love, you hear that? it’s nice and calm. it’s nice and calm because everyones safe, and we’re all ok, you haven’t hurt anyone”
remus seemed he calm slightly at that and sirius knew that he’d found the cause of his panic.
often as remus had gotten older his anxiety over hurting anyone as the wolf often would overwhelmed him out of nowhere, causing what pomfrey had called “panic episodes”
sirius then kept going, telling him just how safe all his friends were, and how once everyone was calmer, they could go find them just for some peace of mind, stopping every now and then to remind him to take deep breaths.
Slowly, sirius and james could feel and see remus’ breathing even out, his movements becoming less twitchy as his heart began to slow down again.
"You're okay moons, there we go" james spoke again, spelling the cloths colder with a quick wand movement.
remus shuttered slightly at the temperature shock, but calmed down quickly as he felt the itch in his arms soothe.
"I'm sorry," remus whispered eventually,
“i don’t know where it came from, i was doing better? i”
"Shh, it's okay, don't you dare apologize for this mate, we know it just happens sometimes”
remus gives james a small smile, letting himself lean further into sirius as he felt lips touch his forehead.
remus eyed the locked bathroom door sheepishly “sorry for um, trying to do it again, i swear i’m not getting urges anymore!! it was just so much and i wanted to feel better..” he explained quietly through the crack in his voice.
“re it would be okay if you were getting urges again you know.” sirius added, making both james and remus raise an eyebrow at the odd statement
“oh yeah that sounded bad” he chuckled.
“what i’m trying to say is that nobody will be mad at you for that, yes we may be annoying and hassle you but we just would want you to be safe while we work through that love.”
remus just smiled softly in reply,
“i promise i’m alright pads, no urges”
“well maybe just during my attacks, maybe i might think about it but other than that i’m fine i promise” he added sheepishly, before chancing a glance up sirius to see the other smiling softly at him.
“right” a clap sounded, and they both looked beside them to see james watching with a grin on his face.
“i’m gonna head down stairs to find wormy for some exploding snap, so i’m gonna let you guys canoodle if that’s good with you moony” he stated in his very james way.
“ok james” remus laughed
“but thankyou, really” he added,
james just sent a wink and a salute their way as he ran through the door.
remus turned his head to face sirius,
“did he really just tell us to canoodle?”